''I missed...''

You? Yeah, I heard that even though I cut you off because I can't deal with the words flowing out of your mouth. I close the drawer in a smash to make as much sound as possible once I finally get the control over my body back. I could tell you that I missed you too, but I can't. I might be thinking I am Levi, but I'm not the Levi you want... Hell, I missed you too. I'd grab your hand right now. I'd take you along to the Library, but I wouldn't be able to reach the room before putting my hands on you... and yours on me, maybe. After all, you're very straight forward and I bet this Eren still is. I'd stop by the bedroom and I'd kiss the living shit out of you before claiming you again and again, because Levi missed you and he wants to.

Ok, maybe I do too... a lot.

''Y-Yeah, whatever.'' My voice isn't even. I hate the way I sigh this, but I have to be harsh. I can't let this be. I wanted him to be Mikasa's friend. I waited for him, but now... Now I don't know. ''I'm off. Have fun, kids.''

With that, I leave. I notice the way he looks at me like I just slapped him for an instant, but I know him better than that. He's not going to let me get away with this. I fear it. I want everyone to go the fuck home! Everyone... including him, but the other part of me wants them to leave so I can tear his clothes off his body. Not just to embrace him. Not just for sex. To take him all in like Levi did. I'd breathe him like a drug and I'd get high off Eren Jaeger... Higher than I already am.

I walk off. I'm self-conscious. I try to do it quick. I don't want him to stare at me the way he stared at Levi. I mean... I do, but I'm not Levi. I'm not this short little brute with large shoulders and all the muscles. I'll never be like him, not exactly. I probably don't have the nice ass he grabbed so many times when no one was looking. I mean, Erwin praised it... Sure, but Erwin doesn't know shit about Levi, right? Probably not, so he doesn't know. Eren might not praise it. I walk away fast. I know he looks. I know he follows me with his beautiful eyes into the room at the end of the hallway until I disappear into it; out of his sight.

Damn it! I forgot my Tea in the kitchen, but I'm too prideful to go back there after all that. I'll just read my book. Fuck the Tea...

''Why did you walk away from me?'' That voice again... Or, maybe I'll go get my Tea back.

Or not.

He stands there. He walks into the room and he doesn't care if this is my safe haven or not. He looks at me like he looked at Levi... He's not having any of my shit. He's after me. I already know that. I wouldn't expect anything else from him... and I don't manage to find an appropriate answer for him. I don't have one. I walked away because I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't know how to behave around him. I didn't know if I could stop myself.

''It's been a while.'' He continues and he gets closer to me. He's close. Way too close. He puts my tea on the table right next to me and he smiles at me with one of his unique smiles. It's warm. I'm glad I found him... at the same time, I'm not.

It's been a while since the last time he brought Tea to Levi, to me. Yeah, this is like Déjà-vu.

''I don't know what you're talking about.'' I mean; I do, but at the same time... He's already invading my personal space the way Levi permitted him to... because Levi didn't mind after a while, but I am not exactly Levi. I'll never be the same. The world changed and Levi changed with it. I don't feel like we're on the same wavelength anymore.

''Are you Levi?''

''What if I am not, brat?''

Oh... Shit. That was Levi's nickname for him, right? It comes out so... naturally. It makes his smile go wider and wider again.

''Hey, Levi.'' His voice is soft and affectionate when he starts talking again. It turns me upside down. It makes me feel weird. It's here again... This name on his lips. It went through them a lot. He's not having any hesitation when he says it, unlike me. It's like Aero Chocolate going through his mouth and melting there before washing over me. Or am I actually chocolate and he's making me melt with his mouth? I don't know, but... Damn, he should clean me up with those lips and that tongue... Eh, I mean; Never mind. ''I missed that nickname.''

It's weird, but; Yeah, I missed saying it too... just like everything about you... just like Levi did.

There's a pause where we look at each other just like that. The tension is palpable. I can feel him fight the urge to get any closer... to sit on the same chair as me. To straddle me. To kiss me. It's in me too.

''I'm not Levi.''

I state it calmly and it helps me in getting the control back when I see his face twist. Never mind that, I am not getting control over this situation. The smile is gone. He looks just like he did in the kitchen... It's like I slapped him again, but he's more aggressive this time... He leans toward me. He puts his hands on the armrest of my chair and he's so close, so fucking close again, when he says with all the intensity I remember from the Replayer and my dreams... like Thunder : ''...Liar.''

And then, just like that, it happens before I even get the chance to finish saying : ''Listen.''

The next thing I know: Eren Jaeger ravages me. It's not just about the way he presses forward and kisses me like he can't even hold it in anymore. It's rough, just like he always has been to Levi, but it's also incredibly passionate. It's so passionate. It's so desperate. It's just too much. Ravaging isn't just about the way his fingers runs in my hair before he pulls me closer and closer until I suffocate either. It's about the way he ravages my whole being with my heart included. It's about the way he shatters everything that is still rational in me for just a brief instant and actually makes me respond to that freaking kiss. It's about the way I feel sick under his touch. It's about the way he takes everything I give him without holding back. It's about the way he takes more than what I give him. It's about the way he squeezes me against the chair, puts his knee on the chair; getting on it... on me. It's about the way one of his knees pushes its way between mine... of course. It's about the way I'm cornered.

If Eren Jaeger is lightning, then I am a circuit waiting for lightning energy to run through me... I waited all this time and when it happens, I don't know what to do with myself beside kissing him back just as desperately and just as passionately... until reality kicks in.

''I told you to fucking listen!''

I'm breathless on my chair. That's it. I feel like he ate me up. He took everything I had to give. I'm lifeless and I just feel like crashing back to him to get it all back from him... Everything; lightning included.

I know better than that.

He stands back up recovering from the rough push I gave him to break the kiss... He doesn't seem to know what happened and he looks at me in such a way I wish I'd never see; I didn't mean to hurt him, but I did.

''Fine! I might be Levi somehow, but...'' I start while trying to make my voice even to not let him know how a simple kiss and light touch affected me... and I'm good now; I can hide it. ''This world isn't like the one you might remember, if you do remember it. If you haven't already noticed; things are very different in this world and if I am Levi, I am not the Levi you knew! Now, I don't care what you think about that, so get the fuck out!''

...because it's easier to breathe when you're not in front of me.

''I think you care...'' he starts and he is right, of course, but I stop him midway by standing up.

''I told you to get the fuck out already.''

''Why are you like that...'' he asks completely lost and I can see all the betrayal on his face when he says that. I've hurt him. I know I did and I try to make it seem like I don't care as much as possible, but I care so much. So much that it hurts when he walks away from me. He leaves the room as I told him too... because he probably didn't even know how to fight back in this state.

It doesn't make breathing any easier.

I don't even know how long I stay in the room alone without touching my tea... or even being able to read my book. I read the same page over and over again without understanding any of the words I read. It's like I just read a bunch of words not making any sense when they're put together. Each word seems to bring me somewhere else.

Breathing is easier now... and reading brings a sense of familiarity in this whole mess even if I'm not really reading the book I hold between my hands. My phone says 10:47; there isn't much time left before they go home... which is something to look forward to. I feel like a stranger in my own house. I want to be alone. I need to. I don't know what to think anymore. What the fuck am I doing? Why is Mikasa inviting her stupid friends to MY place? Why did I let it happen? I hate it. I fucking hate it. I had Sasha over this week... This is more than enough already. Do I really need to see Eren Jaeger? What did I want to prove? I knew it was him the moment I saw him and I should have known that this would turn out like this... or not. Did I actually expect Eren Jaeger to kiss me? Not really. I should have though. I know better than that. I saw him in the Replayer. I can't count how many times I saw him use every possible way to be alone with Levi and steal something off him. Hell, he was having a hard time stopping himself from touching Levi, of course he'd me all over me... or did I actually want him to do that?

Yeah, maybe I did.

In the end, I still turn him down each time he tries to come into this room with a shitty excuse. I mean, it started with excuses like: ''I don't know where the Bathroom is...'' which doesn't make sense considering he had to pass the open door of the bathroom on his way to this room. After a while, he didn't try anymore. He tried to close the door behind his back without me noticing... which I did. He tried to come up behind me and his hands were on my shoulders before I actually noticed. It made my heart skip a beat, but I still forced him to leave. Each time, I ended up telling him that he was a kid somehow. You're ten years too early for that. Do you even understand what you're doing brat? That or I was telling him to back the fuck off because I wasn't Levi. It started gentler than it ended, I can tell you that much. By the end of the evening, I was harsher than anything else and I was actually feeling good about being mean.

It was fooling me by making me think that all of it was true; I didn't want anything to do with it and I was doing the right thing. I told myself that kind of bullshit each time he left the room and I actually believed it. I didn't need Eren Jaeger in my life. After all, I didn't need him until now.

Why is it that I feel so empty when he doesn't come for me for more than 40 minutes, then?

-X-

Around midnight; I find Mikasa sleeping in her bedroom. I find her friends gone... except one. Yeah, I find Eren Jaeger when I go out to smoke. He is sitting on the border of the parking lot and I recognize him before I walk up to him. I know just by looking at his back even with his cap on his head covering his messy hair... well, most of it. The hair curling out of it just makes him cute, but also teenager-ish. It makes me feel old and it makes me feel out of place when I look at him the way I do...

My eyes spot something between his lips... what seems like a cigarette, but isn't. Not with this smell. This is... Marijuana? Are you serious now, Eren? Freaking kid.

''It doesn't suit you.'' Is all I say when I get close enough and he turns to me with eyes wide open. He stands up and pulls it back into his pocket to hide it from me, but it's too late for that. I guess it wasn't lighted up yet. ''What are you doing here, brat? Aren't you going home?''

''I missed my bus?''

Why in the world does it sound like a question? Why can I see a little smile on his face? Is this a joke? At least, try to make me believe your shitty lie, Eren! I swear, he didn't miss the bus. I'm pretty sure of it... or am I just making it up in my brain because I actually want him to miss the bus on purpose just to... see me? No. How would he know I would go out for a smoke? He doesn't know me. I mean... Am I this predictable?

I can't possibly let him see that he got me, even if there's still a possibility that it is just me being too self-conscious. No way. I'll drop that subject for something else.

''...So you decided to smoke some weed near my place?''

''I didn't actually miss the bus.''

No. Fuck you, Levi. He doesn't want to talk about smoking weed. He wants to talk about how he missed this bus! He brings it up again, but... Hey:

''I know that much already.''

I notice a boyish smile on his lips when I say that. His eyes go down to the pavement for a second. He moves from one foot to the other before finally returning to his sitting position on the curb... and there's a small laugh slipping between his lips.

''Some things never change,'' he says without making eye contact... and it's not a bad thing since I can't resist these eyes. ''Here I am again; trying to make you pay attention to me.''

You don't even try to lie... You're too honest to do it. That's why I know that's exactly what he was aiming for when he missed the bus and stayed here. He wanted me to notice him. He wanted me to talk to him... because Eren Jaeger can't help it. It's out of his control. Even if he isn't the old Eren Jaeger; that's one of the things that will never change and I already know that.

It's the same for me, but...

''...Some things do change.''

The world changed. The conventions; it wouldn't be right for me to touch you. The fashion; it makes you look different, but not in a bad way. The drugs; Eren Jaeger wouldn't smoke... Hell, he didn't have time for sport. He wouldn't be playing baseball, but it's good that this Eren Jaeger does. It means that this world is better. This world can give him the things the previous one couldn't give him... but there's something I learned in this world; nothing is free.

What did you exchange for this? Did you exchange anything?

Did you exchange your chance to be my age... and be with me?

''... like you.'' His eyes lift to me when he speaks and I know the answer to that.

''Yeah.''

''...like the way you feel about me?''

How can he say that kind of thing without looking away? Without being embarrassed about it? I do not know the answer to this one however; ''Probably.'' ...not.

It might be a little bit different now though, but the essence is the same.

He sighs when I say that... I can feel the disappointment everywhere from the way he sighs loudly to the way he throws his head back before standing up. It must be hard, but this isn't happening. It's impossible; If I ever thought I knew Eren Jaeger; I do not know this one. He turns away from me for an instant and I'm sure it's an attempt to hide it all from me... and he does it because he turns towards me again with a smile when he says:

''...Do you think I can stay over until the next bus?''

''Sure.''

-X-

Awkward; that's the only word I'd use to describe this whole situation. Eren stands there as I search for bed sheets and stuff like that. I stuff it into his arms and since the only one I have for a single mattress are the ones for Mikasa's bed... Well, I hope he doesn't mind the girly patterns and colors. It's like he finds it funny or like he doesn't actually believe that I am going to make him sleep in the library on a bench that is turning into a bed. Yeah, I am. The eyes that he lifts to me when he sees the big flowers on what I give him though and the smile, that fucking smile; it's the reason why Eren Jaeger is this special... and he makes it incredibly awkward because I'm just there thinking he's the cutest little shit I've ever seen and... Yeah, he's going to be sleeping under the same roof as me and... Yeah, this probably isn't a good idea.

I don't trust myself.

This situation, when he follows me into the library, isn't good. We're alone. As in, very alone. Mikasa is sleeping and... Nah, don't think about it.

He wears that stupid little smile and I swear; he knows. He probably thinks the same. Hell, he probably gives it a lot more thought than I do... because Eren Jaeger isn't that innocent really. Or maybe it's because Levi perverted him. In my dreams and the Replayer; Eren Jaeger was really into it, but very awkward about it at first; just like how he first decided to kiss Levi suddenly. He didn't really think about it. He didn't even know how he would kiss Levi. Hell, he probably didn't even think about the kiss at first but, now... Now, he probably thinks about it; about how it would be easy to grab me by the hips as I make the bed and bring my ass toward his crotch... just like the Eren I dreamt about sometimes. Alright, I admit it; I think about it too and I make it awkward by trying not to give him any thoughts like that, but he probably does regardless of what I do.

Because it's pretty clear to me that he is still all over me in this lifetime, if I dare to believe in Armin's idea.

''Thank you... I guess. '' He says when I finish setting up his bed and it's not that he didn't want to help; I didn't want him to help because he probably wouldn't do it right.

''No problem.''

''I promise I'll leave right when I can grab the bus and... '' Pause. He doesn't want to keep going. He doesn't want to say this. ''And you won't have to see me again. I won't bother you and your family!''

He does it anyway. Nice, he gets it now and that's good, but there's more to it.

''Yeah.'' I'm not going to agree or deny it. I feel like it is breaking me apart already. I won't have to see you again? But I just found you! Let's be rational; it is better that way, but it doesn't have to be this early I guess since: ''You don't have to take the first bus, it's fine. Mikasa is leaving early in the morning to go to the beach with her mom anyway...''

He looks at me... or rather; his eyes fly to me and I'm just staring at him; Why in the world am I saying that exactly!?

''I mean... You won't have to worry about her waking you up; she's very quiet and she won't even go in this room since she's leaving right after her alarm will go off.''

Yeah. That! That's why I said that and his eyes go back to the bed I set up for him. ''Oh. Okay, but... Levi. I still need a pillow.''

Oh. Right and I don't have any spares do I? It doesn't seem like a good idea to get one of the numerous pillows in Mikasa's room, for various reasons, but I walk up to my room without giving it a second thought and I throw one of mine at him. Yeah. That's probably not the best idea, but...

''Just use that one, I don't need it, just don't drool on it too much.''

Oh god; that little grin he does. It's like he won something. He's beaming.

''I'm not drooling in my sleep!''

I don't know about now, but you used too that's for sure. I saw the pillow in the dungeon being all wet in the morning way too often... It was gross. Levi was grossed out and I was too. It was enough for me not to forget about it. Ever.

''Good Night.''

''...Night.''

Is that some kind of deception I see as I leave him there? I'd rather not think about the way he holds the pillow against him tightly or the way he breathes in. Inhaling. I don't want to see the nostalgia. I don't want to think about how tomorrow is going to be the last time I see Eren Jaeger. Hell, right now might be the last if he leaves before I wake up... which he might considering I've hurt him and forced him into my way of thinking.

-X-

Eren Jaeger doesn't bend. I shouldn't have forgotten about that. He is that incredibly wilful kid even if he doesn't have to kill any Titans here. It's part of his personality. How could I forget the monster that is Eren Jaeger?

I am surprised. It lasts only for a second though, but I am surprised when I feel something on the bed and when I feel something tugging at my covers. However, when I open my eyes and recognize Eren Jaeger in the shadows; I just sigh and tell myself that I should have known. I know him better than that. I know I do. At least, he didn't crawl into the bed... not yet at least. He's just sitting on the floor with his arms and his head on the edge of the mattress. He looks at me. That's all he does. He doesn't touch me. He doesn't invade my bed. He stays there quietly like he doesn't want to break the silence and just share this. This moment. This simple moment where we look at each other correctly for once and where I do not hide. Not now. Not yet. I don't know what time it is, but it's dark as ever... Hell, it's probably not even an hour since I went to bed.

''What's...'' I start sleepily, but he interrupts me.

''I don't want to go back.'' It's low. It's like a whisper, but I heard it and stopped myself for such a quiet little whisper, but maybe, just maybe, it was worth it... Just to see Eren's soft side a little when he talks again and manages to make me melt like the stupid chocolate metaphor I made before… ''I don't want to return to my life before... before finally being reunited with you. I don't want to act like it never happened. I don't want to forget about this encounter or about everything I remember from the past.''

I sigh... or is it a yawn? Maybe both. Then I roll on my back to stare at the ceiling because staring at him is too heavy. The truth is; I don't really want it either. I can't possibly go back to work in a few days like I never found this Eren Jaeger to begin with. I can't just forget about it. I want to know. I want to know everything. I want to go through everything in the Replayer. Everything. I want to know how I died. Did I really die on that shore? Or was it Eren? Why do I even feel like it was Eren? I want to know how he died... What he lived through.

Maybe I want to be with him too...

''We can keep in touch, I guess.'' Oh well, I guess I am going to submit to him.

After that, the silence lasts for a while. It's like he's slowly recording my words. It's like he's seeing how he can use that... make it work his way. Because if Eren Jaeger doesn't bend to anything; He will make everything bend to him.

''Can I come into your bed?''

Wait... what? How did he reach that point? How did we get there?!

''Hey, do you even know what you're asking right now... You're seventeen for fuck's sake not five.''

''I know. I wouldn't be asking that if I was five. If I was five, it wouldn't be the same...''

''Maybe it would have been better that way.'' I just state it. Yeah. Maybe. It wouldn't have been weird. This Eren isn't asking me to protect him from the monsters under his bed or the wolf in the closet... It's a lot more complicated.

''I won't kiss you like I did again or touch you... I just want to be close.'' Why is it that you're so gentle sometimes and then so aggressive? Why is it that you sound so desperate and broken? Why are you so fucking emotional? How can you do emotions like that and swallow me whole with it whatever it is.

How can I submit to you like this!?

''...Fine.''

He crawls into the bed and drops on his stomach. He breathes in with his face to the pillow. He doesn't try to touch me. He doesn't try to get any closer. Hell, he doesn't try anything. He's just there and it feels like I'm bare in front of him when he turns his head toward me. It's like I've let him in too much. Why is this so intimate when it's nothing more than laying in bed together? Why...

''That pillow smelled more like fabric softener than you... it was shit. This! This is the real shit.''

I don't even have to look at him to know that he's grinning.

''Shut the fuck up. By the way, you're not sleeping here so you better not fall asleep.''

''I won't.''

I do not trust you... Your voice is so sleepy, right now. It's irresistible, sure, but also a bad sign considering I don't want Mikasa to ever enter this room in the morning and see this. Not at all. Even if it's nothing, because it is nothing... right?

Either way, I need to do something. I need to speak and keep him awake, but he beats me to it.

''You know... I don't mind if you're different. I am too.'' Pause. Yeah, I know you are different. You can't possibly be the exact same person in this world too. It's impossible. You have to blend in. You have to adapt. Maybe he is unable to bend, but he is able to adapt. He is a hunter. He is THE hunter. Hunters need to adapt to hunt, don't they? ''I just have to make you fall for me again.''

So that's how he's going to use the 'Keep in touch' thing I said? The determination; it's overwhelming even if I can't see him clearly in the dark. I do not need to see him to know exactly how he looks... and somehow, this challenge doesn't surprise me. If anything; it is kind of scary because I think I already am doing that on my own all over again.

I don't think being Eren Jaeger's prey is going to help me with regard to that.