"Are you always so certain about where your duty lies, Stannis?" Rhaegar Targaryen had asked him that, once upon a time.
"Will you be as loyal to me as your father was, Stannis? Can I count on you as much as I counted on him? As much as I once depended on him?" The king had asked Stannis that, before the crown prince had asked his question.
"You will regret this, one day. When you finally realized that you had a chance to save us all and you refused to take it because of your fear and insecurity." The queen had warned him, the last of the Targaryens to speak to Stannis.
My fear and insecurity? What did she mean by that?
It was not fear and insecurity driving the decision he was making. No, the decision he was trying to make. And he had no illusion, none at all, that he was capable of saving anyone. He had lost that delusion the day he and Robert stood at the parapet of Storm's End, waiting for a ship that never arrived, at least not intact. He was here for Jon Connington, his sworn bannerman, his responsibility. That was the beginning and end of it. As to the other matter …
What would Robert have done? Stannis silently scoffed, pushing that thought aside. Robert was hardly the shining beacon whose example should be followed when trying to decide on a course of action. And yet, much as it pained him to admit it, Stannis knew that Robert would have been more decisive, would not have spent so much time considering and reconsidering the consequences in his mind. Stannis was almost at the Red Keep itself, and his mind was still not made up.
So what? What's the point of being decisive if it means making a foolish and dangerous decision? He replied to the berating voice in his head.
What would Father have done? His father would have listened to the king's angry rants, and saw the anguish and despair driving all the rage and resentment. "Aerys is still like a boy in many ways. A boy who feels inadequate, living his life under the shadow of his illustrious grandfather, and now under his illustrious Hand." Steffon Baratheon had let that slip in front of his sons at dinner one night, only to be met with his wife's warning glare. Not in front of the children, she was obviously warning him.
"We are not that different, you and I. Always in the shadow. Always merely second-best. Second-rate. Never good enough in the eyes of others. Not as good as your brother Robert. Not as good as my grandfather, then my father, then my own Hand. And now my son." The king had said that as well to Stannis, in a moment of confidences never sought but still received.
Is that why he wants me to be his Hand? Because he thinks I understand what it is like? That we are kindred spirit?
That was a singularly bad reason for choosing a Hand of the King, Stannis thought. He had no illusions about his own strengths and weaknesses, his own abilities and capabilities. He knew, even while Robert was still alive, that he would have done a better job being the Lord of Storm's End. And he also knew that he was not the right person to be Hand of the King, not now. He had rarely set foot in King's Landing, had no interest in dealing with all the scheming and plotting and backstabbing. And he was far too young and inexperienced for the job.
Tywin Lannister was not much older when he was made Hand of the King, Stannis recalled. But he was a different sort of man, Stannis also knew.
The throne room was filled with various lords, knights and common folks, all making their various appeals. The king was sitting on the throne, looking as if he would rather be anywhere else in the world. Incredibly, none of those present spoke of Prince Rhaegar, or his two companions who had been arrested alongside him. The business of the realm went on as usual, or so it seemed. Are there forces assembling in other parts of the kingdom on Rhaegar's behalf? Stannis suspected there were. This was merely the deceptive calm before the storm.
He fixed his gaze on the king, his thoughts swirling with all the contradictory stories he had heard, as well as the things he had observed and perceived himself about the king.
If Rhaegar wishes to put himself on the throne, of course he would have to find some sort of justification, Stannis thought. My father is mad, my father is cruel, my father -
But Rhaegar is the Crown Prince, he will be king one day after his father's death, if he only sits quietly and wait. Why would he risk all that, unless there is a very good reason for it? Stannis was arguing with himself in his head.
Aerys is the rightful king, he pushed back. Where would we be, if everyone thinks they know best, without regard for rules and laws. Wars and bloodshed and constant instability in the realm, that's where.
The king finally noticed Stannis standing at the back of the room. "My new Hand of the King has arrived," he said eagerly. "Come, Stannis, sit with the rest of the Small Council members."
Stannis saw his grave mistake immediately. He should have waited to see the king privately. But he had wanted to observe the king in public, conducting his duties. Had wanted to see if … if …
You wanted to see if the stories were true, a voice said accusingly in his head. Strangely, it did not sound like his own voice. It sounded so much like the king's angry and hurt tone.
"Lord Stannis Baratheon, Hand of the King," the steward was intoning. Faces after faces turned to stare at Stannis, some smiling, some with ill-concealed curiosity and suspicion. He was not known to most of these lords and knights, not the way Robert had been.
What was he to do? Taking that seat with the rest of the Small Council members would have indicated his acceptance. And yet, how could he defy his king?
Relief came from the most unexpected source. "Your Grace, perhaps Lord Stannis would like to rest after his long journey? You have much business to attend to today; this session could last all afternoon. You could speak with him in private after that," Lord Varys said.
The king frowned at first, but then nodded vigorously. "Of course, of course. Tower of the Hand is prepared for you, Stannis."
Now why did the Spider do that? Stannis wondered. He suddenly recalled the queen's words. "Aerys wants you as his Hand, but the Spider argued strenuously against it."
He does not like me, and I do not trust him.
Stannis did not make his way to Tower of the Hand; he did not think it his place to do so, despite what the king had said. He was walking along the corridor in the Red Keep, thinking of Princess Elia and her children and if they were imprisoned as well, when a voice called out to him. A boy's voice. "Cousin Stannis," the voice said.
He does not have his brother's charms or good looks, Stannis thought dispassionately, as he stared at the face of Prince Viserys. The second son.
"Prince Viserys," Stannis greeted the boy.
The boy shook his head. "Cousin Viserys, please. You are my cousin, are you not?"
Well, he does have something in common with his brother after all, Stannis thought. He was getting impatient with all the talk of cousin and blood ties between the Targaryens and Baratheons.
Suddenly that blood tie is of the utmost importance, with war possibly approaching, Stannis thought cynically. It was never really mentioned before, as far as Stannis knew. King Aegon V had allowed his children to marry for love, as he himself had done, but that did not mean that the rest of the Targaryens thought too highly about Rhaelle Targaryen marrying a Baratheon.
"Yes, I am, my prince," Stannis replied. "Your second cousin. My lord father was His Grace the king's first cousin."
Prince Viserys was accompanied by the youngest member of the Kingsguard, the son of Tywin Lannister. He stood quite a distance away, looking almost bored.
Did you dream of glory and splendor in the field of battles, instead of following a young boy around? Stannis scoffed silently at Jaime Lannister. But he sobered up quickly as he remembered that Jaime Lannister might have his chance in the field of battles after all, very soon. And so would countless others, including himself, whether they wished for it or not.
"Are you here to see my brother?" Viserys asked.
"No, I am here at the king's command," Stannis replied. Surely the boy knew of his brother's fate?
His next sentence confirmed that the boy at least had some inkling. But how much he really knew, Stannis could not tell. "Father is very angry with Rhaegar. I'm not allowed to see him. No one is allowed to see him. Not even Elia and the children."
So Princess Elia and her children had escaped Rhaegar's fate, at least so far, Stannis thought. Maybe the thought of Dorne and its wrath was in the king's consideration.
"Are you to be my father's new Hand?" Viserys was asking Stannis.
Stannis hesitated.
"Do you know what happened to the old one?" Viserys whispered before Stannis could answer the previous question.