A/N: Thanks for all the reviews to date! They make me very very happy. Thanks also to VisAVis2 for giving up her time to edit this chapter for me. It's very much appreciated.
Make sure you read the author notes at the end to see what I plan to do next with this story.
Enjoy!
.
.
.
Chapter 17.
.
Clark couldn't sleep. The burden of what he had to do weighed heavily on his mind. If Jor-el required him to give up everyone he loved – could he? He might be Kryptonian by birth, but being human was all he knew. He had been loved and cherished by his parents. He'd formed deep friendships. The thought of being alone terrified him.
His biological father's words whispered through his thoughts. 'You are not human.'
'How can I not feel human when I don't know any differently," he murmured to himself.
It was impossible, and if he did the training Jor-el wanted him to do, would it change him?
But there was a part of him that needed to know exactly what he was, why he was sent here and why he had a destiny. There were so many unanswered questions. As much as he was afraid of what could happen when the fortress was rebuilt, he needed answers.
Were there others out there like him? Why did he have these powers? He was invincible and the thought troubled him. Okay, maybe not entirely invincible, the green rock made him sick and with prolonged exposure was it possible it could kill him? And if he couldn't die by any other means, would he still age in a normal way?
He knew the sun played a part in his powers. Only he had no idea on how that worked. Was his basic DNA different in some way? Did it mean he might not be able to have children with a human woman?
An unsettled feeling swamped him. He was just a young man filled with dreams like any other human person. One day he would get a job. Find someone he loved, settle down and get married. Maybe even have children he wasn't even sure he could have. It was all so complicated.
Taking a deep pained breath, his eyes fell on Lois' sleeping form. She looked so young and innocent when asleep. He recalled their passionate love making last night. It had made him feel so complete.
Did they have a future? His heart beat irregularly in his chest at the thought of losing her. Leaning across the bed, he tenderly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
"I love you," he whispered on the still night air.
Her eyelashes fluttered.
"Smallville," she mumbled in a sleepy voice. "I can hear the wheels grinding in your head. Stop thinking and just go to sleep."
Reaching out a hand, she tugged him towards her. Relenting, he lay down next to her and pulled her gently into his arms.
He ignored the voice in his head. 'I'm waiting, Kal-el.'
Lois stirred, feeling incredibly warm. She was wrapped up in Clark's strong arms, his legs entangled with hers. Clark was just like an electric blanket, she mused. Her eyes opened and drifted to his face. He appeared fast asleep and peaceful.
She took to studying him.
Hmm, those gorgeous lips of his. She remembered the sensual way they had roamed over her mouth last night. The way his hair tickled against her bare skin, and the feel of his large, gentle hands on her body. She wanted to savour the moment. No one had made her feel so alive, or needed - wanted.
And the way he treated her, as if she was something precious, beautiful and cherished.
She recalled the words he'd whispered last night; I love you. She loved him too, with her whole heart. Only she couldn't say it. She was too afraid that if she did, he would be suddenly whisked away, and she would never see him again. Those words were cursed for her. She had never uttered them before.
The early morning golden rays peeked through the curtains and his skin glowed. The sunlight sure did love him. It was mesmerising to watch. She couldn't help running her fingers across his bare arm. Her fingers tingled at the touch.
His hair fell in dark waves about his face, enticing her to run her hands through it.
Were all Kyrptonians as beautiful as him? And not just the outside beauty, but his heart - or was that his parents' doing? Mrs K had the kindest heart, and she had instilled that into Clark.
He was lucky in that way. She couldn't speak for Mr K as she had never known him, but from what she could gather he had played a large part in keeping Clark grounded.
Lightly and hesitatingly, she pressed her finger tips to his mouth, tracing the contour of his lips.
He stirred.
She quickly withdrew her hand. His eyes slowly opened. The warmest smile crossed his face, making her toes curl. The enormity of her feelings for this person was exhilarating and terrifying.
After all, Clark wasn't the average everyday 18 year old guy. Today they were about to embark on a journey with unknown consequences. As for the future – their future; was there one?
The smile left his face, replaced with a thoughtful expression. Had he read her thoughts?
"Lois," he said quietly.
She could tell he was gearing up for some well thought out speech to convince her it would be better if he went alone.
She pressed a finger to his lips. "You promised, Clark."
He sighed heavily. "If anything happens to you, I could never forgive myself."
She could see the burning intensity reflected in his eyes as he brushed a thumb over her chin.
"I'll be fine."
Though, really she had no idea, but she wasn't about to let him walk in the lion's den alone.
Indecision skittered across his face. She smoothed away the frown denting his forehead with her fingers, then she pressed her lips to his in a gentle, tender and lingering kiss. She wanted to hold onto this moment.
When she pulled back, she gazed into his questioning eyes.
"No regrets?" he asked.
She shook her head. "You were amazing last night, Smallville."
He smiled warmly. "So were you."
As he lowered his mouth to hers, she savoured the feel of his lips on hers. She was about to deepen the kiss when Shelby whined at the bedroom door.
"I swear I'm going to kill that dog one of these days," she muttered.
Clark smiled in amusement. "You don't mean that, Lois."
Pushing the covers aside, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed.
"Don't be too sure, Clark."
She couldn't help admiring the view of his chest as he opened the bedroom door.
Shelby bounded into the room, jumped on the bed and licked her face.
"Eww!" she exclaimed in disgust, wiping the spot Shelby had just licked.
Clark's smile widened. "See, Shelby loves you too."
Picking up the pillow she threw it at him. He deftly caught it and threw it back at her before sitting on the bed and giving Shelby's ears a rub. Shelby licked Clark's face. He smiled the sort of smile she would never grow tired off.
"How can you like that? It's so disgusting."
He had a way with animals. Was there anything out there that didn't love Clark Kent, she mused.
The sun was well into the sky when the clock chimed nine times. His mom stood on the porch, a sad worried look on her face. He burned the image into his memory banks, recalling the days he'd race home from school, his Mom waiting for him on the porch. It brought a bitter sweet smile to his lips.
He pulled her into his arms. "It'll be okay," he murmured.
She nodded, tears welling in her eyes. "Just be careful, both of you and come home."
Stepping back, he let Lois hug his Mom.
"Don't worry, Mrs K," she said in her brusque way. "I'll make sure nothing happens to Clark."
Jor-el was a force all on his own. Did either of them stand a chance of defying him?
"I'm sure you will, Lois," his mom returned, but the look she gave him spoke otherwise.
He was seriously crazy for letting Lois go with him, but he had made a promise. Besides, when Lois made up her mind there was no stopping her.
Jor-el wouldn't hurt her, because if he did, he'd have nothing to do with him – ever. Destiny be damned.
Clark parked the truck at Hobson's Pond. They sat in silence for a moment before Lois spoke. "No point in putting off the inevitable, Clark."
Sighing heavily, he opened the door. Once out of the car, Lois reached for his hand. Clasping her hand in his, he drew it to his mouth and brushed a kiss to her wrist.
He turned to face her, pushing a strand of hair from her face. "If anything happens to me, you must came back, Lois."
Reaching for the octagonal key from his pocket, he pressed it into her hand. "I want you to hold on to this."
She reluctantly took it, her eyes blazing with determination. "I won't be coming back without you."
He sighed, knowing she would say that. "You might have to."
She shook her head. "No."
Letting her go, he turned away and began walking towards the ruined crypt site. Lois followed, confused and worried. Clark was bottling up his feelings and thoughts, which was nothing new for him, but it was still frustrating. Though she had no idea on what to say to him, because she wasn't sure what would happen at the Fortress.
They descended the tunnel in silence, Clark sealing the entrance behind them. It felt like she was moving in slow motion as the path steeped sharply before them, eventually widening. Was it really just two weeks ago they were here? Time was moving by so quickly. She wanted to halt it. She had lived in this protective bubble of denial for the last year. She had a home with people she had grown close to. For the first time in her life she felt a sense of belonging.
It couldn't last.
It never did.
The familiar room with its high walls came into view. The scanner or whatever it was flickered over Clark before the wall opened. And they were here.
It was time.
Clark placed the crystals into the indentation on the stone table. He watched on in amazement as the three crystals united, forming a single clear white five-sided crystal. It rose from the table and hovered in the air. He stared at it for a long silent moment and then his eyes met with Lois'.
"Maybe you should stay here."
She shook her head. "Oh no, Clark, where you go I go."
There was no point in arguing with her, but still he deliberated. Why did he get the feeling that everything was about to change.
He looked at her with hesitation. She nodded, and taking hold of her hand, he reached for the crystal. They were engulfed in a bright white light. He held Lois tightly in his arms, as a strong wind whirled around them.
Then everything went still.
Clark blinked against the brightness of the light. There was nothing but snow, as far as the eye could see. The crystal burned in his hand, longing to be released. Holding out his hand, he let it go. It flew through the air before embedding itself into the ground some distance away.
Clark watched in amazement as ice pillars erupted from the ground and soared into the sky.
"Wow," Lois breathed beside him.
She was clinging onto his arm. He turned to look at her. She appeared dazed and out of it.
"Are you okay?"
She nodded. "I feel sort of disjointed. Now I know how Jim Kirk must have felt whenever Scotty transported him."
"Jim Kirk?"
She rolled her eyes. "You never watched Star Trek?"
"No."
Of course not, she mused. "What did you watch as a kid?"
"We never really watched television, just the news."
"Naturally."
She was trying to lighten the mood despite her heart thumping wildly in her chest. This whole experience was totally surreal and scary in a way. What was with all the snow? Where were they?
"You think we're still on Earth?" she asked Clark.
"Yeah, probably somewhere in the Arctic."
"I guess that's why it's so cold." Her teeth rattled against each other. "What is it about Kryptonian's and ice?"
It was hardly a reassuring thought. Did Kryptonians even have emotions? Were they just some super intelligent race that didn't need words, able to communicate in thought alone?
Clark had removed his coat and wrapped it around her. "I don't feel the cold."
She swallowed her doubts.
"Okay, farm boy, let's go check out your ice Fortress."
Clark's had a vice like grip on her hand as they entered the Fortress. Large rigid pillars appeared to support its structure. Inside, huge white cube-like boulders could be seen scattered throughout, as well as mostly white crystals. Clark looked up at what appeared to be an upper balcony. It was breathtakingly beautiful, but so sterile.
"It's just like in the visions," he murmured.
Lois was quiet; that couldn't be a good thing. He turned to her suddenly, his eyes resting on her face.
She looked overwhelmed.
"Tell me you're okay?"
"I'm fine, Smallville; quit stressing."
Her eyes took in the enormous size of the Fortress. "It's …"
"Austere," he finished for her.
"Yet strangely beautiful and – other worldly."
He rested his hands on her shoulders. "Whatever happens, Lois, don't try and stop …"
"Kal-el," a voice spoke, seemingly out of nowhere. "You have come far. One journey has ended. A new journey is about to begin. Welcome, my son."
Clark's eyes wildly searched for where the voice was coming from. His eyes landed on what looked to be a console in the direct center of the Fortress. He slowly approached it, not even aware he had let go of Lois' hand.
"I thought Krypton was destroyed?" he called out.
"It was, but here in your Fortress of Solitude, the geography of our home planet has been replicated for your training."
Clark glanced around him, taking in the features of the Fortress once again. Why was there no colour? It seemed so devoid of life, and the words 'Fortress of Solitude' filled him with apprehension. His father had jokingly called the barn loft by the same name. Was it that all Kryptonians needed a place of solitude?
"You must learn the Kryptonian way, Kal-el, if you are to fulfil your destiny and be this world's saviour."
"Why?"
"Dark forces will threaten the existence of this world. You have been sent here to protect it."
Clark tried to digest this information.
"Is that why I have these powers?"
"Your molecular structure is different from that of a human. It is denser. Under the yellow sun you have great power. Power that you need to learn to control."
"You mean the sun gives me my powers?"
"Yes, Kal-el."
"And without it?"
"On our home planet, our sun was red and as much as we developed intelligence far and beyond that of humans we did not have the powers you have here on Earth."
Lois listened in with rapt attention, barely believing she was here, in this place, with a whole other race from another planet.
"You are the last of your kind, my son."
Her eyes flew to Clark. How did that even feel? She couldn't begin to imagine. Even though he looked human in every way, his Culture was a whole other thing.
"Our race lives on through you."
"I don't want to conquer!"
She could hear the desperate plea in his voice.
"This planet is doomed if you do not."
Those words chilled her. Doomed – how – why? Was Clark really their last hope?
"You must commence your training, Kal-el. You must study with diligence, for that is the only way to save this planet."
"If I do, what will happen to those I care about?"
"You must leave your past behind you, my son."
"No! I-I can't."
"You must sever your attachment to the human girl."
He turned hopelessly to her. A mixture of emotions swirled through Lois. Deep down she always knew it would come to this.
He stared at her for a long, tortuous moment. "And if I don't?"
The words had no sooner left his mouth when Lois suddenly found herself trapped in a cylindrical whirlwind of frightening random images. She couldn't move. She couldn't even blink.
"Lois Lane," the voice echoed in her head. "I am in gratitude for the part you played in helping Kal-el restore his powers. This was your purpose. However, Kal-el's attachment to you will only hold him back. You must let him go."
If she could have, she would have answered. Tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes.
I can't, were her thoughts.
"Then the Earth will burn."
Horrible images flashed before her. People suffering, terribly, children screaming and the world – dying. So traumatic were the images that her whole body shook. She nearly crumpled, but the force field that had trapped her, held her up upright.
Suddenly, she was there, in the midst of the chaos.
Clark's lifeless body lay at her feet. She cradled him in her arms, sobbing, hearing her own breathing, like some distorted sound effect from the end of a long, receding tunnel.
"No," she moaned. "Oh God … no … Clark.'
This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening.
"Kal-el will have enemies. They will defeat him."
She looked up into Lex's cool but malicious gaze. 'You always were his weakness, Miss Lane. He would die protecting you.'
'But don't worry. We will create a new world, a better one, a world that I will rule.'
Clark could only watch on in horror as Lois appeared to be trapped in some kind of vortex. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't free her.
"Stop!" he yelled in desperation. "I'll do whatever you want, just let her go!"
What seemed like an eternity was merely minutes. Long, tortuous minutes that left him feeling completely useless. He should have listened to his gut instinct and never brought her here.
Eventually Lois collapsed to the ground, her body convulsing, causing his heart to leap into his throat. Kneeling down, he gathered her up in his arms. Her eyelashes fluttered rapidly against the paleness of her skin.
She felt so cold.
"Lois," he murmured, his voice sounding hoarse, anxious.
He stroked her sweat-drenched hair back from her face. "Please, tell me you are okay – please – Lois?"
"The human girl will be fine, Kal-el."
He glared up and around at the faceless voice. Right now the only thing he felt towards his biological father was immense distrust.
He was leaving this place, and he was never coming back.
Fumbling for the key in Lois' pocket, he held it up. There was a sudden white flash of bright light. It felt like all the air had been sucked out of him.
Blinking, heavily and taking a deep breath, he found himself back in the cave, Lois safely secured in his arms. His eyes quickly shot to her face.
"Clark," she murmured, her voice not much more than a whimper.
"I'm here. I've got you."
She snuggled into him. He could feel her trembling in his arms. He had to get her home.
Gently placing her in the passenger seat, he watched anxiously until her eyes opened. She appeared to be groggy and out of it. It didn't make him feel anymore reassured. Whatever Jor-el had done to her, it had obviously been traumatic. She appeared lost in another time and place.
When he reached home, she was still staring out the window as if the world around her didn't exist.
"Lois?"
She didn't answer. Not waiting any longer for a response, he scooped her up into his arms and carried her inside.
"What happened?" his Mom exclaimed as he kicked the door open.
He took a deep pained breath and headed for the sofa. "Jor-el did something to her."
"What?"
His Mom was right behind him. He gently placed Lois on the sofa, then raked a hand through his hair. It wasn't supposed to be this way.
"I knew I shouldn't have taken her there," he muttered in a hoarse voice. "This is all my fault."
"You can't blame yourself, Clark," his Mom began.
He turned to her suddenly. "You always say that and it's never true!"
His Mom flinched and he instantly felt bad.
"I'm sorry."
Her eyes darted from him to Lois. "I'll get her a glass of water."
Clark turned his attention to Lois. She was so unusually quiet, sitting there, pale and still, staring into space. He watched intently, wondering, worrying.
"Lois," he began, sitting next to her. "Please – talk to me."
He was greeted with silence.
"What did my father do to you?" he muttered through gritted teeth.
"He – um – showed me the future."
Her voice shook badly and she stuttered on the first letters, choking the words out with an effort.
At least she had spoken, but it offered little respite. He clenched and unclenched his hands.
"He can't know the future, Lois," he began in a halting voice. "Nothing is set in concrete."
She closed her eyes, slowly shaking her head. "This is."
He didn't like the finality of her words. He wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her till she snapped out of it. He'd see the spark of warmth and humour in her eyes, she'd give some glib comment like, 'lighten up, Smallville.'
But she sat there – still as a statue. There was no warmth in her eyes, only pain-filled shadows. He couldn't bear seeing her like this.
His Mom approached with a glass of water. He gave her a hopeless look - what now?
"Lois, honey," his Mom began. "Drink some water."
Lois looked up at his Mom and blinked. "Mrs Kent." She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, as if the surroundings were beginning to make sense.
"It's all right, Lois. You're home now."
Taking the glass from his Mom, she raised it to her lips, her hand shook.
"Home," she murmured, distractedly.
Her eyes met his. A sudden look of horror crossed her face. "Clark," she gasped.
He froze at the anguished way she said his name.
"You – you're - oh God."
As she leapt up, the glass fell from her hands. Before he could respond, she quickly ran from the room.
He sat there shell shocked for a moment – Lois? What was wrong with her? He went to run after her, when his Mom placed a restraining hand on his arm.
"Let her go, Clark."
Watching her run up the stairs, he was filled with a longing to confront her. Talk to me, just talk to me Lois – please. He couldn't bear it.
"I'm sure she'll come around, Clark, just give her time."
Lois locked herself in the bathroom. Heading for the basin, she turned the faucet on and splashed her face with cold water. It did little to ease her suffering, but it did sober her up. The horrifying images were burned into her memory like shattered fragments of broken glass. The pieces unable to meld together, they would always be broken.
It was so real. Jor-el's words haunted her. Holding Clark's lifeless body in her arms made her feel sick in the stomach.
It's okay, she told herself, it hadn't happened yet. Clark was real and alive. He was just downstairs, probably thinking she'd lost her mind.
It felt as if she had. She could feel a hysteric laugh force its way out as she sat down on the edge of the bath, but only tears came instead. A horrible realisation dawned on her, one she didn't want to acknowledge, but one she couldn't ignore; she had to leave Clark.
Let her go, for how long? It had already been three hours. He paced the confines on the lounge room before going out to the barn and doing farm chores as a means of distraction.
It was dinner time by the time he returned to the house.
Lois had emerged. She still looked pale, but composed, pretending as if nothing had happened.
She was still distant towards him. He gave her space, because what else could he do?
Conversation was limited at the dinner table.
Lois retired to bed early.
Clark sat at the table not knowing what to say or do. He didn't know how to make it better. He felt utterly wretched.
He slept on the sofa, tossing and turning, reliving the events of the day, searching for answers.
Eventually he gave up on sleep. He had to see Lois; he couldn't take this any longer.
Quietly he opened the bedroom door and stepped into the room.
She was asleep.
Clark watched as her chest rose and fell in an even rhythm. Her face was serene. There was no visible evidence of the grief that had tormented her today. But he couldn't escape the fears and doubts.
It would be okay.
It had to be.
Reluctantly turning away, he walked barefoot down the stairs. Her refusal to discuss anything that Jor-el had said to her plagued his mind.
There was no way he could sleep. He was filled with a restless anxious energy he had no way of releasing.
With a resolved determination, he went back to the Fortress, alone.
He walked into the inner chamber with determined, hurried strides.
"What did you do to her?" he demanded.
"You have to let go of the human girl, Kal-el."
The voice was cold and forbidding; he was beginning to hate it. "No!"
"You are young and headstrong. You need to learn discipline, my son."
"I can't let her go, please. I will do the training. Just don't send her away."
"Lois Lane must take her own journey as you must take yours."
He shook his head miserably.
"What the human girl decides to do next is of her own doing."
The phone buzzing on the bedside table woke Lois out of a restless, tormented sleep. She'd barely slept. Her head ached, but it was nothing compared to the ache in her heart.
Groggily, she felt for the phone.
"Lo, Lo. How is my girl?"
Miserable, she inwardly groaned. "Daddy …" She glanced at the clock. "Do you know what the time is here?"
"It's six in the morning. You should be up and about."
She really didn't need this right now. "Why are you ringing?"
"To congratulate you."
"For what?"
"Graduating."
Oh crap, she had forgotten about that. She had actually completed high school. There was still a week left of school, but it wasn't mandatory she attended.
"I'm proud of you, Lois," he continued. "Have you given anymore thought to your future?"
Her future – what future? Did she really have to discuss this at six in the morning? Sitting up, she rubbed her forehead.
"Like joining the Army," she muttered.
"You know nothing would make me prouder, Lo."
Of course, she mused bitterly. Her father had planned this since her birth - and then an idea took hold. Enlisting in the Army was one way she could leave Clark, something that would take her far away from him. Something else she could focus on. It would provide a handy distraction. She would probably live to regret it, but desperate means required desperate measures.
She took a deep breath. "Sure – why not."
There was silence on the other end. Her father must be in shock.
"The sooner the better," she continued.
"Are you feeling all right, Lois?"
"Of course," she replied with a forced cheerfulness. "I'm so bored with farm life and school. I can't wait to get out of this place."
"I'm surprised. You seemed so against it."
"What else am I going to do? So when do I leave?"
"I'll see you at Fort Benning in a week."
Once her father hung up, her shoulders sagged. Are you insane, she chided herself? No, she was doing what had to be done. Tears threatened, she held them back. She had already spent too many hours crying. Nothing could change what needed to be done.
Dragging herself out of bed, she heard Shelby barking. Peeking through the curtains, she saw Clark down in the yard below, with Shelby on his heels. She drank in the sight of him, her hand resting on the window pane.
Clark, she inwardly sighed. She felt a tightness in her stomach.
'You have to toughen up, girl,' she silently berated. 'You always knew there was never going to be a happily ever after for you.'
Forcing her eyes away from the precious sight of him, because it hurt too much, she made her way to the bathroom.
When she entered the kitchen, Clark's worried gaze rested on her face.
"How are you?" he asked.
"I'm fine."
She went to walk to the fridge, but he grabbed her by the arm. He put a hand under her chin so that she was forced to look directly into his eyes. They were filled with doubt and questions. She fought the urge to throw herself in his arms.
"You look tired," he observed. "Jor-el has a way of making you feel …"
Utterly wretched, she felt like saying.
"Guilty," he continued. "It'll wear off in a few days. You'll be fine."
No, she wouldn't be, but she didn't have the heart or energy to tell him. Instead she nodded. He had no idea on what she was about to do.
She couldn't tell him, not yet. But she would have to, and she dreaded the moment.
"Of course."
Lois chose her moment once they were at the Torch. Clark was sitting at his desk. Chloe was typing away on her computer. Pete was chatting about his new car.
She took a deep breath. "I'm joining the Army," she announced.
Clark's eyes shot to her face in disbelief and horror. She quickly averted her eyes and swallowed. It was low to announce it to him like this, just she couldn't confront him on his own. He would try and talk her out of it. There was safety in numbers. Being in close proximity with him was too hard.
A deathly silence filled the room. She didn't even dare glance Clark's way. Instead she looked at Chloe. Chloe had the same look of disbelief on her face as Clark.
"Somebody say something," she murmured.
She knew Clark wouldn't, not in front of everyone else. Of course it was only a matter of time before he would single her out.
Pete was the first to speak. "Seems I'm not the only one wanting to serve my country."
Clark felt as if she'd dropped a bomb in his lap. What was she doing and why? And why had she not said anything about it to him this morning? She had barely talked to him in the last 24 hours and it hurt, a lot. He had figured she would come around. He knew what it felt like when Jor-el gave one of his pep talks. It had that silencing effect on you. But this – this was the last thing he had expected.
She was leaving – him.
His head was reeling. It was all of Jor-el's doing. He had to talk her out of it. He couldn't imagine her in the Army. She would hate it. Lois didn't take orders. She had her own rules.
The morning passed by in a haze. He was unable to process the enormity of Lois' words. She had to be joking – right? Every time he attempted to corner her, she had a way of eluding him. His frustration was mounting. She was avoiding him and it hurt. He was confused, miserable and upset by her brash decision.
Lois left school at lunch time. She returned to the farm and hastily packed up all of her belongings. She couldn't bring herself to face Clark. It was bad enough seeing his miserable face, the confusion and hurt in his eyes at school that morning.
She left a goodbye letter. It was cowardly of her, but she couldn't face the emotional fallout.
"Sorry Clark," she whispered.
If she waited a week or even a day, she was afraid he would succeed in talking her out of leaving. It was hard enough as it were. But she was resolute. The world need him more than she did. She wasn't going to be accountable for all those horrible visions she had seen happening. How could she live with something like that on her conscience? She couldn't chance him dying.
It should have been easy, only it wasn't. She had no sooner put her suitcase in the trunk of her car when Clark appeared out of nowhere. How did he know? Face it Lois, he knows you better than anyone.
Her heart sank. Crap and double crap, as if this wasn't hard enough already.
"You're leaving," he murmured, his face dark and hurting. "Without saying goodbye?"
She swallowed the lump in her throat. "I left a letter."
She could see the last of his resolve break. He stormed over to her. She felt her stomach roil. She had to be strong.
"What did my father do to you?!" he demanded.
She clenched her hands into fist. "He made me see the truth, and that you have a destiny, Clark."
"Not without you!"
"I'll only hold you back."
He grabbed her by the arms. "I don't care what he said. He doesn't even know me. He's just an empty voice in an icy Fortress. You saw how stark it was, Lois. No colour – no life."
Would he just stop! He was making this so hard to do. She was going to have to be ruthless.
"What we had was just a fling. We're only 18." Raising her face to his, she took a steadying breath. "It's just an infatuation."
He winced as if she had physically struck him. "I don't believe you."
She flung up her hands in despair, her heart pounding painfully in her chest.
"C'mon on Clark, wake up and see it for what it is. You are amazing and god like and what girl wouldn't be infatuated with that?"
His frown deepened. "You liked me before even knowing what I was."
Damn his astuteness.
"And knowing what you really are, changes everything – I can't do this, Clark."
She bit the inside of her cheek in an attempt to stop the tears.
"You are not human," she continued, bluntly. "You are Kryptonian. You need to learn to become one."
Seeing the raw pain in his eyes was nearly her undoing. She had to get out of there before she broke down in tears.
"Sometimes, life requires sacrifices." She took a deep breath. He was her sacrifice. "I'm sorry – but this has to be goodbye."
Tearing her eyes away from his, she forced herself to move toward the car. Her knees were weak and it was like dragging her feet through sand.
"What – forever?" His voice sounded broken and sad.
However long it took for her to get him out of her system and vice versa. But forever was such a long time.
She choked back the words. "I don't know."
It took every effort to walk away from him and open the car door. She didn't dare look back. Tears blurred her vision. This is why she had never allowed herself to get too close to someone. It always ended with goodbye.
Clark stood there dazed. This couldn't be happening? Within the space of a couple of minutes it felt like his whole world was crashing down around him. His face a mask of bewildered agony, he turned toward the barn. Like a blind person, not seeing or understanding anything that was before him, he took halting steps, stumbling forward.
It felt like an empty abyss yawned before him, so bleak that it could never be filled again.
Lois – she didn't mean it.
She was afraid. He didn't blame her. Face it Clark, look at what you are – an alien. Her words rang painfully in his ears; you are not human.
Like a zombie, he climbed the steps to the loft, dropping down on the top step. He dragged stiff fingers through his hair, yanking harshly on the ends. He felt like tearing all of his hair out.
"It's not fair," he muttered in a hoarse voice. He had never asked for this; to be different.
He sat on the steps in the barn loft, watching the shadows lengthen. He heard someone's footsteps approaching. He hoped against hope that Lois had changed her mind and returned. But when he looked up, it was Chloe standing at the bottom of the stairs.
He could barely hide his bitter disappointment.
"Sorry," she spoke. "I'm not Lois."
He averted his eyes. "Lois is gone."
She climbed the stairs and sat down next to him.
"I know," she sighed. "I'm so sorry, Clark, but it's Lois – and she has a history of running away whenever she gets too close to a guy."
Was that what this was really about? Was Lois leaving because they had gotten too close? Was she telling him the truth that what she felt was only an infatuation? After all, she had never told him she loved him.
No – he didn't believe it. This was Jor-el's doing, but still Lois' choice. She chose to do the bidding of his biological father over him.
"I don't want to talk about it," he muttered, bitterly.
It wasn't as if Chloe could understand. He heard her sigh and felt a quick pang of regret. This wasn't her fault and yet she was here, like a good friend.
"Okay, well you know where to find me if you need to talk."
She stood up and began walking down the wooden steps. She stopped halfway down.
"For what it's worth, Clark, I really think she loved you."
The house was dark when Martha entered it. She spied the letter addressed to Clark on the bench, recognising Lois' familiar hand writing. She picked it up with dread. Something was horribly wrong.
"Clark!" she called out.
But the house was empty and silent. Her worry increased. She opened the letter. She had to know what had happened.
Clark,
I'm lousy at goodbyes.
I couldn't wait a week. I knew you would try and talk me out of it.
This is something I have to do. Don't follow me. You have to let me go.
I'm being realistic Clark. One of us has to. You and I, we were just fooling ourselves. It could never work.
I'll always treasure the time we had together, but I need to move on. I need something more and you need to become what you were destined to be.
You're secret will always be safe with me. I'd sooner die than reveal the truth.
Your father is right, Clark. I know you don't want to believe him, but you must.
Promise me you'll never trust Lex. He will betray you one day.
I'm sorry.
Love, Lois.
X
"Oh, Lois," Martha murmured with deep sadness.
Did it really have to come to this? Why hadn't she talked to her about it? Neither she nor Clark had been able to reach Lois since her trip to the Fortress. Clark blamed himself. He always did and she had no idea on how to help him either.
Where was he? Had he read the letter? Did he know Lois had left? This would devastate him. He adored her.
Clark definitely wasn't in the house. There was only one place he could be; the barn.
Letter still in her hand, she hurried outside.
"Clark! Clark!"
She was just about to run into the barn when she saw him.
He stood in the shadows, a dark solitary figure.
"I know, Lois has left – I saw her." His voice was low and immeasurably sad.
Martha felt awful, knowing there was nothing she could say to make this better for him.
He glanced at the letter in her hand. "Is that the letter she left?" he enquired with a bitterness that bothered her.
She nodded.
Taking it from her, he read through it before screwing it up in his hand. His expression was so bleak that she longed to hold him and ease his suffering.
"She's right," he muttered, bitterly. "I was a fool for thinking anyone would love me."
"No – Clark," she began.
"It seems I no longer have a choice. Jor-el saw to that. I'm destined to be this world's saviour and I'm also destined to be alone."
She wanted to erase the resignation in his sad eyes. But she stood there feeling helpless and placed a comforting hand on his arm.
"No one is meant to be alone."
He shook her hand away. "You forget, I'm not human."
He couldn't escape the memories of her. Her voice echoed in his bedroom. He could see her hazel eyes, filled with warmth and humour, the beginnings of a sleepy smile. He couldn't even bring himself to sleep in his own bed, opting to sleep on the sofa instead. No matter what he did, she was always there. He couldn't escape it – her. Even when he would put the blue bracelet on and run till he collapsed with exhaustion, the pain of his loss was still so acute. Feeling physical pain did little to numb the emotional pain.
He hated the pitying glances his Mom would give him every now and again. He'd see the same look in Chloe's eyes.
By the end of the week he had come to one conclusion; he would do the training at the Fortress.
Lois was right, he wasn't human; why continue to be one? It hurt too much to feel emotion and such intense emotion only held him back. He wanted to be free of them. He wanted to forget everything.
"I'm going to the fortress," he told his Mom. "I'm doing the training Jor-el wanted me to do."
"Clark," she began in an anxious voice, "Are you sure about this?"
"I've never been surer about anything," he slowly returned.
The sooner he was away from this place the better. There was no point in putting if off.
"Promise me you will come back, Clark? Please."
She sounded so desperate, so sad. This was the woman who had raised him, loved him and supported him no matter what.
He fought back the tears. He couldn't desert her.
"I promise."
Relief flooded her face.
"I'll be here, waiting."
He needed no earthly possessions. Instinct told him where the Fortress was. He ran there, over hills, across lakes and oceans. It felt as if he was leaving the world behind him, a world of pain and hurt.
The Fortress loomed before him. This was his home now.
He strode inside with a newfound purpose.
"Jor-el," he called. "I am ready to start the training."
"Welcome back, Kal-el. I have been waiting for you."
Instinct guided him to the central console, filled with long white crystals. A single crystal removed itself and floated before him. He knew Jor-el was waiting for him to take it.
"I have only one stipulation."
"What is that, my son?"
"My mother. I promised I would return to her."
He was greeted with silence.
"She raised me," he continued. "You owe her that much. Without my father there she needs me."
"I will honour your request, Kal-el."
Taking a deep breath, he took hold of the crystal. There was no turning back. His eyes clouded with emotion. He had to do this. It was the only way.
"I want you to make it so I don't feel anymore." His voice echoed through the ice pillars. "It hurts too much."
"As you wish, Kal-el. The Kryptonian training will teach you how to deal with your emotions."
He nodded to himself. Finally, he could put the misery of the last week behind him.
He would embrace his destiny.
Clark Kent would become a distant memory.
.
.
.
.
.
A/N: Okay, so now I'm dying to hear what people think! This chapter was a real bitch to write at times! I guess because of it's sad ending. I find it really hard to end stories, not that this has technically ended! Because if it had I'm sure you would be sending pitch forks my way :D I'm so fond of writing Clark and Lois together that ripping them apart was actually really hard!
As I mentioned in my author notes on the last chapter, I am happy to write a sequel for this story. But in the end I decided instead of a sequel I would write a second part to this story. That way I don't have to think up a new title, as I kind of struggle with that and this current title still applies. I hope everyone is happy with that? If you're following this story it means you'll continue to get the prompt in your email box. It makes it easier.
Without giving too much away, Part 2 will see a small jump in time and Lex will definitely be in it. I guess I sort of foreshadowed that in this chapter.
Thanks so much for reading! I'm always open to hear other people's ideas too. You'll be pleased to know that I've already started the second part. I think I've written around 8,000 words on it so you shouldn't have to wait too long for the next chapter.
Cheers!