AN: Here's today's chapter for you all, more angst I'm afraid, but things will get better, I promise! To the guest reviewer who said they were feeling overwhelmed - I know how you feel! I haven't proof-read this chapter yet, and won't get chance until later tonight, so apologies for any typos! As always, all reviews are gratefully received!
Chapter Twenty-One: Battle Lines
"Quinn?" The small, hesitant voice broke through Quinn's stunned daze, and she felt an impatient tugging at the back of her shirt. Beth had come to investigate who Quinn was talking to and she was now looking up at her with wide, anxious eyes. Quinn quickly bent down and scooped the little girl into her arms.
At least Beth was clean and suitably attired in a pretty light purple dress embroidered with multi-colored butterflies. Like Quinn, Beth preferred dresses to pants and Quinn and Santana had quickly come to learn that the four year old was very vocal and definite about her outfit choices. Her hair had been tamed that morning and fell becomingly in ringlets down to her shoulders. Of course, by the end of the day, it would be a different story. Beth had a propensity towards spills and a cavalier attitude towards stains. She didn't care if she dropped spaghetti sauce on her skirt or wiped chocolate on her sleeve. Quinn liked to think that Beth had inherited this personality trait through her Puckerman genes. By nightfall, her hair was usually a tangled mass of wild curls, but luckily Beth was agreeable to having her hair brushed and didn't scream or fuss when Quinn or Santana teased out her knots. Quinn felt that Beth was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen whether she was immaculately presented or sloppy and messy, but when she was clean and neat it was hard to imagine a more angelic looking child.
Oliver Corcoran's expression remained impassive as he caught the first glimpse of his niece, who was now burying her head in the crook of Quinn's neck. This alone made Quinn start to dislike the man. As Quinn watched, he rearranged his features into what was supposed to be a friendly smile, but it took a beat longer than it should have and left Quinn feeling cold.
"Hello Beth," he said smoothly and then he paused, waiting for a response. Beth gripped Quinn more tightly and refused to look at him.
Quinn smiled apologetically as she shifted Beth's weight to her hip. "Beth, sweetie, aren't you going to say hi?" she prodded gently, but Beth shook her head against Quinn's shoulder. "I'm sorry," she said, trying to keep the note of embarrassment out of her voice. "Beth's kind of overwhelmed with everything right now. I'm sure she's happy to see you, really."
"Actually, we've never met," Oliver said, and for the first time Quinn saw a genuine flash of emotion travel across his face, possibly a pang of regret. "I live in Arizona and I don't get over to the East Coast very often. Shelby sent me pictures of her daughter though, and I sent gifts for Christmas and Beth's birthday."
At the mention of Shelby's name, Quinn felt a rush of sadness.
"I'm so sorry that you and Beth had to meet under these circumstances," she said softly. "It's still so hard to believe that Shelby's really gone. We're doing everything we can to help Beth get through this."
Oliver nodded. "Yes, I can see she's very… attached to you." His jaw twitched as his gaze moved over the little girl who was still hiding her face against Quinn's shoulder. The entire exchange so far had taken place in the doorway and Quinn was reluctant to invite Oliver into their home. Let alone the fact that Quinn was still in her pajamas, the apartment was a certified disaster area. Breakfast dishes littered the counter top and toys and clothing were strewn across every surface. The soiled sheets on which Beth had had her accident were balled up just inside that door along with a huge pile of laundry that Quinn had been intending to do when Santana returned from grocery shopping to take over child care responsibilities. Quinn definitely didn't want Oliver to think that they weren't coping with looking after Beth. As she struggled with an internal debate about the best course of action, the universe seemed to be on her side for once and she was saved by the bell. Her cell phone began to blare from the coffee table and Quinn glanced over her shoulder at the sudden noise.
"Yes, well, I see this isn't the best time," Oliver said calmly, as Quinn looked torn over whether or not to go answer the phone. "You're obviously having a busy morning," he added, sweeping his eyes slightly disdainfully over Quinn's dishevelled appearance. "I'll be here for several days organizing my sister's funeral so I'm sure we'll have time to get to know one another." He handed Quinn a printed business card from the breast pocket of his suit. "Here is my cell phone number, should you wish to contact me."
"Oh, um, I guess I should give you my number," Quinn said, feeling unusually flustered by his cool demeanour. Oliver waved a hand dismissively.
"I have your number, Ms. Fabray. I'll be in touch. I'll let you answer that phone." Without a backward glance, he strode confidently down the corridor in the direction of the stairwell. Quinn closed the door and leaned against it with a groan as Beth finally removed her head from Quinn's shoulder to look her in the eye.
"I don't like that man," she announced, before wriggling down from Quinn's embrace and returning to her coloring as though nothing had happened. Quinn felt a knot of foreboding tighten in her stomach.
"Neither do I," she muttered darkly, under her breath. It wasn't until she'd padded barefoot over to the coffee table to check the missed call log on her phone that she realized that Oliver hadn't even said goodbye to his niece.
By the time Santana returned from grocery shopping, Quinn was practically climbing the walls with anxiety. Santana took one look at her highly-strung fiancée and dragged her into the bathroom for a private conversation.
Quinn quickly relayed the details of Oliver's brief visit and by the time she was done Santana was scowling and looking like she wanted to hit something.
"How did he even know where to find us?" she demanded, pacing the confines of the small room. "And who just shows up unannounced?"
"I guess Shelby's lawyer contacted him," Quinn said with a shrug. "God, San, he made me feel so small. It's like he just looked straight through me." She chewed her lower lip anxiously. "Ugh! I don't know why I'm making such a big deal out of this but he just made my skin crawl." She ran her hands through her messy hair and exhaled loudly. Then it came to her with a jolt. "I've just figured out who he reminded me of," she said softly, hearing the slight tremor in her voice. "He seemed familiar from the moment I opened the door but I just figured that it was because he's Shelby's brother – he looks kind of like her – but that wasn't it at all. San, he reminds me of my father."
Santana's eyes narrowed at the mention of Russell Fabray. "Do you think he wants to take Beth?" she asked in a hushed tone. Quinn shuddered at the thought.
"I don't know," she said in anguish. "I don't know what to do, San." She looked helplessly at the brunette for guidance but Santana seemed at a loss too.
"Do you want to try and see the lawyer your mom recommended?" she suggested. "Maybe they can give us some advice?"
"Okay," Quinn nodded shakily. "I'll call and set up the appointment."
Santana stopped her pacing and gathered Quinn into her arms, each of them seeking comfort in the other. Santana kissed Quinn's forehead tenderly and sighed.
"It'll be okay, Q. We'll get through this," she murmured, but it sounded to Quinn like she was trying to convince herself.
Twenty minutes later, Quinn had secured an appointment with Ethan Hoffman of the law firm Davies, Hoffman, and Hardwicke for that afternoon. As it was the Monday before New Year, Quinn's mom was having to pay handsomely for the privilege but when Quinn called her to check it was okay, Judy was adamant that money was no issue.
This left the girls with a new problem though – they didn't want to leave Beth with a stranger after everything she'd been through over the last few days, but they couldn't exactly take her with them to the appointment. Cavalry came in the form of Hiram and Leroy Berry who had been calling Quinn and Santana every day just to check in. When they heard about the girls' conundrum they immediately offered their babysitting services.
"Are you sure?" Quinn asked gratefully into the phone.
"Of course, we'd love to look after Beth," Hiram assured her, his voice warm and genuine. The he dropped his tone. "To be honest, sweetie, I want to get Rachel out of the loft for a few hours – I think it'll do her the world of good. And at least Beth knows her a little, so she'll be comfortable with it."
As Quinn hung up the phone, she added Rachel to her long list of worries and anxieties. She glanced at the clock, it was barely noon and she was already exhausted. She looked longingly at her bed – in that moment, all she wanted was to crawl under the covers and have Santana hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay. Summoning her resolves, she instead painted a smile on her face and turned to Beth and Santana who were playing an animated game of Hungry Hippos on the cluttered floor.
"Okay guys, who wants lunch?" she asked with as much brightness as she could muster.
When it was time to leave to meet the Berrys and then head on to their appointment with the lawyer, Quinn and Santana had yet another problem to deal with – this time in the form of a strong-willed four year old.
"No!" Beth insisted, as Quinn tried to coax her into putting on her puffy winter jacket. "I don't want to!" She stood with her legs firmly planted and her arms by her sides, her hands balled into tiny fists. "I want to stay here!"
Quinn sighed indulgently. "Beth, please? Santana and I have to go to this appointment. It's important. Please put on your coat."
"No." Beth was adamant. Her chin jutted out defiantly and she glowered at Quinn. "I don't want you to go."
In her head, Quinn counted to five and prayed for patience. She didn't want to get firm with the little girl; despite her current attitude, Beth was still exceedingly fragile and Quinn couldn't bear to come down hard on her. Instead, feeling like a chicken, Quinn looked to Santana for help.
Santana tried a new approach. "Fine, we'll just leave you here then," she said nonchalantly. Beth was not fooled. She knew enough to know that adults didn't just leave little girls alone in apartments.
"Fine," she agreed, calling their bluff. She stomped her little feet over to the couch, sat down and turned on the TV. Quinn and Santana shared agonized glances. Santana shrugged helplessly and Quinn checked the time on her phone.
"Beth, come on baby, please?" she tried to reason. "We need to go." Beth ignored her, drumming her heels on the base of the couch. There was nothing else for it. Feeling horribly guilty, Quinn steeled herself for a battle of wills. "Beth Corcoran," she said in a low tone. "Turn of that TV and get your little butt over here, right now!"
Beth didn't move but a subtle change in her posture told Quinn she'd gotten the little girl's attention. Beth ceased her drumming. Santana smiled at Quinn encouragingly.
"I'm going to count to five," Quinn told her, trying to maintain her authoritative voice. "If you're not wearing your coat and shoes by the time I'm done, then…" She paused to hurriedly consider what kind of punishment she could bestow. "Then, no TV for the rest of the day," she decided finally. Beth turned around and met her gaze, cocking her head to one side slightly as she tried to determine whether or not Quinn was serious about her threat. "One," Quinn began warningly. "Two… three… four…" On four, Beth jumped up from the couch and came running. She held out her left foot obediently and allowed Quinn to slip on her shoe. They repeated the process with her other foot, and, moments later, Beth was suitably protected from the harsh New York winter in her puffy jacket, mittens, scarf, and woolly hat.
Dropping Beth off at the park with the Berrys instigated a flood of tears from the little girl, and as she walked away, holding tightly to Santana's hand, it was all Quinn could do to fight back her own tears. Hearing Beth sob and call out her name was like a punch in the stomach, but there was no other choice.
Their lawyer, Ethan Hoffman, turned out to be considerably younger than he'd sounded on the phone. No more than thirty-five, with shaggy blond hair, and a toothpaste commercial smile, he didn't fit Quinn's mental image of how a lawyer should look. He was casually dressed too, in a long sleeved t-shirt and black jeans. He looked more like how Sam Evans might appear in ten years' time rather than a hot-shot family court lawyer. He met Quinn's doubtful gaze with a disarming smile as he settled them into his office.
"I'm not what you imagined," he said with a low chuckle. "Don't worry, I get that all the time. I work with a lot of kids here," he indicated the large selection of toys in the corner of his book-lined office, "and I find they relate to me better if I look less like a scary authority figure."
Quinn immediately warmed to him and felt herself begin to relax.
"Thank you for seeing us on such short notice, Mr. Hoffman," she said, offering him a small smile.
"Ethan, please," he replied, waving his hand dismissively. "And, it's my pleasure. Now, you explained a little bit about your situation on the phone, but I want to go through it with you again to make sure I have all the pertinent facts. Now, you are Beth's biological mother but Shelby Corcoran adopted her at birth, is that right?" Quinn nodded. "And did you make any written agreement with Ms. Corcoran regarding any kind of visitation rights with Beth?" he asked gently.
"No," Quinn admitted. "It was all kind of sudden. I just signed the papers that the lawyer gave me in the hospital, and that was that."
"Hmm," Ethan said thoughtfully. "Well, I'll make sure I get hold of a copy of the original agreement just to be sure but it doesn't sound like you had any arrangements in place for visitation. And, you were sixteen when Beth was born, so that would make you twenty now?"
"Twenty-one," Quinn corrected. "My birthday's in November. Beth will be five in May."
"And how long have you been a regular presence in her life?" Ethan wanted to know.
"Almost a year," Quinn said without hesitation. "It'll be a year exactly on January 25th."
Ethan smiled as Quinn recited the exact date. "It's clear to see that you love Beth," he said warmly. "She must be a special little girl."
"She's amazing," Quinn told him before proceeding to describe just how amazing the four year old was. She was rhapsodizing about Beth's first dance recital when Santana squeezed her elbow gently to get her attention.
"Q, I think Ethan gets the point," she said with a low chuckle and Quinn blushed.
"Sorry."
"Don't apologize." Ethan laughed. "In my line of work it's always nice to see someone care so much about a child in their care." He continued to ask questions about Quinn and Santana's lifestyles, their living arrangements, and the nature of their relationship. Quinn answered the questions as honestly as she could but she couldn't help but notice the tiny frown lines appearing on the bridge of Ethan's nose.
"So, you don't know yet if Shelby left a will which dictates Beth's guardianship?" he asked finally.
"No," admitted Quinn nervously. The Berrys hadn't been able to find a will amongst Shelby's papers and Shelby's lawyer had refused to discuss anything with them until the correct paperwork had been filed with his office. "And that's what scares me more than anything," she said anxiously. "Beth's a part of me. I don't know what I'll do if I lose her again."
"Do we have any chance of custody?" Santana asked bluntly, and Quinn tensed up at once, leaning forward in her desperation to hear Ethan's answer.
"I'm going to be honest with you," Ethan said slowly and carefully. "Your best hope is if Shelby didn't leave a will and if there are no family members who want to take on Beth's guardianship. You've told me about Shelby's brother, Oliver?" He paused, looking to Quinn for clarification on the name and she nodded quickly. "Do you think he wants to take on an active role in her life?"
"I don't know," Quinn said softly. "He hasn't been in her life up to now."
"And if Shelby hasn't left a will, that will work in our favour," explained Ethan. "We can use that information to demonstrate that his bond with Beth is familial only – he hasn't tried to play an active role in her life. You've been a stable part of her life for a year and it's clear that you share a strong bond. But I have to warn you, if Shelby has left a will that indicates that Beth should go to her brother to raise, your chances of full custody are slim. Neither of you have a stable lifestyle – between college and shift work a judge may be concerned about how you would manage caring responsibilities for Beth long term. Your ages also act against you, as does your living situation. I doubt that a judge would be happy about you all living in a one room apartment. A judge is primarily going to be concerned with providing a stable home for Beth."
As he spoke, Quinn struggled to keep her emotions in check. Her worst fears were being confirmed. There was a good chance she was going to lose her daughter all over again.
"Isn't there anything we can do?" she asked desperately. Ethan sighed.
"We can fight this through the courts," he told them evenly, "but it will be expensive and there are no guarantees. As I've already said, you have several factors working against you."
"But she's my daughter!" Quinn couldn't help letting her distress seep through, and she fought back tears as a painful lump lodged itself in her throat.
"Your best bet is to talk to this Oliver," Ethan said, handing Quinn a tissue, and smiling sympathetically. "For all we know, he may not wish to take on a four year old he's never met, even if Shelby does name him as the guardian. If you can convince him that you should be the ones to raise Beth, his support will go a long way with the judge. And you can get testimonials from friends and family members who see the way you are with Beth. Like I said, there are no guarantees, but I'm not ready to give in just yet."
"Thank you," Quinn told him through her tears. She and Santana stood up and shook hands with Ethan before heading back to the park to pick up Beth. On the way, Quinn tried desperately to pull herself together but it wasn't easy. Every time she thought she had gotten her emotions under control, a fresh flood of worry and self-doubt would hit her.
When they reached the park, they found Rachel sitting alone on a bench by the entrance whilst the Berry men supervised Beth on the play equipment in the distance.
For a moment, Quinn was pulled out of her own despair at the sight of her friend. Rachel looked small and miserable, her eyes were red and puffy.
"Rach?" Quinn sat down next to her and took her hand gently. "Are you okay?"
Rachel offered her a watery smile.
"I'm fine," she said shakily. "I just needed a break for a minute. I didn't want Beth to see me sad. She's doing so well with all of this." She sighed. "I don't know why it's hitting me so hard," she admitted. "It's not like Shelby and I were close."
"There's no right or wrong way to deal with something like this," Quinn replied sagely. "I mean, look at the way I reacted when my dad died. I hated him and I was still a basket case." She grinned and Rachel managed a small chuckle.
"So how did you get on at the lawyer's?" Rachel asked, taking a deep breath and brushing away her tears.
Quinn shrugged. "Honestly, I think I need to go home and digest everything before I know what to think," she admitted. She briefly summarized everything the lawyer had said, feeling worse and worse as she said the words out loud. "He said I should try to get testimonials from family and friends and that I should try to get your uncle on side. Have you met him yet?"
Rachel shook her head. "No," she said bitterly. "I guess he doesn't consider me family either."
"I'm sure he'll be in contact," Quinn told her, thinking privately that Rachel might be better off if he didn't. Not wanting to put off getting back to Beth for a moment longer, Quinn climbed wearily to her feet.
"Are you sure you've thought this through, Quinn?" Rachel asked her suddenly. Quinn frowned in confusion.
"What do you mean?" she asked curiously.
Rachel sighed. "Well, you gave up Beth in the first place because you couldn't give her what she needed," she explained tentatively. "It was the right thing to do. I told you once, Shelby was meant to be her mom, and I guess what I'm saying is that I don't see what's really changed. Can you give Beth everything she needs?"
"I love her," Quinn said brokenly.
"I know but is that enough?" Rachel asked tearfully.
Santana had heard enough. She stepped in front of Quinn protectively.
"Rachel, I know that you're grieving right now," she said, her voice low and dangerous, "and that's the only reason you're still standing there. Quinn is Beth's mother. Maybe she won't be able to grow up to be a spoilt, only-child princess like you, with every material possession she ever wanted handed to her on a plate, but that's really not such a bad thing."
Rachel looked stricken. "I only meant that…" she began tentatively, but Santana cut her off with a wave of her hand.
"I don't want to hear it, hobbit," she hissed, reinstating the mean high-school nickname she'd given to Rachel. "Quinn and Beth are my family, and you're either with us or against us."
"Quinn! Quinn! Tana!" The sound of Beth's excited voice calling out as she ran towards them with red cheeks and tousled curls shocked them all out of their tense standoff. Quinn surreptitiously wiped the remnants of tears from her eyes as she swept the little girl into her arms and held on tight.
The Berry men knew that something had happened between the three girls but it was clear that they didn't want to ask in front of Beth. Rachel was clinging onto her emotions by a thread, and after Quinn had said a quick thank you to Hiram and Leroy, she whisked them away, with barely a goodbye to Quinn and Santana.
That night, after Beth was asleep, Quinn headed into the bathroom to take a shower. Her head was pounding as she tried to assimilate the events of the day. Santana had been like a bear with a sore head all evening after her fight with Rachel, Quinn knew that she regretted her harshness with their friend but was too proud to say so.
As she stood under the shower and washed away the remnants of another horrible day, flashes of conversations kept running through Quinn's mind.
"I can see she's very… attached to you"…
"There are no guarantees… you have several factors working against you"…
"Are you sure you've thought this through?... Can you give Beth everything she needs?"…
Without even realizing it, Quinn had started to cry. A torrent of emotions crashed down onto her and tears began to stream down her cheeks, mingling with the water from the shower. Suddenly, she felt exhausted and she fell to her knees in the bathtub, sobbing brokenly.