42. Words To Be Said And Some That Shouldn't

He had absolute no idea what he was doing. That much he was willing to admit, seeing as he didn't know how to operate the radio other than common knowledge, however he was continued to try even though he was certain he was only making things worse. The thing is he had no clue what frequency the camp radio used or how he was going to relay a message to his people that he and Clarke was trapped inside the mountain, with guards looking everywhere for them and a doctor who is conducting some kind of experiment that involved Grounders and Clarke.

"Bell?" Clarke asked, interrupting his stressed out train of thoughts. He turned to look at her and saw the clear exhaustion and concern on her face. "Are you okay?"

Normally he would say a confident 'yes' and pretend that he had everything under control, but at this point he didn't have anything under control and he wished he had Monty or Raven with them who could help him out with this.

"No, I'm not okay," He almost exclaimed, but kept his voice low in order not to alert people were they were currently hiding. "We trapped inside this damn mountain without any clean escape, and currently hiding in a room where our only chance to contact our friends is through a damn radio I don't know how to make it work or know which frequency to work and I can't just take a shot in dark here because it might end up with us exposing our location to the Mountain Men. And then there is you…"

His words died out as he realized he had not his thought on what he was saying, meanwhile Clarke's expression changed into confusion since she no idea what he was talking about with that last line.

She tilted her head slightly to the left in a questionable and confused manner and said, "What about me?"

He looked shamefully away, unable to face her. He was failing in protecting and keeping her safe, his point being proven seeing as they were currently at a dangerous standstill. And the worst part was that he and Clarke hadn't been speaking before she was taken due to his hurt and jealous feelings towards Lexa, so not only had he failed to protect her, but also hurt her for something that was frivolous and beyond their control. When he didn't answer her question Clarke walked up next to him and placed her hands around his face and gently forced him to turn her way.

"Bellamy, look at me." Her voice was strong and determined, but held a soft and gentleness that only showed even more how much of a princess she truly was to him. Needless to say, he turned to look at her and stared into those beautiful blue eyes and almost felt like he was falling in love all over again. "Whatever is going through your head right now I'm not sure about, but if you dare thinking that you have failed me then I will just have to knock some sense into you instead."

He blinked his eyes in awe and confusion. How did she know? He never expressed his feelings regarding his failure other than that one time in the woods when she forgave him for his failure and his sins that was a result of his decisions regarding his mother, sister or the other kids. Back then he was so shaken up that he almost fell into oblivion only to be pulled back by her warmth and strength. So how was it that his princess looked through everything like he was a book?

He sighed heavily, "It's just the fact that you only ended up here the second time because of me and my inability to protect you, especially when you needed me the most."

Clarke listened and nodded her head before she ran her tongue over her lips in order to remove the dryness and replied, "First of all, I don't need constant protection from you and I'm a big girl and can handle myself. Secondly, you haven't failed me and no matter what happened that led to this it is not your fault. It was my decision to stay behind, so stop blaming yourself. And thirdly, you came to save me and you even saved me from drowning in my own despair again…"

She clapped her hand over her mouth on that last bit and showed an expression that told him that she had just said something she regretted, but he didn't care as he just stared at her with strong eyes and asked quietly, "Drowning in your own despair? What does that mean, Clarke?"

She tried to think of a way to avoid or change the subject, but just looking at him must have told her that she wasn't going to get off the hook that easily. So she sighed and ran a frustrated hand through her hair before she answered sadly, "I…When I was first locked up in my cell, the room was pitch dark and I couldn't see what was in front of me. I have been scared of total darkness since my last visit here, but the thing I feared the most was…the voices."

"Voices?" Bellamy said bewildered, no sure what to make out of her answer, but he shut up and waited for her to continue.

"There are voices in my head, my guilt and fear that haunt me with what my actions led to and how much it is my fault," Clarke had her gaze on the floor. "And before you ask, I'm not crazy, but I'm responsible for so much death because of my actions. And I fear that because you are with me I will also lead you down that path. I love you so much Bellamy, and I don't want you to die because of me, so that was why I tried to push you away before. I didn't want to lose you."

Bellamy wasn't how to respond to her confession. Clarke had always been secretive about her feelings and her fears, so hearing them right now was quite a shock especially hearing how much she blamed herself and how she believed that she was protecting him from herself by pushing him away. He had never truly understood how deep her feelings ran before, but now he finally understood and honestly didn't make him doubt or even reconsider what he felt about her, which is why he pulled her closer to him and whispered, "Thank you for telling me, I know how hard it was for you to show your vulnerable side to me. However nothing that you told me is going to change how I feel about you or how far I'm willing to go for your sake. Even if you do put me on the path of death I wouldn't regret, so stop blaming yourself for something that is not going to happen unless I say so. And as for you guilt and fears, I will say the same thing you said to me. If you want forgiveness, then fine I'll give it to you. You are forgiven, Clarke."

She didn't say anything, but she responded by lifting her head up and stood on her toes to kiss him on the mouth. It was a quick and honest kiss, neither gentle nor passionate, but reassuring like she was grateful for his answer, knowing that he spoke the truth.

They stayed quiet a few moments, simply digesting the words that had been exchanged and feel the heaviness on their shoulders slowly disappear. Although they both knew that the problems weren't gone, only time could heal, but they were at least on the right path and moving forward. Clarke was the first to break the silence by saying, "Okay, now that is dealt with, we maybe should get back to the situation at hand."

Bellamy agreed on that notion and nodded his head. Clarke gave him a reassuring smile, and offered to help him as much as she could so that he wouldn't have to deal with it on his own. At first he wanted to argue and say he had it under control, but both of them knew that would be a total lie, so he agreed and the two of them tried once again figuring out how to work out the radio. Hopefully they could get it to work and contact their people, but only time would tell if their attempt were successful or not.

From the minute Octavia heard the news from Lincoln regarding the alliance between the Grounders and the Mountain Men and how both Clarke and Bellamy's lies were more in danger because of it, she almost immediately gathered Monty and Raven and literally begged them to form some kind of communication to the mountain. The two of them had only stared at her with bewildered eyes, probably thinking she was going crazy, but did what she asked when they learned the reason behind her ramblings. Although everyone including Lincoln had warned her that it might be a bad idea to try and make communication with the mountain, which could lead to more trouble than anything else especially for Bellamy and Clarke, but she was confident that both her brother and best friend had found a place to hide and were trying everything they could to plan an escape or trying to find a way to communicate with them even though that last part worried slight seeing as neither of them were that good with radios and such.

"How long is this doing to take?" She was pacing back and forth inside the drop ship, waiting anxiously for Monty and Raven to work their magic and get contact with Bellamy and Clarke. "Are you certain it going to work?"

Both Raven and Monty ignored her or just simply refused to answer her as they continued discussing between each other how to work on the radio. Lincoln on the other hand placed reassuring hands on the top of her shoulders, stopping her from her pacing.

"You need to calm down," Lincoln whispered into her ear. "Stressing them and demanding them to hurry up is not going to help anyone. We need to be patient and cautious in how we proceed next otherwise both Clarke and your brother could get hurt because of it."

Octavia scoffed before she relax after realizing that he was right, but she wasn't about to admit that out loud so she remained quiet and instead leaned in closer to his body. He was her rock in situations like this, calming her down and made her think more clearly instead of just jumping into things like she and her brother had a tendency to do. Weird how similar the two siblings were, especially regarding finding significant other who calmed down their impulsive tendencies with their own clear rational mind.

It took a while before Raven and Monty announced that they might have found the right frequency to the radio that connected them to the mountain. However the two of them worried about the risks that they had done a mistake and that they attempt would lead them to the wrong people. Still Octavia just stared at them with huge eyes, silently begging for them to just try and do something. So they did whatever you do to work out the radio and they all, meaning she, Lincoln, Raven, Monty and Jasper were waiting in suspense to see if the radio worked as it should, even though there was no reassurance that it would. At first they only received just static disturbance, only noise and not making any sense, then it shifted and words started to come out of the speakers, but again neither of them spoke into the radio seeing as the voice on the radio wasn't Bellamy's or Clarke's. Then the radio went quiet and then a familiar voice spoke through the speakers.

"Hello? Can anybody hear me?"

It was Bellamy and Octavia felt relief take over her body as she grabbed the microphone and answered relieved, "Bell?"

"O?" Bellamy stated confused before his relief to hear her became apparent as he continued saying, "I can't believe it actually worked."

Octavia almost wanted to laugh about her brother simple joy in managing to work out a radio, but she knew that they had far more important things to talk about so she went straight to the case.

"Listen, Bell, I have something to tell you and you are not going to like it," Octavia said quiet and seriously. And for a moment she thought her brother would be straight to the point and be serious as well, but leave it to her brother to make a stupid joke at the worst timing.

"Please don't tell me you are pregnant," Bellamy said straightforwardly.

She felt her cheeks burning red and was just about to snap at him for stating such a thing when they all heard a hard slap through the microphone and Clarke reprimanding her brother for saying such a thing. Then her brother murmured some kind of comment to Clarke before he apologized for his bad joke. Octavia only rolled her eyes and thought that she was going to have a talk with about this when he got back. So she sighed heavily and said, "Back to our current situation, okay? Good. Now we have some news that you need to hear and like I said you are not going to like it."

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Thanks again for the response as well as your love and support of this story, and I hope you guys like this chapter. And although I loved how many of you who recently began following and/or favorite my story, I'm however sort of bummed that no one reviewed. Reviews is the way for me to know what you think, what is missing and other kinds of stuffs, so please don't be shy to say anything. I don't bite (much anyway) :p

And I'm considering if I should update the next chapter and release it on Sunday or wait till Monday to do it, but I would love to hear what you want and hopefully I can make time to write it somewhere between my job and personal life. Then I guess we will just have to see when the next chapter comes.

So please continue giving me reviews, favorite and/or followings, seeing as I really appreciate them.

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