''Are you going to bed soon?''

It could have been someone else..., but I see him leaning against the door. Eren Jaeger stands there. Eren Jaeger asks me if I'm going to bed soon without any shame, because he wants to sleep with me. Again. He looks tired. He looks incredibly silly with some flashy hairpin in his hair to keep it away from his face. Silly, yeah, but kind of cute... kind of attractive in a weird way.

''Yeah... '' I'm coming to bed. I'm pushing you against the door you lean on. I'm running my hands on your thigh. I'm tracing the mark of bronzing left on your skin by the sun. I'm lifting your shorts a little to explore the tender and paler flesh. I'm wondering if you wear anything underneath theses. Ah, nevermind. I'm taking both down!

...or not.

I could live with this. I can already deal with this question he asks me way too easily. I could live with my eyes lifting to his silhouette against the frame of the door with his colorful little shorts revealing long tanned legs... daily. I could deal with it turning into the kind of things I previously thought about. I could. I really could, but I don't. It ends just like that with an empty 'Yeah' and he goes back in the living room to watch T.V. with a nod, after a few minutes of waiting without a better reaction. I bring my eyes back to the map I opened all over the desk, to the post-it with the approximate dimension of the walls from one wall to the other; Leaving me with the remaining space left for Humanity at the time. I look at all the notes I started to take to help me 'place' the walls in the world; the mountains, the rivers and lakes, the type of vegetations, etc. For some reason, once again, I try to make it all fit in Europe; somewhere around Germany... or Russia. Each time, I can't make it work. Each time, it's like I missed something.

This time is no exception.

All the names make me think of Europe... German. English. French. There is a lot more than that. Of course, it would lead me there, but it also seems too obvious. If Humanity was at its last stand, maybe people from all over the place gathered in one place. They might have traveled a lot... from Europe to... well, to somewhere, but I always let my eyes wander there again. It could be there. It would make sense, but what about the Ocean? Eren said he wanted to see the Ocean and I assumed the ocean was the Atlantic... or maybe Pacific. Plus, when I actually think of the walls in Europe, it isn't close to either of them.

..So, where?

-X-

It's almost 1A.M. and I can't blame him for falling asleep without waiting for me, or going into the bed, I told him ''Yeah'' as in : Yeah, it'll be soon. Not as in: Yeah, in a few hours. The lights are still on in the living room, just like the television. The menu of the Game of Thrones Blue Ray keeps playing in a loop. He lies on his back, sprawled on the sofa with his mouth slightly open. He's drooling, of course. I knew he was lying the other day, but it makes him kind of cute in his own awkward way and I can't stop myself from covering him with a warm blanket... I can be nice sometimes. The blanket has a cute princess on it and it's quite a sight to see that cute little shit sleeping all comfortable on my couch with a Disney Princess motif... I admit it; there's a smile on my lips when I see him like that and I almost, ALMOST, kiss his forehead.

I don't.

I close everything and I let him be, just like that, for my sanity.

-X-

I'm in that state where it feels like you're sleeping, yet you're not. You're sleeping, but you still know what's going on around you. It's a blur, but you get it anyway. That's exactly what it is. I hear the door when it opens and I feel the bed when he slides into it without even needing to open my eyes to confirm it. I hear rustle of fabric and there's a moment where he turns around in bed, but it doesn't last. He turns one time, on his stomach, and then he stops moving and the room is filled with his calm and steady breathing... while mine stays uneven. Or rather, it gets uneven as sleeping slips away from me.

-X-

I can't sleep... Eren Jaeger's legs are touching mine!

-X-

The heat is perfect under the covers. Not too hot. Not too cold. Perfect for a lazy morning, if only it wasn't for the damn curtains I left open last night when I went to bed. I was out of it. It was late... and I was actually pretty eager to sleep it all away. More like get Eren out of my sight. Whatever. It didn't work very well since he joined me and was closer than usual... which wasn't repulsing; let's be honest.

It's one of those mornings where it's just too comfortable to move from my spot to close the curtains... or is it just the weight on me?

Oh, right. The weight. The heat. The fingers between mine like they belong there... just like his leg on mine. The hot breath on my jaw and my neck. If it was anyone else, and if I was in my right mind, I would push them away... but it's you. It's all you again. Just you. I don't mind it, I really don't. I realize it and it scares me, yet I find myself unable to move out of this position. I like it. I enjoy it. It feels great. I caress the skin on his finger absently. I move the brown locks out of his face and I look at it. I take it in; his average looking face I find so pretty without being able to explain it. I just can't put the finger on the reasons... His eyelashes. His thick eyebrows. And... And... His big green eyes.

Oh! He's awake.

For an instant, just a little instant, we look at each other like that... Startled. I'm sure it doesn't last long, but it feels like an eternity. Fuck! I didn't think he would be awake. I didn't think I'd get caught for being sweet with him. I didn't think I'd have to admit staring at him, not even to myself.

''What?'' It's rough. It's ready to accuse. It's easier like that... like he's the one caught starring first when, in truth, it was me.

He looks at me... and he opens his mouth to speak, but closes it. The words get lost in his mouth and they don't even get to come to life. I find myself doing the same when I try to give him excuses. Nothing comes out. His eyes speak on their own; he knows. He smiles with that little knowing grin he does sometimes and he looks at me with such affection; I can almost touch it. However, Eren Jaeger is the one to embrace it... All the affection he holds. He pushes himself up and kisses me... Softly. Sweetly. Lovingly.

He tastes like morning breath. ''You tastes like shit.''

''Is this what shit tastes like?'' He answers... Smartass. He doesn't listen. He doesn't stop. He doesn't mind it.

So, I turn my head away from him; freeing my mouth. Just my mouth though, because he starts from there and just continue its path of kisses down to whatever is at reach. The corner of my mouth. My jaw. My neck. It's different. It's not eager, it's tender. He sucks a little bit on the skin before moving as I squeeze out of his gasp... without really putting any will or strength into it. Not yet. It's not that I mind... not really.

I warn him.

''Eren...''

He hums in response, but don't stop his little messing around. If anything, his hand slips away from mine and he tickles the skin of my stomach with how he ghosts over it... Not really tickling, more like 'Shiver'. It stays 'fine', but dangerous. I roll a little to slip away, mimicking an attempt at getting away, and it works until his adventurous thumb slips under the elastic band of my shorts.. again. I remember how he pulled something like this not so long ago. It's just a little, but I know how he takes 5 times what you give him. It's almost nothing, but I find myself repeating my warning slowly anyway and putting my hand on his.

''E r e n...''

I've been too good lately... I've given too much freedom. To him, sure, but to myself too.

''I know... It's just... I won't. I just...'' And he stays still with his hand on my lower abdomen. He snuggles closer. He buries his face into my hair. Into my neck. ''Can I?''

''Can you what?'' I sigh, but I actually feel like my breath is caught into my body. I hold it. I wait for an answer. I can't breathe. I just can't... and I don't even know what to do if this is the question I expect him to ask. Because, this time, I don't know if I can say 'No.' I don't know if I can do it anymore. Or again. I think I'll go to hell with this, that's for sure.

''Can I just... hold you?'' And I breath. And he breathes too. I hear it. I feel it on my skin. On my neck. It makes me shiver. ''At least.''

It sounds like he wants me to see how he is a good boy; listening to what I told him. It sounds like he's reminding me that he wants more than that and... All I think about is: ''You missed your chance.'' and maybe a little of: ''Fuck you, Jaeger.'' Which is exactly what I had in mind, but whatever. Let's not talk about the disappointment I feel when he speaks; I didn't actually expect myself to react like this either.

''Oh... Yeah. Ok.''

He is a good boy. He presses against me. Behind me. Spooning me. There's no boner pressing against me. Horny teenagers, sure, but still a good boy. He's so tall... It's not like Erwin's huge body where I felt lost, it's just the perfect embrace to envelope me in. It's warm. It smells like him. It feels safe and I close my eyes... weakened against him. It feels good anyway. He said he wouldn't.

He kisses my shoulders... And then, Nothing.

-X-

Did I say Lazy Morning earlier? It wasn't exactly my plan, but I guess it's a reality now. How can I fucking sleep with someone spooning me is beyond my understanding since it never went well with me, but I'm still squeezed against him anyway. I get to feel his whole body move slowly as he breathes against my skin. It's not too bad.

-X-

''I wanna do it.'' He says. Simple. Low. It's not a question. It's a statement. He's not trying to make me agree to anything. He's just letting me know what's on his mind... because he's honest like that. He wants to play with his cards on the table, that's just the kind of person he is. I like him for staying that way. I like how he thinks, who he is and much more.

There's a pause. I realize he's not actually talking to me. Maybe he doesn't even know I heard him, but I speak anyway.

''I know.''

More silence. More pause. A longer pause. Did you actually think I would be asleep? Or sleep through this? No. No way. You know me better than that, I know that much. Sometimes, it feels like you know me like the back of your hand, it's kind of unsettling... but kind of cute at the same time to see you notice everything. Every single thing.

You know I'm a light sleeper... You didn't expect this answer, that's all.

''I think about it too... sometimes.'' I tell him.

He laughs through his exhale... and it's a lot sexier to me than it should be, I assume. He doesn't move. He continues to draw soothing circles on my stomach, my chest, and sometimes on my thigh, but he doesn't get adventurous or overconfident. He doesn't try anything more when I say that... and it wouldn't be so perfect if he did.

So, yeah, let's blame it on how I just woke up and could be confused when I put my hand on his and lead it to my navel. I lead his finger down the thin trail of hair. I feel my own breathing caught in my throat, just like his. More and more as I lead his finger down my abdomen. I hear him call out my name. Levi. I hear him ask me. What am I doing? And then, because he isn't dumb either. Are you sure? Yeah. Your hand is already under slipping in my boxers at this point and I don't even need to guide you anymore. I won't change my mind. I'll just close my eyes... and not fully wake up; it's easier that way.

You know the drill.

He touches me... I breathe. He touches me... He breathes out loudly by my ear and it's giving me the chills. And, after I close my eyes to close myself off the reality of the world, that's all there is: Breathing. He breathes in and out. I follow the pace. He follows it; slowly, gently. There is hesitation in his touches and in the way he breathes, but he does it anyway. I ride on his exhale. I keep my mouth shut tightly, not letting a sound off my lips. He breathes again. Raged. Rougher than he'd like it to be, probably... And again. It's more certain. More firm. And again... until I have to hide in my pillow to maintain my pride. Until I feel my limbs shake a little. Until I come undone with a whimper I mute with the pillow.

The breathing calms down. He calms down too... His touch. His breath.

''Levi, I...'' He starts and his voice is hoarse. Incredibly sexy. I could turn around. I could kiss him. I could do so much. I could ignore his soaked hand. My underwear too. I could get him off. He could use it. I know. I want it. He wants it too. Bad. I actually feel like I need it to feel less pathetic. Like I'm not the only one in this mess.

I don't. At that precise moment when he gets his dirty hand out of my clothes and I get back down after the peak; I just freak the fuck out. Why did I let this happen? It's just this. It's not sexual harassment, I know it's not exactly what is it. I didn't force him. He did it on his own. It still is anyway. He's too young. This shouldn't have happened and I'm...

''I'm sorry.'' But you'll have to deal with your freaking boner on your own, because I'm out of here and in the bathroom in a second.

So, how was it under Eren's touch? It was warm. It was slick. It was inappropriate. It was very appropriate... like it was meant to be him, but it was far from enough.

-X-

I can't even believe it happened, it feels so far away... like a dream. Talking about it would make it real. He wants to talk about it, but the conversation is thrown out the windows the moment he tries to get on it.

''Levi... about earlier... I...''

''...Don't wanna talk about it''

And so, we don't.

-X-

''I want to show you something.'' She said with a smile on her face before dragging me in the elevator again and, when she pressed on the numbers I didn't have the authorization to use in the elevator, I had a feeling... I had a bad feeling about all this.

She speaks of Titans. She speaks of evolution. I think of Eren. I think of how we fought so hard to get rid of what she calls 'evolution of the human race'. For an instant, I actually think she might be right. Ok, we might be able to use the titan's abilities to cure people and help people through sickness. That's right and she doesn't mean any harm with the idea, I know she doesn't. She believes she is right and I want to believe in the future she speaks of... People able to regenerate and live through disease that would normally kill them, that's great and all, but... I just can't see anything good coming out of the Titans. Nothing at all.

I see pain. I see tears. I see blood. I see screams... and, more importantly, I see him. I see the monster. I see a monster that doesn't exist in this world, in this Eren. I see the Titans he used to be. I see the killer he used to be. I see the tears on his face, the blood on his hand. I see his face twisted with anger, with fear, with pain. I hear his screams through the battlefield, through the night... through my night of sleep.

I can hear Levi, or myself, saying that we'll make this world a suitable one for him... one where he is happy. And I know I don't want the Titans to be part of that world. Never.

Yet, when we reach the destination of the elevator, when we walk through the corridor, when we stop, when she motions me to get closer to the ramp and to look down to the room below us; I see something I never wanted to see again. Something I never expected to see again. Something that didn't belong. Something that'd wake the monster in Eren again. Something that wouldn't let him be happy.

I see them… I see Titans.

Below my feet. Below the corridor. They seemed small. They are tied and surrounded by people to run test on them. They almost seem inoffensive, but I know better. Oh. Yeah. I know better… and she should too.

She pulls me by the wrist and leads me to another section of the floor with a smile on her face. She leads me to THE room and I just know… I just know this room. No. This whole floor needs to be taken down. Destroyed. Null and Void. Éliminer. It's not because the sight of hundreds of people caught underground to run some test. I'm not such a good person. It's not because of the bloody fighting going on either. It's because of the teeth tearing through flesh... because all of them, they're…

''They're Titans!'' I don't even turn my head from the scene in front of me as some of them eat each other out of hunger and despair. I don't even need to look at her. I know she's smiling with that creepy interested smile. Not because she's evil. Because she's insanely curious… good and evil doesn't matter to her.

''They're not exactly Titans… yet.''

''You're making Titans… Are you insane!?'' It's not a question. She is.

''As I said; they're not Titans yet!''

''The Titans we saw earlier were very 'Titan-ish' to me!''

''Well, yeah… but they're useless. They're not like them. They're not like Eren!''

Them? Annie, Bert and Reiner… right? That's the kind of Titan she's talking about… the stronger one. And then, Him; Eren who was 'made' into a Titan… a category of his own, but she won't have Eren. If that's the kind of extend she's willing to go with her experiment; I'm not going to take part in this. I won't.

''But you can't make Titans like them because you can't experience on them and you still didn't find the answers in the Replayer either.''

And if it stops her from turning more Humans into Titans, like Eren. That's good enough. Eren wouldn't want people to be like that… I just know he wouldn't like it, but then she gives me such a happy response… just by the way she moves and waves her hand. It gives me the chills and I suddenly know it's not as easy as that. It's not done yet. It's not just about Eren.

''Come. I'll show you what I wanted to show you in the first place…'' she says and I follow her to the very end of the corridor. To the very last door. And, finally, when she opens the door; it's like Déjà-vu. No, far more than déjà-vu; it's like it over lapses. For an instant, next to that shinning crystal, I see Levi turning to me… I swear; our eyes meet for an instant before he's just gone like he was never there to begin with. Now, it's just her again. I remember a scene like that… a crystal like that and a girl like that; Annie Leonhart. I don't even need to see her; I just know it's her. No one else turned to crystal like that… and Eren couldn't do it at all.

I get it suddenly. I get why Hanji was happy anyway, even if she couldn't find the answer to Eren's transformation… She had Annie. The girl will give her the answer… if she ever wakes up. Hell, maybe Hanji will find a way to break her out with the current technology. She could. I wouldn't be surprised by it. She would be able to experiment as much as she wants with one of the strongest Titan humanity faced. That's if she could control her… if! But, somehow, after seeing all her installation, I didn't doubt it.

Hanji would find a way... she didn't decide to show me this for nothing.

''You know; I've been thinking that…That Eren might have survived through crystal all this time… maybe he's been hiding for years through humans. Slipping between my fingers. Out of reach.''

''He didn't know how… He couldn't turn to crystal.''

It doesn't feel like she's talking to me, not exactly, but it speaks to me anyway.

''What if he knew!?''

And I insist: ''He didn't.''

-X-

Eren is sobbing and it's a sight I never wanted to see again. Never. I remember a boy crying for his mother in the night. I remember hugging a brat without any words to make it all go away. Because his mother wouldn't come back. I actually expect this Eren to call out to her like he used to, but when he calls out to mine... It's even harder on me.

''I'm right here.'' I groan while I turn to bring him against my chest without really thinking about it. Against my beating heart.

But this heart isn't Levi.

I ask him about it... and he closes himself up. He says I can't understand. I think it's sad. He says it's not. He says it's bittersweet. He says it's like love; bittersweet. I really don't understand. Not this. I never thought about love enough to call it that way, but it's not that it doesn't suit it. I guess it does. He says it's a story of the past. Therefore, it's not sad nor happy. It's just a story.

Just a story of a dream; Eren Jaeger dreamed of...

''The shore.'' He says and I fell the words on my own lips too. ''I dream of the shore.''

He describes it and I should just try to imagine it, but I don't. No. It's right there and it's way more than some 'weak' attempt and imagining a place. I see it. He speaks of the wind. I feel it. He speaks of the sand underneath his feet. I feel it. He speaks of the salt in the air. I feel it. He speaks of the waves, of the water on his legs when he walks to it... I feel it all. I've been on this shore before.

As he speaks, I see him there... Dropping to his knee as his strength leave him too, just like my dream. I search for Levi somewhere, but he's not there. The boy is alone. He calls for Levi, he does, but that's exactly why; Levi isn't there with him/for him. He is alone. All alone on a distant shore somewhere... next to the ocean; the place he wanted to reach. Yes. He did. Not Levi.

''I don't remember it clearly and I was dying anyway, but I remember the horizon in front of me... At the end of the world; Endless.''