Chapter 24: Eren
Notes:
Here it is... The Truth.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
"Mike! Disconnect him!"
Stop it! It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. Make it stop! It hurts... I scream. I think I'm screaming... My mouth is open. My lips are dry and cracked... like my skin. It's so dry; I really feel like it's cracking! Everywhere. All over me. Like my skin is being peeled off... as it cracks... as it falls apart... and it hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts.
"IT HURTS!"
"Mike..."
"He is disconnected already... The system booted him the moment he started to freak out..."
I try to protect myself with my hands. My chest. My shoulders. My face. No. No. No. It doesn't work. It hurts... It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It's hot. It burns. I keep my eyes close, but it's like the colors are printed on my eyes. Red. Orange.
"Eren..."
The color of fire. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts.
"Eren..."
The feeling of the flames licking my skin off... It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. I want to go back home... to his place. I want a bath. Water. I'm thirsty. I need water... Fuck. I'll die from dehydration! I can't even... cry... Wait. No. I am crying. It's wet on my skin.
And then, suddenly, as if I'm waking up, I hear him calling my name and I open my eyes... to his. He's there. He's not burned or anything. He's the same as usual and I'm not getting burned myself for the sake of experimentation. He kisses my forehead. He tells me to calm down... and I realise my heart is hammering painfully in my chest.
And I'm having an incredible nausea...
"Levi..." I try to speak. I realise my voice is hoarse. My throat is dry... I really have been screaming and crying, uh? I clear my throat quickly and, just as I feel it coming in a rush, I manage to get Levi to hear me say: "I think I'm going to puke..."
Fuck, I never thought Levi would caress my back softly and help me keep my hair out of my face while I puked everything I ate today in the trash can... Never! Yet, he did.
-x-
''Hey... Are you sure you're ready to go back there?'' he asks, but we both know there's no going back. We both know I'm not a quitter... and we both want the truth as much as each other now. It wasn't the case before I came here. I thought it didn't matter. I thought I knew what I needed to know, but I didn't... I thought... Fuck, I thought I went on that expedition... I thought I died on that expedition.
I didn't... It was you.
''Yeah.''
I won't make the same mistake again. I thought it was real. You have every right to be worried for me... I know I screamed. I know I cried. I know I freaked out. I know, like you know, the experiments aren't going to end there either, but I won't lose myself. I won't forget who I really am... I know it's not me. I know. I know it's not real. I know. It'll hurt, but I can get through this. I did it once and I'm not to give up when he didn't. He couldn't.
It could have been me.
It could have been my life... Fuck! It's a part of my life.
In this dark and depressing room... Who's there for him if Levi isn't? Me, just me. So... When he's all alone regenerating in pain, I'll be there. When he's falling apart because it's hard, I'll be there. When he's losing himself to despair, I'll be there. When he screams and wants to die... but can't let himself die and leave him, I'll be there.
And... When no one's there to witness all he does for him, I'll witness it all.
I'll take it all in.
I sit back in my chair and I feel Levi's eyes on me even though I close my eyes. I'm just glad he doesn't say anything... I'm just glad he knows this isn't like with him; it isn't easy for me. I don't make the same distinction between Eren and me that he does with Levi. To me, I've always been Eren... The same Eren... The only Eren. I can't let go of him. I will never let go... Even if I ended up seeing his death, I don't think I'd stop thinking it's me... kind of.
And, even if I have you, I can't give up on this other Levi...
''...I love you.'' I whisper quietly. I'm not sure he could hear it, but I hear footsteps coming back to me... to kiss my forehead. I see his face between my eyelashes when I open my eyes slightly. I think I hear a faint ''Me too...'' It's very quiet and maybe it's in my head, but I smile.
And, suddenly, before I can feel him get too far, I grab his wrist in my hand... to stop him.
''Wait.''
Of course, he looks at me. And I look at him with his stupid black clothes. It makes us suspicious, but he insisted... Whatever. It's not like he wears anything other than dark clothes anyway.
''I just... I need to know...'' I start carefully like I'm scared of the answer. ''It's not Levi, uh?''
He sighs. He looks away... and finally, after what feels like an eternity, I hear it: ''It's not...''
Strangely, I feel like a weight suddenly lifts off my shoulders... I'm just glad. I'm glad it's not him. I'm glad he didn't go through this... and yet, I'm sad. I'm sad for Eren, because he's doing this for someone who's not even there. He's doing it all for nothing.
So, when I get back in the Replayer with Eren facing the wall of stone between him and the burned person in the next room... when he thinks of the single wall of stone between Levi and him, I think of the walls between him and his Levi.
...Big, enormous and incredibly high walls.
After all, at that moment, Levi was probably dying somewhere outside the walls... if he wasn't already dead.
-x-
Authenticating… Replayer: Eren, Password: Brat
Success!
Opening Session no. 11-16
Resuming Memory
''Hey Levi... You know... It's not too bad down here... I guess.'' Pause. No response. Nothing. Of course, there's no reaction. There's no one around. There's a damn wall between him and the person he's talking to... and he probably wouldn't be able to talk if he was in the same room anyway. He wouldn't have been able to talk about anything other than what was right there: Levi and the fire... and the scars it left. The wall turns into a shield to hide him from his fear, and it lets him talk freely. He likes to think it's good for Levi to hear him talk about different things. At first, he had lots of things to say... He would just talk about all that happened in the city since he left on his mission.
Now, he doesn't have much to say.
''I kind of miss Armin... and everyone... I guess.''
''Just a little...''
Silence... No, it's strained by his breathing getting uneven. No. He won't cry. He leans forward until his forehead touches the wall. It doesn't hurt as much as it used to. His skin is slowly regenerating. He is slowly getting better... and Levi isn't. No. He shouldn't think about that either, but he screwed that up already. It's right there. In his mind. It won't leave.
''It's just lonely, you know... at least I'm feeling better now. I can lie down in the bed and it doesn't feel like hell. I wish I could heal you. I would, you know. I would.''
Pause. Silence. No response. It's just him trying to calm down... to not cry... to not punch the wall with his fist. He's clenching his fist against the wall next to his head, but he's not going to get angry over how powerless he feels. He is going to think of something positive... so, he says the one thing that is positive:
''Hanji says it's good... I mean, my regeneration is already going very well and all. She says it means there's a chance for you.''
That's the only good thing happening down here.
''She says, she'll do more experimentations for different injuries... and sickness. She says we should test it... test the limits. We could use it to help many people. Not only you. Everyone.''
...but a part of him only cares about Levi right now, so he doesn't care about any other experiment. He just wants them to use their samples, to use them, to try stuff... as fast as possible. Fuck the rest of the experiments.
-x-
Authenticating… Replayer: Eren, Password: Brat
Success!
Opening Session no. 11-16
Resuming Memory
It's nothing new. Each day, they come and he does everything they ask... He lets them chain him to the wall and he lets them destroy him. He clenches his teeth. He closes his eyes and he counts. He counts. He focuses on the numbers. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7... Cut... 8-9-10-11... Cut... 12-13-14-15... Cut. Cut. Cut. 99-100-101... Cut. He thinks of Levi. He thinks of good stuff... fun stuff, agreeable stuff... Until he can't even think about anything other than the blade cutting his flesh.
Yesterday, it was to test a clean cut versus an unclean cut and he thought it was stupid because he went through that already didn't he? Today, it's about his eyes... His beautiful eyes Levi liked so much. The world is filled with black and he crawls on the floor until he reaches the wall. He knows the room enough to manage his way through it, but it's really weird to be blind... more like, to have his eyeballs literally destroyed. It doesn't hurt anymore... which means the regeneration started to work its magic on him. He just hopes he keeps his usual turquoise green color. His skins became a bit lighter after the fire, but that might be from the lack of sunlight on it too.
He bumps into the wall when he turns to sit against it. He thought it was a little bit further away. And he really needs to sit. He's really tired. It makes him feel cold and weak. He wraps himself in his covers. Even if he can regenerate, it's not like it doesn't put a strain on his body.
''Hey Levi...'' he starts slowly. He might be getting a cold now. His voice is hoarse and it's hard to speak. It wouldn't be that surprising actually. His body couldn't get to fight this while continuously regenerating his limbs all the time. Maybe. Perhaps. ''I'm alright... really.''
Silence. He likes to imagine that Levi probably talks when he stops talking... and he keeps pausing to give him the occasion to talk back to him... or ask him questions. He'd probably ask what happened today or something. He'd ask about what they did to him and he'd answer:
''It wasn't too bad today...I mean, they tried different things on my eyes and then settled with plucking them, but I'm alright... It'll be alright. I can't see a thing and all, but it doesn't hurt anymore, so it's fine.''
Pause. He wraps the blanket around him even more and he'd crawl completely under it to hide his face too if he could. He feels like shit. He probably looks scary and he's kind of glad Levi can't see him like that.
''Hanji said they're working on your case though... I asked her. She said they're running tests to see how it mixes with how humans normally regenerate cells and stuff like that. I don't know. I'm not sure. It's complicated.''
And he never really understands when she talks through all of this to him... He asks because he wants to know how it's looking for Levi and him, but... All he gets are complicated answers that don't mean anything to him. It's annoying. It's frustrating. Armin would understand... speaking of which...
''I asked them if they could get Armin to come see me... They said they'd ask him.''
And he smiles, because he wants to see his friend... It would be good to talk to someone who understands and responds for once. It'd be good to see a familiar face with a smile on his face... someone other than Hanji.
''I can't wait to see him,'' says the boy sleepily. He really needs to get back to his bed against the opposite wall before he falls asleep against the wall, but he ends up falling asleep in this position anyway... Hoping to see Armin in the following day.
-x-
Authenticating… Replayer: Eren, Password: Brat
Success!
Opening Session no. 11-16
Resuming Memory
...But he doesn't see Armin in any of the following days.
When he asked, they said they gave him his message and couldn't do anything else. They couldn't drag Armin in here either... but it isn't like Armin to make his friend wait. Not at all. He is reliable and he is always there for his friends... So, of course, Eren gets ready to talk to Levi about Armin when he manages to leave the toilet for more than five damn minutes and stops puking in the bucket he's been holding since they injected him with something... some disease they hadn't tried yet in the previous weeks. They had tried plenty of those lately, but this is the first time he finds himself puking and shitting until he feels numb. He can't even drink without puking it all out in the following minute... and he gave that up for now.
''Hey Levi...''
''I'm alright... Really. I've just I never felt like I needed a bath this badly before... You'd find me disgusting,'' he says and he laughs dryly. Levi would probably find his own self very disgusting right now too. Do they ever let him wake up at all? He heard footsteps going next door once in a while, but nothing else. They probably never even let him wake up... and it's been so long since Eren last saw him, he doesn't even know if Levi healed even just a little bit since then... probably. It's been so long. He feels like it's been so long.
At least he, himself, is slightly better since like... ten minutes now. Ten minutes without shitting himself and vomiting bile. He sighs and leans back against the cold wall.
He gave up on dressing himself... It felt useless since all he did was remove it in an hurry. God. He's getting tired of feeling awful all the time... He wants a damn break. He needs a damn break... No! He can't have a break. Not until Levi's better!
And yet... when he hears footsteps in the stairs... when he hears the key in the door... He freaks out because he doesn't want anymore experiments yet. No. No. He musts. Fuck. He hates himself for letting Levi down... even for just a little... if he had the chance.
-x-
Authenticating… Replayer: Eren, Password: Brat
Success!
Opening Session no. 11-16
Resuming Memory
''I think we tested the limits of your regeneration enough.''
And Fuck! He probably didn't hear this correctly... probably not. Does this mean he's going to get a little break? Does this mean this can do something for Levi now? Can he see him? He wants to see him. He won't touch him if he can't... He'll just look at him, to confirm he's real and he's not fucking crazy... yet.
''Isn't that great, Eren? No more painful stuff!''
She smiles, but he's starting to feel it all creep under his skin... There's something off here; she's being too nice suddenly. She had him go outside. She had him get a bath... and it felt heavenly. She even asked if he wanted an haircut, but he refused. He liked his hair like that. It was longer and it was almost up to his chin. He liked it.
''That's nice..., but what about Levi's condition?''
''Well, Levi is slowly getting better... but, it's really slow. We can't let Levi get the regeneration medicine from you yet... because Humans aren't accommodating to it correctly. In you, it's like... it's part of you and it doesn't cause any problems, but it doesn't do that with others human beings... That's why we'd like to try something different.''
Oh... That's it. It's here... He knew it. It was too good to be true, uh? Why can't it just end already!? So, he's careful when he asks: ''What do you... want to try?''
It takes him all he's got to say each word... Deep inside, he doesn't want to take part in it. He doesn't want to be part of it... and it's a confirmation when she answers the damn question. He doesn't want it. He fucking doesn't want any of it. No. He can't do this. He can't. No way. This is impossible... No. No. No!
''I... I can't...'' he says.
''I'll find someone who looks like him...''
''...No... I... That won't do.'' Why is he getting embarrassed suddenly! She should be... Not him!
''It's for Levi, Eren... Levi needs help to get better and this is the best way for us to observe how your genes can mix with a human.''
He knows... He knows it's for Levi! He knows, but he... He can't possibly do that! Fuck! He never did it... He isn't into that... He's... It's just Levi.
''I really don't think I...''
More like he really doesn't want to... what about Levi? He can't do this.
''I know how you feel Eren, but... Think about it, it's for Levi.''
It is... It's for Levi. It's for Levi. It's for Levi. For Levi! All for Levi! and yet, he finds himself speechless and unable to find a comeback to this. He knows he'll do whatever it takes for Levi. In the end, he'll probably even do this... even if it breaks him.
''You can give it a try.'' she suggests and he nods weakly... even though he knows he'll never be able to get it done. He needs to. For Levi. He has to, but he's never going to be able to get it up for it... never.
And, of course, when he finds himself naked with a small black haired girl Hanji picked for him... He can't make it work. Hanji tried a girl similar to Levi like she had promised... a little bit similar. The difference was there. She was lighter. She wasn't muscular. She had a freaking vagina and she had boobs. It was a huge difference! He didn't know what to do with girls... and he didn't want to know. He wanted Levi. He wasn't a saint, he had wanted Levi still... he was just never given the time to really act on it all by himself. Truth be told, he actually got hard... and maybe it was because it had been so long. One way or another, he got hard... it just never lasted.
So, it led to awkward discussions with Hanji about his masturbation habits which left him red like a damned tomato. No, he hadn't jerked off in a while. Yes, he usually just thought of Levi. No, he wasn't into girls... Yes, he could get hard... it's just, he could just NOT get it done.
The second and the third times... He just couldn't fucking come and got soft before he ever got close to coming. He wanted to get it done as fast as possible and be done with this shit... really bad, but his body wouldn't fucking let him!
-x-
Authenticating… Replayer: Eren, Password: Brat
Success!
Opening Session no. 11-16
Resuming Memory
''Hey Levi... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry...'' he sobs like a freaking mess... once again while he speaks to Levi. God, he feels lame. He feels gross. He feels like he can still feel the girl around him and he scrubbed himself really hard earlier. He tried to get rid of it... of her, but it didn't work. He doesn't even know her name. He doesn't want to know her name. He just wants to fucking get over this and get away with Levi... and then... and then...
What if Levi doesn't want him anymore?
What if Levi is disgusted?
It chills him to the bone and he curls into a foetus position in the bed... because, it might happen. Even if it doesn't, he isn't even sure he'll be able to get over this and look at Levi the same way anymore... and, maybe, just maybe, it's fine... Because, when he thinks of it, if Levi is well... Then nothing else matters.
''Hey Levi... I really, really, love you, O.K.?''
And that's why it's painful.
-x-
Authenticating… Replayer: Eren, Password: Brat
Success!
Opening Session no. 11-16
Resuming Memory
''I'm just going to... well...'' He stops. For some reason, he finds the words caught in his throat when he talks about sex. It makes him a mess of embarrassment. He feels like a virgin suddenly... and maybe, he is. He's never done it with a girl... not that he really wants to, but he'll get it done. Today, he will. It doesn't matter if he can't look himself in the mirror after... because if he gets to see Levi awake and back to his usual life, it'll be worth it. ''I'll just jerk off... and I'll blindfold myself... and she'll just...''
He doesn't even know why he refuses to say 'You' when she's right there... He doesn't want to acknowledge her. Never will. Even if he gets her pregnant, he'll never accept it. He'll think about Levi the whole time... and he doesn't care about whatever Hanji does with her after. He's too tired of this bullshit to care. He just wants Levi to get better... That's the only thing he wanted since it started! Nothing else.
And finally, that's really all he really cares about.
''She'll just push my hand and... and ride me...'' Like Levi did... sometimes.
He sees the girl nod... and he vaguely wonders if she's getting paid for this. It's sad. It makes her a prostitute... or something, and he could wonder what it makes him..., but he doesn't want to think about it. He doesn't want to feel like a victim anymore than he already does. This isn't a rape... can guys even get raped? Well... Is this rape? He doesn't... he never actually thought about, but maybe it is... maybe that's exactly what it is.
-x-
Authenticating… Replayer: Eren, Password: Brat
Success!
Opening Session no. 11-16
Resuming Memory
''L-Levi...'' he moans at last... and he finds himself caressing the thigh around his hips softly... until he realizes it lacks the muscle of Levi's muscular legs. He did it... He fucking did it. He lets his hand drop to the side. No. He doesn't want to caress this thigh. The thigh he wants to caress... he'll probably never touch it again. He doesn't deserve it. He's filthy... and Levi's clean... and Levi can't be stained by him.
The girl gets off him slowly... and he's glad. He's glad she's off. He's glad she doesn't speak. He's glad she leaves. He's glad he can curl into a ball in his bed... and cry, because he suddenly realizes she left with a part of him... a part he'll never get back... a part he never thought he had until it was gone... He feels like a broken person suddenly.
He feels like an empty shell... and he tells himself it's fine. It's fine. It's fine because it's for Levi. It's fine because Levi will get better... right?
-x-
Authenticating… Replayer: Eren, Password: Brat
Success!
Opening Session no. 11-16
Resuming Memory
No one comes to Eren after that... No one. No one comes to Levi either. Eren knows because he doesn't sleep. He can't sleep. He feels dead. He feels like he's dying. Slowly. At least, it's not painful. He doesn't even feel anything anymore... just filth. On him. On the bed. All over him. He doesn't sleep in the bed anymore... He doesn't speak to Levi anymore. He can't talk to Levi.
He starts to think that he's going to die here... and it doesn't hurt as much as he thinks it would. He'll die alone in this filthy dark room... when he belongs. He accepts it and he's glad no one comes down here to bother him while he dies... until he hears footsteps again.
One step at a time.
Then he hears a knock... and another followed by a voice, a voice he thought he'd never hear again. The boy didn't know he was holding his breath until the voice reaches him... calling his name.
''Eren?''
Silence. Why is he here after all this time? How many days has it been? Or months? Fuck. He can't let hope creep under his skin... not now. He was ready to give up, yet he finds hope in him... stronger than ever, and he runs to the door with strength he didn't even dream he still had left in him.
''Armin! Is it you, Armin?''
''Eren! Hold on... I'll... I'll open the door!''
And he backs up a little to let his friend open the door. It takes a few attempts... and Eren is assuming Armin doesn't even have the key. He's forcing the lock... and the brunet doesn't understand. Why? Why is he here? Why is he whispering? Why is he looking over his shoulders? Why is he forcing the lock? Why does he look so... different? His blue eyes open wide when he sees the brunet and he says: ''Are you... Are you alright?''
To which the boy can't even answer... He looks down. No. No. No. He's not alright. He hasn't been alright for a long time now. He hasn't been even slightly alright ever since the girl and probably never will be..., but Armin doesn't question him. He drags him toward the stairs and he starts speaking and there's only one thing that doesn't sit well with Eren... not at all:
''You weren't even at Levi's funeral, so I became suspicious...''
He stops right there... and Armin looks at him, pressing him to move before someone comes, but Eren stays there... Right there, at the bottom of the stairs.
''Levi is... Levi is d-dead?''
No. It can't be. Levi's right there... He's right there in this room. He doesn't wait for an answer, he moves toward the door... the other door. The door he crossed once. Of course, it's locked. Of course, he can't see inside because there's something blocking the window...
Of course, Armin says: ''Yes... They found most of the bodies.''
''No... It's impossible.'' That's it. Slowly, he feels like everything's slipping away from him... whatever was left to keep him sane... whatever was left to keep him going through all of this...No. He can't accept this. Armin is wrong. Armin is lying... or someone fucked up. Levi's here. He's right there! ''Open this door!''
He finds himself yelling... of course. He finds his heart hammering in his chest. Loud. Violent. Desperate. He finds himself trembling... hard. And, slowly, for what seems like an eternity, Armin forces the lock and opens the door... and the room is empty. The room is empty. The bed is empty. He runs. He throws the cover down. He throws the mattress to the floor... as if Levi could be hiding underneath it.
''Eren... Levi died on his expedition. They found his body on the shore of the ocean, he isn't here.''
And he breaks.
Because Levi isn't there. Whoever was there, it wasn't even him... Whatever he did. No. All he did, it was for nothing. He was talking to an empty room the whole time... and now, his chest hurts so bad... so bad, he wants to open it and get rid of the pain. Levi is dead. Levi is dead... and it hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts.
Worst than anything else... It hurts. It hurts. It hurts.
He doesn't know how long he stays like that... On his knees in the middle of that room. He just knows Armin's right there... behind him. He just knows Armin wants him to stand up and leave, but he can't. He can't leave this place. He can't go back. He'll never be able to go back. He's dead... It would be better if he was dead. He should have gone on that expedition, it should have been him. Levi wouldn't have been fooled like him. Never. Levi would have been able to survive... He can't. It's useless. He went too far. He can't come back... and Armin probably knows his friend is broken.
They both know it.
So, when Eren says: ''Leave.''
Armin probably knows Eren is gone. Too far gone. But he tries anyway.
''Eren...''
''YOU NEED TO LEAVE!'' he screams... Leave him alone to die. Leave him alone to rot. Leave him alone to... to regret Levi. Leave him alone to hope... hope to meet him again someday... somewhere. ''I'm... I'm so... Just leave me alone!''
''Eren...'' tries Armin again while taking his hand... and Eren tries to get away, because he's filthy. He doesn't get to be touched... not by Armin... not by anyone, but Armin holds it. When Eren struggles, he kneels down in front of him and hugs him tightly...and Eren feels it. He feels the affection in the gesture. It's warm. It's the only warm thing he's felt in days... maybe months. He finds himself melting a little... melting enough to let go of the tears and cry.
''Levi is... Levi is probably disgusted by me now... I'm disgusted!... but I miss him. I miss him so bad! I wanna see him. I wanna see Levi!''
And it goes on.
He wants to see Levi.
He misses Levi.
He wants to see Levi... see him...even after all this, he can't let him go! He doesn't want to let him! Levi can't just go on without him! He was supposed to come back... He was supposed to see the ocean with him... not alone and dying!
For a while, they stay like this... and, slowly, Armin tells him the one story that would ease his heart and let him rest. The story he had read in a book in the library while he was depressed over Erwin Smith... The story he found in an old book written in a different language about one of the old continents before the walls. An Indian book. An Indian belief. While the beginning of Armin's story... about his own feelings really didn't ease Eren's heart, it slowly did...
Armin Arlet tells Eren Jaeger about the belief that maybe, just maybe, he'd find Levi again someday... Someday. Far away.
And, just like that, Eren Jaeger fades away.
-x-
Authenticating… Replayer: Eren, Password: Brat
Success!
Opening Session no. 11-16
Resuming Memory
When he opens his eyes again... The world is painted black and he feels incredibly sore. It feels like he hasn't moved in days. His legs feel like two noodles under him. He pushes himself up using the closest wall and he threads around carefully... keeping his hand on the wall. He thinks he's underground. It smells like humidity. It smells like soil. He doesn't recognize the place, but it is familiar... It's like he knows this place. He knows this other door leads to a similar room. He knows the staircase in front of it leads outside... and he takes it. Surely, there's someone outside. Surely someone will help him. Surely someone knows Eren Jaeger... Humanity's Hope. If not, then he'll just ask for the Corporal and they'll definitely know him. Everyone knows him.
The boy finds the ascension to be long... incredibly long. His whole body winces at the effort, but he keeps going. One more step. One more... until he sees light at the end. Faint light. The exit is small... He crawls out between spider webs, soil and vegetation. Lots of it. He meets the night sky with stars and there's nothing off about it... yet.
It's not until he searches for the wall... that he realizes...
There isn't any wall around. Nothing. Just trees and a sky high above... even if he looks far away, he doesn't see the dark silhouette rising in the sky. So, he walks... He walks until his body gives up on him and he falls to the ground without any clue about what happened to him.
-x-
Authenticating… Replayer: Eren, Password: Brat
Success!
Opening Session no. 11-16
Resuming Memory
The room is white... the light is soft, but it seems very bright with all the bright colors. There is some weird machine next to him and it reminds him of the things he saw on Annie's crystal when they confirmed she was alive... except he's not in crystal form. He's just Eren Jaeger on a bed. A woman dressed in white just came and told him to relax when he asked for Levi... or for where he was. She said someone would come for him soon... and he expected a familiar face, but he gets none. The man's face is foreign to him. This whole room is foreign to him and the only reason he didn't explore the building any further was because he was bound to the bed with some kind of strap. On his first wake, he freaked out. There was a weird machine. There were weird people. A woman was touching him... she was putting a needle in his arm and he freaked out. He couldn't explain why and, for some reason, he felt uneasy just thinking about it... He just didn't want her to touch him and to hurt him. Anything, but that.
He doesn't really remember how they calmed him down... He just knows more people came and they pushed him on the bed to keep him in position, and there was a pinch... and there was nothing. Just black.
Now, the weird thing is in his arm... covered with tape... and his other arm is fixed to the edge of the bed so he can't reach his other arm and remove it. At least, it doesn't hurt... and the woman told him it was to make sure he was alright.
Even though he knew he was. He felt perfect. A little bit weak, but he was perfectly fine.
Now, the tall man brings the closest chair closer to the bed and takes a pad out of his pocket. For a moment, he looks at Eren... at his hand stuck to the bed... at his thin body covered by a weird turquoise shirt. Then, he talks and his voice is softer and gentler than Eren thought it would be... and, now that he thinks about it, the man reminds him of Hannes... just a little. He shows him a badge... he says he's here to help, but the badge is unfamiliar.
''Hey, kid. The nurse told me your name is Eren is that correct?''
''Y-Yeah.. Eren Jaeger.'' Whoa! His voice is low... and it is actually weird to speak for once and not yell or... just keep silent. He clears his throat once... twice. Nurse... is that the woman in white? Probably. She did nurse him a little, but... more importantly: ''Where's Levi? and Mikasa? and Armin?''
Silence. The man writes on his notepad and then lift his eyes to Eren... to ask: ''Who are they? Your friends? Were they with you?''
''Yes... where are they?''
''I don't know. What are their second names? I'll look it up for you, kid.''
''Ackerman... Levi and Mikasa Ackerman. Arlet... Armin Arlet.''
The man nods and writes it down, but he doesn't leave. He just stays there... like he's waiting for something and Eren doesn't know what it is, so he keeps quiet until the question comes.
''Mind telling me what you were doing out there, kid?''
Notes:
That chapter was hard on me... Let's be honest. I managed to write it down super quickly for some reason, but then... then it never felt good when I worked on it again to make it all 'fit' together. It wasn't hard enough. It wasn't sentimental enough. I am not a very 'emotional' person myself either. At the end though, listening to some depressing instrumental music and then to Lorde's Everybody wants to Rule the World. I don't know. The emotion were there for me I guess... and the lyrics were speaking to me on a weird 'metaphorical' way... lol!
There's a room where the light won't find you
Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down
When they do, I'll be right behind you
So glad we've almost made it
So sad we had to fade it
Just... A dark room. Square room. No windows. Stone. No sound. Just a door... and then, I see Eren holding Eren's hand while every damn wall falls in front of the truth and Present-Eren is there with him. They almost made it. They almost died. They almost saved the lie... kinda... and they're torn between glad and sad for different reasons. I don't know. Her voice too... her fucking voice in that song is perfect. Oh well! Don't mind my rambling! xD