A/N Like I'd promised, here the next installment. And so soon. How about that? I can be a good girl … on occasion. ;-)

Thanks as always for all the kind words for the last chapter. I truly appreciate them.

The last chapter was just the opening for a very long conversation. Buckle up my loyal readers, it's gonna be a long and bumpy ride!

Enjoy!!!

Song recommendation for this chapter: Eden-Hooverphonic, Gorecki-Lamb, Escape-Muse

Chapter 17 Mending old wounds

Jasper POV

I could tell that Bella was already a little worn out which was totally reasonable considering the ride on the emotional rollercoaster we've just taken. But to be honest, I felt a little drained myself. I've never felt anything like that before.

I was a vampire, for crying out loud. Vampires didn't get tired … ever. We didn't need to sleep, we could run for hours and never get tired … we could stand still without feeling any discomfort … and so on.

But this wasn't physical, it was emotional exhaustion. Maybe the fact that I was an empath had something to do with it. Of course I knew I would feel a lot worse if I had been exposed to the entire range of Bella's emotions. But as always these days she hid them from me, only allowing me access to them when it suited her purpose.

I was torn between feeling gratitude for her sympathy, and feeling somewhat deprived, like she was keeping a significant part of herself from me. I honestly didn't like it. She'd said she trusted me, but by being reluctant to share everything with me … not only her words but also her feelings … she inadvertently annoyed me. I would have to find a way to convince her that she didn't need to keep her emotions from me. I knew I could handle it. I've dealt with a lot worse and survived, haven't I? But then again it seemed like that I had some trouble controlling and using my special power lately … especially in Bella's presence. So maybe, just maybe it was a wise decision on her part to shield me for now.

I watched her change her sitting position on the bed with interest. The cross-legged position didn't look comfortable to me, but what did I know. As a vampire I could stand for hours without moving an inch and I still would be fine. But nevertheless I copied her pose across from her, never letting go of her hands. I needed her touch, like she needed air to breath. And it helped me to focus.

Of course I rather would have continued kissing her senseless, maybe even go further if she would let me, but one glance at her alarm clock told me that there wasn't any time left to allow myself to get sidetracked. It was almost eleven by now, and I needed to share some information with her before she went to sleep. For the moment my need for information took priority over the earlier strong desire for her body. Maybe the soldier in me finally got the upper hand.

But anyhow, I'd meant what I'd said about taking her out on a date. I would keep that promise no matter what …

It was obvious that my request to tell me more about her encounter with the werewolf did upset her a little, but she was willing enough to answer my question.

"Well, I don't know where to start … probably at the beginning. Sam came over after I've just finished my dinner with Charlie. I was actually a little surprised at first to say the least. We aren't friends, far from it. Today was actually only the third time we've spoken with each other more than just a few words in passing. The last time he was here at my house …" Bella suddenly stopped midsentence, dropping her gaze. It seemed like she was unsure how or maybe whether to continue at all. I could sense her distress despite my lack of access, wondering about the reason why she'd paused. I gave her hands a gentle squeeze, encouraging her without words to go on. She took in a shaky breath. "He was the one who has rescued me the night Edward has left me." She said, avoiding my eyes for the first time tonight.

I felt like I've just gotten kicked in the gut … and hard. The protective and possessive part of me took over, because my mind registered one word in particular.

Rescued … What the hell does that mean? What did my so called brother do to my beautiful angel? In just a second my mind came up with a number of different scenarios, one worse than the other, not a difficult thing to do for a vampire like me, a vampire with my past experience.

I would have probably freaked out big time, if I couldn't see her sitting right across from me … healthy and breathing. I tried to take some comfort in that fact, but I had a very hard time keeping my emotions in check.

"What do you mean he rescued you?" I growled.

She cringed slightly. For a moment there I thought it was just her response to my verbal reaction. I was pretty sure my eyes were black as well … due to my anger. Maybe I was scaring her despite my earlier promise not to do so. But then I became aware that she tried to wriggle her hands out of mine. I must have tightened my grip on her hands unconsciously, which meant that she was only responding to the pressure, the pain I'd inflicted.

Great job, there. Now I am the one hurting her … only minutes after I've told her … promised her that I would never do anything like that … I berated myself, at once loosening my hold on her, but not letting go of her completely. I simply couldn't. I would have, if she'd ask me to though. But fortunate for me she didn't say anything. I pulled her hands to my lips, reverently kissing her reddened skin. At least this way I was able to determine that I didn't cause any damage. I could have easily broken her bones or worse.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, desperately seeking her forgiveness with my eyes … again … although I certainly didn't deserve it. I never did. She smiled at me benignly. Always the forgiving angel … some things will never change …

"It's okay, I am not mad with you." Bella said lovingly, freeing one of her hands at last, only to lay it on my cheek, gently caressing my skin. Her touch always had a calming almost healing kind of influence on my mood, stronger than I'd ever felt before. Not even Alice's touch had ever had that kind of effect on me in all those years we've spent together, and I knew that it had nothing to do with the differences in temperature and texture of their skin. Bella's skin was warmer than mine, naturally, but it wasn't burning hot like I remembered human skin to be in contrast to my ice-cold vampire skin. And she was softer, and undeniably weaker. I could see why Edward had kept his hands of her most of the time. He knew that one false move on his part could easily do damage to her fragile body. The mere thought of hurting Bella, emotionally or physically, made my entire body ache … mostly in despair and self-loathing.

Shouldn't the fact that she was my mate, my soul mate for crying all out, prevent me from harming her, even ever so slightly? Apparently not.

Should I be relieved that I'd been able to resist the urge to punch my fist through the wall behind Bella? Maybe. To tell the truth, it was really hard to resist doing anything along that line. But I knew it wouldn't be helpful to scare Bella more than I'd already done. And the noise probably would have woken up Charlie in the process.

Would the amount of practice in exercising and controlling my strength due to my past help me to exercise more caution in the future? Hopefully. Eventually. My natural instinct to express my feelings any way possible was strong, but thankfully my desire to keep her safe … and alive … was stronger. The only thing I needed to accomplish this goal was to get a grip on my gift, and not allowing my emotions to rule my every response. Shouldn't be that difficult, right?

Who am I fooling here? As a vampire I am an emotional being by nature … plus me being an empath makes the whole thing that much more of a challenge … a challenge of a life time …

I knew until I'd have all my answers, my emotions were in total control of me, and my angel's touch wasn't enough to keep me at bay forever. Bella seemed to sense it too which wasn't a surprise, because my whole body was rigid.

"Please, Jasper, please I need you to stay calm, otherwise I won't be able to get through this. I promise you I will tell you everything." She pleaded with me, tears glistening in her eyes. I was close to deny her that request. Well not really denying, as much as fearing that I wouldn't be able to keep myself in check. I was already so angry … at me for hurting her, at Edward for whatever he did, and honestly at her for being so sympathetic, which surely didn't make a lot of sense to me. But if it meant that she would enlighten me about the events that had taken place that night, I would at least try.

"Alright." I conceded, taking in a deep breath. She chuckled in response, clearly sensing the struggle in my restraint.

"Okay. I guess I'd better start at the beginning … the night of my birthday party." Bella began, her voice shaking slightly. I cringed, but she ignored it. I had to give it to her. At the moment she was the stronger one of us, trying hard to stay in control of her emotions … for both of our sakes, I guessed. "After Emmett and Rosalie had dragged you outside, Carlisle tended to my wounds." She turned her right arm slightly, and showed me a small scar. I traced it with my right index finger. The image of Edward throwing her across the living room like a ragdoll was burned into my mind. I could empathize to some extent. He was only acting on reflex at the time … pushing her out of harm's way in order to safe her from me, but making her land right into the table with the cake and a lot of glass dishes. What a stupid move on his part … he did more damage this way …

"Carlisle was actually the only one who was able to keep a level head under the special circumstances." She continued. "Edward, Alice and even Esme … they all needed to leave the house for some time. See, that's when I knew that you weren't responsible for what happened. None of them, not even Carlisle, had been unaffected by my spilled blood." She shrugged at my grimace. Oddly, her nonchalant attitude seemed to help me concentrate on controlling my emotions, although I was pretty sure it was just an act on her part. I had to find out, how she was doing it. A human girl of barely eighteen years being stronger than almost two centuries old vampire was preposterous … or simply astounding. Probably depending on the point of view …

"Anyway. Edward took me home after that, and I guess I knew even then that something was off, but I dismissed my qualms at the time." She was talking very fast, like she was on a mission in getting it all of her chest as soon and as fast as humanly possible. "The next two days had been pure hell for me. Edward barely spoke with me, only answering when asked a direct question … and then only reluctantly. I know now that he'd lied to me about more than one thing.

"You know what? He actually had the audacity to tell me that you had left with Alice, and that she was helping you cope with your guilt issues. Fucking lying son of a bitch." I chuckled at her coarse language, wishing Edward would be here to witness this. She was mostly angry, but underneath it all … there was pain, a whole lot of pain. It felt like a recently healed wound being ripped open again. I didn't say anything instead I let her continue her story. The sooner she'd finish the better … for both of us.

"On the third day he asked me to come with him on a walk into the woods behind my house. And stupid as I was then, I was still hoping that we would finally have the opportunity to straighten things out between us." Bella stopped again, the pace of her breathing and her heartbeat telling me that she was on the verge to losing it. It was obvious to me that she was entering dangerous territory, emotionally. Since the first moment of our reunion yesterday in front of the Cullen mansion I'd been aware she was hiding something from me. I'd felt some of the pain then, but only now I realized the wound might run deeper than I'd thought. For the first time tonight I was going to embrace my special ability and put it to good use for a change. I only hoped that I was up for the challenge.

"Bella, I can see how hard this is for you … walking down this memory lane. But I know that's what you need … sharing all this with somebody … at last. Can I ask you a favor, though?" I requested cautiously.

She cocked her head to the side in confusion. "Sure you can. What?"

"Please allow me to feel what you are feeling." I demanded firmly but gently.

She gasped at my request. "Why … why would you want to do that? You would suffer right along with me."

"Exactly." I stressed.

She shook her head vehemently. "No."

"Please, Bella." I begged. "I need to do that … for you."

She stared at me for a minute, like she was actually considering my offer to help. At least I hoped that she would. "You aren't doing that to punish yourself, are you? Because if that's the case I won't …" She chided me. Her voice was layered with concern and devotion, warming my dead heard. She was always putting the wellbeing of others before her own. It was only one of the reasons why I loved her so much … her selflessness. It was a rare trait of character in a human or any other creature, especially in vampires. We were known to be very selfish, but I wanted to prove her wrong.

"No, that is not the reason for why I am asking you to drop your shield and share your feelings with me." I promised her. It was the truth. But as always she was very perceptive. It was evident that as of late I acted like a mayor sucker for punishment. Peter has scolded me about that kind of behavior on many occasions in the last five months. But he just didn't get it. I couldn't help it. Maybe a small part of me was seeking redemption this way. And I felt like I had to make up for what I've done that night. But even though, it still wasn't the main reason for my generous offer. I needed her to understand that, convincing her that this was necessary … for both of us to overcome the past.

"Bella, look at me." I demanded gently, and she complied at once, meeting my gaze with some caution. Although she was still blocking my gift, it was easy to tell from the look in her eyes, that this was hard for her … not only the consideration to take me up on my offer but to talk about the day my brother had left her. "You are right … to some extent. Although you've told me more than once that none of it has been my fault, and I am beginning to see the truth in it, you cannot deny that it happened. I know that you think I am offering my help only to punish myself, but you have to believe me that I want to do this solely for you. I've felt your pain the other day. You've tried to hide it from me ever since, tried to bury it deep inside, but I can still see it in your eyes. And it pains me to see that.

"I think it is time to let it all out. Bella, you are the strongest person I've ever met, but keeping those kinds of things inside, in order to protect others from your pain … well it is not healthy. Please let me help you. I think in sharing your emotions with me while reliving your worst nightmare I can actually help you to heal those wounds of yours. You've been willing to do the same thing for me yesterday, let me return the favor." I finally finished my speech, observing her reaction very closely. I projected my feelings of trust, honesty and love on her, hoping my attempt wasn't in vain due to her shielding. Her tentative smile was answer enough. A single tear ran down her cheek. I caught it quickly with my thump. "Please, Bella." I implored one more time. She drew in a shuddering breath and nodded.

"You've asked for it." She murmured so low, that I almost didn't catch it. And then without any further warning I was confronted with the entire variety of Bella's emotions. My whole body trembled under the onslaught, and if I had been standing at the time, the force would have knocked me down to the floor. She grimaced at my reaction, giving me an apologetic smile. I hoped my answering smile gave her some reassurance. But to be honest, it was very hard for me to keep myself upright, and not cry out in pain. How in the hell was she able to contain all this without crumbling?

I can do this … I have to … for her … I chanted to myself, not totally sure I would be victorious in the end. The touch of her skin seemed to help … a little. I was tempted to replace her feelings of pain and loss with something better, but I knew I had to endure this in order to help her through her walk on memory lane.

"Where was I?" Bella said pensively.

"You went into the woods with Edward." I assisted her, bracing myself as best as I could for what would come next. I knew it wasn't going to be a nice bedtime story … most certainly far from it.

"Yes." She mumbled, taking another deep breath before she continued. I could read her emotions now, but she still tried to control them to some extent … in order to keep herself in check or to protect me, I didn't know nor did I really care. My mind was only on one thing, making it through this in one peace and of course to help her in the process.

"Like I've said … at the time I still thought we were just going for a walk and finally have a talk. But apparently I was blinded by my faith in our love, more precisely in his love for me. As it turned out he just lured me out there to tell me that he was sick of me." She spat. I could feel her anger, but it was overshadowed by her strong feelings of rejection and unworthiness. I tried my best to contain the constant growl in my chest. I didn't want to wake up Charlie, considering I was busy enough already, and I didn't want to add something else on my platter.

I surely didn't like what I heard. Did Edward actually word it like that? Doubtful. Edward was a fool, but he wasn't vicious.

"The first thing Edward told me that he was leaving Forks." She answered my unvoiced question. "Can you believe it that I was foolish enough to believe that he planning on taking me with him? But he quickly managed to burst my bubble, making it very clear that he didn't want me in his life anymore, saying I didn't belong in your world … like I didn't know that already. I am just a fragile little human … a liability … the human memory is like a sieve. I wish." She fumed. By now the tears were running freely. Her words were a jumbled mess, but I got the gist of what had happened. "My memory works just fine. How could he believe I would be able to forget him? Or any of you for that matter?" She didn't say anything else for a few minutes, simply sitting across from me. I let her cry, but pretty soon I couldn't take it anymore. I began to replace her bad feelings with good ones. It took everything I got to accomplish this goal. She allowed my assistance which probably made it a little easier.

As much as it pained me to say it, I knew I had to. "You know that he'd lied to you, Bella?"

"What makes you say that?" She countered, staring at me in confusion. Her eyes were red and puffy from her crying, but I could sense that she was feeling a little better.

"I am an empath, remember?" I chuckled, earning me a small smile from her. The next words were out of my mouth before I could stop myself. "Edward did love you." She was just as shocked as I.

What in the hell made me say that? Did I want to lose her? Drive her away? Did I think telling her that would make her feel better? Would that make me the good guy? Have I lost my mind? I berated myself.

I knew that I wasn't completely wrong with my assessment. True, as one of the two people who had been against his relationship with a human from the very beginning, I hadn't paid much attention to Edward's emotional state … at first. As a rule I've always tried to stay clear of the feelings of my former family members. With time it had become easier, since all of them have managed to control themselves around me to some extent.

But despite my aversion to the whole thing, it was very obvious how much Bella's appearance in his life has changed Edward. He definitely changed for the better. At least that has been the impression I've gotten from the distance. I hadn't given it much thought before today … for obvious reasons. Yes, Edward hasn't been brooding around the house twenty four seven like he'd used to, but he wasn't over the top delirious with joy like as I would have expected him to be. Underneath the surface always had been a lot of doubt and concern.

"Jasper, don't try to pacify me this way. It won't work. Even if you were right, apparently it wasn't enough though." Bella argued. "If he'd really loved me … he would have stayed, he would have found a way to work through this … with me … together. I would have gone to hell and back again, I would have done anything for him … but he took the easy way out. That's not love in my opinion. Yes, he might have had strong feelings for me, but I should have realized right away that they weren't strong enough. I'm convinced that he'd just wanted me around as a temporary distraction from his boring existence … but he certainly didn't want me for eternity." She stated, adding in a whisper, "Otherwise he would have granted me my wish of becoming one of you."

Does she still want to become a vampire? I would grant her that wish without a second thought. She would make a magnificent vampire, of that I was sure. And it would solve a lot of problems. But I knew it would do me no good to mention this now, not until I had time to talk about this whole soul mate issue with her. And this conversation would have to wait … until I'd come to terms with it myself.

I watched Bella, as she disentangled herself out of our weird half embrace, reaching over to her nightstand to grab a tissue out of the box. She blew her nose, and wiped the tears away. Despite her outer appearance, she was definitely more at peace, somewhat relieved. Her emotions were still all there, but the intensity behind them has worn off. I took some comfort in that fact, allowing myself to relax a bit. Who would have thought that a little human girl would have the power to take down a vampire like me?

She grabbed her pillow, stuffing it behind her back, leaning casually against the headboard. She pulled at her comforter, indicating that she wanted to cover herself with it. I chuckled and quickly moved. Not a second later I leaned against the headboard at her side, the comforter covering us both. She sighed in contentment, resting her head against my shoulder. I put my arm around her, pulling her closer.

"Thank you, Jasper. For listening … and helping me through this with your power." She said, and I was drowning in waves of gratitude and love. In response I placed a kiss on her head. "I guess you were right; I needed to get this of my chest. Sure I've talked to my mom about it, and that helped a little bit … enough to pull myself out of the void I've been trapped in for two months. But still … having to tell half truths the whole time … it is hard. I feel like a huge burden has been left of my shoulders. Thanks." She looked up at me, smiling.

I kissed her lips, only once. "Anything for you, my darlin'."

"You've said the exact same thing to me at the hotel in Phoenix." She said, sounding wistful.

I smiled. "I remember. And I'd meant it then as much as I do now. I will do anything for you, Isabella."

"I love you, Jasper."

For a split second I was stunned by her verbal declaration of her love for me, before I crashed my lips forcefully on hers. I pushed everything in this kiss … love, pain, loss, lust, adoration, and hope. I was drowning in a sea of emotions … mine and hers, realizing I was losing control of my gift again. Instead of fighting it, I embraced this strange sensation. I felt like floating. I was on fucking cloud number nine. There was nothing else but her and me.

When we finally broke apart we both were gasping for air, although she was the only one of us who actually needed it. I rested my forehead against hers. "I love you, too." I breathed.

"I know." She replied, pulling me in for another kiss. This one was gentler, but not less passionate. She was the one breaking the contact first this time. She smirked at me. "Wasn't there something more important you wanted to do?"

I chuckled at her innuendo. "I guess we've gotten a little of topic there."

She giggled, resting her head back at my shoulder. "I guess we have. You wanted to know what Sam has told me, right? Well not much actually. I guess he just came here to have his suspicion confirmed. But I can't figure out what he was doing here in the first place."

I would have asked myself the same question, if it weren't for the little piece of information I hadn't been able to share with her yet. "I believe they have been keeping an eye you for quite some time." I stated. She stared at me in confusion. "I did pick up a weird smell around your property yesterday. I didn't know what it meant then … but I do know now." I turned my face to look her straight in the eyes. She frowned at me. "Please Bella, don't freak out. But the reason why I've left your house prematurely this afternoon, was a surprise visit by someone unexpected." Bella's heartbeat picked up pace, and I quickly kept going with my explanation, before she could really freak out. "It was Laurent."

Relief was the first emotion I was assaulted with. Odd. Curiosity and a tad of fear were the next. More reasonable. "Peter and Char had picked up his scent around the house, and called me immediately. By the time I got there he was long gone."

"Why would he come here?" Bella asked.

"Unfortunately I have no idea." I replied, running my hands through my hair. I wasn't used to feeling helpless. It was unbelievably annoying. "But I am going to find out. I promise. With me and Peter and Char you're more than safe."

"And don't forget the wolves …" She joked.

"Hmpf. Lucky us …" I snorted. "I am curious though. How did you find out about their second nature? Did he just tell you?" I doubted that, since they were depending on keeping their secret from the humans as much as our kind, but I wouldn't really be surprised at this point if he'd just told her.

"No, I've figured that one out all be myself. I am a smart girl, you know." She announced proudly, quickly filling me in, how she'd drawn her conclusions from the bits and pieces of information she'd received all those months ago from her friend Jake. It didn't surprise me. Curiosity was one of her main character traits, and along with her natural perception, she was a force to be reckoned with. I wasn't sure if it always worked into her favor though.

"That you are. So what else did he tell you?"

"Not much. I think he actually didn't have much information to go on. Apparently he shares the same ability as you … picking up your scent, I mean. He gave me a warning though … the usual I guess … vampires are dangerous … blablabla." She waved her hand dismissively. I chuckled in response, knowing fairly well that Sam's assessment wasn't so farfetched.

"I guess, I won't be going down to La Push as often as I used to …" She mused. Suddenly I was confronted with a pang of sorrow.

"That might be better anyway." I commented. It came out harsher than I'd meant to, even though it was the truth.

She frowned in response. "Oh, is that what you're thinking? I should leave my friends behind now that I know what they are … I am not like that." She spared me a reproachful look.

I knew exactly where this was coming from. "Bella, don't be like that. I will never tell you what to do. But you have to see that it won't be easy for me … I love you … and when you are at the reservation I can't be with you … in case something happens …"

"I know, I know." She interrupted me, caressing my cheek with her warm, soft hand. "You're only concerned for my safety when I am around a werewolf, right? This much I could ascertain from your reaction over the phone. While I can understand your concern, I am pretty sure that Sam would never hurt me on purpose, just like you. We might not be close friends, but I am a human and therefore he will never harm me in any way." She stated in full conviction.

I shook my head in exasperation. She didn't get where I was coming from. I exhaled. "Bella. You might not like to hear this, or even understand it. But despite their reason for being … protecting human kind from the big bad vampire … they aren't as harmless as you might think. Even though I hadn't had the chance to meet any of them myself, I do know enough about their kind. They act on instinct alone, especially when they are young, inexperienced. I am a little surprised to tell the truth, that Sam has been able keep himself in check at all. Don't get me wrong, I am glad that he did.

"But in associating yourself with my kind it could be that he and his friends will see you as one of us now … especially if you keep hanging out with Peter and Char. They will definitely not like that." I said, smirking.

"I haven't told Sam about them." Bella assured me quickly.

"Yeah, I assumed as much." I said, kissing her temple once. "But anyhow … I need to ask you a favor. Please, keep your distance from them … at least for the time being. I want to talk to someone who has actually had some experience with them."

"Carlisle?" She guessed.

"No, Rosalie." I said, pulling her letter out of my back pocket. I handed Bella the wrinkled sheets of paper. "I've wanted you to read this earlier today, but I hadn't had the chance to give it to you." Bella smiled, and unfolded the letter. I sat beside her, caressing her arm with my fingertips, smiling at her shiver of pleasure. I waited patiently for her to finish reading. Her emotions went haywire for a second there, and I heard her catch her breath.

"You should call her." She said, handing me back the letter. "Not only for information, though. It is obvious that she's worried about you." Her voice was layer with admiration and confusion. The last wasn't a surprise, since she and my sister hadn't had the chance to get to know each other very well.

"I was planning to." I announced, pointing at her nightstand where the cell phone was lying, along with the charger. I've placed both items there shortly after my arrival, but hadn't had the chance to plug the phone in. Bella moved before I could. I watched her with a grin on my face, as she connected the charger first with the phone and then with socket.

"There you go." She said, joining me on the bed again. "Now you can call her while I am sleeping."

I shook my head, pulling her in a tight embrace. "Thanks."

"No problem, baby." She said. Suddenly she laughed. "So does that mean that Peter and Charlotte are on house arrest for the time being?"

I chuckled in response. I had no idea Bella had such a weird sense of humor. I liked it. "Not exactly, but close. I only suggested that it would be better for all of us if they stay at the house for tonight at least, and since they aren't hunting in this area, they should be safe in general. Well, not that they are in real danger to begin with. But I don't want to draw any attention to us, or start a war. I think with Rose's help we can figure out how to go from here, a way to make this work … especially if we plan on staying here longer. And maybe she can help us out with the other problem … Laurent." I growled the last part.

"The way you talk … it sounds like strategizing to me." Bella observed. "Have you been in the army?"

I was stunned again by her way to draw conclusions, although by now it shouldn't be that surprising anymore. "I have." I confirmed.

She raised an eyebrow at me. "How old are you, Jasper?"

"Twenty." I answered automatically. It wasn't a lie though, but it was only my physical age.

She rolled her eyes at me in obvious annoyance. "You know what I mean. My guess is that you are at least as old as Edward, probably older." She speculated, daring me with a significant look … to challenge me? Feisty … I like it.

I could sense her determination. I should have known right away that I wouldn't get away that easily. She was clearly on a mission here, and my single-word answers weren't satisfying her curiosity, if anything they only intensified her resolve to make me come clean, share some details about my past life.

I deliberated my options for a second. I could tell her that it was too late already, and that she should go to sleep. But she's just opened up to me, figuratively and literally. Maybe it was time to repay the favor. And with the gates open between us … both ways … it would be difficult to lie to her about anything, because she would sense it. But even if I wasn't projecting my own feelings at the moment, I wouldn't want to lie to her. I wanted her to know everything about me, like I wanted to know everything about her. I knew it was time to step up, to stop being a coward.

Maybe this is the night to share our deepest and darkest secrets … no turning back now …

I pulled her into my lap, carefully keeping the comforter around her shoulders. I needed her as comfortable and close as possible. Her touch was the only thing that kept me grounded. Bella gently stroked my face with both of her tiny hands. It was kind of eerie how much she was in tune with my mood swings. I kissed her once, very softly, before I pulled back.

"Edward hasn't told you anything about me, has he?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

She shook her head. "No, he said that it wasn't his place to tell me the background stories of any of you guys without your permission." She said, once sounding very fond of my brother. As much as it pained me to admit, I shared this feeling with her.

Thanks to his special gift Edward had more insight into the minds of anyone around him … with the little exception of Bella of course. And he was right. It wasn't his place to fill her in on anything, it was mine. But then again I was pretty sure the main reason why he'd neglected to tell her anything about my past, was the fact that he'd thought he was protecting her. Well, he hasn't been completely wrong about that. True I wanted nothing more to prove him wrong, but after sharing some of my past with Alice and remembering her reaction, I was scared that Bella would react just the same. I could still taste the repulsion and disappointment on my tongue. I hadn't resented Alice for her reaction, but deep down I'd expected more from my … former … mate.

I wanted to believe that Bella was different, I really did … but momentarily my fear of another negative response was stronger than my faith in what we had.

No one in your life is with you constantly … no one is completely on your side … stop whining, Major, you are embarrassing yourself … to love means to take risks, right?

"Okay, Bella. I will tell you my story. But like I've told you before, it is not a nice story. I've done things, horrific, unspeakable things … and I promise I will not hold it against you, if you decide to never see or speak to me after." I said, sounding really pathetic. What was wrong with me?

"Jasper." She scolded me. "Nothing you'll tell me will change how I feel about you. If I can forgive Edward's little era of youth rebellion, I'll certainly grant you the same."

I snorted. "What Edward has done, pales in comparison with my experience."

Bella was clearly taken aback by my sudden harsh tone of voice. I felt like a total idiot. I knew that she only wanted to encourage me, and what was I doing? Fuck it up, as usual. I reached over tentatively, tugging a stray strand of her hair behind her ear. "I am sorry, darlin'. I didn't mean to upset you. You will understand soon why he's kept this from you, and for good reason." I explained, taking in another deep, unnecessary breath. Here goes nothing …

"I was born in 1844 in Houston, Texas." I began, smirking at the concentrated look on Bella's face. I knew that she was doing the math in her mind. "I don't remember much about my childhood or my family. You probably know that we all seem to suffer from almost full-blown amnesia after the change. Maybe it is better this way. If you forget almost everything about your former human life then at least there is nothing you want to go back to, right?" I mused. I believed that even though it did hurt not remembering we all were rather relieved. Losing the knowledge of what used to be made the transition a little easier. It would have been unhealthy to hold onto things and people who were of limits.

"Anyway … you were right about your earlier speculation. I joined the Confederate Army in 1861, when I was almost seventeen years old. I lied to the recruiters and told them I was twenty. I was tall enough to get away with it … and my empathic ability … although still latent at the time … was working into my favor." I smirked at her reaction. I told her in quick succession what I'd remembered about my short but successful life in the Confederate Army. She listened with interest, clearly engrossed in that part of my story. I wouldn't be surprised if she would ask my help on a future history paper on the Civil War. "Like I'd said, the details are a little fuzzy, but since I've died as a soldier, I guess that I'd kept those memories with me for a reason." There was more meaning behind those words, than Bella could realize at the moment. She was quiet, a little too quiet for my taste. Apparently, she was sensing that the next words out of my mouth, wouldn't be as nice … quite the contrary.

"I can remember every detail of my last night as a human." I said, concentrating hard on Bella's steady breathing. I was sure that would change soon. But it helped me to get started. "I was placed in charge of evacuating the women and children from the city when the Union's mortar boats reached the harbor …" I almost raced through the rest of my story, hoping that the faster I'd finish the less painless it would be. Of course I spared her the finer details. She didn't need to hear about me raping young girls, before draining them … even though I'd only done it on Maria's orders. In my opinion it didn't make a difference whatsoever. I was a monster, plain and simple.

The silence between us was awkward. Not really surprising but kind of eerie.

The calm before the storm …

Bella's emotions were all over the place, as were mine, which made it difficult for me to find out, how she was feeling about all this. I knew it was much to process at once. I kept my eyes downcast, afraid of seeing the rejection and disgust in her beautiful brown eyes. But it didn't escape my notice that she was crying, though.

Well at least she isn't screaming at you to get the fuck out …

Out of the blue she threw her arms around me, pulling me closer. She sobbed into my shoulder, mumbling something like 'I'm so sorry you had to go through all this.' and 'I am so proud of you.' For a second there I thought my ears were playing a trick on me.

But then she was covering every inch of my exposed skin she could find with frantic, sloppy kisses, almost like she was trying to make sure that I was okay. Was this girl for real? I just told her that I'd killed thousands of humans for no good reason … apart from creating a vampire army for a crazy bitch of course … and here she was, comforting me.

All gates were open, and I was drowning once again in love. I couldn't believe my luck. I started kissing her back, tasting her tears for the first time. We ended up holding each other as tightly as possible, both sobbing for a couple of minutes. What a hell of a long night?

I sighed into her hair in utter relief and total contentment. I was amazed by this girl to say the least. Her capacity to love unconditionally … especially someone like me … was simply beyond me. I'd always thought Carlisle was the most compassionate person, but this human girl in my arms could give him a run for his money. I knew it would be hard, if not impossible, but I would try to be a better person … for her … someone worthy of her love.

Yes, I already felt the need to protect her, in the sense that she was my mate and I didn't want her taken from me … but now, it suddenly felt different. I was going to protect and care for this girl because she deserved it and so much more. She was precious and wonderful and would comfort a vampire after he'd accidentally broken her. She was simply astounding.

Bella finally pulled away, wiping the remaining tears from her face. I swiftly grabbed another tissue from her nightstand, handing it to her with a tentative smile on my face, which she reciprocated.

"Thanks." She hiccupped.

"No, thank you." I said, showering her with all the gratitude and love I felt for her. I chuckled, when she swayed under the force, but quickly regained composure.

"I guess we are even now." She said, shrugging her shoulders. She moved on her back, clearly exhausted now and ready to sleep. It was after midnight now. I moved to lie next to her, and she snuggled into my chest.

"You want some assistance there, darlin'?" I offered.

"Yes, thank you." She whispered. "I love you, Jasper."

"I love you, too." I kissed her forehead once, before I put the whammy on her. "Sleep well and sweet dreams. I'll be there in the morning."

A moment later she was out cold, snoring slightly. I settled in for an hour of holding her, before I was going to make good on my promise … in making a very important phone call to my sister.

A/N So, now all the cards are on the table. What do you think about Jasper's and Bella's reactions? Reasonable? Or not?

You know I like your input, so don't be shy and leave me a message. Thanks!!!

Until next time, take care.