EREN
Why does it always have to turn out like that? Why is it that Levi never listens to me? Never accepts me. Why was she there? Couldn't she come home like 5 minutes later? I would have been out of the car and on my way to the bus stop like nothing happened. I'd have a smile on my lips because I had a good weekend even though it was weird to go back to that place where they picked me up. I wouldn't be sitting on the ground under the protection of the little bus stop booth listening to the sound of the rain against the glass. I wouldn't feel so lonely right now... And I wouldn't feel like Armin was right; Maybe this Levi isn't for me. Maybe we can't be together this time, because it hurts a lot each time. Levi hurts me a lot. I give everything I have each time we're together. I thought he was going to fight back this time. I felt like he was ready to give it his all. He wasn't. He told me he needed space. He told me he would do this on his own. He told me to go home. TO FUCKING GO HOME!
I didn't want to go home... and yet, I did.
I'm waiting to fucking go home like a good boy because he asked me to. No. He told me to. I was too dejected to even fight back anyway. It's hard to never give up. You know... At this moment, I almost call Armin and complain to him. I scroll until I reach his name on my phone with my wet fingers and I almost press the little icon with a green phone... but I don't. I can't. I don't want him to be negative about Levi. I don't want him to think I'm just like all those stuck in a relationship they don't like, but never getting out of it. Just whining. Just bitching. This isn't like me.
So, I drop the phone on my legs. It slips because I stop holding it. I let go and I'm ready to cry with no one to witness my tears of rage, but then there's a smooth voice calling to me... and I meet the face of a younger Mikasa than in my latest memories; Levi's daughter.
I want to ask her what she's doing here... does Levi knows she's here all alone? I want to ask so much, but I can't say the words. I am not convinced I can say it calmly. I think I'd yell. I think I'd break into... something, so I just keep quiet and I let her talk.
''I think my dad isn't going to see you anymore...'' she starts and I feel my breath catch in my lungs at the sentence. She speaks with such eloquence. It really doesn't help how it hurts. It cuts. It tears apart. Levi isn't going to see me anymore. He isn't going to see me... no more.
''In a few days, my mom will probably apologize for going overboard with this... because she cares for him and for me a lot. She'll apologize exactly because she cares... because it makes her happy when he's doing great. However, he still won't talk to you, so he won't have a boy to invite for dinner when she'll be ready to accept it... maybe accept it.''
I can't even find anything to say... I want to scream.
''My dad isn't going to see you anymore, but it's not because he doesn't like you. It's because you are really, really important to him... ''
You know, it feels weird to have Mikasa... my old Mikasa tell me that and speak of Levi as her father. It feels weird to suddenly be so far from each other because we used to be so close. She steps into the booth and she sits on the bench in front of me... it's almost as if we're back to our old brother-sister relationship where we were so close. I could easily imagine we're going to take the bus together, but we're not. She's his daughter. She's closer to my age than him and yet, we feel so far. She is a friend of a friend, an acquaintance. She could be upset. She should be. I imagined she was because Petra was, so I ask... shyly :
''Are you... mad at him like your mother?''
''Not really. My mom doesn't know, but I do. I know you'll always be Levi's very important person and I know he'll always be yours... He still is, right?''
He still is, right? It rings in my head oddly, because Levi never said anything about her remembering anything, did he? And yet, she's right here in front of me. She's a teenager, and yet she talks like my old Mikasa in the last months; she was mature and she had calmed down her hatred toward Levi, I think she had come to terms with it. This isn't like a girl her age, is it? She is so right. She does know.
''Yeah...''
''That doesn't mean it'll work out this time, you know.''
And my voice breaks, but I manage to answer back : ''I know.''
''But it might.''