A/N: Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews on the last chapter! Thanks also to guest reviewers, Alison, Chewbie and Trish, whom I can't respond to personally, but you have no idea on how much I love reading your reviews!
I finished this chapter quicker than I thought I would. I guess because I had already written two thirds of it. That's good for you guys! Although in my haste to want to upload, it hasn't been edited by my beta-reader. One of problems with the time differences of living in Australia, and I wanted to upload it tonight as I have a busy week.
That said. Enjoy! I hope :)
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PART TWO - THREE YEARS LATER
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Chapter 18.
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Lois forgot there were heroes. It wasn't that she had meant too. In a world far removed from the small tranquil town of Smallville, her tour of duty in Iraq could only be summed up in one word – hell.
She tossed and turned in her bed, the sheet had a strong hold around her neck.
Take slow steady breaths, she told herself – breathe – deep – breathes. If only she could escape the tormented images that had a way of haunting her, despite six months having passed by.
'War, it changes all of us – no one gets out unscathed.'
Her eyes rested on the orange night sky. The sweat trickled down the back of her neck. Heat – dust – human carnage, there was no escaping it.
'You ever been in love?' Sarah asked, breaking the silence.
'I've kinda forgotten what that is.'
But sometimes she thought she saw him, Clark. When things were at their bleakest. When the hour was so dark she thought there would be no way out. He was a shadow, hidden away out of sight, always watching. She would turn so quickly her neck felt like snapping, but there was never anyone there. He was just a figment of her imagination.
'My fiancée is waiting for me. Soon as I get home, were going to get married,' Sarah continued.
Lucky girl, she mused bitterly.
'Do you have anyone waiting at home for you?'
Lois shook her head. 'No, not really. I'm all alone.'
It hadn't always been that way, there was a time – once, long ago, that she had belonged to someone and had mattered.
'Sometimes life requires sacrifices.' Such stupid words she now wished she could take back. She knew all about sacrifices. Sacrifices that had been too painful, sacrifices that didn't make sense. Like leaving Clark and like this war. What were they even doing here? Did anyone at home know the reality of what was happening in this god forsaken place?
'What are you going to go when you get home?'
She turned to Sarah.
'Expose the truth.'
Sarah smiled, brushing back the blonde bangs from her forehead. It made her think of Chloe.
'I can see you, the intrepid reporter, Lois Lane. Not afraid to go where angels fear to tread.'
That was her. And what else was she going to do?
The ground shook as a nearby bomb exploded.
'Shit!' she hissed, jumping to her feet. 'I guess that's our cue to go.'
Lois could see the carnage in the street as she approached with Sarah. Dread filled her. Dozens of people were milling on the road, trying to see what was happening.
'What are you doing out here, it isn't safe,' she shouted over the noise of wailing ambulances and people crying. 'Return to your homes!'
A sudden bright flash of light robbed her of speech. The ground gave way beneath her feet. She was falling. Everything happened in slow motion and then the pain hit, a deep gripping, searing pain in her back. She hit the ground hard, her body colliding into someone else and then there was silence. The sharp ringing in her ears told her that she was still alive.
Where was she?
She could hear wailing and screaming around her. She somehow managed to scramble to her feet as a sudden recollection of what had just happened hit her hard – oh God – Sarah.
'No, no, no!'
She wildly spun around, there were broken bodies before her and fire. It burned her lungs. Her heart thudded with a pain she couldn't even begin to describe. Her eyes rested of Sarah. She lay there like a shattered, broken porcelain doll. Lois stumbled to her side, gripping her by the shoulders.
'Sarah - look at me – Sarah!'
Glazed eyes stared up at the sky and Lois knew she was dead.
It was just a dream – wake up – she had to – wake up!
Lois eyes sprang open. Her heart pounded heavily in her chest. She stared up at the dull yellow stained ceiling. Her whole body shook. The pain was just as intense as it were then, like no time had passed at all.
Find your happy place - the therapist words came to mind - happy place - happy place. The horrible images of her dream faded before her eyes.
She was with Clark, sitting on the sofa in the barn loft, playing poker and drinking beer. She had been crying about her shorn hair. Clark in typical Clark fashion, was trying to cheer her up. It had worked. And it was in that moment that she realised just how special he was. It was when she first realised that she loved this person. It was the first time in her life she had begun to believe that maybe she didn't have to be alone.
Lois slept in the following morning. She had even slept through the alarm. At some point in time, later that morning, she sat up in bed startled. It took a moment to get her bearings.
Where was she? Her eyes swept around the dingy room. She was in a hotel. She was in Metropolis and she was …
"Oh, hell," she muttered, scrambling out of bed.
She was having lunch with Chloe in just under an hour!
Lois had a quick shower, dressed in a rush, slapped on some foundation and lipstick.
She gave her reflection a critical once over in the mirror, groaning at the dark circles under her eyes, before grabbing her handbag and dashing out the door.
Traffic was a bitch.
The vestiges of last night's dream hovered on the outer periphery of her mind. In the shadows, where she liked to keep them. They may haunt her nights, but during the day she kept herself busy enough to forget.
She had to.
Chloe impatiently tapped her fingers against the table. She glanced at her watch. Lois, was late and she had deadlines to meet. Perry White wasn't the most patient person. Chloe was keen to impress, desperate for a promotion out of the bull-pen. But she was also, just as equally, desperate to see Lois. She had missed her cousin. The last time they had seen each other was well over two years ago. In fact she could count up on one hand the amount of times she had seen Lois since her brash decision to join the Army. Something Chloe had never been able to comprehend. It seemed – so out of character for Lois.
At the time she had put it down to cold feet. Lois had feelings for Clark, and she was doing a runner, as was her way. But the Army?! Seriously, what had Lois been thinking? Of course Chloe now knew there were other reasons for why Lois had left, reasons Clark had refused to discuss.
For the first year after Lois' abrupt departure, Chloe was at Met U and didn't see a lot of Clark. He stayed in Smallville, working on the farm, doing paid work at other farms to help bring money in. She had made a social life for herself at Met U, sharing a room with Lana. They had become best friends in the last three years. Lana had finished her degree in Archaeology a month ago, and was now part of an Archaeology team in Turkey. As for Clark … well he was ….
"Oh, hi Chloe, sorry I'm late," came a very familiar voice.
Chloe looked up at Lois' smiling face. "Lois!" she exclaimed jumping up from her seat.
She was caught up in a warm embrace, and they both did a quick jig of excitement. "I missed you so much."
Chloe pulled back to get a good look at her cousin. She was a sight for sore eyes, and she frowned. Lois had always been slender, but now she was too skinny.
"You've lost weight."
Lois brushed a dark lock of hair from her face. "I've not long come back from a tour in Iraq and let's just say the food wasn't crash hot."
She sat down, placing her handbag on the table. Chloe did the same, feeling a bit concerned. Lois was in Iraq?
"What was that like?"
"Hot as hell and a dust bowl," she returned, taking a deep breath. "Let's just say I'm glad to be home."
Chloe's eyes rested on her face. She did look tired and pale, the darkness of her hair didn't help with that.
They ordered lunch. Chloe went the healthy alternative, salad, she was watching her weight. She was forever watching it. Lois didn't have to worry about that.
"Are you on leave?" she asked, sipping her Latte.
A carefully guarded look crossed Lois' face. "I'm no longer in the Army. Military life is certainly not my forte, far too many rules and regulations. I was always stepping on toes."
Chloe smiled. "Why doesn't that surprise me?"
Lois smiled in return. "I did learn some skills as a Public Affairs Specialist," she continued. "How to sniff out a story and tell it as it is."
Chloe shook her head. "I don't doubt it."
"Not only that, but you are looking at the latest employee at the Daily Planet."
She looked at her gobsmacked. "No way!"
"Yep, it's true."
They both squealed. "You are a dark horse."
Lois shrugged. "I wanted to surprise you and I need a place to stay."
Chloe bit down on her lip. "I'm already sharing an apartment with someone."
"Well, tell them your big cousin is back in town and they have to move out."
"Actually, it's not that simple. I'm sharing with a guy, his name is Jimmy and we are going out with each other."
Surprised crossed Lois' face. "Oh."
Chloe bit down on her lip. She couldn't help but to say. "I've outgrown my high school crush on, Clark."
Lois was as cool as cucumber. "That's great, Chloe, about time."
Did Lois mean that? Chloe noticed the slight shake of her hand when she'd mentioned Clark's name? She watched her fumble in her hand bag.
"What are doing?"
"Looking for my cigarettes."
"When did you start smoking again?" she asked, concerned.
"Don't start with me cus. You want to know how stressful it is out on the frontlines. Everybody smokes."
She shrugged as if it was of no importance.
Chloe sighed. Lois was smoking, Clark was distant as a far flung galaxy. She glanced at Lois' drawn face.
"You and Clark make a fine pair," she remarked.
Lois went still, like a shutter had closed over her face. "Since when has Clark ever smoked?"
"Of course he doesn't smoke. He doesn't drink and he doesn't have fun," Chloe paused, he was a worry at times. "I think he's even forgotten how to live."
Lois really didn't want to hear it. She had worked so hard at pushing all memories of Clark out of her head. Not that it had worked.
"That doesn't sound unusual for, Smallville."
"Because he's not human," Chloe murmured.
Lois eyes shot to her face.
"I know all about him, Lois."
She cleared her throat. "Since when?"
"About a year after you left. I saw him catch a car in mid-air. You can't imagine my surprise."
"And Clark knows you know?"
"He was reluctant to tell me, but yeah. I'm kind of like his sidekick now."
Lois ignored the sudden green eyed monster. Since returning to Metropolis two days ago, she had read about the miraculous savings. The blur they called him, because no one had seen his face, and he was too fast to be caught on camera. She knew it had to be Clark. Who else could it be? And Clark was doing what he was always destined to do.
"And he's okay with that?"
"We're just best friends, I'm probably his only friend, apart from Lana."
"Next thing you'll be telling me that Lana knows as well."
Chloe shook her head. "No, Lana doesn't know what he is."
Well that was something, but she still didn't feel reassured. She had given up everything that mattered, whilst Chloe and Lana had gotten to do what every other young women did; live a normal life, study and have boyfriends. Not that she hadn't seen other guys in the last three years. She had, but it never worked out.
Chloe glanced at her watch. "Hey, I've got to run Lois. Sorry, but I've a dead line to meet and Perry White is a work horse. You'll find out for yourself soon enough."
Chloe gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "I'll call you later."
Lois sat there, feeling more alone than ever. Pull yourself together, you're a big girl and big girls do what they have to do; toughen up. She would spend the afternoon looking for an apartment. She had enough money to pay for the bond. It would keep her distracted. Keep her thoughts off Clark Kent. What was he doing with himself these days? She hadn't even the chance to ask Chloe.
"Forget it, Lois," she chided herself.
Besides, it was unlikely she would be running into him anytime soon. She would be the last person he would want to see. Her happy place was just that, a dream.
Lois must have inspected ten different apartments, none of which appealed to her, but for now was all she could afford.
By the time it reached six in the evening, she was over it. And it looked like she would be spending another night in the cheap seedy hotel that had been her home for the last two nights. But first, she badly needed a good stiff drink. She stopped by the local tavern.
It was seedy. I couple of old drunks sat at the bar, giving her a bleary eyed once over.
It was quiet and uneventful. There were times in Iraq that she would have killed for some peace and solitude, but now she longed to be caught up in the hectic everyday living. It stopped her thinking too much, like now. She felt the restlessness and anger that had been her constant companion swamp her.
She ordered another drink. Maybe if she got drunk enough, she would get a decent night sleep.
'I'm concerned about you, Lois.'
She shrugged off her Father's worry, 'I'm fine', and helped herself to his liquor cabinet. She could feel his eyes watching her as she poured herself a whiskey.
'You know it's only two in the afternoon.'
Tell someone who cares, she felt like saying.
'What can I say,' she began, turning to face him, 'The Brig was so much fun.'
'You hit an Officer, Lois.'
She slammed her glass down on his desk. 'He had it coming!'
Her father lit up a cigar. She knew that look all too well.
'Sit down, Lois,' he said in a calm voice.
She didn't want to sit down. She didn't want to hear the lecture, but she did as he instructed.
'Losing a friend in war is always tough.'
'Save me the pity speech, Dad. You and I both know how totally unnecessary that war is. Truth is, Sarah, died for nothing.'
He puffed away, his eyebrows drawn together in a frown. 'We don't question. We just do as we are instructed. A good soldier does what he must to serve his country.'
She took a swig of her Whiskey. It burned as it went down. It felt good, despite the hollowness she felt inside.
'You keep telling yourself that, if it helps you sleep at nights.'
Her vision blurred, she angrily wiped her eyes and sculled the rest of her beer just as the local bikie gang rocked up. It didn't take long for trouble to start brewing. And it was only a matter of time before a fight started. One of them tried to hit on her, and her built up anger had just found a release. There was nothing like a good bar fight to deal with her internal demons. She wasn't going down without a fight. It wouldn't be the first time she'd found herself in such a pickle, and it wouldn't be the last. Then all hell broke loose. Someone yelled, "Cops are here." It was time she high tailed it out of there. She frantically searched for an exit, when someone grab her from behind. She spun around, aiming a punch straight at their face. Much to her astonishment, they deftly caught her fist in a large hand. Her heart sank, oh crap. It would just happen to be a police officer. This so wasn't her day.
"You're under arrest ma'am," he began, slipping a pair of handcuffs around her wrists. She screwed her eyes shut. Will you never learn, Lois, she silently chided.
"For disorderly conduct and causing a disturbance," the officer continued.
Her eyes shot open. She knew that voice in an instant. "Clark?"
He blinked, appearing dazed for a moment. "Lois."
His eyes raked over her in astonishment. "W-What are you doing here?"
What the hell was he doing here? She swallowed, trying to rein in the turbulent emotions coursing through her at the sight of him again. He was in uniform – which meant – no – was he seriously a police officer?
Her mouth went dry.
"I – um - drinking," she stammered. "Then this fight happened, and I swear I didn't start it."
"Lois," he began, "You were just as involved."
Typical of Clark, and when the hell did he become a police officer? She was still in shock, but she could see him rein in his own emotions, like a carefully concealed mask had crept over his face.
"You have to get me out of here," she hissed.
There was a steely resolved look in his eyes. She didn't like it.
"Sorry, Lois. I can't do that."
He what? Before she had a chance to register what was even happening, he took her by the arm and led her out of the tavern. She stumbled along in total disbelief. This couldn't be happening. Her head was reeling as he opened the police car door. She couldn't even bring herself to look at him.
Why didn't Chloe tell her Clark was a police officer?
Why did she have to visit the seedy tavern? And why – why of all places did Clark happen to turn up at the very same tavern she was at?
Fate was a bitch, that's why.
"I need you to blow into the breathalyser," he spoke.
She gazed at the all too familiar white plastic tube, knowing her blood alcohol level was going to be sky high.
Great, now she was going to have public intoxication added to her list of crimes. She felt so humiliated, and mortified that it had to be Clark Kent to see her in this dilemma. Not only that but he was the one to arrest her!
She could hold her liquor. It didn't mean the alcohol blood level would indicate that. She blew into the breathalyser, fighting back the tears.
And what the hell was wrong with him? No – how are you Lois? He treated her as a stranger, just some drunk woman he'd arrested in a bar brawl.
It hurt – so badly.
She chanced a glance up at his face, as he waited for the reading to appear.
"Seems Jor-El sure did a number on you," she couldn't help remarking.
His expression was so devoid of any emotion, and his next words tore a piece from her heart. "You told me to do it, Lois."
She fought back the tears that threatened. Needing a distraction, she fumbled for a cigarette in her bag. "Your purpose is to save the world," she murmured, as much as she hated seeing him this way.
"Of course," he returned. "Human emotion only holds me back."
Damn it, Clark, she felt like yelling at him.
"Seems you've got it under control," she muttered, her throat feeling thick with unshed tears.
God she so desperately needed a smoke. Her hand shook as she attempted to light the cigarette.
"You can't smoke in the police car, Lois."
Shoving the cigarette and lighter back in her bag, she shut her eyes. He didn't even sound remotely concerned that she was smoking again. The old Clark would have cared. She took a deep breath. Opening her eyes, she forced herself to look up at him.
A frown dented his forehead.
"Is it bad?" she asked.
"I'm surprised you're still standing. How were you going to get home?"
"Walk." Her voice sounded hoarse in her own ears, her mouth felt like sand paper. "And I don't have a home."
Stop sounding so pathetic, Lois, she chided, toughen up.
"Where are you staying?" he asked in a neutral voice.
"Hotel, a couple of blocks away."
She kept her gaze fixed on her handcuffs, unable to look at him and see his emotionless face.
"It's a dangerous area, Lois. I don't recommend walking these streets."
He said it in such a matter of fact tone. Had he forgotten how to show concern too?
"You know me, Clark," she got out through gritted teeth. "Since when do I ever do as I'm told?"
He was silent. She continued to stare mutedly at the seat in front of her.
"I have to take you down to the station," he spoke at length. "And press charges, but I'll call Chloe to come and bail you out."
"That's big of you," she retorted and swallowed the lump in her throat.
Once he left, her shoulders slumped. Tears fell silently from her eyes. The memories of the younger Clark came rushing back to haunt her. Clark with his infectious smile and kind eyes. Eyes that reflected his soul, eyes now devoid of any emotion. He had been so beautiful with the biggest heart.
"What have I done?" she whispered out loud.
He was a stranger to her.
Clark Kent no longer existed. He had become exactly what his father wanted. And it was – all of her fault.
She angrily wiped at the tears. "Why should I care?" she muttered fiercely to herself. "I did the right thing – Clark is here to save the world."
He didn't belong to her. Letting him go had been the hardest thing she'd ever had to do.
Clark had to walk away. So Lois was back in town, so what of it. She was a part of his past. That's all she would ever be. Who he had been, that person no longer existed.
His hand shook, just a little as he tampered with the alcohol reading. He scowled at it and returned his attention back to the breathalyser. No need for Lois to have public intoxication added to her charge.
He hadn't even known it was her. All he could see was a young woman with dark hair, fighting with as much gusto as the men.
He didn't even know she was in town.
Why hadn't Chloe told him? She had to know Lois was back. But then, what did it matter?
He glanced over to the paddy wagon. He wasn't about to put Lois in there with the other thugs. They were a motley crew.
His partner Steve approached him.
"What's with the woman?" he asked. "She doesn't seem the type to be in a place like that."
Clark frowned, feeling disconcerted. What was Lois even doing in that tavern, the worst part of town, drinking and getting involved in a bar brawl?
But then, it was Lois. She never remained trouble free for long.
"I'm not sure."
They began walking back to the police car.
"I have to give her credit, she's one hell of a good fighter," Steven continued. "There's not much to her."
It was the first thing he'd noticed. How thin she was. She'd always been slender, but now there was no shape to her body at all. Didn't she eat? Or maybe it was from smoking cigarettes? Why was she smoking again? But then what was it to him anyway? She was the one who had left him, joining the Army and telling him, they were too young. Breaking his heart. Not that it mattered now.
He'd long since learned to control his emotions. Besides, he hadn't heard one word from her in three years. He obviously meant very little to her.
It was just another night on the job.
Once they were back at the station he called Chloe.
"It's Clark. Just thought to let you know Lois is in the lock up."
"What?" Chloe exclaimed. "How?"
"Tavern brawl, she happened to be there."
"Great, she's only just returned to town and is in trouble already."
"So you knew, and didn't think to tell me."
"What's to tell, Clark? I thought you were over it, over Lois?"
"I am."
He could hear her sigh. "Okay, I'll be there to bail her out soon."
He'd barely recognised her. Her hair was as dark as his, if not darker. It brushed against the collar of her shirt, heavily layered, her fringe almost fell into her eyes. Why would she dye it black? And what was with the black clothing - black jeans and black leather jacket. She had this whole 'don't mess with me' look about her.
Unlocking the cell, he could feel her eyes boring into him. Stripping down all of his defences, as she only could.
"A policeman, out of all the jobs you could do, and you would have to pick that one?"
"It gets to mean I'm always the first at the scene of a crime."
Her eyes flittered over his face, before dropping to his toes, slowly gazing up till they rested on his face again.
"You've certainly filled out."
Nothing like pointing out the obvious. His physique had changed over the years, his chest was a lot broader, and his biceps were bigger.
His colleagues nick named him the tank.
Not that it was his doing. He had no say over the changes in his body. His body had just adapted over the years. It was a Kryptonian thing. He didn't need to eat or drink, but he did for appearances sake. He no longer knew what hunger felt like. There were times he felt nothing more than an emotionless machine.
His eyes met hers. And for just a brief moment, because that's all he would allow it – he wished it hadn't been that way.
"What happens now?" she asked.
Her voice wavered. He tried to remain nonchalant.
"You will be pressed with the charge of disorderly conduct. It'll go to trial. If it's your first offense then the worst thing that'll happen is you get a fine or have to do community service."
She bit down on her lip, he knew that gesture all too well. "It's not your first offense is it?"
She slowly shook her head, averting her eyes from his. "No."
Of course it wouldn't be. It was Lois.
"I – um, hit an officer. I was charged with assault."
"What happened?"
He silently berated himself for asking. Lois Lane didn't concern him anymore.
"I was put in the brig for a week, and then booted out of the Army."
That did complicate things. It was no wonder she had begged him to let her go in the tavern. He couldn't do that with half a dozen fellow police officer's looking on.
And why did she hit an officer? He wasn't about to ask. He didn't care, he silently reminded himself. She was his past.
"I wanted out anyway," she continued, her voice catching in her throat. "Just not in that way."
She was drawing him in with her words, tugging at his supposedly non-existent curiosity. He had to keep reminding himself that he didn't feel anything for her.
"And don't tell Chloe. I know you two are still best friends."
He didn't know what to say. The sooner she was gone the better. He didn't want to talk or even think about the past.
"Get a good attorney, Lois."
Otherwise it could be possible she'd spend some time in prison.
Lois could barely collect her thoughts as she sat in the car. She was screwed. What the hell had she been thinking?
Every once in a while, Chloe would look her way. But all she could think about was Clark, and how much he had changed. It wasn't the physical changes that bothered her, it was the emptiness in his eyes that caused her heart to ache heavily in her chest.
"What have I done," she whispered.
"What are you talking about?"
She swallowed back the tears that threatened. "Clark …" but she could get no further.
Chloe sighed. "Yeah, I guess not having seen him for so long you would notice the changes in him."
Lois turned her head to look at her. "Oh I guess you mean like the lack of emotion." She pressed down on one finger. "And complete lack of life," she continued, ticking off another finger. "He doesn't have a heart anymore." She ticked off a third finger.
"Of course he does, naturally he's going to be guarded when seeing you for the first time in three years. I mean, Lois, you practically ripped out his heart when you left him."
She screwed her eyes shut. "Thanks – Chloe. I feel much better now."
It's not as if she had a choice. Well, actually she had, and she couldn't help feeling she had made the wrong one. The tears that had been threatening trickled down her cheeks.
"Whoa, hey, I'm sorry – I didn't mean to be so blunt," Chloe quickly began. "I'm sure you had your reasons."
Lois shook her head miserably. "I wish I had never listened to Jor-El."
"What?" Chloe gasped. "You saw him?"
She might as well know the truth, seeing as she knew Clark's secret. And how was it that Jor-El hadn't warned Chloe to stay away from Clark?
"I was there when the fortress was built. Jor-El decided to have a little chat with me."
Her words broke off there as the memories returned. "He told me I had to let Kal-El, aka Clark, go and that I would be his downfall, because of his emotional attachment to me."
"So you did?" Chloe asked in an incredulous voice.
Lois took a deep pain-filled breath. "I saw the earth burn, people dying, children screaming in agony, and then when I was in Iraq it became a living reality. I kept convincing myself that Clark would be the world's saviour a-and I would only hold him back." She shook her head. "The world needed him – more than I did."
Silence filled the car.
"I told him to go to the fortress and do his Kryptonian training," she miserably shook her head at the memory, "I told him he wasn't human – that what I felt was nothing more than an infatuation. I had to be tough, he wouldn't listen any other way."
"So that is where Clark had disappeared to for the next four months," Chloe murmured.
Lois felt utterly wretched. "Now you see – it's all my fault Clark no longer has any emotions."
"It's not your fault, Lois," Chloe stressed as she drove. "Clark's a big boy. He made his own choice."
He was certainly big. Not like in fat big, just solid. Like a brick, Lois inwardly giggled at the thought. And just as impenetrable. She ignored the sudden ache in her heart.
"That's what he does. It's his cop out," Chloe continued. "Soon as anything gets too emotionally intense for him, he just zips back to the fortress to toughen up."
Lois glanced at her. "You seem to have figured him out."
Chloe shrugged. "Yeah well I've had two years to figure it out."
Unlike her last two years, Lois inwardly sighed. As much as she tried to ignore the growing resentment, it still managed to work its way into her heart.
Chloe still had Clark as a best friend. Clark didn't even want to acknowledge her existence. It was that thought that hurt the most. How he had managed to completely eradicate her from his memories.
If only it had been that easy for her. There had been so many moments when she regretted her decision to leave him. So many nights she had lain awake in bed, thinking about him. Was he okay? Would he ever forgive her? Could she ever go back?
Becoming a workaholic was her way of dealing with it. It also meant she was successful in her line of work as a Public Affairs Specialist. She climb the ranks quickly, but her tendency for telling truth was her undoing. It caught the attention of a particular Officer, because she had dared to question his motives. He hadn't liked it. He confronted her behind closed doors. It had turned into threats. Lois never had liked bullies. Heated words were exchanged. When he grabbed her roughly by the shoulders, she acted on instinct and punched him in the jaw. Afterwards she could see that he had deliberately provoked her in the hope she would hit him. He had the ammo to get rid of her.
When it went to a military trial, it didn't matter what her reasons were for hitting him. There were no witnesses. It was his word against hers, and as a non-commissioned officer, her word had no weighting. She had to do the walk of shame. Her father was barely sympathetic. 'You need to learn to control your temper, Lois.' Maybe he had a point.
She had planned to leave, when her time was up, which was only four months away. She hadn't lied when she'd told Chloe she wasn't going back, she had only lied about how it'd exactly happened.
'Dishonourable Discharge doesn't look good on anyone's record, Lo.'
It hadn't bothered Perry White.
'A young woman with spirit, just the type I like. Not afraid to go for the big brass.'
That was her alright. She hadn't lost her fervour for uncovering the truth. Despite the cost. Though her arrest tonight certainly didn't help. Clark's words haunted her, 'Find a good attorney, Lois.'
He had sounded so unconcerned, but for a brief moment she thought she had caught a glimpse of curiosity in his eyes, as if he wanted to know more, like the old Clark would have.
Okay, so she couldn't expect to just waltz into his life and have him welcome her back with open arms, or more like he had stormed into hers, slapping handcuffs on her wrists, hauling her off to the police station.
Sometimes she had allowed herself the luxury of dreaming about a day when she might happen to run into him again, but she had never imagined it being quite like this.
"I'm sure with time, he'll warm up to you again," Chloe spoke.
Lois snorted to herself. "I think Clark and I are definitely history."
Given his cold response to her tonight, it would be impossible to penetrate that steel armour he'd erected around his heart.
Clark tried to sleep. But images of Lois kept flashing through his mind. He eventually gave up by five that morning and took Shelby for a walk. The cool morning breeze ruffled his hair. It did little to ease his restlessness.
Why did she have to come back into his life?
As for these intrusive thoughts of her – it was because he was still in some initial shock after seeing her again, he reasoned. He wished he could turn back time, and not have been the one to arrest her. They could have co-existed totally unaware of what the other one was doing, or even be aware they were both in Metropolis. It was a big city after all.
But no – it just couldn't be that easy. He kicked at a rock on the ground.
She was nothing but trouble. In fact, she was now in quite a lot of trouble. Her temper was always going to be her undoing. What had she been thinking? He raked a hand through his short hair.
She had looked so sad in the police car.
Just don't think about it, Clark, he silently chided.
He sat down on the step leading to the porch, throwing a Frisbee for Shelby to fetch. Eventually, Shelby tired out, and flopped down next to him.
His Mom walked across the lawn with a couple of eggs in her hands. Surprise lit up her face. "You're up early."
"I couldn't sleep."
At the sound of his voice, Shelby promptly licked his face. He barely registered it.
"Are you alright?" his mom asked.
"I'm fine, why do you ask?"
"Normally when Shelby licks your face it makes you smile."
He ruffled Shelby's ears.
"Which means something is bothering you?"
She really was too astute. He could sense her waiting for him to respond.
"I saw Lois last night."
"Oh."
There was a brief silence. He didn't dare look at his Mom's face.
"How is she?"
Where did he even begin with that?
"I didn't really ask."
"Where did you see her?"
"In a tavern – she was involved in a bar brawl and I – kind of arrested her."
His mom's eyebrows shot up. "You did what?!"
"I didn't know it was her."
"Was she okay?"
"She looked fine."
In a manner of speaking. He'd tried not to dwell on the changes in her.
"Did you actually ask her?"
He hesitated. "No."
"Oh, Clark - why not?"
He averted his gaze from hers. "What's there to say," he muttered, bitterly.
Martha's eyes raked worryingly over her son. She couldn't deny the glimmer of hope. Lois was back. Lois was just what Clark needed, and Lois had also broken his heart. She must have had her reasons. Deep in her heart, Martha knew Lois loved Clark.
It was Jor-el's doing. How she resented him at times. He had tricked Clark, and he had obviously left such a lasting, disturbing impression on Lois, that the girl had felt no option but to run.
If only Clark could see that. But Clark had always dealt with intense emotions by not dealing with them at all.
He was stubborn like that.
"Is she still in the Army?"
He shook his head, a frown denting his forehead. "No." There was something more, Martha could sense it. There was no point in pushing him for answers, especially when it came to Lois.
Chloe had her usual Saturday catch-up lunch with Clark the following day at the Café. She was anxious to talk to him about Lois. Though he probably wouldn't want to hear it. Still, he needed too.
Lois' words had a way of haunting her this morning. Her reasons for leaving Clark were honourable, even if the outcome had been kind of disastrous. Chloe could see Lois' reasoning for it. Lucky for her Jor-el had never paid her a little visit, but then why would he? Clark's feelings towards her had only ever been in the way of friendship.
Did Clark ever know Lois' real reasons for leaving? As his best friend, should she tell him now she knew? Or was that not her place?
In part she secretly liked knowing Clark's secret and helping him. Besides he needed a friend, even if he sometimes acted like he didn't. She knew him well enough by now to recognise the walls he'd erected around his heart.
He really didn't have a lot of luck when it came to girls.
There had been Alicia. For a short while there he had let his guard down and become intimate with her. How far though, she had no idea. Clark wasn't the most forth coming person when it came to discussing personal information. Alicia had been murdered by that insane creepy Tim guy and Clark, in typical Clark fashion, disappeared once again for a lengthy period of time.
"Every time I get close to someone it always ends up badly," he had told her, in a rare brief moment of grief, "Its better I remain alone."
As much as she loved him, as a friend, he was a worry. No one should be alone, alien or not. Clark had grown up with humans and he might try to deny it, but it was still part of him.
She glanced at her watch. He was late. Was he avoiding her after what had happened last night? It was obvious he didn't want to discuss Lois, and him knowing her all too well, was afraid they would. Well he wasn't getting out of it. Grabbing her phone from her bag, she called him.
"Where are you?"
"I'm kind of busy Chloe, can we take a rain check?"
"No."
"Chloe," he began.
"Just get your iron clad butt here right now, Clark."
She had no sooner hung up when he was suddenly there, a look of resentment on his all too handsome face. Clark might skirt around everything that entailed human emotion, but he was loyal down to a tee. He would never let her down. It also helped that they had both known each since they were 12. Back then he'd been a tall, lanky shy boy. She had adored him of course. Now here they were, nearly ten years later, still friends, still looking out for each other. He was a constant in her life as much as she was in his.
She patted the seat next to her. He took the hint and begrudgingly sat down.
Picking up her cup of hot steaming coffee, she took a sip and glanced at him.
"Lois isn't fine by the way."
His jaw clenched. "I didn't come here to talk about her."
"I know you don't want to talk about her at all, but you have no choice, Clark."
Lowering her cup, she placed a hand on his arm before he had the chance to do a disappearing act on her. "You have to get her off those charges from last night."
"How?"
Chloe rolled her eyes. "I'm sure you can find a way."
"I don't know, Chloe. There were witnesses and …"
"She can't face this right now, Clark. I don't think you realise how close she is to having a break down, seeing as you didn't even bother to ask her how she was, and I get that she hurt you, but .." she took a deep breath. "Did you know she spent a year in Iraq?"
"It was her choice to join the Army."
Chloe seriously felt like smacking him.
"She was dishonourably discharged for hitting an officer."
His eyes widened. "She told you?"
"She blurted it all out to me last night, along with a – heap of stuff."
He looked at her wordlessly.
"I guess that's what alcohol does. I couldn't take her back to that cheap horrible hotel she was staying at. I took her back to my apartment. She slept on the sofa."
Of course Lois had woken up that morning acting as if everything was fine. But Chloe knew her cousin well enough to know that everything wasn't fine.
"I'll do what I can," he murmured.
It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him exactly why Lois had left, but she didn't. Lois wouldn't want her too. She was too proud like that. She could see the conflicting emotions cross Clark's face.
"That would be good seeing as she has just gotten a job working at the Daily Planet."
His questioning gaze met hers.
"Lois is a reporter, that was her job in the Army and she is a really good one at that."
"Lois is a reporter?" She could see him trying to come to process the information. "She's going to be working at the Daily Planet?"
Chloe nodded and hid a smile at the disgruntled look on his face. "She specialises in the criminal branch. I'm sure you're bound to run into her occasionally." She raised the cup to her lips. "Seeing as you are a police officer now."
Smiling, she lowered the cup. "Given Lois' tenacity, I'm sure she will be at every crime scene possible. You haven't seen her in action yet."
He was well aware of Lois' tenacity and he had seen her in action with Chad, all those years ago. She was like a pit bull at a bone. She had a problem with letting certain things go, namely the truth. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Amusement danced in Chloe's eyes.
He could almost swear she was enjoying this – his discomfort.
Why did he have the sinking feeling Lois was going to be a presence in his life once again, whether he wanted it or not. Besides it's not as if she still had feelings for him – right? But she had looked kind of upset last night. Her words had bothered him, though he didn't want to acknowledge them. As for his own feelings, they were completely neutral. He could do this. So what if he happened to run into her on an occasion. He could remain nonchalant.
When Clark returned to the station he did what needed to be done. He got rid of the evidence of Lois' arrest last night. He might have no desire to see her again, but neither did he want her to suffer unnecessarily. That thought bothered him more than he wanted to admit. Everything was perfectly fine before she happened to come strolling back into his life.
Lois sipped on her coffee and snorted at the article in disgust. The door opened and Chloe walked into the apartment.
She glanced her way. "Lex Luthor is the Mayor!?"
Chloe removed her coat. "Yep."
"How did that happen?"
"Let's just say Lex Luthor has a very charismatic way with people when it suits him, and he has a truckload of money that always helps."
Lois returned her attention to the paper. "And he's running for Senate."
The thought disturbed her, Lex wasn't just a billionaire's son. He was steadily becoming someone with a lot of power. She hadn't forgotten the future image Jor-el had shown her. She shivered slightly.
She had seen the building; Luthorcorp. It towered over the city like a menacing presence.
"Is Clark still friends with him?" She had to ask.
Chloe frowned as she approached the table. "No, not really. They haven't been friends since way back in our freshman year."
Lois felt instant relief. At least he had listened to her.
"Although, Lex does like to keep Clark in his circle. He often invites him to social functions, charity balls and that sort of thing."
Her heart sunk a little. Lex's way with keeping tabs on Clark? It didn't reassure her.
"Not that Clark ever goes to them. He doesn't trust Lex. None of us do. We all know he's been involved in several inhumane projects involving metahumans and meteor freaks over the years, but he always manages to come away squeaky clean."
"How do you know all of this?"
"Clark's the one responsible for putting away the majority of the meteor freaks. He sees a lot of what goes on in this city as both the blur and Clark the policeman."
Lois folded the paper, her curiosity aroused. "How long has he been doing it for?"
"Two years."
She was still having a hard time believing it. "Why a police officer?"
Chloe shrugged. "Who knows, it's Clark. I tried to talk him into becoming a Journalist with his intellect and keen eyes, he would have been good at it. But it comes in handy sometimes. He's also able to access certain data and places he wouldn't ordinarily be able too."
"Which he can also do as the blur," she murmured, and a troubling thought took hold. If the blur was making the headlines wouldn't that arouse Lex's suspicions?
"Why are you so interested in Lex?" Chloe asked.
"I think Lex knows something is different about, Clark."
"Well Lex hasn't done anything to him yet."
Yet – that didn't mean he never would. He was studying Clark, observing, watching and waiting. It left an unsettled feeling in the pit of her stomach. One she didn't want to dwell too much on. There were more pressing matters, like finding an apartment. And the least she thought about Clark the better. His cold disposition towards her last night had left her feeling raw and hurting.
Getting up from her chair, she turned to Chloe. "Are you free now to help me find an apartment?"
She couldn't continue to sleep on Chloe's sofa and Jimmy snored like a freight train. She wanted her own space, just in case the nightmares returned. They were unpredictable, and it would then lead to questions. Question Lois didn't want to answer. There were some things she couldn't talk about.
"Actually there are a few apartments free in this block. And it's close to the Daily Planet," Chloe suggested.
They checked out a one bedroom apartment on the fourth floor. It was cosy and clean. Lois peered out the window. The neighbourhood was decent enough too.
"It's nice, but I can't afford this, Chloe."
"I can loan you the money."
Lois turned around and gave her a suspicious look.
"I would just feel better knowing you are close by," she continued.
Lois knew that look all too well. She had seen it often enough in the last six months. One thing she had learned to hate was pity.
"I'm tougher than I look. I'm not about to break."
Chloe sighed. "I know your tough, Lois, but just humour me – please."
Chloe had a point, and she would feel safer knowing her cousin was just two floors above her.
"With Lana gone I miss the girl chats," she continued. "Not to mention clothes shopping, discussing hair styles, staying in, painting finger nails, watching movies and drinking wine."
Lois felt a slow warm smile tilt up the corners of her mouth. It had been a long time since she had done anything like that.
"Okay, why not."
Chloe flung her arms around her. "This is going to be fun, now let's go buy some furniture and spruce up this place."
It was nearly five in the afternoon when Chloe returned to her apartment. Jimmy was pouring himself a glass of orange juice.
He looked up. "Where have you been all afternoon?"
"Helping Lois furnish her apartment."
She'd no sooner closed the door, when he slipped his arms around her. "So what have we planned tonight?"
She turned around to face him. "I'm sorry Jimmy, but I was going to have a girl's night with Lois."
His face fell slightly.
"I haven't seen her in two years."
"What am I doing to do?"
She untangled herself from his arms. "Why don't you do something with, Clark?"
He blinked in astonishment. "Since when does he ever socialise?"
Chloe sighed. "It's about time he did. Use you winsome charm. I'm sure you'll talk him around."
Jimmy didn't look convinced. "We're talking C.K. here, I've never even see the guy crack a smile yet."
She chewed on her lip. "I know he likes watching baseball, isn't there a game on tonight?"
It was quiet for a Saturday night. Clark finished typing up the last of the police reports. Hearing footsteps, he looked up and frowned.
"Jimmy."
"Hi, C.K."
Clark watched him hesitatingly approach the desk. Was something wrong?
"What are you doing here?"
"I was bored."
He raised a questioning eyebrow. "Where's Chloe?"
"With Lois, she's renting an apartment two floors down from us. They spent the whole afternoon furnishing it and now they are having a girl's night."
It was a relief to know Lois had an apartment near Chloe. Not that he cared, he quickly told himself. But still, it was better than that seedy hotel she was staying at. Chloe was obviously concerned about Lois. He briefly recalled their conversation at lunch time. Did you know she spent a year in Iraq?
He did now. As for her experiences there, she had probably seen some bad stuff. Apart from being too thin, she didn't appear any worse for wear. Not that he would really know. Then there was her appearance, her sudden fetish for black clothing and black hair, almost like she was in mourning. Maybe her time in Iraq had left some internal scars?
If Chloe was concerned then she would have her reasons for it. Chloe was astute like that. He pushed the thoughts from his mind. Lois wasn't his concern.
"I thought we could maybe go to a sports bar, grab a few beers and watch the second half of the New York Mets game," Jimmy suggested.
Clark looked at him surprised. It was on the tip of his tongue to come up with an excuse, but seeing Jimmy's hopeful face stopped him. It couldn't hurt. It would also get Chloe off his back for a bit. She was always nagging him about his lack of social skills. He needed a distraction too, something to stop him thinking about – other things – her; Lois.
"Okay. My shift finishes in ten minutes."
Jimmy smiled. "Great."
Lois and Chloe sat on the sofa, giggling like teenagers, the wine was probably to blame for that. They ate pop-corn, swapped funny anecdotal stories from the last three years of their lives. They painted their toenails bright pink, and argued over who was hotter; Brad Pitt or George Clooney from Ocean's Eleven. And for a time Lois could forget that anything had changed, that she had even been in Iraq, seen horrible sights she wanted to forget.
A feeling of contentment stole over her. She welcomed it. For the first time in a long while, she felt – normal again.
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A/N: I'd love to know what people think! It took me a long while to figure out where Lois should be at. The chapter is quite bleak at the start, I guess that was unavoidable given how the last chapter ended, but I wanted this chapter (hence it being so long) to end on a more positive note. I have, hopefully, set up the playing field well enough for the second part of this story. Send your thoughts my way. I always love reading reviews!
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