It wasn't like it was his first time to step on the new Normandy- he was perfectly aware that he had escaped from Earth in it. This was different though, more relaxed- tension still ran high, but he could see that the crew was trying to keep calm between the battles. They had the upmost belief that Hope would pull them through. It seemed that her ability to command loyalty was still intact.

Everyone stopped and stared as he walked by with her and he could hear them whispering. Shepard continued on as if she didn't hear them, but he wasn't so delusional to think that she was that oblivious. She was obviously waiting to gauge his reaction.

He's the superior officer…will he try to take command of the ship? one person asked his neighbor and Kaidan could feel their eyes on the back of his head.

You think anyone will follow him if he does?

You hear that he held a gun to the Commander? Even after all the Cerberus squads she's blown up, he kept his gun pointed at her!

Kaidan tried to block out the voices of the crew. He also wanted to answer them.

No, he would insist, the Normandy is her ship; I couldn't take it from her any more than I could have pulled that trigger.

Is that why he had kept it trained on the center of her chest? Because he knew that he couldn't take her life? It didn't matter…except for the look on her face…that changed everything.

Shepard reached around him and pressed the button to call the elevator to the CIC. Her expression was painfully blank- not even he could see beyond the cool mask she had put up. "You can set up shop in the Starboard Observation Lounge." Her expression slipped into a coy expression as she gave him a small smile and said, "I know how strongly you feel about the stars." She shook her head after her words and she slipped back into her blank face.

"I never thought the stars were very pretty or romantic…they were always just stars- balls of gas or planets…it didn't really matter," she informed him, standing at an observation point in the wards. They had time to kill before she had to visit Anderson and he had stopped to admire the view.

Even after all the time he'd spent in space, the view still managed to take his breath away…the romance of it all was still ever present. "How could you not think the stars were beautiful as a child- let alone now?"

"Born and raised in space, I never had to look up through atmo and imagine seeing and traveling through space- I was living it."

He gave her an indulgent smile and shook his head and he longed to reach out and wrap an arm around her waist. "Look beyond all of that, Shepard, and see the beauty of it all." He took a step closer and lowered his voice. "It's okay to let your guard down for a while and appreciate everything around you."

He hated how easily she was able to mask her emotions. He'd rather her just tell him everything- let him see her anger and tears and joy. He-

"Garrus," Shepard greeted as the elevator opened to reveal the Turian.

"Shepard," he answered, his mandibles twitching enough to indicate a smile. Then his expression turned to Kaidan. "Alenko." His mandibles seemed to be twitching more towards anger, his eyes hostile.

"Commander, Councilor Valern would like to see you on the Citadel," Joker interrupted the uncomfortable situation.

She looked down at her omni-tool and worried her bottom lip. "Okay, tell him I'll meet him in the embassies in about fifteen minutes," she sighed and smiled at Garrus. "Mind doing me a favor, Garrus?"

His eyes narrowed, but everyone present knew that he wouldn't tell her no. "Sure."

"Can you take the Major down to the Starboard lounge and help him unpack? This is Valern and, if he's anything like Mordin…well, I might be a while."

Again, Garrus' mandibles flexed in irritation. "Sure, Shepard. Just make sure to pick me up some dextro-chocolate- that's where I was headed."

She gave him a small smile and turned around and marched through the CIC. Harsh whispers didn't follow her, but appreciative and admiring glances did. Kaidan hated them for looking at her like that. She wasn't a piece of meat or just some idol, she was a human woman who had wants and desires just like all of them.

"C'mon, Alenko," Garrus snapped, stepping fully into the elevator and waiting impatiently for Kaidan to join him.

The ride down to the Crew deck was uncomfortable and strained. Kaidan could have sworn that he could cut the tension with a knife. It had never been like this aboard the original Normandy.

Of course not, he hadn't hurt her back then.

Garrus shoved off the back wall and left Kaidan to follow him to Kaidan's new quarters. Again, the crew stopped what they were doing to stare at him like he was an enemy let into their ranks. He had never been so happy as when the lounge's door opened and they stepped in.

"I'm sure you can unpack your own stuff," Garrus said gruffly and turned to leave. He stopped in the doorway, his shoulders tense. "If it wasn't for her, I'd shoot you and throw you out the airlock," Garrus informed Kaidan matter-of-factly, irritation laced in his voice.

Kaidan turned from the view port and stared at Garrus' back. "I don't blame you for wanting to."

Garrus turned around and stared at him hard. "You didn't see how she was when she was back aboard the Normandy after Horizon. She locked herself in her quarters after dealing with the Illusive Man and wouldn't come out until we reached Illium." He pointed one of his talons into Kaidan's chest. "You broke her."

"I didn't-"

"And, when she came to Menae, it was worse than after Horizon. I watched the helm-vids and I was ready to go to your hospital room and smother you while you slept. Again, it was because of her that I didn't."

"I don't-"

"I'm not done," Garrus informed him, his mandibles twitching in irritation. "After her last visit, it was like you had died. She'll never tell you because she's Shepard, but you not coming back aboard the Normandy after being released damn near devastated her. You are not the only man who desires her. If you want to keep her, you need to quit stringing her along. You have a lot of power over her until you make a decision."

Kaidan wasn't stupid. He knew that other men (and more than a few women) desired Commander Hope Ann Shepard. She was stunning in appearance and in personality. She had the ability to make everyone around her love her and willing to take lives for her- make them willing to give up their own lives for her. He didn't think that he'd ever understand how she was always able to recognize what a person needed most in a moment….then give them just enough so that they could call themselves nothing less than her people. Any member of the crew would gladly shoot Kaidan if she asked or if he continued to hurt her.

They would also join her in her cabin if she asked as well.

People who had once been, or still were, members of her squad would step up to protect her- though she would never know. Everyone demanded that he make a decision on whether he wanted to be with her or not.

Problem was, he didn't know yet.

"I didn't think on Horizon or Mars before I spoke," Kaidan said slowly.

"And that makes it okay? That gives you the right to throw accusations at her? To blame her for things that isn't her fault? To hold a gun on her while you try to figure out if she's lying or not?" Garrus stopped for a moment and then said, "She would have stood there and let you shoot her before she would even raise a gun at you."

Kaidan shook his head. "There is no good excuse for what I did. It will never be okay. I'll have to live with that for the rest of my life."

Garrus took a step forward, looking like he was fighting against murdering Kaidan. "She's more fragile than she lets on, Kaidan. A few years ago, I wouldn't have to tell you that. You would have known because you were always able to see deeper into her than anyone else. The feelings that she hides have always been easy for you to read. A lot of us have gotten a lot better at seeing past the mask she puts on, but you never even had to try!

"But, now, it's questionable if you can see into her like you used to. Even if you do, you still need to hear this. Shepard is working on uniting the galaxy and she is succeeding, but she doesn't have anyone to lean on. She needs someone strong enough to be there for her. Especially now. I don't know if that's you or if it's someone else, but it's true- and it used to be you. I don't completely understand the complexities of a human relationship, but she deserves someone strong enough for her.

"Question is: are you still strong enough for her?"

Kaidan stared silently at Garrus for a long moment- completely astounded by Garrus' speech. "Does she know that you're doing this?" Kaidan asked after wrapping his mind around Garrus' words.

"No, and she never will," Garrus warned. "If she knew, I'd probably end up out the airlock."

Kaidan gave a forced smile. "She doesn't much like anyone looking out for her, does she?"

Garrus studied Kaidan for another moment before turning and beginning to leave. He stopped again and turned around enough so that Kaidan could see his eyes. "This is my only warning to you, Kaidan. Hurt her again and you'll be lucky to see another day." Garrus left.

He plopped down on the couch in front of the observation window and rubbed his temples against an oncoming migraine. It seemed like threats were a constant in his life at that point. At this rate, there was going to be a line to kill him if he got out of line again.

Problem was, he was still unsure of which he would go with.

Adria held no threat. Even if he said something that he thought he meant at the time that hurt her, no person would threaten to kill him. She would cry and let him know that she was hurt, but she would get past it.

Hope was a little more difficult. Every friend of hers would try to kill him if he hurt her. She wouldn't just cry in a fight (a real fight) with him. No, she would cuss and scream and, maybe, hit him. She, too, would get past it too if they made up, but he would have the bruises as a reminder. That was just the way she was and he wouldn't change her for the world. She was passionate in every single thing that she did.

He didn't love Adria, probably never would.

…but he didn't know who Hope was anymore….

Kaidan pulled out a datapad and sat down on the couch tiredly.

He needed to finish reading about her time with Cerberus…he had to know everything.