"Are you okay? You seem a little... down."

Ugh, my best friends always know when something's wrong. Always. It's good and bad. "Boy problems," I tell Cassie.

Cassie gets off her chair and comes over to her bed and jumps on it, looking me right in the eyes, "What's wrong? I thought you were really happy?"

I was. I am. I don't know. "The last few days have been weird. Like, we hang out and it's fine and stuff but I just want more, you know? And yeah, I have been happy with him but I need more, Cass, I want to be his girlfriend and it just seems like he's fine with just hanging out and stuff. And on top of that, he ditched school for two days and went to Chicago. Like out of the blue. Why?"

"You think? You don't think he wants more out of it, too?"

"I don't know, it's been a month and the past week he's been, not distant, but his head just doesn't really seem in it, you know what I mean? It's weird."

Cassie nods and then gets off her bed and goes and grabs her laptop, "You need a pick me up. Let's do some online shopping!"

Oh man, online shopping will be the death of me. It's one of my favorite things to do. But that's not really what I need right now. "No, Cass," I laugh, "Maybe he's over it? That could be it."

"Shut the fuck up," she shuts her laptop, "people don't get over Gabriella Montez. Gabriella Montez gets over people. There's no way he's over you. You've done nothing wrong. You're not needy, you give him his space, you're a damn good kisser according to Scott Michaels. And you're absolutely gorgeous."

I laughed. Cassie always knows how to make me laugh. "He's not from here. He's from another world, basically, and maybe he's just sick of it. Or maybe there's something else he wants. Or someone else. I don't know."

Cassie rolled her eyes, "Okay, so he didn't want to go to two events with you, big deal. You didn't want to be there, either, so what? And shut up."

"No, it's just, yeah, I don't know, I would have liked him to be there with me."

"But he doesn't have any connections or reason to be there," she points out, "if you didn't, you wouldn't be there, either. You're more of a party girl, not one of those sit down dinner girls. He would have been bored. You were bored. Who even cares."

"Me!" I tell her, "this is my life, whether he likes it or not. Whether I like it or not. It's who I am and I don't know, maybe he's just so tired of keeping up."

Cassie shakes her head, "you're not forcing him to these parties. He's gone on his own. His cousin is Stacy Smith!"

Yeah, true, but I don't know. Ugh.

It just all feels a little different now. "I feel like he's not really trying anymore and that makes me a little sad, like what did I even do?"

"Nothing!" she tries to tell me, "maybe he just feels comfortable around you now. Maybe it's to that point where he thinks he has you and doesn't need to really work for you, anymore, you know? I don't know."

But still. He doesn't technically have me. He has me, but he doesn't have me committed. I'm not technically committed to him until he asks me.

And who knows if he even is.

"My grandma wants me to go on a date with her friends grandson," I change the subject completely, "Stan Britton, you know that Lacrosse player from Regis? She thinks we'll really hit it off and I honestly don't know how to get out of it."

"Stan Britton?" Cassie asks, "oh my gosh, so many girls are after him. What did you tell your grandma?"

"That I didn't want to date and I'd rather find a guy on my own, which I did, but you know how she is. And her friend got involved and it's like they're double teaming me, and ugh. I want to keep this to myself as long as I possibly can, but she's getting curious. I feel like she knows."

Cassie laughed as she grabbed one of her pillows and put it on her lap, "Well, if it helps, I hear he is very, very boring so just go out with him to please you grandma. I can already see it not working out at all. So you have nothing to really worry about."

I shake my head, it's not that at all. "I don't want to go on a date with him when I have Troy. No, feels weird. I can't."

"Then don't go out with him. Just tell your grandma."

"But then she'll want to meet him, Cassie! And I'm not bringing around some guy who isn't even my boyfriend. That didn't work out too great last time, so no way am I ever doing that again." Ugh. Stupid Troy Bolton. He's making me mad.

"I still think he's crazy about you, you're just being paranoid. He went to Chicago because he misses his family. That's it. He likes you."

Ugh, I hope she's right. I like him so much.

"I mean, high school is definitely easier, but I'm enjoying college. A lot more freedom."

Freedom. That's all I heard and that's what triggers my mind to go back to that place I was four months ago. Freedom. That's exactly why we called it off. Exactly why he broke up with me.

He wanted freedom in college and he wanted to hook up with some girl he met. So why the fuck am I here right now?

Ryan reached for my hand when he realized I wasn't saying anything back, "hey, are you okay?"

I'm not sure I was, though. When I ran into him and he told me again how much he missed me, I was in a really vulnerable place. Troy was acting weird and not really talking to me, being distant and I don't know. Ryan was being Ryan, very persuasive, and I just gave in. I couldn't believe I actually gave in. I did such a good job not giving in at the party, but here I am...

"I'm fine," I tell him, leaving my hand under his longer than I should have, "I just don't really know why I came today, to be honest."

"You don't know why you came?"

"Yes," I take my hand away and fold them across my chess, "you and I are over Ryan. You just reminded me why. You wanted freedom in college. You wanted to date that girl. You dated that model. I don't know why I'm here."

He looked taken aback. I know he knew I was hanging with Troy, but I don't think he knew how serious it was. How much I liked him so maybe he thought he had a serious chance. And yes, I gave him that impression and yes, it always worked before. But Troy's different. He's not like those other guys. And I'm not sure leaving him for Ryan Fitzpatrick will do me any good whatsoever. So what the fuck am I doing here?!

Ryan grabbed his coke and took a sip and looked around the restaurant for a moment before his eyes landed back on me. His beautiful, big green eyes. "But you're it, Gabriella. I love you. Always have and probably always will."

My heart fluttered. How could it not when you hear a guy you care for tell you he loves you? It just does. It feels good.

Everything's different now, though.

And I'm not sure I can just go back to him like before.

I've told everyone I'm not going back to Ryan. I really thought that, I do think that, but with Troy being so distant and everything, I don't know. It got me thinking. What if Ryan's the only guy who will truly ever want me... forever? I know I can fall back on him. I know he'll always be there for me. It makes me keep going back. But I'm not even one hundred percent sure I want to be here right now. So many ups and downs. I don't know if it's worth it anymore.

"But until when, Ry?" I shake my head, "until you see a hot girl in one of your classes and we call it off? Or until I find something annoying and lash out and then it's back to where it started? I can't keep doing this. I want something serious. Something secure."

"We're different," he argues, "we've grown. I know what I want and it's you. It's always been you and I'm sorry for ever doubting that."

The thing about Ryan Fitzpatrick is I don't know if I genuinely think he's right for me. Yes, I love him, and there's an insane attraction there, but there's gotta be more. And I don't know what it is, but that's always been missing.

I honestly think I just kept going back because he gets it. He gets my life. He lives my life, basically. We're in the same boat. I know he's not using me. And that was always something huge for me. These other guys wanted in, in the social scene and I was their way in. Not with Ryan, though. And maybe I just took that way too seriously and mistook it for him being right for me, but I'm not sure he is. We don't share many common interests, just this intense vibe that it's hard to describe. We're just both living life the same way and it was easy to just fall back on him. Very easy.

But I don't want to do that anymore. I want to be in a relationship with someone who is truly great to me. Who makes me feel loved. Who respects me.

And I'm not sure that person is the one that's sitting across from me at the table right now.

"Ryan, I love you," I tell him, "and I'll always care for me, but we're each others security blankets. We've tried and we've tried and we've tried. I honestly don't think we can try any longer and you know what? I'm not sure I want to. I'm happy right now. Really happy, actually."

"With that guy who here moved from Chicago?"

I nod my head, "his name's Troy. And yeah, I've been getting to know him."

He didn't look mad, he just looked bummed. "I don't want to stop fighting for you, but if this guy is the guy that makes you not come back then he must be special because we always come back to each other. Always."

We did and his words meant a lot to me. "I think he is special and this was a mistake coming here... at the beginning. I came in with the idea of maybe, you know, patching things up. But it wasn't a mistake because I realize that as much as I care for you, I can't be in a relationship with you. It's not healthy and this guy... this guy has me right now. Regardless. Who knows what the future holds, but I really like him and I know you'll find someone great as well."

Ryan smiled and nodded, "I'm sorry. I just, I didn't know how serious it is and you know I'll never do anything to intentionally hurt you or cause anything."

"I know," I really do know that. Not only was he my boyfriend on and off, but my friend. And he'll always be my friend. "I'm sorry, too. I just don't think it's right for us. I think we both owe it to ourselves to see what's out there. And I'm sorry I was so mad at you."

"It's okay, I deserved it. College doesn't mean you need to break up with your girlfriend," he gives me a small smile, "I love you, Gabs."

"And I love you, Ry. I want the best for you... for us."

I want the best for me. And right now, no matter how he's acting, I want Troy.

"Who buzzed you in?"

"Oh, I was going to call you, but I ran into Matt downstairs and he punched in the code for me, what's the big deal?" I asked Troy who looks like he was annoyed I was here for some reason.

He shook his head and turned around and walked towards the kitchen.

I mean, there was no way he knew about Ryan. So he couldn't be upset about that, right? Who would have told him? No one knows I went.

Let's see. I distinctly remember looking around the place and no one I knew was there. It was the upper west side, people from the east don't usually go there. My friends wouldn't tell him and the only ones that knew were Cassie and Morgan and they both were super against it. After leaving brunch, I went over to Morgan's and we went to Barney's so she could find something to wear for a party I headed home, texted Troy to see if he wanted to maybe do something, but he didn't reply so and hour later, here I am, standing in the kitchen with him.

"Are you okay?" I asked, "you seem... off."

"Oh I do?" he turns around to face me, "I wonder why that is, Gabriella."

He's gotta know, but how? How does he know? "I don't know, why don't you just tell me instead of making me uncomfortable?"

Troy let out a mocking laugh and turned around to grab a new jar of mayonnaise from the pantry, "Oh I'M making you uncomfortable? I'm pretty sure I was the uncomfortable one when I walked into Fred's and saw you holding your ex boyfriend's hand."

Fuuuuuck. Yep. He knows.

And I'm so mortified. And feel so bad about it. "No, Troy, it's honestly not what it looks like..."

"I don't care, Gabriella," he pretty much throws the cap from the mayonnaise down on the counter, "Ryan is a hell of lot better than me, I get it. I'm not from this world, he is. Go and have fun with him."

"No, it's not like that at all," I move towards him, "please just let me explain."

"Explain what?" he asks, "you know what, I thought you were different than all these typical New York girls, all these girls you see in the movies and TV shows, but you're not. You're exactly like that and you care about the glitz and the glam and who you're seen with. I get it."

Ouch. That really hurts. Because for the past month, I really thought I was showing him exactly who I was. Who my friends see. Who my parents see.

But I guess not?

He chuckles a bit to himself before he continues, "and I'm such an idiot for believing you were different. Maybe you just like the idea of me but at the end of the day, it makes since that you'd get back with him. His dad is the freaking mayor. You guys really belong together."

I'm mad, I'm sad, I'm pissed at myself. I'm feeling so many different emotions right now. "No, that's not me. You were getting to know the real me..."

"Was I? I'm not so sure about that."

"Yes!" I basically scream, "you were! I do enjoy parties and I do enjoy going out and having a good time, but at the end of the day, my family and my friends are who I care about the most. I'd give all of this up if it meant just choosing happiness!"

He shook his head and went over to the fridge. I can't believe he was making himself a sandwich in the middle of all of this. He slabbed some turkey on both sides of the bread along with a slice of cheese and then looked up at me.

"I saw you guys holding hands, there's no way out of it. You're either playing him, me, or both of us and I want nothing to do with it."

"How can I fucking be playing you when we're not even together?!" I lose it. I'm mad. And I'm just letting everything out now. "Huh, tell me that?"

Troy looked up at me, didn't blink for a good 20 seconds and then just looked away.

What the fuck.

How is he going to do that. "We're not even together, you haven't asked me to be your girlfriend so technically I'm not doing anything wrong here! So give me a fucking break and stop making me out to look like such an evil person."

"Maybe it's a good thing then because now I know how it really is and it's better I find out now than down the road."

"What the fuck does that mean?" I feel the tears forming, "I'm trying here, Troy! I'm crazy about you. All you had to do was ask me to be your girlfriend and if you don't feel the same way then just fucking tell me instead of distancing yourself from me. You've barely been wanting to hang out with me. Can I yell at you for that. Why? Why have you been avoiding me? I'm not an idiot!"

"Because!" he exclaimed, but then stops himself, "no, I just... still, it doesn't give you a reason to go out with him. I thought we had something good."

Oh my gosh. Why am I even trying?

That's all he had to say about that? Well, then... "You've been short, distant, it seems like you never want to hang out with me anymore, where did it all go wrong? Did I do something to make you upset or what? I'm not going to wait around forever, wondering if we'll ever officially be together. Is it because of your ex? Because I know you've been talking to her!"

He didn't say much. He just looked down at his sandwich and stayed quiet. "Do not turn this back on me. I've done nothing wrong."

"You've been fucking ignoring me! Don't tell me you've done nothing wrong. And I'm sure she's got something to do with it. I've seen the texts between you two!" Okay, I've seen one text and it was just from her, but whatever. I'm mad.

But then he looked back up at me. Brown meets blue. And gave me a small head shake, "No."

"What?" What does that even mean? UGH.

"It felt like we were together and I'm sorry you didn't have much reassurance, but that doesn't take away from you going out with some guy. How would you like it if the tables were turned?"

I wouldn't like it at all. And I get what he's saying, but still. Texting is just as bad, right?

He sighed and then continued, "Go be with someone who's like you. I'm not the guy you want. I don't always want to go to those parties. I don't want to dress up. I don't care about who's who. And I thought you were different, but you're not. So why don't you just leave now..."

A single tear fell and I just couldn't be there anymore. He's attacking me character and that hurts more than anything. I'm not even gonna argue about those texts anymore. He's mad and I don't think I can change his mind. I messed up, I know that, but he's not exactly innocent here, either.

As much as I like him, I have to walk away right now because I don't even want to be here.

Not because he doesn't want me here, but because I don't want to be there. He's hurting me. Maybe more than I hurt him. And that sucks.

It really sucks.

"Whatever," I held tears back, "I'm out of here."

He doesn't care for me like he made it out to be. If he did, he wouldn't hit where he hurt. He'd forgive me and tell me that he's crazy about me, too. But he didn't. He let me walk out of there after basically begging him. Maybe he's not who I thought he was. He doesn't care for me. Or he wouldn't have treated me like this. And sure, he can argue that I don't care for him because of what I did. But the difference is that I apologized and I wanted to fight for us.

But he doesn't want to fight for me.

Troy Bolton didn't care for me like I cared for him. And that hurts.