AN: I hope that this chapter addresses some of the questions some of you raised in your reviews - you were obviously paying attention, LOL! There's a lot of dialogue in this chapter - hopefully not too much though, let me know what you think, and as always thank you all so much for your reviews so far! Oh, and I have no idea how family court actually works so don't hate me if it's not an accurate depiction! ;) Finally, to the guest reviewer who was worried about Beth's breakfast cereal - if that'a the worst mistake Quinn & Santana make as parents, I think they'll be doing okay :)
Chapter Twenty-Eight: Judgement
Over the next few days Quinn couldn't help but wonder why time always seemed to speed up when she was dreading something, or slow down when she was waiting for something good. The week before the family court hearing flew past at an alarming speed and before Quinn knew it, she was dropping Beth off at pre-school on Monday morning, wondering if this was the last week she'd ever be doing it.
As she hurried down the steps in front of the school, checking her watch to see if she would be able to make it to her first class on time, a familiar voice stopped her in her tracks.
"Quinn? Can we talk?" Rachel was standing on the sidewalk looking apprehensive and nervous. There were dark bags under her eyes – it seemed like Quinn wasn't the only one having sleepless nights lately.
"I have classes," Quinn said defensively, but her feet suddenly seemed rooted to the spot and she stood motionless, her gaze fixed on Rachel.
"Oh, okay." The brunette seemed dejected but unsurprised by Quinn's stony response.
Quinn sighed. "What are you doing here, Rachel?" she asked wearily, pulling her coat tightly around her slender frame to stave of the bitterly cold wind that held the threat of snowfall.
"Well, I knew that this was Beth's pre-school because…" Rachel began but Quinn shook her head and held up her hand to silence the smaller girl.
"No," she said, trying not to sound too exasperated, "I mean, what do you want? Because I don't have the energy to fight with you and if you're here to tell me how wonderful Oliver is you can save your breath." That came out with more bitterness than she'd intended and Rachel's dark eyes widened slightly.
"No, no," she protested. "Not at all. I just… I wanted to see you, Quinn. I missed you. I missed our friendship." She looked wretched, and Quinn almost felt sorry for her before she remembered that Rachel had always been especially good at playing the victim.
"Well, now you've seen me," she said coldly. "So, if that's all I'm going to go. I'll be missing enough classes as it is this week." She started to walk away, struggling to maintain her icy demeanour when what she really wanted to do was scream and shout and tell Rachel how much she'd hurt her.
"Wait!" Rachel called after her, her tone anguished. "Please?"
Quinn heard footsteps running after her and felt the brunette's hand on her arm. She whirled around, holding onto her temper by a thread, and looked straight into a pair of chocolate brown eyes brimming with tears.
"I… I wanted to give you something," Rachel said hurriedly, searching frantically through her bag and pulling out a white envelope. "If it's not too late?" She held it out to Quinn with trembling fingertips. "Take it, please?"
"What is it?" asked Quinn apprehensively. "A list of reasons why Oliver would make a better parent than me?"
"No," Rachel replied, her voice small and sad. "I never said I was on his side, Quinn, but I couldn't just dismiss him out of hand. I don't expect you to understand and I'm not asking for your forgiveness, but I truly am sorry if what I said hurt you. That was never my intention. I've come to believe that Beth really does belong with you and I've tried to convey that in what I've written. I hope that it will hold at least a little sway with the judge." As she delivered her heartfelt speech, Quinn couldn't help but wonder how many times she'd rehearsed it before today. She was just a little too word perfect to come off as natural and spontaneous, but that was Rachel all over. She was rarely impulsive – she liked to prepare for everything she did as though it was a performance in front of thousands of adoring fans. Speech over, Rachel offered her a contrite smile before turning slightly as though she were about to walk away.
"You're right, Rachel, I don't understand," Quinn admitted, surprising herself at the audible pain in her voice. Rachel's shoulders dropped slightly, as if Quinn's declaration had added extra weight for her to carry. Quinn looked down at the envelope in her hands. Her name was written in elaborate and careful cursive, by someone who'd cared enough to take the time to do it properly. "Why don't you explain it to me over coffee?" she heard herself ask.
"Really?" Rachel looked at her like she'd just offered her a million dollars, then flung her arms around Quinn's neck and sobbed against her shoulder. After a few moments shock, Quinn recovered enough to wrap her arms around the smaller girl and rub her back soothingly as she cried.
Fifteen minutes later, they were sitting down at a tiny, cramped table in a rather soulless coffee house, sipping their hot beverages as they tried to recover the feeling in their fingers and toes. Rachel took a swig of her non-fat, soy milk, caffeine free, sugar free caramel macchiato (seriously, Quinn had wondered how many more caveats Rachel could cram into her order) and seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.
"I am sorry," she said for what seemed like the hundredth time.
"I know, Rach," Quinn said softly. "And I know you're trying to make amends, but I just can't get my head around why? I thought we were friends. You know how much Beth means to me."
"I do," Rachel agreed quickly. "But Oliver was telling me the same thing, and I couldn't just dismiss him out of hand. He's Shelby's brother, Quinn, and I thought that maybe… maybe if I got to know him it would be like I still had a part of her, you know? I know Shelby and I weren't close but I always thought we'd have more time and I hoped that one day we could have a real relationship. My dads are great, the best, but I really wanted a mom. I told everyone I was fine and that it didn't matter when she rejected me, but it did. And then, when she died, I knew I'd never get to have that relationship." Her voice broke and a couple of tears spilled down her cheeks.
"I understand that," Quinn said truthfully. "My relationship with my dad was… complicated. Even now, there's a part of me that's still a scared sixteen year old girl looking for her daddy's acceptance. When he died, I had to come to terms with the fact that, no matter what, I'd never have that. I never really had it to begin with – his love was always conditional."
"Oliver told me he was sad that he hadn't been closer to Shelby, and that he wanted to make that up by taking care of Beth," Rachel said with a wry smile. "He said that he wanted a real relationship with both his nieces and that he was sorry he hadn't gotten to know me sooner. He seemed so sincere, Quinn."
"Seemed?" Quinn asked curiously, wondering about Rachel's use of the past tense.
Rachel nodded shakily. "I know now that it was just an act," she admitted. "The day after my… disagreement with Santana, I called Oliver. Kurt and Blaine were mad at me too and I just needed to talk to someone who would understand – he'd been so kind up until then, he kept telling me that he didn't want me to choose sides, that the only one who mattered in all of this was Beth. Anyway, he said again how sorry he was that he and Shelby hadn't been closer, and I asked him why that was. He told me that they'd argued when she'd fallen pregnant with me, that he hadn't agreed with her choice. They'd reconciled in recent years, but they didn't talk for a long time after I was born. At first, I thought he meant he wanted her to keep me, but then he likened it to your situation, said he had the chance to right a wrong from a long time ago, to stop it happening all over again."
Quinn felt sickened by Rachel's story. She was angry at Rachel for being taken in by Oliver's deception, but her anger was tempered with sympathy for the brunette.
"Kurt told me what happened when you met with Oliver the day before the funeral," Rachel said softly, "and then it all made sense."
"How did Kurt know?" Quinn asked, surprised. She hadn't told any of her friends the detail of her meeting with Oliver, just that it hadn't gone well. She had always been an intensely private person and that was a hard habit to break. She hadn't seen what good could come from revealing the whole sordid business, especially when her friends were already (or so she'd thought) on her side.
"Santana," Rachel explained. "She told him the whole story. I wish I'd known sooner. Oliver and Shelby fought, not over her decision to give me up, but over whom she gave me up to." She paused to wipe the tears from her eyes, and then reached for Quinn's hand across the table. "I told him I want nothing more to do with him," she admitted. "I'm proud of my dads and the way they brought me up. They did an amazing job, and I know you'll do an amazing job with Beth. But, why Shelby ever made it up with Oliver enough to name him Beth's legal guardian, I'll never know." She shook her head sadly.
"It's hard to turn your back on family for good," Quinn mused, staring down into her now empty coffee cup. "I know, I've been there. And sometimes people can change – I mean, look at my mom. Maybe Oliver convinced Shelby he'd changed. But you're right, we'll never know what Shelby was thinking."
"But we do!" Rachel exclaimed suddenly, causing several other patrons to turn and frown in her direction. Suddenly, the brunette was inexplicably beaming.
Quinn frowned. "What are you talking about?" she asked, shaking her head.
"In the hospital," Rachel said breathlessly, "when you and I took Beth in to see Shelby. I just remembered - she asked you to take care of Beth! I should have thought of it before but I wasjust overwhelmed and confused and…" She broke off and looked at Quinn, her dark eyes flooded with hope.
Quinn sighed. "Rach, I already told my lawyer about that. He said that Oliver's lawyers would have it thrown out. The doctors were optimistic that Shelby was going to make a full recovery. She didn't know she was going to die. She could have just been talking about me looking after Beth while she was in the hospital."
"Do you believe that?" Rachel wanted to know.
"No." Quinn sighed. "But it doesn't matter what I believe. It's what the judge believes that counts."
"But Beth needs to be with you!" Rachel insisted, looking crestfallen. "It's what Shelby wanted. He has to see that!"
"I hope you're right," Quinn replied brokenly.
The morning of the court hearing, Quinn was up before dawn. She'd seen every hour on the clock since she and Santana had gone to bed the night before, and finally, somewhere around four she'd given up on sleep and gotten up to wander the apartment aimlessly. She ended up in Beth's room, where she sat on the floor and watched the little girl sleeping peacefully. Santana found her sitting there shortly before six a.m. when Quinn's alarm clock had woken her and she'd seen her fiancée was missing from their bed.
"Q?" she whispered softly, laying a hand on her fiancée's arm. Quinn had her knees drawn up to her chest and was resting her chin on them, her eyes unwaveringly fixed on Beth as she desperately tried to commit every single detail of the sleeping child to memory – the curl that fell across her forehead and brushed against her long dark eyelashes, the slight 'o' shape of her parted lips, the fluttering of her eyelids as she dreamed, the steady rise and fall of her chest, the occasional twitch of her fingers on the hand that clutched her worn stuffed rabbit. Although she knew logically that even if they lost, no one was going to come in and rip Beth from her arms immediately, she couldn't help feeling that this might be the last time she ever got to watch her daughter sleep. She'd tried so hard not to think of Beth as her daughter up to now, but as she sat there in the semi-darkness she realized she'd been kidding herself. Beth was a part of her, her flesh and blood. She would've run into a burning building or thrown herself under a bus to save the little girl. The tether tying her to Beth was so strong that Quinn imagined it as a corporeal thing, stretching out from somewhere around her navel to attach itself to her daughter.
"Q?" Santana asked again, her voice full of concern. Quinn wondered why and then realized that she was crying, heavy tears rolling down her cheeks as her body shook with silent sobs. "Come on, you don't want her to see you like this." Santana spoke in a low urgent tone, and Quinn allowed Santana to pull her to her feet as though she were a puppet and lead her into the living room where she enveloped her into a tight embrace and held her while she sobbed.
By the time Beth woke up, her usual bouncy and energetic self, unaware that there was anything significant about this particular day, Quinn had pulled herself together enough that Beth didn't pick up on anything being wrong. She seemed a little surprised when Quinn held on to her for longer than usual at drop-off time at pre-school but then she ran off to play without a backwards glance.
Quinn had arranged a playdate for Beth with her friend Alana after pre-school, not knowing how long the court hearing was likely to take, or what kind of state she'd be in by the end of it. As she walked into the family court, hand-in-hand with Santana, Quinn felt like she was going to throw up and she clung to her fiancée for support as they looked for the right room.
Turning the corner into the waiting area, Quinn was surprised to see familiar faces looking up expectantly. She'd told her friends to stay away, but there they all were – Rachel, Kurt, Blaine, Sam, and even Artie. At the very end of the row was the one person Quinn was ashamed to admit she'd been longing to see more than anyone else.
Judy Fabray stood and crossed the floor to take her daughter in her arms in an instant. Quinn didn't cry, she was all cried out from earlier that morning, but her grip fisted around handfuls of her mom's clothing and it was several moments before she was able to let go.
"What are you doing here?" she asked incredulously, as Judy smoothed her hair.
"Oh, sweetheart, I wasn't about to let you and Santana go through this alone," Judy told her with a gentle smile. "Although it seems several of your friends had the same idea."
"I'm glad you're here," Quinn said gratefully. "All of you." She smiled at her assembled friends, who all stood in turn to embrace first Quinn, then Santana for luck.
Moments later Ethan Hoffman arrived and took Quinn and Santana to one side to explain the process.
"It'll just be us, Oliver, his lawyer, and the judge in the room," he explained as he straightened his tie. He had foregone his usual attire and put on a dark grey suit with a white shirt and a blue and purple tie. With his hair slicked neatly back and his shoes shined, he finally looked like the picture of how a lawyer should look in Quinn's head. He exuded confidence and calmness, and, as usual put Quinn completely at ease. "Your friends and family will have to wait outside," he continued smoothly. "The judge will have reviewed all of the documentation we submitted, as well as anything Oliver's lawyers have provided. He may want to ask you some questions directly, and Oliver's lawyer will have questions for you as well. If there's anything you want to ask, let me know and I'll ask for you. Don't speak to Oliver directly – it's not that it's not allowed, it's just that it often leads to the situation becoming heated and we don't want that. It's not like you see on TV," he added finally, "we'll all be sitting around a table. If you need to break at any point, just signal me and I'll make sure it happens." He smiled gently. "Good luck, Quinn, Santana."
Their hearing was announced shortly after ten thirty, and they all filed into the court room. Quinn's ears were buzzing so loudly she didn't know if she'd be able to hear the judge, and Santana was holding so tightly to her hand that she was cutting off the circulation. Oliver entered the room behind them with his lawyer, a distinguished looking older man. Quinn hadn't seen them in the waiting room, she didn't know where they'd been but both seemed cool, calm, collected, and, above all, confident.
"Please, be seated," the judge said, as he took his place at the head of the table. He looked about fifty years old, with salt and pepper hair and grey blue eyes. He appeared cut from the same cloth as Oliver's lawyer and Quinn prayed that wouldn't count against them. "I'm Judge Dean and I will be presiding over this case. We're here to make a judgement regarding the custody of the minor child, Beth Corcoran. I've reviewed all of the documentation and I will have some questions for each of you, but I would like to know if anyone has any questions before we begin." He looked around the room, surveying them all expectantly with cool blue eyes. "No? Then let's begin."
Judge Dean proceeded to ask Quinn and Santana about their financials, as Ethan had warned them he might. Sometimes Ethan let Quinn answer, other times he answered for her or referred the judge back to the documents they'd submitted. Then he asked Oliver about his business. Oliver answered smoothly and confidently, seemingly unflappable. He asked both of them questions about their home and family lives, their living arrangements, and their hopes for Beth's future.
The judge asked Quinn how Beth had been dealing with her mother's death and she tried to answer honestly.
"Some days are easier than others," she admitted. "She occasionally has nightmares and wets the bed, and she sometimes cries when I leave her, but other than that, I think she's handling the situation amazingly. She's a strong little girl." She smiled proudly.
"She sounds like it," agreed the judge, returning Quinn's smile, and she started to relax a little.
Next the judge offered Oliver's lawyer, who'd told them his name was Brett Johnson, the chance to ask questions. Quinn caught sight of a cold glint in Oliver's eye and suddenly felt apprehensive. Was it her imagination or was he smirking at her?
"Ms. Fabray," Oliver's lawyer began smoothly. "How would you say you're coping with this situation? It must have been a shock to have a child to care for?"
"Well, yes," Quinn replied hesitantly. "I cared about Shelby a lot, and it kills me that Beth has had to deal with losing her mother but I was glad to take care of her. I still am."
"But you weren't so keen to take care of her when she was first born, were you?" Brett asked. Beside Quinn, she felt Santana bristle. "I'd like to know what's changed."
"Everything," Quinn said truthfully. "I'm not the same person I was when I was sixteen. Back then I felt like I didn't have any support, and I believed that giving Beth to Shelby was what was best for her."
"And do you still feel that way?" he wanted to know. "Was it the right decision?"
"Yes." Quinn nodded. "Shelby was wonderful with Beth, and Beth loved her a lot."
"So, I repeat, what's changed?" Brett was smiling and Quinn suddenly felt like a fly trapped in a spider's web.
"Well, Shelby's dead," Quinn said, frowning in confusion. She wasn't sure what he was getting at.
Again, the lawyer smiled. "So, now you're what's best for Beth?"
"Yes," Quinn said again.
"So, you're saying you're second best." Brett smirked at her. "Hmm, a wonderful endorsement." Now, he changed tactic. "Ms. Fabray," he said softly. "Can you tell me about summer vacation after your junior year at high school?"
At this point Oliver cut in. "Judge, I believe Mr. Johnson is pertaining to the depression Ms. Fabray experienced in 2011 which was a delayed reaction to the adoption, and again in 2013 after the death of her father. You'll note that we included a letter from a counsellor Ms. Fabray saw during 2013 in the documentation we submitted."
"I have it," the judge confirmed, "so I'll only give you a little leeway here Mr. Johnson. Tread carefully."
"Yes, your honor," Brett agreed. "Ms. Fabray, you've already experienced two significant periods of depression. How can you be sure that you won't succumb again in the future, should, for example, your relationship break down?"
"That's not going to happen," Quinn said quickly.
"But it happened before," Brett said, raising an eyebrow. "Your lawyer would have us believe that your second breakdown occurred because of the death of your father, but it took place some months after his death, is that correct?" He didn't wait for a response before continuing. "In fact, isn't it true that your breakdown was triggered by your girlfriend finding out that you had cheated on her with Beth's biological father?" He said the word girlfriend disdainfully and Quinn felt a flash of anger. She opened her mouth to respond but Ethan cut her off before she could begin.
"We're not here to rake over past mistakes my client may have made," he said calmly. "No one knows how they will react in times of stress, but Ms. Fabray has shown a willingness to tackle her mental health difficulties head on in the past, she has overcome her demons, and her psychologist's evaluation declares her healthy. That is all any of us can ask for."
"Very well," Brett said nonchalantly. "In that case, I have no further questions."
Judge Dean next directed Ethan to ask Oliver any questions he had. Ethan questioned Oliver about his business – forcing him to admit that he often traveled for work and that Beth would be left in the care of his wife.
"And where is your wife today, Mr. Corcoran?" Ethan asked. "Shouldn't she be here?"
"Anabelle wanted to be here," Oliver said dismissively, "but our son is preparing for his senior year mid-terms and she didn't want to leave him. He's hoping for early admission to Harvard. Anabelle is thrilled with Beth coming to live with us."
"Your honor, you have Anabelle Corcoran's declaration in the documents we submitted," added Brett, unflustered by Oliver's line of questioning.
"But Mrs. Corcoran has never met Beth, isn't that right?" Ethan asked. "And you have only seen her twice. Both visits resoundingly unsuccessful, by all accounts."
"We live in Arizona." For the first time Oliver seemed ruffled. "It's a long way to come and visit. And my sister moved three times during Beth's short life. Between her family commitments and ours, we just didn't find the time."
"That sounds an awful lot like an excuse," Ethan commented drily. "Mr. Corcoran, Beth has lost her mother. Do you really think it's best for her to lose Quinn and Santana too? Too be sent to live with strangers?"
"I do!" Oliver hit his fist on the table. "I can provide a far more stable, appropriate lifestyle for the child."
"And by appropriate," Ethan said with a grin, "do you mean an environment with two heterosexual parents? Because, I'm sorry, that sounds a lot like bigotry. No further questions."
After a few more questions of his own, and closing summations from both Ethan and Brett, Judge Dean called a thirty minute recess to consider his decision. Quinn paced aimlessly the whole time whilst Santana questioned Ethan endlessly about every aspect of the hearing, trying to draw him out on what he thought their chances were.
"Santana, I explained to you that our best chance was to discredit Oliver," Ethan explained. "To question his motives for wanting Beth. We've done that, but whether it's enough to sway the judge, I can't answer that. Quinn has no legal rights over Beth, but we've attempted to demonstrate that she has the moral right, both in the papers we've submitted and in the arguments we made today in the courtroom. It's out of our hands now."
Just then, a courtroom clerk stepped into the waiting room and announced that the judge was ready for them. Their friends looked on with identical worried expressions as Quinn swallowed hard and took Santana's hand, heading back into the courtroom to discover Beth's fate.