A/N Sorry that it took me so long to update, but it couldn't be helped.
The responses for the last chapter really were amazing, and they made me laugh a lot. Of course, I was just as frustrated as Jasper, leaving him hanging (or rather standing) there without any kind of relief, was hard (no pun intended). But Bella will make it up to him … hopefully very soon. I'm so jealous. I wish I could take her place. Hmmm.
Enough with the whining and babbling … let's get back to the family reunion. But first let's see how Bella is dealing with all the excitement, shall we?
Enjoy!
Chapter 24 Many Firsts
Bella POV
I looked into the mirror above the sink. My reflection made me blush and smile at the same time. My hair was tousled, my face was still flushed, and my lips were visibly swollen from all the kissing. I surely looked like someone who'd just had a lot of fun. And I felt like it too. In fact my whole body still tingled slightly with the residual energy left from the incredible, mind-blowing orgasm Jasper had just given me.
"What a head rush … followed by a large bucket of icy-cold water …" I grumbled the last part, recalling the unpleasant reason for putting things to an abrupt halt.
Of course neither Jasper nor I wanted to stop, but being caught in the act by Emmett and Rose wasn't high on my to-do-list, far from it actually, which was why I was currently hiding in the bathroom, to get redressed. Jasper was downstairs waiting to greet his siblings. I just hoped he would be able to defuse the situation. There was no doubt in my mind that they would figure out without seeing me in person that I was here. They would be able to smell me, not to mention to hear my heartbeat. My truck, parked right in front of the house was a big neon sign, very hard to miss.
I wasn't really hiding, but to tell the truth, I still needed some time before I made my presence known to them by actually showing myself. And looking like I did right now, wasn't going to work for me.
I turned on the faucet, splashing cold water into my face. I still felt hot from all the excitement, and I was definitely in need of some refreshment. I sighed. The coldness of the water felt simply amazing, helping me to cool down, but at the same time bringing back the memory of Jasper's touch. The slight difference in our skin temperature didn't bother me at all, if anything it seemed to make every sensation that much more intense.
I was still wondering why Jasper didn't feel as cold as any other vampire. When I'd touched Peter's skin today, he felt just as icy as Edward. Was this a mate thing or just me?
I shook my head. Now was not the time to ponder over this, but I made a mental note to ask Char later. With her insight in all things soul mates, she might have some answers for me. I was sure Jasper was wondering the same, but oddly he hasn't mentioned it either.
Of course it wasn't my first orgasm. I was far from innocent … even before I'd met Edward. Yes, I'd told him that I was a virgin, and I hadn't lied about that. But I was a normal (sort of), healthy, hormone-driven eighteen-year-old teenager, for crying out loud, and I had natural cravings. I might not let them control me, but sometimes … well they just needed to be fulfilled … somehow. And since I'd never had any intention to give myself to just anyone, I'd had to meet my requirements in another way, so to speak.
And masturbating can be fun … I mused, while I was drying my face and my hands with the fluffy white towel.
It surely was, but more importantly it certainly helped to take of the edge, to help me unwind whenever I felt too horny. Well … to put it bluntly, sometimes I just needed to scratch the itch. And of course, as any normal teenager it helped to learn more about my body, and its responses.
But this … Jasper touching me, not only with his hands, but his lips and tongue … this was so much more, so much better than I'd imagined it would be. He'd given me what was by far the best, the most intense orgasm I've ever experienced. And something told me, this was just the beginning that it would only get better with time … and with every further step of our mutual exploration of our bodies.
At first I had been a little nervous, not knowing what to expect, how to respond. Sure, the concept of performing oral sex wasn't unknown to me. But reading about it in theory and experiencing it in reality were two complete different things. Of course I had been aware that Jasper could smell me, and I couldn't say that I was completely comfortable with that fact (not that I smelt but still). And having him tasting me, down there … well let's just say I had been apprehensive at best … as to how he would react to my 'flavor', for the lack of a better term.
Of course Jasper had sensed my nerves, telling me in his usual soothing tone of voice, that I would enjoy this. And he had been right (who was I to doubt a hundred and fifty plus year old vampire and his sexual prowess). One flick of his tongue against my joy spot, and all the angst, all my doubts had evaporated into thin air, and I'd given myself over to this incredible sensation, eagerly. And according to his feelings which he had been projecting the entire time, he had been enjoying this as much as I had … maybe even more so.
Despite my still nagging doubts whether I would be able to live up to his expectations, at the time I had been willing to return the favor, but after taking one look at his cock, I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to do that. His cock was beautiful for sure, but it was also very, very huge. Even though I had nothing to compare him to, I knew that Jasper was above average in that department.
Maybe it was a vampire thing …
My stomach did these weird flip-flops again. I remembered listening to some girls in the gym locker room one day, as they were talking about their experiences and their preferences. According to them, having a well-endowed man was something good, something every woman supposedly dreamed of. Right now I wasn't so sure, if it was a good or bad thing. Sure, his cock felt nice, very nice, so soft and smooth, and the sight of it made me hunger for more than just a touch of my hand.
But seriously … How in the hell was this thing going to fit inside me, without tearing me apart?
I knew that the first time was going to hurt, that was a given, no matter if it were with a vampire or a human. But in this case – losing my virginity – I was sure that size really would make a difference … at least it was something to take into consideration.
But then again, I wasn't really afraid, more like overly anxious. I knew that Jasper wouldn't rush me, wouldn't force me to do anything until I was a hundred percent sure I was ready for it.
Jasper loved me, and I trusted him completely, that was all that mattered to me. He would never do anything to hurt me … intentionally or otherwise. I truly believed he would try his best to make this as painless and pleasurable as possible … given the circumstances … and I had no doubt that he would totally succeed with the pleasure part. But who knew, maybe his gift would come in handy regarding the other part. He surely would be able to sense any sign of pain, before I would even be able to voice it.
I walked over to the toilet where I had placed my clothes. I took my time getting dressed, not overly eager to leave this room yet.
Thinking about losing my virginity my mind suddenly went back to the day Angela had told me about her first time with Ben. I've always been a hopeless romantic when it came to love and sex, which was why I'd waited for so long to even consider taking this step. I've always wanted my first time to be perfect … like every girl …
It was three months after Edward's departure. I was making noticeable progress, finally beginning to feel like myself again. Angela had played a big part in my recovery process, never pushing but always being there for me, in case I needed someone to talk to. I just hoped she thought the same about me.
I've always liked her, but due to my blind obsession with THEM, I'd never taken the time to get to know her better. Fortunately, now things had changed.
Over the past few weeks she and I had started to spend more and more time together outside of school … not every day but on a regular basis … mostly just hanging out, talking about a lot of things, but of course mostly avoiding a certain subject – the Cullens … and HIM in particular.
Sometimes I helped her babysitting her younger twin brothers, and today was one of those days. Angela's parents were out on a date, which I thought was rather sweet. Seeing them still being very much in love after all those years made my heart melt and ache at the same time. Well maybe there was hope after all … even for me … to find the special someone, the one that sticks by you, no matter what.
The little ones were already asleep, and Angela and I were currently launching on her bed, listening to some tunes and reading some girly magazines to pass the time until her parents would be back. We'd planned to go to the movies later.
Angela leaned against the headboard, with her legs crossed, while I rested comfortably on my stomach on the far end of her bed. We were engrossed in our choice of literature for the evening, which I thought was hilarious, since we both normally didn't give much about any kind of gossip. But reading about the lives of movie stars and other celebrities, and even all those tips on all things beauty … well I had to admit they were kinda entertaining.
Angela called my attention again. "Bella?" Her voice was too wary, too serious. It was very clear, that she was not about to share another, hilarious piece of information with me, like she'd done a couple of times before. No, this time it was about something else.
I lifted my head, looking up at her. "Yeah?"
Angela was biting her lip, frowning in contemplation, and then suddenly shaking her head vehemently. "Arghhh … just forget it. It's nothing." She said, waving her hand dismissively, and diverting her eyes back to the magazine in her hand.
"No, Angela, you can't just do that. I know you want to ask me something. Just spit it out. What is it?" I encouraged her, not entirely sure I wanted to know what was on her mind. But I owed her the same courtesy she's always shown me.
Angela sighed heavily. "It's about … ehm … Edward." She whispered HIS name, sneaking a peak at me from under her eyelashes to gauge my reaction. I flinched, but only a little. What she didn't know was that it actually didn't hurt that much anymore. Sure, HIS name and that of his family was still banned from my own home, but that was more Charlie's doing than mine … at least nowadays. In contrast to him, I never felt hate only pain and disappointment, like I was experiencing right now, when Angela mentioned HIS name. "I know you probably don't want to talk about him … and I totally understand … and of course you don't have to answer … but I've been wondering … have you and him … ehm …you know …" She trailed off, blushing. This was certainly one more trait we had in common.
I knew what she was referring to, even without her putting it into actual words. In fact, I knew that a lot of my classmates had been wondering about the same thing. Did Edward Cullen pop Bella's cherry? I had heard them talking, or more like discussing the subject behind my back many times, even before THEIR departure, when I was still with HIM. The difference here was that Angela didn't ask because she needed to quench her thirst for all things gossip, like Jess or Lauren. No, I could sense another reason behind her question, which was probably why I was willing to answer her question in the first place.
"No, we didn't have sex, if that's what you're asking." I grumbled, loud enough for her to hear though. I didn't mean to sound angry, but it was a sore subject for me.
"Did you … did you not want to?" She asked, finally meeting my gaze.
I pulled myself up, throwing the magazine on the floor, mirroring her sitting position, preparing myself for what I was sure would become a longer conversation. "Oh, of course I did." I said, scoffing. "HE was the one who didn't want to take our physical relationship further."
"Really?" She sounded so surprised, that I had to laugh.
"Yeah, believe it or not, Edward is very old-fashioned. Actually, we didn't even make past first base." And even that we had barely managed without him losing control. Or so he'd claimed … always using the call of my blood and his strength as an excuse to stop things before they had even begun. Sure, I'd tolerated the other part of his reasoning. He'd been raised in a different era, with different moral standards. And I probably would have waited to have sex with him for as long as would have taken him to get ready to take this step. But what I still couldn't fathom was his unwillingness to have any kind of sexual relationship before marriage. I knew there was still a teenager trapped inside his frozen body, a teenager with the same ragging hormone as I. But he'd never made a move, never even tried to get a feel. We could have taken things slow, testing our boundaries. I knew that his control was just as good as Carlisle's. Which made me wonder … and to be honest not for the first time … whether he had been interested in me that way at all. Maybe I wasn't attractive enough for him? Maybe my boobs should have been bigger? But maybe … just maybe he was gay? Well, this was a funny thought, but one I didn't put too much stock into. I was pretty sure that HE was not gay.
But of course I couldn't tell Angela any of that, couldn't share any of my musings with her. It would raise too many questions, questions I wouldn't be able to answer.
"Oh … then you are still a virgin?" She whispered the last part, glancing past me at her door, which was still open.
"Does it bother you?" I chuckled, hopping of the bed. I closed the door quickly but silently, turning around to face her again. "Better?" I taunted her, making my way back to the bed.
"Very funny, Bella! You seem to forget that my father is a cleric." She gave me a pointed look.
"Of course, not. But they aren't here right now, are they?" I shot back.
"Old habits die hard, I guess." Angela shrugged. I sniggered at her expression. I knew her parents weren't that strict. They had been okay with Angela's and Ben's relationship. But I guessed that she wasn't quite comfortable talking about sex with them around. Hell, even I hadn't been quite comfortable talking to my Mom about this subject all those years ago, and she was a true free spirit.
I retook my place at the end of her bed. "So what brought this on? Your sudden interest in my sexual status, I mean." I requested, watching her reaction very closely. Her blush renewed, and suddenly it dawned on me. She had asked for one specific reason and one reason only … to compare notes. "Oh, my God. You and Ben …" I gasped, clapping a hand over my mouth. Now I understood her weird behavior, her reason for having me close the door. Dating was one thing, but having sex before marriage … wow we really were two peas in a pod.
"Nothing gets by you." Angela remarked dryly. She didn't even realize how right she was with that assessment. But what she didn't know was that my power of observation didn't always work into my favor. I had learned that the hard way.
"When?" I pressed with some care, trying not to sound too nosy. I knew they had broken up last summer, shortly before my disastrous birthday party. They hadn't made a big deal out of it, no big fighting scenes at the school. It almost seemed like their separation was of a mutual kind. Now I wasn't so sure anymore.
"It happened only once … after Tyler's birthday party in August." She admitted, keeping her eyes down, nervously playing with her fingers, like she was waiting for my judgment.
"How … how was it?"
"Mostly awkward … and it hurt … a lot. More than I'd imagined it would. Maybe it was we both were a little drunk and we certainly didn't know what we were doing." She said, shrugging. She sounded more clinical about it, than anything else. My heart went out for her. "But I think it had more to do that we weren't really ready … and least I know I wasn't."
"Then why …" I demanded, shocking myself more than her with the tone of voice. "I'm sorry, Angela. I don't mean to judge you or anything."
She gave me a small, honest smile. "It's okay, Bella. After all it's a valid question. And I'm glad to have someone to talk about it … finally. I could hardly go to my mother. I'm sure she would freak out, if she knew.
"Anyway … at the time I thought I kinda had to … don't get me wrong he didn't force me or anything, not really. But you know how guys can get, when they really want something. He was quite persuasive in a cute, boyish kind of way, and I loved him, so I thought why not. It wasn't completely bad … well aside from the initial pain … but to tell the truth it wasn't what I'd expected. It wasn't special."
"Did you …I mean did he … you know?" I just couldn't say it.
"Make me come?" Angela filled in the blanks, suddenly losing all her earlier inhibitions. I nodded, grinning.
"No … that stupid looser didn't know what he was doing half the time. I'm sure he didn't even know where my clitoris was. It was all over before it'd even begun." She complained, and we both giggled … like normal teenage girls. This sharing thing was certainly a new experience for me, and apparently for Angela as well. I moved to her side, throwing my arm around my friend's shoulder. She leaned into me, allowing me to hold and comfort her.
"Is this why you'd broken up?" I had to ask.
"It's only part of the reason. After that disastrous first time, of course he wanted to do it again but I told him no. He claimed he understood, that he was willing to give me more time, but I didn't believe him. Two weeks later after many more attempts to get me into his bed again I broke with him.
"Well, you are probably wondering why everything went down so smooth … given that he is a boy and everything … but you have to know that I made it very clear, that if he told any tall tales about our breakup, I would make sure that everybody, and I mean everybody in our school would know how tiny his penis is. Working at the school paper does have its perks, I guess." She chuckled, wickedly. "I think he got the message. And deep down I think he knew we wouldn't have lasted anyway … come on what with all the different interests we had. I'm telling you, I'm so glad I don't have to listen to him nagging about some stupid ninja movie. It was tiresome … at best."
I was stunned. Who knew Angela had it in her? She was always the quiet, shy girl in school, but apparently underneath it she really was a force to be reckoned with. She had quite the spirit. I was in awe of her inner strength, but not really sure if it wasn't just a front. We didn't know each other that well. "But you are okay now? I mean with all that'd happened?"
Angela moved around in order to face me. "Yes, Bella, I am, I truly am." She smiled warmly. I could tell from the look on her face that she was touched by my words, by my thoughtfulness. "Thanks for your concern. It means a lot. You are a good friend … my best friend actually. And I'm glad to have you, not only to share things like that with you of course, but I'm glad I finally got it of my chest."
I grabbed her hand and squeezed it in recognition, thus showing her that my feelings were mutual. "I guess that what true friends are for." I teased.
"Yes. But sometimes it is a friend's job to say things you might not want to hear. I know you are still hurting, and I get it. Edward was your first love and he broke your heart. Been there, done that. You'll get over it." She said. Her words seemed to be harsh, but she didn't sound cold and detached at all. If anything she sounded really mature, using almost the same words like my mother had a couple of weeks ago. The effect was just the same. It wasn't a lecture, just a friendly advice.
Angela took a deep breath, before she continued. "Anyhow … just be grateful you hadn't gone any further with you-know-who. Someone like him isn't worth of such a gift … God that sounds cheesy … but it's true. I wish I'd waited … for the right one." She sighed. "But what's done is done. And I have faith that we both will find someone, who's just right for us."
I pulled myself out of my memory, smiling at my image in the mirror. Angela was just as romantic as me when it came to love. Her first love was just as disappointing as mine, but she had never given up hope. I just hoped that she would get as lucky as me and find someone to complement her as much as Jasper did me. She certainly deserved to be this happy.
After that day Angela and I hadn't revisited this particular subject again … not in greater detail anyway. Whenever the subject of former boyfriends did come up, in some way or another, I've always had to tell half truths. It was hard for me. I hated lying and I knew I wasn't good at it. And it always made me feel like I was betraying her trust. Angela had shown me a great deal of trust in telling me something this private. But I knew I had to do it, in order to keep her save.
Angela had easily managed to fill the void Alice had left behind. To tell the truth she has proven to be a better friend than Alice ever was. I have been aware of this fact even before I knew what she'd done to Jasper. Angela was always there for me, to comfort me or to kick my ass. She always seemed to know what I needed, without acting all controlling. She called me perceptive, but she was just as insightful. I knew it had nothing to do that she was a human and Alice a vampire. It was their personalities that set them apart, not their natures.
Like Ben was Angela's, Edward was my first everything … my first boyfriend, the first one who'd told me 'I love you' and the first who'd broken my heart, making me feel unworthy, unwanted.
Congratulation! Job well done …
Before Jasper, Edward had been the first man I had been attracted to in a sexual way. I thought it was kinda funny, but no human had ever had the same effect on me. Sure, I'd had a crush on a boy or two back in Phoenix, but nothing serious. Maybe it was weird, but then again, with what I knew now it was obvious that I was always destined to end up with a vampire … just not the one I'd thought.
Edward had given me my first kiss, but he'd never gone further than that. He had claimed that it was too dangerous, which was probably why he hadn't even dared to kiss me properly in the first place.
Dangerous my ass … I scoffed, rolling my eyes. Jasper had just proven that it was very much possible for a vampire to have a sexual relationship with a human without causing irreparable damage.
Jasper never showed any sign of fear or reservation, whenever he kissed or touched me. Although, I was pretty sure he did hold back to some extent, simply out of necessity, human versus vampire strength and all that, but he always let me know how much he desired me … with his gift as well as his actions. And well let's just say that my teenage hormones had gone through the roof since the first time we'd kissed.
Things certainly had changed for the better … rapidly, irrevocably. It had taken only one kiss, and I knew Jasper was the one I wanted to be with, was destined to be with. I could feel that even before I'd known about us being soul mates. I wanted to be his, all the way. And I was ready, if not eager, to take that step with him. I've never been gladder for Edward's restraint as I was right now, because when I finally would have sex for the first time it would be with someone I truly love. And frankly, I've never wanted Edward the way I wanted Jasper. I literally ached for his touch, his kisses, him.
But more importantly Jasper had proven to me that I was worth it … worth waiting for, worth fighting for, worth changing for … in one word: worth everything.
I should have believed him the first time he'd tried to tell me that, but apparently back then I wasn't ready to hear it. Maybe the time hadn't been right, or the circumstance. Or maybe at the time I'd wanted to hear those exact words from someone else.
Whatever the reason was … it doesn't matter anymore.
I was finally fully dressed and ready to leave the bathroom. There wasn't much I could do about my hair, running my fingers through it didn't help much to disentangle the mess. I flattened it as best as I could. It had to do.
And why should I care what they would think of me or my relationship with Jasper anyway? I was a grown woman. I was mature enough to make my own decision, thank you very much. I'd had enough of people telling me what do in the past. I was so past that.
I had no idea how they would react. Rose and I had never been close to begin with. It wasn't that I didn't like her; I just hadn't had the chance to get to know her. Just like it had been with Jasper. But after reading the letter she had left behind for him, I had seen a different side of her, one she had never shown to me, and I hoped that she would be as accepting as Peter and Charlotte. Since she has been the closest to Jasper, she should be able to see how happy he was now, shouldn't she?
Emmett, on the other hand, was an entirely different story. Next to Edward and Alice he had been the one I'd felt the closest to. From the very beginning he had acted like true older brother, constantly making fun of me and my weird human ways ( his words not mine), but at the same time he was capable of showing fierce protectiveness like that time when James had decided to make me his next challenge.
There was no front when it came to Emmett. He'd always been true to his feelings. He laughed when he was happy, he pouted when he wasn't getting his way. It was safe to say that I'd missed him dearly. And I had taken his disappearance just as bad as Edward's or Alice's, maybe even more so. Somehow I knew that he would be harder to convince than his wife.
But then again, what did it matter? It wasn't like I was seeking their approval. I didn't owe them anything, no explanation, no justification. They didn't even deserve my usual fast forgiveness. They had left me, not the other way around. Rationally I knew that we were in need of their help, at least concerning the werewolf problem. But I was sure that Jasper and Peter would have no problem to take care of Laurent all by themselves.
Sure, I had no right to order them away in case they would decide to act up. After all it was their house, not mine. But I was ready to fight, to stand my ground. Silly, immature Bella was no more. I would show them how much I've changed.
But whatever would happen next, one thing was for sure. Jasper and I, we belonged together, end of story. No one would be able to get between us.
With that in mind, I squared my shoulders and exited the bathroom. I could hear Jasper and Rose talking downstairs, but I couldn't make out the words. Damn vampires, couldn't they use a normal volume, making it easier for the human to eavesdrop? Apparently not. But at least there was no shouting … yet. I didn't know whether I should take comfort in that fact or not. Somehow this made me uneasy. It felt like the calm before the storm.
I tiptoed down the hall towards the staircase, in order to get closer, but not yet ready to show myself. I would wait for the right moment.
A/N I had to end here, sorry, I know you guys are more than anxious to see how the reunion will proceed. But somehow I am a little stuck with the next part and I thought to give you at least something, since it has been already a month since the last update. But this chapter has its purpose. Angela will play a bigger role in the near future.
I promise next chapter will be longer again, and just be prepared for some more drama.