Chapter Thirty-Three: Divided Loyalties
"Santana, that's amazing!" squealed Quinn, as her fiancée peppered her with excited kisses. "I'm so proud of you! We have to celebrate – oh, and you should make an announcement while everyone's still here." She tugged at her hand trying to lead her back outside to the party but Santana's feet remained firmly rooted.
To her surprise the brunette shook her head, her cheeks coloring slightly as she answered. "No, today is Beth's day. I don't want to steal the spotlight away from her," she said with uncharacteristic modesty.
"She won't mind," insisted Quinn, wrapping her arms around Santana's neck and planting a tiny kiss on the tip of her nose. Santana shook her head again, a little more vehemently this time.
"No," she said again, meeting Quinn's gaze and holding it unfailingly. "Can we keep this just between us for a little while?" she asked softly.
"If you want to." Quinn's brow furrowed in confusion. "But why, baby? I don't understand why you don't want to scream this from the rooftops. It's huge, San."
"I know," replied Santana with a gentle smile. "But I just want some time to get used to the idea first. And there's no guarantee that the network will pick up the show."
"They will," Quinn said confidently and Santana chuckled.
"How can you be so sure?" she wanted to know.
"Because," Quinn said slowly, leaning in to capture her fiancée's lips in a tender kiss, "they've got you. And you're amazing. I love you."
"Mmm, say that again," Santana murmured, without detaching her mouth from Quinn's. She ran her tongue lightly over Quinn's lower lip, and couldn't help but grin at the groan she elicited.
Giggling, Quinn pulled back slightly. "I love you," she repeated.
"No, not that part," Santana said with a mischievous grin. "The part about how amazing I am."
"Hmm, and modest too," Quinn commented drily. Santana kissed her again, this time stroking apart her lips and delving her tongue into Quinn's mouth to massage her own. Quinn's hands tangled into Santana's hair to hold her in place, reveling in the intimate contact with her fiancée. Santana's hands were ghosting up and down her spine, sending delicious shivers from her head to her toes. When they finally broke apart, breathing hard, Quinn brushed stray strands of raven hair out of Santana's eyes. "Okay, so we're keeping this as our secret for now," she agreed, panting slightly as she tried to recover her composure, "but that doesn't mean that you get out of celebrating this."
"How?" Santana was amused. "Baby, I would love nothing more than a little one on one time, but we have a little girl who won't let you out of her sight for five minutes and… speak of the devil." She glanced over Quinn's shoulder, her eyes lighting up as she smiled widely.
Quinn turned expectantly to see her daughter standing in the doorway, looking like a somewhat dishevelled angel wearing fairy wings and a tiara with a grass-stained white dress and bare feet.
"I was looking for you," she announced brightly. "I want to go swimming."
"Swimming?" Santana grinned mischievously. "I think that can be arranged!" Without warning she grabbed hold of the little girl and swung her over her shoulder as Beth giggled and kicked her feet futilely. "Let's go." She headed towards the French doors leading into the garden and Beth squealed.
"But I don't have my bathing suit on!" she cried, beating her small fists ineffectually against Santana's back.
The brunette managed to shrug, even under Beth's weight on her shoulder. "Oh, you wanted to wear a bathing suit?" she said in mock surprise. "I was just going to toss you into the pool!"
"Quinn! Help! Save me!" Beth begged through her peals of laughter as Quinn stood back and shook her head.
"You two need to work this out on your own," she said with a low chuckle. "And I have a celebration to plan," she added under her breath.
The party finally wound down sometime around twilight but it was dark outside by the time Quinn finally managed to calm Beth down enough to get her into bed. She'd wanted to wear the fairy wings Brittany had given her over her pajamas and it had taken a long time to convince her otherwise. Then, she'd wanted to talk about her party, going over and over every detail. She'd loved her cake, her presents, playing with Brittany and Santana. She wanted to know if Quinn would call Brittany and ask her to come over and play again the next day. Then, of course, there were the scores of new books she'd received as gifts and it took her an age to choose which one she wanted Quinn to read to her as a bedtime story. Finally, the little girl had fallen asleep and although Quinn knew she should go and help her mother, Paul, and Santana clean up the garden, a sudden wave of fatigue hit her and she couldn't bring herself to make the journey down the stairs just yet. Wearily, she headed into her bedroom, rubbing her aching back as she lay down on her bed, thinking she'd just rest for a minute and then go and join the others outside. The window was open and a cool breeze was blowing through the darkened room, the curtains fluttering in the moonlight. Quinn closed her eyes and willed her tired muscles to relax.
The next thing she knew, a warm wet tongue was stroking just below her left ear and the familiar weight of Santana was straddling her thighs. She moaned appreciatively and arched into the touch, her hands automatically slipping around Santana's waist to hold her in place.
"Hmm," Quinn mumbled sleepily. "What time is it?"
"Late," Santana whispered against the shell of her ear, her teeth just barely grazing Quinn's earlobe and causing her to stifle a gasp. "Everyone's asleep."
"I was going to help with the clearing up," Quinn said with a yawn. "Why didn't you wake me?"
Santana reached out to tuck a lock of long blonde hair behind Quinn's ear tenderly. "When you didn't show up I came to look for you," she explained, "and you looked so cute and peaceful that I didn't have the heart to wake you."
"So, why did you wake me up now?" Quinn asked grouchily, through her sleepy haze, sticking out her lower lip as she pouted.
Santana chuckled and ground her hips teasingly against Quinn's. "You're complaining?" she asked, arching a delicate eyebrow as she rolled her hips in the opposite direction.
This time, Quinn's gasp was audible. "No," she said hurriedly, as Santana's hand ghosted over her outer thigh leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake. "Not at all." She raised herself up on her elbows to capture Santana's lips in a fierce kiss. Falling back against the pillows and taking Santana with her left her hands free to explore, and Quinn took full advantage, sliding them up under Santana's shirt to cup her lace clad breasts through the fabric of her bra. "God, I've missed touching you," she murmured, stroking the sensitive skin below her fiancée's breasts with the pads of her thumbs. "Can I take this off?" She tugged at Santana's shirt impatiently.
Santana gazed at her with lust-filled eyes. "You never have to ask, Q," she said with a wolfish grin, sitting back and pulling her shirt up and over her head in one swift movement, tossing it behind her into the darkness. For good measure, she reached behind herself and unclasped her bra, Quinn biting down hard on her lower lip at the sight of the brunette's newly naked torso as her eyes raked over her exposed figure hungrily. Quinn tugged Santana down to capture a nipple between her lips but, before she could even begin to enjoy the sensation, a scream from the hallway stopped them in their tracks.
"Beth," Quinn said breathlessly, wriggling out from beneath her fiancée and heading for the bedroom door, even as Santana searched for her missing top.
The hallway was dark but Quinn knew the house like the back of her hand and she crossed the space quickly to flip on the light switch. Beth stood in the middle of the floor, her bunny clutched against her small chest and her pajamas rumpled, one leg hiked up to her knee, tears streaming down her face as she cried out Quinn's name. As Quinn reached her, her mom's bedroom door opened, and Judy stepped out behind the little girl, looking questioningly at her daughter. Santana stood in the doorway of their room, watching with a concerned expression on her face, her arms wrapped around her torso.
"It's okay, Beth," Quinn soothed, gathering her up into her arms, her brow furrowed with anxiety. It broke her heart to hear Beth cry for her. The little girl clung to her tightly, wrapping both her arms and legs around Quinn as she wailed. Quinn could feel her small body trembling against her and she felt sick with worry. Every time she thought Beth's nightmares were easing, it seemed there was a fresh wave to contend with. Quinn knew that this most recent attack was probably a reaction to her telling Beth the truth about her parentage, but it didn't make it any easier to deal with.
"I couldn't find you," sobbed Beth, her tears dampening Quinn's shoulder. "I thought you'd left me."
"Ssh, baby, it's okay," Quinn assured her. "You're fine, you just got a little lost, that's all. How about we leave the light on out here and Santana and I will sleep with our door open in case you need us?"
Her daughter sniffled as she nodded. "Okay," she agreed shakily, rubbing her damp face against Quinn's shoulder. "Stay with me," she instructed in a small voice.
"Come on, let's get you tucked back into bed," Quinn murmured, carrying her daughter back into the guest room, trying to stop he frantic pounding of her heart in her chest as she walked. It took her several minutes, and four bedtime stories, to calm Beth down but eventually her breathing evened out and her eyelids began to droop, before closing completely as she fell asleep once more.
"Quinnie?" Judy called as she padded back down the hallway in search of Santana, wanting nothing more than to wrap herself in her fiancée's strong arms. Her mother was sitting on her bed, the doorway to her room open and Quinn realized that Judy had been waiting for her. She stepped into her mother's bedroom and pushed the door gently closed behind her. "Come, sit with me," instructed Judy softly, patting the mattress beside her. Quinn did as she was told, sighing wearily as she sank down onto the soft bed. "Is Beth asleep?" Judy asked, tucking a stray strand of rumpled blonde hair behind Quinn's ear tenderly.
Quinn nodded. "For now. I can't guarantee she'll stay that way though," she admitted. "Some nights she sleeps straight through but most of the time, if she wakes up once, it's usually just the start."
"You know that's perfectly normal, right?" Judy queried, and Quinn frowned. "Quinnie, sweetie, I don't think you let your father and I get more than a couple of nights uninterrupted sleep in a row until after you started kindergarten."
"This is different, Mom," she said wearily. "After everything she's been through…" She broke off and picked at a stray thread on her mother's duvet, unable to vocalize her worries. What if this was something she couldn't fix? How long should she give it before getting Beth professional help? Was she inflicting permanent damage on her daughter by trying to handle the situation herself?
"After everything she's been through, I'd say nightmares are perfectly natural," Judy interjected. "Quinnie, I saw the look on your face in the hallway, and I know that you're worried, but she will grow out of this, I promise you. It's going to take time, that's all."
"But…" Quinn began, but Judy held up a hand to quiet her.
"Do you remember when Frannie locked you in the hall closet?" Judy asked her gently, her blue eyes fixed firmly on her daughter.
Quinn shook her head, surprised by the sudden change of direction the conversation was taking.
Judy chuckled softly but then looked repentant. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh," she said, shaking her head. "You were four years old, and Frannie was eleven. I needed to go to the grocery store for milk and you were being difficult – you wouldn't put on your shoes as I recall – so eventually I asked your sister to watch you for ten minutes while I ran to the store. Well, I don't know what happened because I could never get the full truth out of either of you, but, suffice to say, when I came home you were nowhere to be found. I searched the whole house for you and I was starting to get frantic. Your sister wouldn't tell me anything and I kept calling for you but you didn't answer. I was about to call the police when Frannie confessed to locking you in the closet. She said she was punishing you, but she wouldn't tell me what for. To this day, I still have no idea."
Quinn shook her head in disbelief. "I don't remember any of this," she said in amazement, "but it definitely sounds like Frannie." She'd never gotten along with her older sister, and she'd long since accepted the fact that she probably never would. Her sister had done many horrible things to her over the years, and truthfully she'd been no angel either, but it amazed her that she had no memory of her sister subjecting her to something so awful.
Judy reached for Quinn's hand and squeezed it gently. "When I opened the door, you were sitting on the floor sobbing your little heart out. You were shaking so hard, and you wouldn't even look at me – it was like you couldn't even see me. You wouldn't say a word and I thought I was going to have to take you to the emergency room." She sighed as she remembered. "Sweetie, you had nightmares every night for weeks. You were utterly convinced that we were going to leave you alone in the dark. You screamed the house down if we tried to shut your bedroom door. You really don't remember any of this?"
"No," Quinn admitted. "I guess it explains my claustrophobia though. I always wondered where that came from." She shuddered at the thought of enclosed, dark spaces that always made her feel an overwhelming sense of panic and anxiety.
"My point is, darling," Judy told her softly, "that you grew out of it, and Beth will too. Over time she'll come to trust that you're always going to be there for her. She's had a very unsettling six months and you can't expect her problems to resolve themselves overnight, but neither should you overreact and worry too much. You're a good mother, but it's a heck of a learning curve you're on."
"Thanks, Mom," Quinn said, opening her arms and inviting Judy to embrace her. The older woman smiled as she took her in her arms and rubbed her back soothingly.
"I know it's not easy, Quinnie," Judy said, smoothing her daughter's hair. "And it's hard on your relationship. I bet you and Santana aren't getting much alone time lately, are you?"
"Not really," confessed Quinn, pulling back from the hug and blushing slightly. She wasn't used to talking this openly with her mother. "San's being wonderful though, but I feel so guilty – it's like I'm tearing myself in two. Beth needs so much, but Santana needs me too and I couldn't do this without her. I just feel like I'm not being fair to her." All of this came out in a rush as Quinn finally recognized just how tense she'd been feeling ever since they'd gotten Beth back.
"Oh, sweetie," Judy said, chuckling again. "That's motherhood, I'm afraid. But you don't need to worry about Santana – that girl loves you more than anything, anyone can see that."
"I know." Quinn wasn't being modest, but for the first time in her life she was in a relationship where she felt secure. "I love her too. I just wish I could do something to show her how much."
To her surprise, Judy grinned. "Well, I might just be able to help you with that. How about my granddaughter and I take a little daytrip tomorrow and give you girls a little one on one time?" She patted Quinn's knee affectionately and Quinn smiled softly. "You can do something to spoil Santana and show her how much she means to you."
"That would be great, Mom, thank you," she said honestly, feeling a little of the weight lift from her shoulders. Her tired mind was already running through the possibilities of ways to make Santana feel special, some of them G-rated, others so risqué that it made her cheeks color and her palms sweaty.
"Consider it done," Judy replied with a wave of her perfectly manicured hand. "Now, why don't you go find that beautiful fiancée of yours and get some sleep? You look exhausted, honey."
"Thanks, Mom," repeated Quinn, rolling her eyes this time. Her mom laughed.
"Well, I'm sorry, Quinnie, but you do," she said unrepentantly. Quinn gave her mom a quick hug goodnight and, after a quick trip back down the hallway to check on Beth one more time, she headed for her bedroom where she knew Santana would be waiting for her.
The brunette was lying on her side with her long hair spread across the pillow. Her face was illuminated by the moonlight and her eyes were closed. Her full lips were parted slightly and she looked peaceful. Quinn shed her clothes quickly and quietly and shrugged on a vest and a pair of sleep shorts before climbing into bed behind Santana, moulding herself against Santana's back and burying her face in the sweet smelling curtain of her fiancée's hair.
Quinn closed her eyes and wriggled to get comfortable, then she felt a dip in the mattress as Santana shifted in her arms, rolling over to press her body against Quinn's.
"I thought you were asleep," Quinn said softly, smiling as Santana planted a tiny kiss on the tip of her nose.
"I was waiting for you," Santana explained sleepily. "You were gone a while. Trouble getting Beth back to sleep?" She yawned as she spoke, her eyelids drooping as she struggled to stay awake.
"Uh uh," Quinn replied, shaking her head. "She went off pretty easily this time. I was talking to my mom."
"She have any advice?" Santana asked, snuggling against Quinn and causing her to hum appreciatively.
"Just that it's going to take time," Quinn admitted. "She's right, I know, it's just…"
"Hard, I know," Santana supplied and Quinn nodded.
"But, she's going to take Beth out for the day tomorrow so you and I get to spend some time alone together," she said with a grin. To her surprise, Santana sighed dramatically.
"Too bad, I told my mom I was going go over and spend the day clearing out my closet," she said nonchalantly. "She wants to turn my old room into a home gym." Quinn pouted and Santana laughed. "Chill, Q, I'm teasing," she said, nipping at her fiancée's lower lip with her teeth.
"You suck, Lopez," Quinn grumbled sulkily.
Santana was jubilant. "Yeah, sometimes," she admitted. "If you ask me nicely."
Despite herself, Quinn chuckled. "Go to sleep," she ordered sternly. "You're going to need to conserve your strength for tomorrow – I have big plans for us."
The following morning dawned bright and sunny, and Beth was thrilled by the idea of a trip to the zoo with Judy. She ate her breakfast at top speed, despite Quinn's warnings that she would make herself sick, and she didn't even complain when Quinn sent her upstairs to clean her teeth. She clambered up the stairs noisily as Quinn, still wearing her pajamas, followed to get dressed. Whilst Beth cleaned her teeth, Quinn kept one eye on her through the open door as she looked in her closet for something to wear. As she picked out a light pink dress, a memory came back to her from months earlier and she couldn't help but grin excitedly. She'd promised Santana that she'd wear her Cheerio's uniform for her one day, then she'd promptly forgotten all about it. A quick scan of her closet revealed no sign of the red and white outfit and Quinn frowned as she tried to remember where she might have put it. Santana, who Quinn often teased could sleep through an earthquake, lay in bed, buried under the covers, dead to the world. Quinn marveled that anyone could sleep through the noise Beth was making in the bathroom. As quietly as she could, she checked the storage boxes under her bed with no luck, before remembering that she'd moved a bunch of her things up to the attic. Santana stirred slightly and muttered something unintelligible under her breath but she still didn't wake.
"Hey, Beth, you want to see something cool?" she called softly, and the little girl bounced into the room with toothpaste all around her mouth, grinning expectantly. After a quick trip back into the bathroom to clean her off, Quinn took Beth by the hand and led her into the hall and up the narrow staircase into the attic. Quinn hated the tight, enclosed steps but she knew she'd be fine when she reached the cavernous attic above.
"Wow," Beth murmured as she looked around at the years of accumulated objects. "Oh, look, Quinn!" She'd quickly zeroed in on a box of old toys. "Your mommy did keep your toys! Can I play with them? Please? Please?" She was already pulling objects out of the box and Quinn couldn't help but laugh.
"Sure, go ahead," she agreed congenially. "I'm just going to look for something, okay?"
"Okay," Beth said absently, not really listening as she pulled out a ratty looking Barbie doll from the box and started searching for clothes.
Quinn rummaged through cardboard boxes, searching for the errant cheerleading uniform, as Beth played noisily behind her.
"Quinnie? Beth?" Judy called from the foot of the stairs after Quinn had spent several minutes fruitlessly searching. The attic was hot and dusty and she was starting to give up on the idea all together.
"What are you doing?" Judy asked, reaching the top of the stairs and glancing around at the mess Quinn was making.
"Looking for my Cheerio's uniform," Quinn replied shortly. "I can't find it anywhere." She wiped a grimy hand across her sweaty forehead and frowned.
"Why on earth do you want your…? Judy began before breaking off when Quinn suddenly flushed scarlet. "Oh," she said as realization dawned on her. Her cheeks colored as well but she recovered quickly, even as Quinn was still wishing for the floor to open up and swallow her whole. "Well, you're looking in the wrong place," Judy told her daughter, trying to keep her tone light, but amusement flashing in her bright blue eyes. "I put all of your high school memorabilia on the shelves at the far end." She crossed the space quickly and with ease she located the white box with Quinn's name printed neatly on the side. "Here you go, darling."
"Thank you," Quinn muttered, still unable to meet her mom's gaze as she took the box from Judy's outstretched hands.
"Are you ready to go, Beth?" Judy asked, sounding like she was struggling to keep from laughing. Beth studied her curiously as she nodded.
"Uh huh," she agreed, putting the doll back in the box quickly. "But what's so funny?"
"Oh nothing, darling," Judy said dismissively as Quinn glared at her.
Five minutes later, Quinn was standing on the doorstep, waving goodbye to her mom and Beth as Judy reversed the car down the driveway. Santana was still fast asleep as Quinn re-entered her bedroom, and she grinned to see the way her fiancée had taken over the whole bed, her slender arms flung across the pillows and her long, toned legs tangled in the sheets.
A flush of anticipation flooded through Quinn as she watched Santana sleep, marveling at the length of her dark eyelashes, the curve of her cheek, the steady rise and fall of her beautiful chest. As much as she loved Beth, she had to admit that she was looking forward to a day of uninterrupted alone-time with Santana. The things she wanted to do with her – to her – ran through her mind and she wet her lips automatically. She felt guilty for feeling that way, almost like she was betraying her daughter, or that she was being ungrateful for the amazing gift she'd been given, but she tried to focus on the here and now and not dwell on her dark thoughts. Instead of succumbing to her worries, she pondered whether or not to wake her fiancée and start their day together. Santana looked so peaceful and innocent that she couldn't bring herself to disturb her slumber however, so she decided to take a shower and rid herself of the dust and grime of the attic, in the hope the Santana would wake up in the interim.
She shed her vest and shorts on the way to the bathroom, and grinned when she caught sight of herself in the mirror. Her blonde hair was tangled and she had a streak of dirt on her forehead. Her cheeks were flushed and her pupils had dilated from the naughty thoughts that had entered her mind as she'd watched Santana sleep. She briefly considered a cold shower to calm down her suddenly excited body, but the draw of relaxing warm water cascading over her was too strong, and she turned on the hot water before stepping under the steaming jets.
The warmth felt so good against her skin that she had to stifle a moan as she reached for the soap, squeezing out a liberal amount into the palm of her hand. Her skin felt soft and smooth beneath her fingertips but she felt a pang of regret as she ran her hands over the small of her stomach, wishing that she'd woken Santana up and asked her to join her. Santana's hands would feel so much better than her own. She trailed her palms up her body and over her breasts, closing her eyes as she imagined the touch was her fiancée's and biting down hard on her lower lip.
A low chuckle snapped her out of her reverie and she opened her eyes with a start, almost slipping on the soapy shower floor.
Santana was standing by the vanity unit watching her with lust-filled, twinkling dark eyes. "Starting without me?" she asked innocently as Quinn blushed. "Don't let me stop you." She folded her arms across her chest and crossed her ankles as she allowed her eyes to freely roam over Quinn's naked body.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Quinn replied in her most haughty Fabray tone. "I can't help it if your mind is firmly entrenched in the gutter." Santana gave her a pointed look that clearly told her she wasn't buying it so Quinn changed her tactic. She raised an eyebrow at her beautiful fiancée and grinned wolfishly. "So, are you joining me or do I have to finish this myself too?" she asked with as much innocence as she could muster. Feigning bravado, as her heart thumped traitorously in her chest, she ran the fingers of her left hand over her breast once more, as she walked the fingertips of her right hand down her abdomen until she reached the junction of her thighs. Then she gasped. Loudly. And smirked.
That did the trick. Santana was naked within seconds, stepping into the shower tray to capture her lips in a searing kiss.
"I want you," the brunette panted when they finally came up for air, their lips bruised and swollen from the intensity of their kisses.
Quinn licked her lips as she gazed at Santana coquettishly from beneath her eyelashes. "So, take me," she challenged with a low chuckle.
TBC...