Spring 2014

" For crying out loud! Why the hell did you promise the professor that? I'm ridiculously busy that day!"

I am known for the tendency to be rather patient and the ability to keep my temper in almost all circumstances and when dealing with many types of people. But then, there is, for sure, a certain moment when I can be out of character and lose my self-possession in the blink of an eye : when I have a talk, with one particular person, my friend, Kise.

" I am very sorry, Akashicchi, but I got really carried away. You can reschedule, right? It's probably not too-"

" Stop your gap! It's impossible when I've already planned everything to the minute!"

He had better be grateful we were talking on the phone. If not, he should have been at death's door as we were speaking. Even after cutting him off so rudely, he carried on mouthing about how great it would be if us, the alumni, to pay a visit to our university, now that we were 27. It would be such a great opportunity to see our instructors and to learn sweet, old memories of the old days agian, he said to me at which I turned a deaf ear to.

" I don't want to hear anymore, Kise. I'm far too busy to be chatting right now."

Without listening to his response, I ended the call and chucked the phone away, well, actually onto the sofa. I could not risk doing any damage to it. It is too troublesome to go all the way to the store and might as well have to choose a different kind or style from the previous one. Anyhow, yes, I was occupied ( all week) and therefore had to finish the mount of paperwork lay neatly on my working desk like a terrible joke for a man on Sunday. " If I covered my eyes, would it disappear?", it occured in my mind and how funny it was because I did try. Surely, it did not happen like in my fantasy, but it was worth trying. I pulled the chair out and sat down. My hand reached the remote control and without the need to stare at the buttons, I turned on the air conditioner. I then put it down and placed it near the big mug of coffee. Yes, it was not the most healthiest thing, especially when consuming a large amount of it like this. But during the four years of working, I came to love caffeine and just could not bring myself to not fall asleep when sitting in an office all day, doing paperwork without it.

And so I was wide awake after taking a sip and initially, my concentration was excessive. But it stayed that way for only an hour. Under the following threats: empty mug, relaxing breeze, sore shoulders and blank mind, I could not help myself from just admitting defeated. Right when I was done signing a paper, the pen which my fingers were grasping was released from the firm hold and fell down the floor. I breathed out heavily in irritattion and bent down to pick it up. I intended to do that, but half way through, I changed my mind, all of the sudden. I left the pen where it was and vacated the room, after turning off the air conditioner and grabbed the jacket on the hook next to the door. It was Sunday after all.

Usually, the weather is warm and can be hot, but not today. When I opened the door, I was immediately greeted with a blast of cool wind which was soothing. With the key chain making a clicking noise, I strode towards the red Audi parked in front of my house. As soon as I started the engine, the car moved forwards at about 40 km/h. I visualised myself getting heavier and heavier which relaxed my body considerably, especially while my favourite song was vibrating in my mind. The road was not overcrowded, I guessed most people had decided to stay in or go for a trip outside the city. I was just glad there was no traffic jam, to me, that would be like going to sleep and getting wake up constantly until morning. It was only going to be a short ride and I wanted it to at least be a pleasant one. Five minutes later, I started to think about what Kise had told me. He was right that it had been three years since we last saw Teiko and my professors, but things were not so simple. My car turned left at the intersection as the desire of staying out a little longer was uncontrollably increasing. Seriously, my mood always gets ruined whenever I think of the work awaiting me and the responsibility of a CEO to accomplish them triumphantly. Unknown about the road that I just took due to the fact that it was my first time driving on it, I actually worried although the GPS was present. I began to glance around nervously and gripped onto the steering wheel a little tighter. Suddenly, something hit the windscreen. I stopped the car abruptly at that only to find out they were just a few of big, dry leaves. The wind must have gotten stronger than before and it really was when I stepped out of the car. The leaves were flying everywhere and my eyes tried to detect from where they originally were. And they stopped upon a park twenty metres away. I promptly drove there with inexplicable emotions fought each other in my stomach. The leaves kept scattering when I got to the destination. The sight was chaotic, the trees were having the gale denuded their twigs and leaves of them. People around me saw this as a not so good sign and quickly entered their home. But perhaps my feet were glued to ground and my mind was wandering, to somewhere faraway in my brain, somewhere that was buried by other memories.

Leaves sprout in spring and continue to grow and stay beautiful until summer. They leave the branches and fall to the ground in autumn. And in winter, they wither and are as dry as they can possible be and are concealed by layers of snow. And us people are like that of the leaves.

The memory came like a storm and penetrated my perception. And I was then aware of what was crossing through my mind.

People are born and raised and are beautiful the way they are. But in one point of our life, we fall. And after that, we are forgotten.

This memory was cruel. To me, it was pure bitterness and dejection.

One day, you will become like that or worse, you will become the one who made people become like that.

Without a choice, it had carved deeply into my mind and forever will it be a reminder.

I'm sorry, Seijuuro, for saying such things to you despite your young age. But I really mean it.

I could still visualise the sight as if it was happening in front of my very eyes. The isolated room, the painful window and her fragile figure on the wheelchair, counting her left days in this life.

Do not hate your father. It was only my fault for being in this pathetic state.

Never though will I forgive him. I stared at the sight, how ironic since it was the same sight she saw before her long journey. My countenance stayed the same, because I was capable of controlling my emotions. Time went by, until I realised how long it had been since I stood there. Hurriedly, I took out the key inside my jacket and turned around. And I accidentally hit someone, strong enough to push them to the ground.

" I'm really sorry. It was negligent of me."

I apologised and offered that person a hand. And there I saw. Deep bluish irises and pale skin.

" It's alright."

Like that of a leaf in autumn, truly beautiful yet had separated from its branch, only waiting to wither.