Chapter 22

I want to say again, thanks for the great reviews! I love hearing from everyone. Please keep it up! Enjoy the story, and as always, this is just for fun, I don't own any part of it.

XOXOX

Jack texted Sue to ask her plans for the following day, but when he didn't hear back from her, he decided to stop over in person.

"Hi." He said as he poked his head in the door and waving in Sue's direction.

"Hi." She answered back, her mind flashing back to the previous evening's conversation with Angie.

"How are you?" He asked as he took off his coat and made himself comfortable.

"Good. I'm having a good day." She answered with a smile, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"I texted you last night, you didn't answer me, so… I took a shot and stopped by. I hope that's ok? You don't have anything going on right now, do you?" He asked. Sue shook her head.

"Sorry, it must have been when I was at the movies, I shut off the phone." She explained.

"Movies?" Jack asked, intrigued. "Wow, Lucy got you out of the apartment?"

"Not exactly. Lucy had a date. Angie stopped by. We went for dinner and a movie. It was so good to see her." She said.

"Oh, that's great! How's she doing?" He asked. Sue filled him in on her outing with Angie and what was the latest in Angie's life, including the fact that there still was no new baby.

"How are Hope and Faith?" Sue asked.

"Good." He paused and shook his head. "Brats." He laughed. "What was I thinking when I got two… not one, but two kittens?" He asked. Sue laughed.

"Don't pick on the girls. They're sweet." She insisted. "Why don't you go get them, I would love to see them."

"I have a better idea." He said, picking up her jacket. "Why don't you come with me to visit them?" He suggested. She was hesitant, but he insisted.

"Come on, you can see what a mess they're making of my apartment. I think I even heard them plotting against me this morning in the wee hours." He teased.

"Oh, really… What was their secret plan? Lick you to death?" She poked fun at him.

"Har, har." He said. Sue got up and shrugged into her jacket, scribbled a note for Lucy and walked out to Jack's car. Levi hopped in the back seat and Jack helped Sue settle in the front. "I really should let Levi sit in the front since you're being so mean to me." He said as he flipped his head and walked to the other side of the car.

Once at Jack's, Levi made himself comfortable until the kittens made themselves known. Levi wanted to play, as did Hope and Faith, but Sue scooped up the bundles of fur and placed them in her lap. She patted them, scratching each of their necks, chins and ears until they were purring.

"Tea?" Jack asked. Sue nodded. Jack put on the water for her. As the water heated, he took his shoes and sweatshirt off. He poured himself a cup of coffee and steeped Sue's tea bag in the steaming water. As he handed the cup to Sue, his phone rang. He looked at it,

"Sorry, I have to take this." He excused himself into the other room. Jack was gone for no more than five minutes. When he walked back into the living room, he watched Sue as she nursed her hot cup of tea on the couch. She had her knees pulled to her chest and stared at nothing. He'd noticed the change in her over the past few days. She was quiet and withdrawn. She forced herself out of her shell to prove to those watching she was OK, when in reality, she wasn't. Even though Anne had explained this could happen, he couldn't just sit there and let her suffer.

He walked to the couch and stood next to her. She didn't seem to know he was there. Jack sat on the side of her. As he put his hand on her shoulder, he noticed a tear spill onto her cheek.

"Hey, you OK?" He asked. She nodded once, but more tears fell. "Sue?" She refused to look at him. "Talk to me." He paused with no response from Sue. "Are you in pain?" He asked hesitantly. She shook her head. Sue's chin began to quiver. It killed Jack to see her hurting so badly. He pulled her into his arms and held her close. To his surprise she wrapped her arms around his chest and pulled him closer and sobbed into the crook of his neck. He gently stroked her hair and softly kissed her head. An hour seemed to have passed when she finally pulled herself from his embrace and wiped her face.

"I'm sorry." She sighed.

"Never apologize for feeling." He said brushing a tear soaked strand of hair from her cheek. "You want to talk?" He suggested. "What's going on? Do you need the doctor?" Jack asked softly. She shook her head, her voice still not trustworthy.

"I sent my mom home. I thought that would help, but it didn't really. I thought she was the reason I felt so helpless, but that empty feeling isn't going away, it's still there. I feel like I'm sinking…" She took a breath and continued. "I feel… I don't know how to explain it." She took another ragged breath, tears still falling. "I feel empty inside, like I lost something, like I lost a part of me. I feel like I got robbed… how crazy is that?" Her voice trailed off.

"It's not crazy. You're right, you did." He said matter-of-factly. "The cancer took something from you that you can't get back. Your body will recover, it will heal, but will never be the same, but that doesn't mean it's less than it was before." Jack said. Sue looked at him confused.

"Jack- that doesn't make any sense. They took a part of me- of course it's going to be less!" She shouted.

"Physically, to you, yes something's missing. To the rest of us, all of your friends and family who care about you, you're the same Sue." Jack tried to explain. "This just isn't coming out right." Jack said exasperated with himself.

"I appreciate what you're trying to do, but you don't understand. You don't know." She said trying to keep the bitterness from her voice.

"What don't I know?" he asked. She shook her head as if shaking a nightmare away. He paused. "Is that why it's so much easier to talk to Angie? Because she does know." He asked.

"Maybe…" Tears spill onto cheeks once again. Jack moves closer, taking her hands in his. His finger gently brushed her cheek, tracing her jawline. "You can't understand, you just don't know…" She said, barely above a whisper.

"What, Sue? What don't I…" He began, but Sue cut him off.

"What I look like." She whispered. Jack watched her silently. "The scar- it's so ugly."

"You just had major surgery, I don't expect it would be pretty. Give yourself a break." He pleaded. "Give yourself some time to heal. Sue you're less than a month post-surgery." He said, his voice quivering. He pulled her into his arms, holding her tight against his chest. For a long moment, she gave into the deepening pit inside her. Sue shook as she sobbed into his chest soaking the front of his shirt. As she did, she mumbled, sometimes just sounds that were inaudible.

"It's…it's so u-gly" She said gasping to catch her breath. "It's me… this is me now, ugly…" She hiccupped.

"Hey… this is not you." He said pulling her away from his body. "You- are beautiful. Inside and out." Jack argued.

"No man's going to look at that and want me." She said with determination.

"You're wrong Sue." He argued. "I do." He said as he turned away from her. She rubbed her eyes, wiping the tears away.

"Uggh!" She groaned as she pushed herself from his chest. "I need to pull myself away from this pity party I've been having!" Sue growled at herself as she pushed past him wiping her tear stained cheeks once more.

"Hey…" Jack said as he reached for her shoulder, turning her toward him. "You're entitled to feel like this." He assured her.

"I don't want to feel like this!" She shouted. "I want to feel better, I want to feel normal again…I want to feel whole again." She said. Jack sat on the couch tugging on her hand for her to sit.

"I promise you, I will make this better for you. I don't know how, but I will." He said. Sue smiled and sat next to him. As soon as she did, one of the kittens joined her. They sat in compatible silence for a long time, just holding hands petting the kittens and Levi when he poked his nose onto Sue's lap.

"Jack? Have you ever made a bucket list?" Sue asked, finally breaking the quiet.

"A what?" He asked.

"A bucket list. You know, a list of things you want to do before you kick the bucket." Sue clarified.

"No." He said with a slight chuckle.

"Have you ever thought about if you died tomorrow if you'd have regrets?" She asked.

Jack shifted in his spot to look at her more closely.

"Have you?" He asked.

"You didn't answer my question." She answered.

"No. I try to live my life without regret. I don't do things that I know I will regret in the morning. Well, I try not to anyway…" He said lightly. "In our line of work, the end could be today." He said, becoming melancholy.

"Do you have any regrets?" She asked.

"A few. I think we all do." He answered honestly.

"Is there something you'd love to do before you die?" She asked, watching him intently.

Jack put his hand on his chin, stroking it with his index finger. He patted his lips with it in thought.

"There are a few things." He answered.

"Like?" She pushed.

He smiled. "I'm not sure I can share this…" He smiled flirtatiously. Sue's eyes widened and a light stain of color graced her face. Jack chuckles at Sue's reaction and simply arches an eyebrow at her. "I would like to travel for pleasure, not business. I want to enjoy the places I go to." He said. "What about you? What's on your bucket list?" He asked.

"What makes you think I have one?" She asked.

"Because you brought it up." He laughed.

"I have a few things on a list." She admitted.

"Such as?" He prodded.

"I would love to watch the sunrise." She said.

"You've never seen the sun come over the horizon for that first second of the day when the light cuts through the night?" Jack asked.

"No. I've always seen it peeking over trees or through clouds." She said.

"What else?" He asked.

"Uhh, it's your turn." She protested.

"Hmmm, anything?" He asked.

"Yes." She said. "Anything." She added, more seductively than she's intended.

"Someday, I want to teach my kids how to ride a bike, play ball…" He admitted, turning his eyes up to Sue smiling sweetly.

"You want kids?" She asked.

"Someday." He answered.

"Me too." Sue added.

"So, what else?" Jack asked.

"Oh, you know… the regular stuff. Like you, I want a family. I would love to cradle my son or daughter in a blanket I made for them on the front porch while I rock them to sleep." She blushed at the details of the thought.

"I didn't know you could make a blanket." Jack said smiling at her.

"I can't! See, that's another thing I need to add to my list!" She laughed. "I need to learn how to crochet!"

The two sat exchanging ideas until the sun had set and hunger took over. He couldn't quite convince Sue to go to dinner with him, but she did agree to stay and have dinner with him at his place. They settled into a comfortable dinner between friends after which he took Sue home.