Chapter Eighteen: Critical
In that moment, time seemed to slow down and speed up all at once. Quinn was acutely aware of Santana's hand on her forearm and the worried expression in her fiancée's dark eyes, and she could hear Rachel snuffling and hiccupping on the other end of the line as she fought to control her emotions. For a second, Quinn felt her heart literally stop, before it began a frantic pounding in her chest. She was out of bed and pulling on clothes before she even realized what she was doing, but she felt like she was wading through treacle – it seemed like everything was happening in slow motion.
"Rachel," she commanded, in a steady voice that belied her inner panic. "Stop crying and talk to me. Tell me what happened?" Icy fear flooded her veins as she asked the question that terrified her the most. "Is Beth okay?"
"S-she's f-fine," Rachel stuttered, taking a deep shaky breath. "She wasn't there. She was home with a sitter." Quinn let out a breath she hadn't even realized she was holding and sank down onto the bed, a sudden wave of nausea threatening to overwhelm her. Santana was beside her in an instant, prising the phone out of her hand and switching it to speakerphone so she too could hear what was being said.
"Rachel? It's Santana," she said in a much softer tone than Quinn had used. "Talk to us, tell us what happened? Where are you?"
"We're at the Roosevelt Hospital on 10th Avenue," Rachel said through a fresh wave of tears. "It's all my fault, Santana. Every year my dads catch a late showing of It's a Wonderful Life on Christmas Eve and it was playing at the movie theater on 59th and 3rd tonight but I didn't want to go, so I… I called Shelby and asked her if she wanted to meet for a drink. My dads really wanted to go to the movie but I knew they wouldn't leave me home alone and everyone else was out of town, so…" She said all of this very fast, in a single breath, before breaking off to stifle a sob. "She shouldn't have even been there – she should've been home with Beth!"
"Rachel, what happened?" Quinn was impatient and scared, and she couldn't keep the frustration from seeping into her voice. Santana was rubbing her shoulder soothingly but Quinn could barely feel her touch.
"I was waiting for her outside the bar," explained Rachel, in a voice so low and tremulous that it was barely audible, "and I saw her cab pull up across the street. She started to c-cross and a… a drunk driver ran a r-red l-light – she didn't even see him."
"Is she…?" Quinn couldn't bring herself to say the word. Her hands reached blindly for something to latch on to, finding the bed sheet and twisting it under her fingers.
"She's in surgery," Rachel snuffled, "and no one will tell me anything, but there was so much blood and she wasn't moving. I don't think she was breathing."
"Are your dads with you?" Santana asked gently. "You shouldn't be alone right now."
"They're here," Rachel confirmed. "They've gone to the cafeteria to get coffee and some juice for Beth."
"Beth's with you?" Quinn was incredulous. "I thought she was with a sitter. You said she was okay!" There was a note of hysteria in her tone that took her by surprise.
"The sitter dropped her off here," explained Rachel, Quinn's panic seeming to shock her momentarily out of her own distress. "She's fine, Quinn, honestly. I don't think she fully understands what's happening, but she keeps asking for Shelby and I don't know what to tell her. She barely knows me but she knows I'm your friend and she's been asking for you too. She needs you, Quinn."
"We'll be there as soon as we can," promised Santana, as Quinn leapt up from the bed again and frantically started throwing her belongings into a duffel bag. "Call us if there's any news, okay, and we'll call you once we've figured out the best way to get back to New York. Take care, Rach."
Santana hung up the phone and ran her hands through her tousled hair as she watched Quinn tossing things haphazardly into her bag. Quinn could feel her fiancée's eyes boring into her but she was too focussed on getting to Beth to stop what she was doing. It wasn't until Santana got off the bed and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder that she even faltered, and then it was just for a split second.
"Q," Santana said softly. Quinn was searching for her phone charger and didn't look up. "Quinn." Santana's voice was firmer this time, and she grabbed Quinn's wrist to get her attention. "Stop for a second, please?" Her voice was plaintive. "It's almost four a.m. on Christmas Day. We need to work out how we're going to get to New York."
As freaked out as she was, and as much as she wanted Santana's support, Quinn couldn't help but feel bad that Santana was offering to give up Christmas Day with her family. She felt a rush of love and gratitude towards her fiancée but she shook her head insistently. "No, San, you don't need to come…"
Santana silenced her with a press of her index finger against Quinn's lips. "Don't even finish that sentence," she cautioned, her dark eyes flashing warningly. "There's no way I'm letting you go on your own."
"But we were supposed to have Christmas lunch with your family," Quinn countered, her brows knitting together in anguish. "You've barely had chance to see them."
Santana reached for Quinn's left hand and brought it up to her lips, planting a soothing kiss to the knuckle of her ring finger, just above her engagement ring.
"You're my family," she insisted, as Quinn bit down on her lower lip and fought back tears. "But I don't know how we're going to get to New York. We could try the airlines – I can ask my parents to lend us the money, I'm not even sure if there are any flights on Christmas Day. The train's probably out, too."
"My car's here," Quinn remembered suddenly, relief flooding through her now that she had a workable plan. "We can drive."
"I can drive," Santana countered, in a stern tone that left no room for discussion. "There's no way I'm letting you behind the wheel." She reached up and smoothed Quinn's tangled hair before cupping her cheek tenderly. "Why don't you go wake up your mom and tell her what's happened while I finish packing? If we hurry, we can be there by mid-afternoon."
The sun hadn't even risen when Santana reversed Quinn's car down the Fabrays' driveway, the car's headlights illuminating Judy as she waved them off anxiously. There would be time later to call Santana's family and let them know; there was no need to wake them at such an early hour.
Quinn fidgeted in the passenger seat as the miles passed achingly slowly. With nothing to do but wait and worry, controlling her anxiety wasn't easy. She stayed quiet and stared out of the window without really seeing as the scenery sped by. They'd had very little sleep and Quinn didn't want to distract her fiancée's attention away from the road ahead, but being lost in her own thoughts was overwhelming and frightening. She could only imagine how scared Beth must be, surrounded by strangers in an unfamiliar environment, not knowing why her mommy couldn't come and comfort her. Quinn laid her head against the passenger window, feeling the vibrations of the road through the glass. Her thoughts turned to Shelby and she immediately wished they hadn't as she vividly recalled her own experiences in the hospital after her car accident. Bile rose up in her throat as memories surged over her like a tidal wave – the pain and confusion, being poked and prodded, lights shining in her eyes and muffled, worried voices. She pressed a hand to her mouth as she fought the urge to throw up, and the action caught Santana's attention.
"Sweetie, are you okay?" she asked, glancing away from the road for a second to take in Quinn's pale and clammy appearance. "You're turning green. Do you want me to pull over?"
"No." Quinn shook her head vehemently. "Keep going. I just feel a little queasy, but I'm fine."
"Open the window," Santana suggested and Quinn was quick to follow her instruction, a blast of frigid air filling the car at once. Her head started to clear immediately and her stomach began to settle. "Better?" Santana asked her after a moment, reaching out to squeeze her hand.
"Much better," Quinn agreed, breathing out a sigh of relief. The warmth of Santana's hand and the cool breeze flowing over her from the open window had a soothing effect and she wriggled in her seat, trying to get comfortable. Santana refocused her attention on the road but kept her fingers intertwined with Quinn's.
Silence prevailed and, without realizing it, Quinn fell into a restless sleep, only waking when she felt the car slow down as Santana pulled into a rest stop just off the freeway.
"What are you doing?" she asked sleepily, blinking as she tried to clear her muddled head. "Why are we stopping?"
"We need to eat, Q," Santana said calmly, "and I need a break." She pulled the car to a stop and took the key from the ignition, stretching her back and shoulders out with a grimace.
"No!" Quinn replied in anguish. "We need to get back to New York. Give me the keys and I'll drive if you need a break." She made a grab for the keys but Santana was too quick for her, shoving them into her jeans pocket and climbing out of the car.
"I promised your mom I wouldn't let you behind the wheel," Santana told her evenly as Quinn glared at her from the passenger seat. "Are you coming in?"
"No," Quinn said shortly, her temper flaring.
Santana studied her for a moment before answering, the expression in her dark eyes unreadable. "Suit yourself," she said finally before turning and heading for the brightly lit building in front of them.
She was gone for several agonizing minutes, during which time Quinn phoned Rachel and learned that there was no news. She desperately wanted to speak to Beth, to hear for herself that the little girl was okay, but Rachel told her that she was sleeping and Quinn didn't want to wake her. It sounded like Rachel was barely holding it together and Quinn tried her best to offer her friend words of comfort.
Quinn had just hung up the phone when Santana returned, climbing hurriedly into the car, her teeth chattering.
"It's freezing out there," she announced, handing Quinn a Styrofoam cup and a box of Junior Mints. "Breakfast," she said by way of an explanation. "Sorry, there wasn't much of a selection."
Quinn managed a weak smile at Santana's thoughtfulness. "Thank you," she said softly. "I'm sorry I snapped at you."
"S'okay," Santana said with a mouthful of Snickers. "I'm worried too, baby. It's just, for me, you're my priority. I need to make sure you're okay."
"I'm fine," Quinn told her as Santana started the engine. "Really. I talked to Rachel again but Shelby's still in surgery. Beth's asleep," she added before Santana could ask about the little girl. Santana merely nodded and Quinn took a deep breath before continuing. "San? If this… if it doesn't end well… I'm going to need you," she said softly. "But I can't promise you that I'm not going to be a bitch or that I won't snap at you again. I'll try but I'm afraid that I might do or say something I don't mean. But I love you, okay. Please remember that?"
"I love you too," Santana told her, cupping her cheek tenderly. "And I'm here for you. Just don't push me away, Q. Let me love you?"
Quinn nodded as Santana's lips found hers in a tender kiss. A comforting warmth spread through Quinn, starting somewhere in her abdomen and radiating out until it reached the tips of her fingers and toes.
After several moments, Santana reluctantly broke the kiss and fastened her seatbelt, offering Quinn a gentle smile before setting the car into drive, pulling out of the parking lot, and re-joining the eerily quiet freeway.
As the girls neared Manhattan, Quinn grew increasingly tense but Santana was doing a good job of keeping her grounded. She kept up a steady stream of conversation, forcing Quinn to interact with her, and even though the inane topics were a source of irritation to Quinn, she knew that her fiancée was trying to distract her from what was coming and she was grateful.
As Santana had predicted, it was shortly before three o'clock when they arrived in Manhattan and Santana began searching for a parking garage near to the hospital. The streets were quieter than usual seeing as it was Christmas Day, but they were still in New York City and even on a quiet day the traffic was backed up.
Eventually, they found a parking space and headed for the surgical ward of the hospital where Shelby was being treated. Quinn's back was stiff and twinging from the long car journey but even so Santana struggled to keep up with her in her determination to get to Beth.
They found them easily in a small institutional looking waiting room with peeling posters on the walls and a sorry-looking spider plant in the corner. Rachel, her fathers, and Beth were the only people in the room, and they all looked up expectantly when the door creaked as Quinn pushed it open.
"Quinn!" cried Beth, leaping up from the floor where she'd been working on a dog-eared puzzle with Leroy Berry. The little girl flung herself at Quinn, leaping into her arms and Quinn staggered backwards with the force of her embrace. Santana placed a hand on the small of Quinn's back to steady her but then kept it there, rubbing soothing small circles to calm her anxious fiancée. "Quinn, where's my mommy?" Beth demanded, her hazel eyes round with fear. "I want my mommy but Rachel's mean and she won't let me see her." The little girl's lower lip trembled as she clung to Quinn and studied her face intently.
Sighing, Quinn sat down in a worn chair, holding Beth in her lap. She glanced at Rachel, who was pacing the room, shredding a tissue between her fingers, her eyes and nose red. Hiram's eyes followed his daughter's every move, and now that Beth was otherwise occupied, Leroy got up from the floor and intercepted Rachel, pulling her into a tight embrace.
"Sweetie, did Rachel tell you that your mommy was in an accident?" Quinn asked gently and Beth nodded, her blonde curls bouncing.
"Yes, but I want to see her!" Beth was insistent.
"Well, the doctors need to take care of her first," Quinn explained, but it was clear that Beth was not satisfied with this answer.
"Why?" she asked plaintively. She looked disappointed in Quinn, whose heart broke for the four year old. Quinn had no idea how much she ought to tell Beth about her mother. The little girl was bright for her age but she was still just a baby and Quinn wasn't sure how much she could understand.
"Honey, your mommy's pretty sick right now," she said, brushing away the tears that had gathered on Beth's eyelashes with the pad of her thumb. "I know you're scared, but I need you to be a big girl for me, okay?" Beth nodded, and snuggled closer to Quinn for comfort. "We have to wait for the doctors to come and talk to us, but I'll be right here with you. I won't go anywhere, I promise."
"Okay," Beth agreed tearfully as Quinn stroked her back. She held the little girl for several minutes, breathing in the scent of her shampoo and feeling the steady beating of her heart. The only sound in the room was the occasional sniffle from Rachel's direction. Eventually, Beth lifted her head from the crook of Quinn's neck and smiled a tiny smile in Santana's direction. "Hi, Tana," she said in a small voice and Santana grinned at her.
"Hey, squirt," she said, rumpling Beth's hair tenderly. "I think you got bigger since I saw you last, don't you?"
Beth nodded and smiled again, wider this time. Santana and Quinn exchanged silent looks and Santana stood up with an exaggerated groan.
"So, squirt, do you think you might be able to help me find a soda machine in this place?" Santana asked, as the little girl's hazel eyes, so similar to Quinn's, followed her every move. Beth looked quickly to Quinn for guidance, and Quinn offered her a reassuring smile.
"Go with Santana, honey," she said softly. "It's okay, I'll be right here when you get back."
Beth slipped off Quinn's lap and hesitantly pressed her hand into Santana's, and the two of them headed off in search of refreshments, Beth looking back over her shoulder at Quinn as they went.
Wordlessly, Quinn got to her feet and crossed the room to envelop Rachel in a hug. The smaller girl's body trembled as Quinn wrapped her arms around her and a fresh wave of tears spilled over. More than anyone, with the possible exception of Rachel's fathers, Quinn understood the complicated relationship between Shelby and Rachel.
"Hey," she murmured soothingly as Rachel sobbed on her shoulder. "It's not your fault, Rachel. Whatever happens. This is not your fault."
"That's what we've been telling her," Hiram said softly, his eyes full of concern for his daughter. "But maybe you'll listen to Quinn, Rachel?"
Rachel swallowed hard and fought to regain control of her emotions. She pulled back from Quinn's embrace and offered up a watery smile.
"Thank you for coming," she said shakily.
"It's okay," Quinn told her with a reassuring nod. "Has there been any news?"
"She should be out of surgery soon," Leroy explained. "All we know is she has a broken leg and pelvic injuries and some internal bleeding. They were worried she might have a head injury too but they won't know more until she wakes up."
"But she's going to be okay?" Quinn asked hopefully.
Leroy sighed. "We just don't know, sweetie. All we can do is pray."
Another hour passed before a tired looking doctor in green scrubs arrived in the waiting room to talk to them. He explained that Shelby had come through surgery but that the next twenty-four hours would be critical.
"We've stabilized her fractures and stopped the internal bleeding," the doctor explained, "but we're concerned about her blood loss and she may need further surgery on her pelvic fracture during the next few days. We're cautiously optimistic, but I can't give you any guarantees yet."
"Can we see her?" Rachel demanded. "Is she awake?"
"I want to see my mommy!" insisted Beth, tugging desperately at Quinn's hand. The doctor looked pained.
"She is awake, but she's in some pain and she's a little confused. I'm not sure the child should go in."
Quinn and Beth both afforded him identical icy glares.
"If she's awake, she'll want to see Beth," Quinn said adamantly.
The doctor sighed. "Very well," he agreed, "but two minutes only. We need to keep her calm and quiet."
He led Rachel, Quinn, and Beth along the corridor to a small room by the nurses' station. As he held open the door, Beth suddenly plastered herself to Quinn and whimpered.
"It's okay, sweetie," Quinn promised her, kneeling down beside the little girl and smoothing her blonde curls. "I'm here, don't be scared. Now your mommy might have some tubes and wires on her, okay, but it's just giving her medicine and making sure the doctors can look after her." Beth nodded, her eyes as round as saucers and reached out her skinny arms for Quinn to carry her.
Apart from a nasty gash on her forehead, Shelby looked a lot better than Quinn was expecting. There was a cage over her left leg and pelvis covered by a blanket – eerily similar to the one Quinn had had after her accident. Her left wrist was encased in a plaster cast and two tubes delivered medicine into her right arm. A nasal cannula was giving her oxygen, but her breathing still seemed labored. A hazy smile touched her features when she saw the three of them though.
"Beth," she whispered hoarsely.
"Mommy!" Beth struggled to free herself from Quinn's embrace and ran to her mother's bedside. "Mommy, I wanted to see you," she said desperately. "I waited a long time."
"I'm sorry, baby," Shelby croaked, her eyes fixed firmly on her daughter's earnest face. "But I hope you've been a good girl for Quinn and Rachel." Her brow furrowed in pain and she bit her lip suddenly as Quinn and Rachel exchanged worried glances.
"Mommy?" Beth said nervously.
"I'm okay," Shelby told her, and Quinn could see her struggling to cover up her pain for Beth's benefit. "Beth, you remember when you fell down the steps outside our apartment and I brought you to the emergency room?"
"Uh huh," Beth nodded uncertainly. "The doctor fixed my knee but it still hurt and you bought me ice cream to make it better."
"I did," Shelby said, chuckling at the memory. "Well, this time it's mommy who had a little accident and I might have to stay in the hospital for a while."
"Can I stay with you?" Beth grabbed hold of her mother's hand as though someone was about to drag her away and throw her into a pit of snakes.
Shelby winced, and stifled a gasp. "I don't think so, baby," she said sadly, "but maybe..." she looked hopefully at Quinn, "...maybe you could stay with Quinn and Santana for a few days until mommy feels better?"
Quinn nodded. "Of course." Suddenly, Beth's face lit up and she beamed.
"Like a sleepover?" she asked excitedly.
"Exactly like a sleepover," Shelby agreed. "Beth, baby, mommy needs to sleep now but I just need a word with Quinn first. Can you wait outside like a big girl?"
"Can I see you tomorrow?" Beth asked, her eyes filling with tears and her chin trembling. Shelby nodded as she touched her daughter's cheek, tears in her own eyes. "And bring you ice cream?" Something in her tiny, tremulous voice was both very young and very old at the same time.
Shelby laughed, and then coughed. "I'd like that," she said softly.
Reluctantly, Beth let go of her mom and shuffled towards the doorway.
"Stay where I can see you, okay?" Quinn instructed and Beth nodded.
Once she was out of the room, Shelby was able to stop covering her pain and she clenched her teeth, her breathing shallow and rapid.
"Quinn?" she said urgently, reaching out a hand. Quinn stepped forward to Shelby's bedside while Rachel hung back so that she could watch Beth from the doorway. "Promise me you'll take care of Beth for me?" Shelby asked urgently.
"Of course," Quinn agreed at once. Shelby grasped Quinn's hand, digging her nails painfully into her flesh.
"Promise me, Quinn," she repeated. "Whatever happens?" Her eyes were clear and full of love for her daughter as she spoke, but the undercurrent in her tone made Quinn uneasy.
"You're going to be fine, Shelby," she said softly, "but I promise I'll take care of her for you."
"The keys to my apartment were in my purse," explained Shelby, "but I don't know where it is. Beth will need some of her things. She... She has a toy rabbit that she can't sleep without."
"I've got your purse," said Rachel quietly from the doorway. Shelby moved her head slightly, looking like it cost her a great deal of effort, to smile at Rachel.
"Rachel," she murmured, in the same almost reverent tone she'd used to say Beth's name. Rachel returned a watery smile.
"Shelby, I'm so sorry," she gushed suddenly. "It was all my fault... If I hadn't suggested meeting up..."
"No," Shelby shook her head, her breathing seeming to quicken slightly. "No, Rachel, I'm glad you called me. It was an accident, you can't blame yourself."
Rachel took a hesitant step forward and Quinn saw that as her cue to leave. "We'll come back and see you tomorrow," she promised, giving Rachel's shoulder a supportive squeeze on her way out. She picked up Beth and the little girl seemed to melt into her as they headed back towards the waiting room to find Santana.
They had almost reached the end of the corridor when the alarm sounded. Beth startled in Quinn's arms at the unexpected noise, and Quinn leapt out of the way as several doctors and nurses hurried past in the direction of Shelby's room. A nurse was ushering Rachel into the corridor, and tears were streaming down her face.
Santana had heard the commotion and appeared from around the corner, her face ashen with concern. Without speaking, Quinn passed Beth to Santana quickly.
"Take her back to the waiting room," she instructed urgently, before running back down the corridor to wrap her arms around Rachel just in time as the small brunette's knees started to buckle. "What's happening?" she asked.
Rachel shook her head, her face a horrified mask as she gazed at the now closed door.
"I don't know. S-she couldn't breathe."
How long they waited, Quinn couldn't tell. It could have been minutes or hours, but finally the door opened and the same doctor who had spoken to them earlier stepped out.
His face was calm but empathetic. He didn't wait for them to ask what had happened, merely took a deep breath and started to explain.
"It appears likely that Ms. Corcoran experienced a fat embolism," he said slowly and evenly. "It's a complication that can arise when a patient breaks a bone."
"So she's going to be all right?" Rachel asked hopefully.
Quinn noticed the doctor's jaw twitch and she knew what his answer would be. She knew it would change everything from that moment on.
"The embolism travelled to her heart," the doctor said softly. He took Rachel's hand in his as she started to comprehend what Quinn already knew. "We worked on her for thirty minutes and used all of our capabilities, but we couldn't save her. I'm sorry, but I have to tell you that Ms. Corcoran died a few minutes ago."
AN: this chapter just about broke my heart to write! Idina Menzel is one of my idols and I really didn't want Shelby to die, but from the moment I wrote Beth back into Quinn's life, I kind of knew this was where it was heading. There's a lot more angst to come, but things will get better, I promise! RIP Shelby :(