Author's Note: Okay, so it's Valentine's Day (the day of love, so I decided to post a chapter today. Have no fear; there will be another one tomorrow. This just popped into my head while I was attempting to write an English essay. Enjoy!

It was morning (about 0600 hours).

Actually, it was the morning after he was released from the hospital. Udina had told him to get a good night's rest because he had a lot of work to do.

So, of course, that meant Kaidan only got about two or three hours' worth of sleep.

All he could think about was Hope…and Adria. They were two totally different women and he was busy making a spreadsheet of the pros, cons, and okay aspect of each woman. Problem was, with Shepard, the pros and cons were one and the same.

Example: Pro: Puts life in constant danger to protect others. Con: Put's life in danger to protect others.

The list consisted of more, of course, but it was a rare occurrence when one of his items for Hope didn't go on both sides.

And the middle column- the okay column- didn't have a single word on it for her.

Burying his face in his hands, all he could think of was how high school it was for him to be making a list like that. It wasn't difficult.

Adria was the safe choice.

She was the easy choice.

She would always be at home waiting for him with a bright smile, perfectly styled hair, and wearing civilian clothes.

Adria would listen to him explain the hell he went through while on duty and make sympathetic noises that were meaningless. She would get him a beer and tell him to sit back while she made supper. Of course, she wouldn't drink.

Completely opposite of Shepard.

Hope would listen to his thoughts on a mission and then tell him what he did well and what he did badly, and then offer suggestions to get better- how to think ahead of the enemy. She would grab a bottle of whiskey, a couple of glasses, and curl up with him on the couch. She would drink as much- or more- as him.

Why was that so hard to accept and go with the easy choice?

"I, ah, prefer…adventurous women." He had told Shepard when she inquired about his intentions towards Liara.

And it still held true.

That was the problem.

Shepard would never let him be happy with mediocre. She would always challenge him- push him. Her passion was just as fiery as her temper. She would never cower in fear if someone pointed a gun at her (which happened almost every damn day), she would give a chuckle that made Kaidan's insides tingle and would either try to talk them out of doing it or she would shoot them and then look at him and ask, simply, Do you think the idiots of the galaxy will ever learn?

His terminal beeped, alerting him to a new message. He didn't recognize the sender, but decided to read it anyway.

It wasn't like he was accomplishing much anyway.

When he opened the message, he startled when he heard Shepard's voice says "Dear Kaidan," and looked up to see her- looking pale and scarred up. His heart skipped a beat as she cleared her throat and started again.

Kaidan,

It's been a few years for you, but it hasn't been that long for me. It's February 14 (you know, that stupid day that's supposed to be romantic?) and I've finally been given enough privacy to write a letter to you. Don't think that I haven't wanted to contact you since I woke up two weeks ago, but I had to sit through bullshit with the Illusive Ass (oops, I mean Man- the Illusive Man) and investigate a colony that went dark.

I'm getting off track. I need to find out what happened to you. I've found out that you lived (Joker was uncomfortable with my asking about you) and you've been promoted to Staff Commander (Congrats, it's been a long time coming) and now you outrank me. I'm still trying to dig around to find out how you've been since…well…since the Normandy was destroyed by the Collector's. No one knows (or, at least, won't tell me) how you've been getting along since I died.

You know. Personally.

Let me try again. I keep taking this message back to business and that isn't what I want to do. I need to tell you things that I wish I had told you before. Things that I was afraid to tell you two years ago (two years ago for you, two or three weeks ago for me- death does weird things to the perception of time).

Don't roll your eyes.

You know very well that I get afraid of things (you're one of the few who know that it's true). I was afraid to lose you on Virmire, on the Citadel, and- damn it- I was afraid as hell when the SR-1 was being destroyed. Could you tell? Did you sense my urgency in making you leave? Do you understand why I made you go by changing my words from a plea to an order?

I love you.

Those are three words that neither of us was able to admit out loud to each other. I don't even know if you ever really felt that, but I did- do. I know that it's incredibly lame and clichéd to admit that on Valentine's Day (the day of love), but, like I said, this is the first chance I've been able to write you. Plus, to me, Valentine's Day is just another day to me.

You may be celebrating Valentine's Day with someone else and I completely understand- it's upsetting, but I understand. It's been two years for you and you have the right to move on. I was dead, for Maker's sake!

There are so many things that should've played out differently (like my not dying and being brought back by Cerberus and the Illusive Man's sycophants), but the galaxy seems to have a strange sense of humor.

I'm just hoping that my message reaches you and you'll listen to it.

I don't expect anything (like I said, I understand that time didn't stop for you) and you don't even have to respond. I just needed you to know.

Happy Valentine's Day.

I love you.

Shepard

Kaidan stared at the words (it had been bad enough to hear Shepard, but someone had attached a written copy of the message as well), not sure how to comprehend them. He looked at the top of the message again.

Original Message Recorded: February 14, 2185 0100 hours

Message Redirect: Operative Miranda Lawson

Message Resent: Current Date

She had tried to contact him.

That was why she had seemed so surprised on Horizon when he had demanded why she hadn't tried to contact him.

Thane's words echoed in his mind again.

"She is in love…but not loved- not by he who matters."

Kaidan hadn't believed the Drell- not really. But, to have the opportunity to hear and read her words- to have her actually admit that she had loved them all those years ago and to admit that she still loved him (at least a little more than a year ago)…well…it was a good feeling.

And, despite his harsh words, he loved her to.

…at least the memories he had of her.

Was there a difference? Was she the same person- the same woman?

He hated the doubts that were in his mind. This was a very gray area of his life…and he hated gray. Black and white he could deal with…but gray was just too complicated.

As he looked at the frozen image of Shepard on his screen, he felt a small smile beginning to form.

She had looked for him.

She loved him.

He looped the message back to a few seconds before the end and replayed her final few words.

Happy Valentine's Day.

I love you.

Shepard

Nodding, he murmured, "I love you, too." He paused and shook his head. "I'm sorry."

But could love be enough?