Chapter 2 There's no place like home

Jasper POV

The next morning we were on our way back to Forks, in Peter's truck. He'd insisted on driving. I didn't mind, because I was already so tense and nervous that I was pretty sure even with my perfect vampire skills I would have driven us into a tree at some point. Not that we would be harmed in any way, but Peter would certainly be pissed if I'd damaged the car in the process.

So, here I sat on the passenger seat, looking out the window as the scenery flew by. By this speed we would make it to Forks in just a few hours. I wished that he would take his time, but he wouldn't have that. "My car, my rules." But what he'd actually meant was 'No need to put the inevitable on hold'.

The radio was on, some Country music was playing, but I ignored it. Once again I was lost in thought, like so often these days.

This time I tried to picture the reaction of each family member to my unexpected return. Even though I couldn't be sure about it, I tried to believe that Carlisle and Esme would be able to forgive me for the whole 'trying to eat their daughter' incident, but maybe they wouldn't be so forgiving about my sudden vanishing act afterwards and my silence ever since. But I was sure that they would give me at least the chance to explain and apologize for my erratic behavior. That's what parents are for, right?

Emmett – my little brother. I was pretty sure he was still pissed about my behavior to some extent but he had never been one to hold grudges against anybody for long. But then again I knew he fiercely loved Bella. She was his little sister, and he was like her big, protective brother. One thing was for certain, he wouldn't let me near her again which would be fine with me … like that was even a possibility I'd considered.

Rosalie – my dear sister. She had been the closest person in the family, next to Alice. And with the knowledge that she didn't like Bella very much, she would most certainly be the only one in the family who would welcome me back with open arms. Well … I knew that it wouldn't be exactly that easy, my disappearing act had probably enraged her more than anybody else in the family. But I truly missed her, and I would beg for her forgiveness. Even though I didn't plan on staying, I would like to keep in touch with her and Emmett.

Well … that left only two more members of my family.

I couldn't remember who had been angrier with me that night. Edward – because I had tried to kill his girlfriendor Alice – because I had tried to kill her best friend. Actually, with all the emotions going haywire in just a second it had been almost impossible for me to get a good read on any of them. Hate and fear, those two emotions had been the ones I remembered for the most part. And because I'd taken off almost immediately after the attack, I'd never gotten the chance to find out the source and the meaning behind the intensity of these particular feelings.

One thing was for sure though, Edward wouldn't give a fuck if I came back or not, seeing that we've never been that close in all those years we've lived together. In his mind, I had never been nor would I ever be a true member of his family. It wouldn't take a mind-reader or an empath to see the truth in that statement. Whenever I'd slipped up in the past, his opinion of me had been written all over his face. I was the weak link, a dangerous monster, unable to control myself … and the only reason he'd tolerated my presence had been Alice. Both of them always had been so close, like confidants or true siblings. Back then I'd wanted to stay so badly that I had done my best to ignore his aversion towards me and kept my mouth shut. But anyhow, whatever his problems with me were when we would meet again in a few hours I would try to be civil and apologize, but that would be about it though.

Alice – my mate, my wife. Truth be told, her reaction to my return was the one I feared the most. How could I make things right between us? Would she allow me to? Would I even want to? How was it possible that neither of us had tried to make contact with the other? The coward in me had hoped she would make the first move, but she hadn't. What did that say about our relationship? Was I that disposable? Was she? After all this time we'd spent together?

What had I done? Was there even the slightest chance, that I could make it up to her after abandoning her like that? I'd acted like a true monster and a complete idiot, and now I had to pay the price. I started to begin to drown again in a mixture of self-pity and self-loathing.

What the fuck was wrong with me? I was a vampire for crying out loud! I was fucking Major Whitlock. God of War. And here I was sitting, nervous to go back and face my family. Since when was I such a pussy?

With a heavy sigh I sank deeper into the seat.

"What's the matter?" Peter asked, speaking for the first time since we've left two hours ago. He was emanating true concern and curiosity, and a little bit of mischief. Weird combination, sure, but typical behavior for my brother, though.

"Geez, Peter. Sometimes I wonder if you're an empath, too." Or a fucking mind reader. God forbid!

Peter laughed, shaking his head. "You know I'm not. I just know you. And honestly, it's hard to keep a level head with you projecting your emotions like that. I am sensing anger, hate, a lot of uncertainty ... and what makes me wonder ... a little fear?"

"I'm not afraid." I growled at him. Of course, it was a lie, but there was no way I would admit that out load. But leave it to Peter, of course he saw right through my defensive behavior.

When he chuckled in response I glared at him, letting him know that I didn't appreciate his taunting this time. My stare seemed to sober him up ... a little. But unfortunately, it didn't stop him from responding. "Sure, you are. It's only reasonable, though. I would be anxious too. Considering the circumstances ... the dreadful event of that night, the way you left, no contact whatsoever in the last five month ... of course, you are afraid. Not of them of course, because let's face it, neither one of them would stand a chance against you and your fighting expertise. But you are afraid of how they will react to your sudden return, afraid of their emotions. And I get it, it will be hard. Especially for you. Being an empath and all.

"But just as I'd said before. You need to put this guilt behind you. You need to put the past behind you. Otherwise it will eat you up. Trust me you will get your chance to make amends." Peter gave me a small smile, and then he diverted his eyes back to the road.

Somehow I got the feeling there was more to his statement, but I knew it would be pointless to push the issue. He probably would just deny it anyway.

"I hope you're right. Even if I'm not going to stay with them any longer, at least I want to part ways rather as friends than as enemies." I replied, sighing again. Hope is the last thing that dies. That's the saying, wasn't it?

"If you're not going to stay… So, you haven't made a decision yet, whether you'll come back with me to Arizona?" Peter asked. He sounded more curious than concerned.

"Huh, actually, I don't know yet." I conceded. It was true. All I'd been thinking about was the upcoming meeting with my former family. I haven't had the chance to make any further plans. The only thing I knew for sure was that I wouldn't stay with them, no matter the outcome of our reunion.

Peter just nodded thoughtfully. For a few minutes he was silent, and then he spoke again. "Whatever you'll decide will be fine with me. But just so you know, in my opinion a life like theirs isn't the right kind of life for you. Don't get me wrong. I don't criticize their choice of diet. Not really. How could I? I can tell that you are doing so much better feeding of animals than humans. It might not be my choice, but it's yours. And I'm proud of you. You're still sticking to it – even though you don't have to – which tells me that it's what you want. And that's okay. But the bottom line is it's the only good thing that came out of the entire time you've spent with them."

With an unmistakable look on his face Peter was daring me to contradict him. But I didn't. I couldn't, because he was right about everything. I've chosen to stay a vegetarian on my own free will not because I wanted to prove that I could do it my own but because I was sick of killing humans. And I would never return to that way of life again. Not if I could help it. But Peter was right about something else. After being away from them for so long, I'd realized that this family life with the Cullens wasn't really what I've been looking for. Come to think of it, I've probably only stayed with them for so long because of Alice. In the beginning I thought I've found the love of my life – or rather existence – in Alice, and with the Cullens, the family I always wanted. I would have gone anywhere, done anything for Alice, just so I could be with her. She had been my life. But now I wasn't so sure anymore.

Like he was reading my mind, Peter answered my thoughts. "I know that you loved Alice. Hell, you probably still do. And that's okay. Sure, I don't like her, but not because of who she is but because of what she has done to you." I looked at him, astonished. He just rolled his eyes at me. "Oh, come on, man, that damn pixie did nothing but control you. Your whole life has been in her hands, every decision. Hell, she even fucking decided what you wear. And that's just sick."

I had to give it to him. Peter always spoke his mind, no sugar-coating the truth. That was one thing I loved about him. Charlotte was the same. Maybe that's why they were so perfect for each other. No wonder they were the ones I'd fled to. I appreciated their sense of honesty. And having the truth thrown right in my face certainly helped me to finally see the truth.

Peter was right. Alice had dictated our relationship, and I'd allowed it. Out of love? Possibly, after all she had been my first love. But more likely because I hadn't known any better. When we first met at that dinner in Philadelphia she'd had been exactly what I'd needed at the time. A glimpse of hope, a way out of my depression and she's been all that and more. She'd helped me a lot, no doubt about that, and I would be forever grateful. But with the passing years our relationship hadn't grown, it had changed. And into what? Into a farce – a puppet and its puppeteer.

"Yeah, you're right." I agreed lamely, not knowing what else to say. Peter didn't comment, in fact he didn't react in any way. And I was glad about that. For the next hours we drove in silence.

We've always been like that, able to enjoy each other's company in utter silence. It was comforting, and right now it was exactly what I needed. But the closer we got to Forks the more anxious I became. I was glad that Peter was keeping his cool, thus allowing me to feed of his calmness to keep myself from losing it.

We were an hour outside of Forks when Peter broke finally the silence again. "Don't worry. Everything will be fine."

"You know something, I don't?" I asked, glancing at him.

"Of course, I do … not." He grinned, knowing exactly what I was getting at. "And just so you know, I came with you to help you through this, to keep your emotions in check if need be. Not to be your babysitter."

"I know." I growled, slightly annoyed by his last sentence. "But, thank you."

"What are friends for?" He said, shrugging and waving his hand dismissively, like him being here with me wasn't a big deal at all. But I knew better. With his weird ability to shield himself from my gift, partially or not, he surely would be a viable asset – figuratively speaking, of course.

We drove the rest of the way mostly in silence. Once or twice Peter sensed that I needed a distraction, so he told me stories about him and Charlotte, about what they'd been up to in the past five years. We laughed a lot, and soon we were reveling in our own old memories ... just the good ones, of course.

When we finally reached the road that led to the house, I could see right away that something was off. And I could sense it too. No one was in the vicinity. In fact, it was quite obvious that no one had been here for quite some time. The meadow around the house was overgrown with wildflowers and weeds. No way, Esme would allow that to happen … unless they had left town. I was stunned beyond speech when the reality hit me.

They left. But why? And when? Sure we've never stayed in one place for too long, a couple of years, maybe a decade, but this was too soon.

It made no sense at all. Why would they leave this place? I wasn't here anymore. I left to make it easier for them. No more looking out for me and worrying about my lack of control around humans. Around Bella.

"No one is home." Peter's voice broke through my musing, stating the obvious.

"I know." I mumbled absent-mindedly. Suddenly my nervousness was gone, replaced by a new feeling. The feeling of abandonment. It was numbing. I'd expected screaming, maybe even some fighting ... but this? Not in a million years.

Peter parked the truck right in front of the house. We sat there in silence for a few minutes. But knowing there was no reason to put it off any longer, I got out of the car and walked up the few stairs to the front door. For a moment there I thought about taking a turn around and just leave.

Coward! I chided myself. No more running! Time to face the music ... well more like time to face the reality.

I reminded myself why I was here in the first place. Okay, the Cullens were gone and I didn't get the chance to apologize, but I still wanted to get my things. I doubted that Alice had taken anything with her. Unless to spite me …

I had to open the door with force, due to the lack of keys. I knew I would have to fix it before we would leave, but right now I couldn't care less. I entered the house cautiously, taking in a deep breath. There was only a faint residue of their mingled scents left which meant that they must have left this place probably around the same time of my departure.

I was aware that Peter had joined me but I ignored his presence because I was too busy absorbing the evidence of their disappearance. There were barely any reminders left. Almost every piece of furniture in the living room was gone except for the couch and the coffee table, both covered with some white cloth … and what shocked me to no end, Edward's piano. What the hell? He loved that stupid thing.

What the hell happened after I left?

Even though I was dreading it, I deliberately made my way upstairs, straight towards the room Alice and I had shared for the last two years. I stopped at the door, taking in another unnecessary breath. I was bracing myself for whatever I would find behind the closed door. Without any further delay I pushed the door open to find myself in a completely empty room. Sure, I'd expected as much, but seeing it with my own eyes shook me to the core.

They left. They left me. No goodbye. No note. No contact numbers. I was left behind, abandoned by the people who had once claimed to love me. My wife, my siblings, my parents. All gone.

I sank down to the floor in the middle of room, allowing my grief to consume me. If I were able to cry I surely would have cried like a baby.

"I'm sorry, brother." I heard Peter whisper behind me, and I could tell that he truly meant it. No matter what he thought about the Cullens, and about my choice to join them all those decades ago, he did know how much they'd meant to me.

"Well. I guess I had it coming." I sighed.

A wave of anger hit me. "Don't you dare and start with this again!" Peter growled.

"But it is my fault." I insisted, stubbornly.

"You don't know why they left." He countered. He was still mad, but trying hard to keep his emotions in check.

"True …" I agreed reluctantly.

"Well, look at the positive … at least now you know what they really think of you." Peter said, giving me his trademark look – tilted head, raised eyebrows and a twitch at the corners of his lips. As always, well almost always, it had the desired effect, pulling me out of my emotional stupor.

"Yeah, right," I snorted, jumped on my feet. "Come on, apparently there is no need for us to linger here longer than necessary. Let's look for my stuff and get out of here."

Peter rubbed his palms together, indicating his readiness to get to work. But on the way to the door he suddenly froze and his head snapped around towards the window. "Someone is coming." He hissed.

I followed his gaze, and even though I couldn't see anything yet, I could hear the sound of a truck, slowly coming down the path leading towards the house. It was a familiar sound. I knew this car. And I knew exactly who was riding it.

Revised and reposted on May, 11th, 2013