AN: thank you to everyone who's taken the time to follow, favorite, or comment on this story so far, it means the world to me. Sorry updates are sporadic lately, I hope you enjoy this latest offering xx
Chapter Sixteen: A Gift
With classes finally over for the semester, and in Santana's case for good, both Quinn and Santana were in good spirits, looking forward to their winter break. The Columbia University campus all but shut down over the holidays so Quinn suddenly had a lot of free time on her hands – her job in the library was on hiatus until January. Santana was still working shifts at the Spotlight Diner so the girls weren't heading home to Lima until Christmas Eve, something Quinn in particular was relieved about. Although she was anxious to meet her mother's new boyfriend, she was apprehensive about the implications – what if she didn't think Paul Karofsky was good enough for her mom?
"I mean, look at his son," she mused, as she and Santana enjoyed a lazy morning in bed together a few days after the end of the semester. "David was a total Neanderthal in high school – he had to have learned that from somewhere. And let's face it - my mom doesn't have the best track record when it comes to choosing men. She chose my dad, after all."
"And if she hadn't, there'd be no you," Santana reminded her, stroking her fiancée's hair absently as Quinn lay with her head against Santana's shoulder. "Dave's okay, I spent a lot of time with him during junior year – he was just acting out because he was hurting and confused – not unlike some other people we know."
Quinn gave her a playful slap and Santana pouted, pretending to look hurt.
"When did you get so insightful?" Quinn wondered, snuggling closer to Santana and revelling in the satiny warmth of her skin.
"I've always been insightful," Santana countered. "It's just that for some reason most people mistake my insights for criticism."
"Hmm, I wonder why that could be?" Quinn said drily.
Santana's response was to wriggle indignantly out of Quinn's embrace and fling herself at her fiancée, straddling her thighs and tickling every part of her that she could reach until Quinn was squealing and panting, begging her to stop.
"You suck," grumbled Quinn as she rubbed at a stitch in her side and struggled to catch her breath. Santana smiled mischievously as she lowered her head to capture Quinn's lips in an instantly passionate kiss.
"Is that a request?" she murmured against Quinn's eager mouth.
Quinn merely smiled beatifically and wound her fingers into Santana's hair to hold her in place, delighting in the way her fiancée was rubbing against her and creating the most delicious friction. Suddenly, all thoughts of innocent conversation dissipated as the girls lost themselves in each other for what seemed like an eternity, until they fell back against the pillows, sweaty and sated and still pleasantly tingling.
Glancing at the clock, Santana groaned audibly.
"I have to be at work in an hour," she said with a reluctant sigh. "What're you going to do today?"
Quinn shrugged in response.
"I thought I might do some shopping and get us a Christmas tree," she explained, toying with a loose thread on the bed sheet. "I know we're in Lima for Christmas but we'll be back here for New Year's Eve and it's our first Christmas living here so I want to make the apartment festive."
"Are you getting my gift?" Santana asked, grinning like a little kid.
Quinn chuckled. "I already have your gift," she confirmed, "but I'm not telling you what it is."
Santana pouted. "Mean! Did you stick to the ten dollar limit?" The girls had set a budget on Christmas gifts to save money, but neither was sure if the other would really stick to it.
"I haven't spent a single cent," Quinn replied enigmatically. When it became clear that Quinn wouldn't be drawn on the subject, Santana gave in with a sigh and changed the topic of conversation.
"I can't believe we've lived here almost a year," she noted absently, looking around the cluttered space that had become a perfect blend of both of their personalities.
"Hmm." Quinn turned on her side to face her fiancée and smiled. "I know. It really feels like our home now though. I can't imagine living anywhere else."
Santana chuckled. "I don't know," she mused. "I don't think I'd care where I lived… as long as I'm with you." She planted a tiny kiss on the tip of Quinn's nose as Quinn laughed at her uncharacteristic sappiness.
"You're just trying to get into my pants," she said, shaking her head as she giggled.
Santana ran her hand lightly over Quinn's naked hip. "You're not wearing any pants," she reminded her, "and we don't have time for another round before I need to leave for work," she added regretfully.
Quinn stuck out her lower lip and gazed at Santana through her eyelashes coquettishly, running the tip of her index finger down the brunette's exposed torso, through the valley between her full breasts, circling her navel, then down beneath the sheet that was pooled around Santana's waist.
Santana grinned devilishly. "What the hell?" she said carelessly as she reached for Quinn once again. "It's not like I'm known or my timekeeping anyway!"
Several days passed in much the same fashion. They went ice skating, braved the throngs of tourists and shoppers to buy gifts for their friends and family, spent time with their friends – but they were happiest when alone together in their apartment. Quinn and Santana had never had so much free time to spend together and they were blissfully happy in each other's company.
Summer vacation had been marred with grief over losing Finn, and whilst the sorrow still touched them, knowing that this would be the first Christmas his family and Rachel would have to face without him, the pain was no longer so raw as to be all encompassing. Rachel was staying in New York for the holidays and her dads would be joining her – she hadn't wanted to return to Lima since Finn's memorial. Kurt and Blaine were going away together – a trip to Hawaii where the sunny weather wouldn't remind them of the Lima Christmases in the past. Quinn and Santana had promised to look in on Burt and Carol, but neither girl knew what they should say to Finn's parents. What could they say? They hoped it would be enough to show that they cared and that they still thought about Finn.
Early on Christmas Eve morning, Quinn and Santana set off for the airport, bleary-eyed and grouchy, for a seven a.m. flight. They'd been planning to take the train but Santana's parents had offered to pay for their flights as a Christmas gift and the girls had gladly accepted. Flight delays meant that they didn't arrive in Ohio until mid-afternoon and they were met by Santana's parents at the airport.
"Mi hijas!" exclaimed Maribel Lopez, hugging first Santana and then Quinn. "We've missed you. Look at you both – skin and bones – do you never eat? I only have a few days to feed you both up before you leave again."
Santana frowned and grumbled under her breath but Quinn grinned at Mrs Lopez's good natured fussing.
"We're looking forward to some home cooking, Mrs Lopez," Quinn said, as Santana reached for her hand and intertwined their fingers. "I guess we've become a little reliant on take out lately – school and work are keeping us busy."
Santana's grasp tightened slightly and Quinn knew she was being silently admonished for bringing up school so soon into the visit, but she paid no heed. Santana's mom was going to find out soon enough and Quinn wasn't about to start censoring her conversations. Besides, Maribel was too excited to see them to focus on any one subject. As they left the airport and headed to the parking lot, Maribel bounced from topic to topic – insisting Quinn should call her Maribel, or better yet Mom, telling the girls all about their Christmas plans, informing Santana that her cousin Emilio was going to be a father. By the time they reached the car, she was asking about Quinn's mom. She reminded Quinn vividly of Santana when she was excited – it was clear to see where her fiancée had gotten her effervescent personality.
"I understand why you want to stay with your mom," Maribel said as Santana and Quinn climbed into the back seat of the Lopez family's Mercedes. "After all, Judy is all alone."
Quinn shot Santana a quizzical look – hadn't she told her mother about Paul? Santana shrugged and shook her head slightly and Quinn sighed. As she explained about her mother's new relationship she wondered if a part of Santana had kept it from Maribel to force Quinn into the awkward position of having to make excuses for choosing to stay with her family over Santana's family for the second time, now that her mother was no longer on her own. One look at Santana's impassive face told her that she was right – this was payback for Quinn's glee at Santana having to tell her mom that she'd dropped out of school again.
"I hate you," she said to Santana, once Santana's parents had dropped them off at the Fabray house and they'd escaped to Quinn's bedroom to unpack. "Your poor mom must think I'm awful for not wanting to stay there. I can't believe you didn't tell her that my mom has a boyfriend!"
Santana flopped down onto Quinn's bed, crossed her feet at the ankles and grinned as she watched Quinn start to hang up their clothes.
"Don't worry, baby," she said with a chuckle. "My mom doesn't care where we stay, as long as she gets to spend some time with us. It was fun watching you squirm though!" She raised her eyebrows suggestively at her fiancée.
Quinn tossed the dress she was holding back into the open suitcase, and fixed a predatory expression on the brunette.
"You want to talk squirming?" she asked lightly as she stalked towards the bed. "Because I'm pretty sure I can make you squirm, if that's how you want to play it." She climbed onto the mattress and straddled Santana, leaning down to kiss her but backing away when Santana raised her head to try to brush their lips together. With an infinitesimally soft touch, she walked her fingers up Santana's sides, under her sweater, feeling goosebumps erupt across her fiancée's abdomen. As the pads of her fingers brushed the sensitive skin beneath Santana's breasts, the brunette tried to arch into the touch. Immediately, Quinn withdrew her hands, chuckling to herself. She rotated her hips slightly, pressing down on Santana teasingly and stifling a moan by biting down on her lower lip.
"It's a little warm in here, don't you think?" she asked nonchalantly, beginning to unbutton her dress and affording Santana a glimpse of her lacy black underwear. Just as Quinn had predicted, Santana was now well and truly squirming. "I win," Quinn said happily, climbing off Santana and returning to her unpacking.
Mere seconds later, her hair was being pushed aside as hungry lips attached themselves to her neck from behind, hard enough to leave a mark, and Santana palmed her breasts possessively, forcing the thin cotton of her still unbuttoned dress to the sides. Santana's hips ground against Quinn's rear and Quinn couldn't help but moan appreciatively. Automatically, Quinn's hand reached up to tangle into Santana's long, sweet-smelling hair to hold her in place.
And that was precisely the moment Judy chose to walk into the bedroom with a pile of fresh towels.
"Girls, I've brought…" She broke off as Quinn and Santana jumped apart as though they'd been burned.
"Sorry, Mom," Quinn muttered, feeling her face rapidly turn scarlet as she straightened her clothes and Judy firmly fixed her gaze on the floor.
"No, I-I sh-should have knocked," Judy replied, just as red as her daughter. Behind her Quinn knew Santana was trying very hard not to laugh. "You're a grown woman and you're entitled to your privacy. Um, I'm heading out to church in a moment so you girls will have the place to yourselves." She said this rather pointedly and Quinn cringed as she imagined the images that must be running through her mother's mind. "I should be home by seven," Judy continued, still focussed intently on the bedroom carpet. "Paul and David will be here at seven thirty and we'll be sitting down to dinner at eight." Without making eye contact with either of them, she set the towels on the foot of the bed and hurried out of the room without another word, closing the door firmly behind her.
Quinn threw herself face down onto the bed with an exaggerated groan as Santana collapsed beside her in a fit of giggles.
"Lighten up, Q," Santana chuckled, rubbing Quinn's back soothingly. "Your mom knows what we do when we're alone together. She's not that naïve."
"She didn't need to catch the live show though," Quinn moaned, her voice muffled by the pillow.
Santana was nonplussed. "It could've been worse," she reasoned. "Imagine if she'd walked in two minutes later."
Quinn lifted her head from the pillow, a horrified expression clouding her features.
"Oh God, you're right," she realized. "Well, that's it. We can never have sex again." She turned onto her back and stared up at the ceiling as Santana continued to laugh maddeningly.
"You don't think you're being the tiniest bit melodramatic?" Santana asked, brushing stray strands of silky blonde hair out of her fiancée's eyes.
"No," was Quinn's simple reply.
Santana snorted as she dragged herself off the bed to continue with their unpacking.
"You'll cave," she said lightly. "I mean, look at me, I'm irresistible." For emphasis she twirled and waved her hands to demonstrate her impressive curves. Despite her embarrassment, Quinn couldn't help but trail her gaze appreciatively over Santana's assets and Santana grinned triumphantly. With an irritatingly smug look on her face she threw Quinn's earlier words back at her. "I win."
An hour later the girls had finished unpacking and Quinn had left Santana to take a shower, declining the brunette's request for her to join her. Still embarrassed about the near miss with her mother, Quinn wandered the house restlessly whilst she waited for Santana to freshen up.
It was strange, she thought as she ran her hand over the antique dresser in the dining room, how detached she felt from the house that had been her home for most of her teenage years. She felt no attachment to the place whatsoever, although her mom's acceptance of her life and her choices had softened the hatred she used to feel for the house. Idly, she settled herself at the piano and played a couple of rusty scales. Smiling to herself, she tapped out a melody and started to hum under her breath. As she played, an idea hit her and, with a burst of energy, she pushed back the piano stool and bounded back up the stairs to her bedroom where she searched her closet for a box she knew she had buried in the back. She found what she was looking for under a pile of old shoes and giggled nervously to herself as she sat on the floor and opened the dusty box.
"Whatcha doing?" Santana asked, stepping out of the bathroom in nothing more than a towel. She looked stunning to Quinn, who beamed as she jumped up and grabbed her hand excitedly.
"I have something I want to give you," she explained, almost giddy with anticipation. "It's your Christmas gift but it has to be now, before my mom gets home."
"If you insist," Santana chuckled, reaching for her fiancée but Quinn danced out of her reach.
"Not that," she said, shaking her head. "I need you to come downstairs."
"Can I get dressed first?" Santana asked, raising an eyebrow. Impulsive Quinn didn't appear very often, but Quinn knew that Santana got a thrill out of her occasional bursts of spontaneity.
Quinn hopped nervously from foot to foot whilst Santana threw on some clothes, and then she led the intrigued brunette down the stairs and into the dining room. She sat down at the piano once more and motioned for Santana to sit beside her.
"Are you going to play for me?" Santana asked wondrously. Quinn had only ever allowed Santana to hear one of her songs, back at Yale when they'd first gotten back together after their break up.
Quinn nodded, suddenly shy.
"If that's okay?" she said softly. Santana nodded in response and Quinn took a deep breath. "I wanted to sing you the first song I wrote by myself," she explained. "After we got home from nationals in junior year." She swallowed hard. "I've never sung it to anyone, but I want you to know how far I've come - how far you've brought me. I also want to sing you something I've been working on recently. That's your gift."
"I didn't know you were still writing!" exclaimed Santana happily, and Quinn shrugged.
"I haven't much," she admitted, "but a few weeks ago I was passing one of the music rooms at school and I thought I'd give it a try for old times sake. I was always going to sing that song for you as a Christmas gift, but tonight when I sat down at the piano I couldn't help but think about the songs I wrote in high school. I'm not that girl any more, and you're the reason. I love you," she added simply.
Then, with another deep breath, she opened her mouth to sing.
Wear a crucifix around your neck
Tell yourself you'll be okay
Well they told you, you were a bad girl
And you believe every word that they say
You've fallen from grace
Too many mistakes
Now you say
You can't find your way
You've left it too late
Now to change
When you look at your reflection
Tell me, what is it that you see?
Do you see the image of the girl you are?
Or who you'd like to be?
You've fallen from grace
Too many mistakes
Now you say
You can't find your way
You've left it too late
Now to change
If only you could see
The girl you want so much to be
She lives inside you
Just waiting to be free
If you could only fight
Against the doubt inside
Oh, don't you know
The truth will set you free
You've fallen from grace
Too many mistakes
Now you say
You can't find your way
You've left it too late
Now to change
Wear a crucifix around your neck
Tell yourself you'll be okay
Well they told you, you were a bad girl
And you believe every word that they say
When she finished, she rested her hands in her lap and looked up into Santana's beautiful face, surprised to see tears swimming in her fiancée's dark eyes. Santana opened her mouth to speak but Quinn silenced her with a finger to her lips.
"Ssh," she murmured softly. "I was lost back then, but now I'm found. Let me share that with you too."
She ran her fingers over the keys and began a new melody, a little more hesitant this time as the song was new and she wasn't as familiar with the chords.
I've traveled so far and so long
With you at my side
Through battles that cost me
Everything I held
In my affection
Until I could barely hold on
To find that I've traveled full circle
Through all that I've lost
And I've gained
Through fire and water
Through the darkest of nights
A battle just to survive
All those things I searched for
I held in my arms all along
But I had to travel full circle
To learn that I'd never been alone
When it was more than I could handle
I crawled back inside myself
The world too harsh
And too brilliant
For me to summon
The courage to fight
But not this time, I saw the light
And although this task is
Overwhelming, confusing
I finally found
The strength to ask
And now I'm found
All those things I searched for
I held in my arms all along
But I had to travel full circle
To learn that I'd never been alone
I know I'm not alone
I smile at the end of the day
And feel I've finally reached my home
All those things I searched for
I held in my arms all along
But I had to travel full circle
To learn that I'd never been alone
Everything I ever wanted
Was right here all along
But I had to travel full circle
To find my way back home
Now I'm home
This time, Quinn didn't need to look up to know that Santana was crying. She could hear the soft snuffles and hiccups from the brunette's direction and she gathered her into her arms.
"I wanted you to know what you've done for me," Quinn whispered against the shell of Santana's ear. "I didn't mean to make you cry." Her voice betrayed a note of worry and she was surprised when Santana laughed through her tears.
"These are happy tears, dummy," she explained, pulling back to look into Quinn's eyes. "Thank you for sharing your music with me. You have a gift, Q. I know you don't believe me, but you do."
Quinn smiled gently.
"Thank you," she said simply. "Merry Christmas, Santana."
"Merry Christmas," Santana responded in kind, brushing her lips against Quinn's. "What time did your mom say she'd be home?" she added without breaking the kiss, somewhat spoiling the mood.
Quinn groaned as she pulled back reluctantly.
"Soon," she noted with a sigh. "And then it's dinner with the Karofskys."
Santana chuckled. "You'll be fine, Q. And I'll be there."
Quinn rested her head against Santana's shoulder and groaned. "You promise?"
"Always," Santana confirmed earnestly.
AN (2): Songs are Fallen from Grace, and Full Circle (by me)