"Stay," she wanted to tell her husband. "Don't go." But it was an option already precluded for her, married to this man. And Lyanna also realized that it was dangerous for Stannis to ignore the summon from the king. Volatile and unstable as King Aerys was, no one knew how he would react to his command being ignored.
She wanted to go with him, wanted it more than anything else. How silly, she reproached herself later. As if I could protect him from the king.
Why not? She rebelled against her own reproachful thoughts. She had fought, in disguise, during the tourney at Harrenhal after all, and beaten quite a few knights without much difficulty.
You were not carrying a child inside you, then.
At times she still felt like a child herself. A child resisting change, wanting things to stay the same. Because their lives would never be the same again, she had realized, the instant Maester Cressen started reading that letter. She prayed for time to reverse itself. She wished fervently that those two ravens had never arrived.
Wishes and prayers are for fools, she had heard Stannis saying to Maester Cressen once. But she did not care, they were all she had now.
Renly had cried. Renly had yelled, "Don't go!" as Stannis was leaving. "You only just came back, why are you leaving again?" He had grabbed Stannis' hand forcefully, refusing to let go. Stannis had not said anything, not one word, had not reprimanded Renly the way he usually would have done when he thought Renly was "misbehaving" or "making a scene." Lyanna and Ned between them managed to pry Renly loose, the boy sobbing uncontrollably as Stannis rode away.
"Why is he going to see the king if the king is mad at him? What if the king punishes Stannis?" Renly was asking Lyanna amidst his tears. Lyanna had almost forgotten that Renly was present at the feast, when the castellan of Griffin's Roost had made his appeal to Stannis, and Maester Cressen had read the letter from the king.
"The king is not mad at Stannis," Lyanna said as reassuringly as she could, her hand wiping away the tears from Renly's cheeks.
Lyanna's father had sent Benjen back to Winterfell with a letter for Brandon. A very important letter that must be delivered to his hand and his hand only, Lyanna had overheard the instruction. What are you planning, Father? Her father had sent Benjen instead of Ned because Stannis had asked Ned to stay at Storm's End while he was away.
The next few days after Stannis left felt like a dream to Lyanna. She was counting the days until he reached King's Landing. Part of her wished he would never arrive there, or he would suddenly decide to turn back. Her father was still at Storm's End, frequently engaged in hushed conversations with Lord Estermont, Stannis' grandfather. Lyanna walked in on them during one such conversation, and they both clammed up immediately when they saw her. She wanted to shout – What are you whispering? What are you planning and plotting under my husband's roof? Under my roof? But a lifetime of forced courtesy stayed her tongue, and she merely smiled and quickly left the room.
She shared her concern about their father with Ned. Ned nodded, looking thoughtful. "Something was going on between Brandon and Father during the tourney. There were a few occasions when they quickly turned silent when Benjen and I came into the room while they were talking."
"What is Father planning?" She was worried for her father too. She loved him, despite everything.
"Maybe you should ask him," Ned said.
Lyanna deflected the suggestion. "Maybe you should. You're his son after all, I'm merely a daughter. He would say that it is none of my concern, if I'm the one asking the question."
Ned looked sad. "I don't think he trusts me so much more either. Not like he does with Brandon. But of course that is as it should be, Brandon is his heir." He paused. "Whatever it is he's planning, Stannis seems to be involved somehow, with or without his knowledge. It is your concern, you have a right to know, as Stannis' wife. We'll ask him together."
Lyanna considered it. It was a sweet offer, but she knew it was something she had to do on her own. "Thank you, Ned, but no. I will ask Father myself." Tomorrow, she resolved. First thing in the morning.
She was formulating the questions she wanted to ask her father in her mind, when Ned suddenly changed the subject so abruptly Lyanna thought the floor was spinning. "Is it because of the crown prince? Is it because of him you didn't make a fuss about Stannis going to King's Landing?"
She had no clue what Ned was driving at. She stared at him, mystified. "I know, Lya." Ned said plaintively. "I know about you and Rhaegar."
So many questions she wanted to ask her brother. What exactly do you know? How did you find out? Did Robert know? But there was one question foremost in her mind, above all else.
"What do you mean when you asked if it was because of Rhaegar that I did not make a fuss about Stannis going to King's Landing? Ned?"
Ned looked uncomfortable. "You know what I mean, Lya."
"No, I don't. You're going to have to spell it out for me."
"Did you … did you want Stannis to go to King's Landing in part … in part ... for Rhaegar's sake?"
She had poured wine over Benjen's head when Benjen had teased her about crying, listening to Rhaegar's song. She almost regretted not having a goblet of wine in her hand now; she would have poured it over Ned's head.
"What exactly are you asking me, Ned? Did I want my husband to purposely put himself in danger so he can rescue the man I once loved?" Lyanna asked, her voice full of disdain. "Is that what you're accusing me of?"
Ned was shaking his head vigorously, his expression full of regret. He took Lyanna's hand. "No, Lya. I am not accusing you of anything."
Lyanna snatched her hand away, her anger still boiling. "You were! That is exactly what you were doing. Did it ever occur to you the danger Stannis would be in if he ignores the king's command? Or were you too busy doubting me, suspecting me, to think about that?"
Ned looked ashamed. "Forgive me. I have wronged you. Very, very badly."
And yet, Lyanna wondered later, why had she been so angry at Ned for bringing up the matter? It was not a completely unreasonable assumption for an outsider to make, considering the circumstances.
Ned is not an outsider, he is my brother. He should know me better than that.
It had hurt, a lot, Ned accusing her of that. And yet, part of her wondered …
No! The thought had never occurred to me, not until Ned brought it up. She knew this to be the truth. She had no reason to doubt herself.
A horrifying thought struck her suddenly. What if that same suspicion had occurred to Stannis? What if he had interpreted her reaction to him going to King's Landing the same way Ned did?
Before she could vex herself even more, Renly walked into her bedroom. He had obviously been crying again, his eyes red, his cheeks trailing dried tears. He was looking more and more like Robert did as a boy, Ned had told Lyanna. Renly sat down next to her on the bed, embracing her tightly. Lyanna returned the embrace with one hand, her other hand smoothing over his unruly hair.
"Can't you sleep? Do you want me to read you a story?"
He shook his head. Renly already knew his letters, Maester Cressen had started teaching him early, but he insisted on Lyanna reading to him most nights.
"Or do you want me to tell you more about the children of the forest?"
He shook his head again. "Can I sleep with you, Lya?" Renly whispered, his hand clutching her nightdress.
"Just for tonight," Lyanna replied. "You're a brave boy, aren't you?"
"Yes, I am." He looked pleased. "Just for tonight. I promise," Renly said solemnly.
Truthfully, she was glad for the company. She sang to him the song her mother used to sing when Lyanna had trouble falling asleep as a child. But they both stayed awake, Renly and Lyanna, neither drifting into the land of dreams.
"Do you want me to tell you a story?" Renly asked, after Lyanna was done with her song.
"What is it about?"
"It's about a stag who married a she-wolf," Renly replied. "They did not like each other very much at first," he whispered, giggling.
Lyanna laughed. "Well, go on. What happened next?"