Shepard was tired.
All she had wanted to do was re-board the Normandy, check her messages, give Joker a heading, take a shower, and take a nap.
But, that didn't happen.
Of course, Kaidan coming back aboard was still up in the air as to whether it was a good thing or not, but she had been called to see Valern before she could even change out of her BDUs and into something that she didn't feel the urge to burn.
So, instead of unwinding after everything, she was trekking back through the Citadel, watching as C-Sec and other emergency crews put out fires, collected the dead, and tended the wounded. She stopped every time she saw that someone needed help and assisted, murmuring condolences or words of strength as she continued on her way.
The things that struck her the hardest was when she found a group of kids huddled into a corner, flinching at every sound- trying not to make eye contact as they looked around the corridor hopefully. She slowly made her way over to them and smiled gently at them. "Hey," she murmured.
An Asari, probably the oldest of the five of them (looking maybe like she was between thirteen and fourteen human years old), gave her a strange look- unsure as to whether she could trust her or not. "Who're you?"
"Commander Shepard," she said, "but you guys can call me Hope."
A small human girl, probably no older than seven, gave her a teary smile. "I like your name," the little girl informed her.
Shepard gave her an appreciative smile. "Where're your parents?"
The Asari pursed her lips as the other's eyes filled with tears. "We don't know."
The youngest of the group- a little human boy who couldn't have been older than three or four- looked at her, confusion evident in his young eyes. He didn't understand- not really. He just kept looking at her with sad, eyes…longing to be united with his parents. Standing up and tapping her comm, she waited.
"Commander?" Joker asked.
"Tell Councilor Valern I'll be a little bit longer, I've got to take care of something."
Joker was quiet for a minute. "Can I tell him what?"
"I've got a group of kids that I need to take to C-Sec. Tell him ETA will be about half an hour."
"Roger."
Shepard smiled at the kids again. "I'm going to take you to a friend of mine, okay? He'll help take care of you until your parents are found."
She looked down in surprise as the little boy tugged on her pant leg and gestured to be picked up. Hesitating for a second, she reach down and picked him up. When in her arms, he buried his face in the crook of her neck. The second to youngest (at probably age 5), a little Turian girl, took her left hand once she had the boy situated on her hip.
Slightly shaken, Shepard began to make her way towards C-Sec with the children following her.
"Are you really Commander Shepard?" the Asari asked suddenly.
"I am."
The kids fell silent for a while. "Do you really fly the Normandy?" a Turian boy (probably about 8) asked.
Shepard let out a small laugh. "No, I have a pilot for that- we call him Joker. I'm in charge of the Normandy- I tell everyone what to do and I tell Joker where to go."
There were various wows. "That's a funny name for a pilot," the little human girl pointed out, holding on to the back of her BDU pant leg.
"He's a funny guy." She gave a small smile and hitched the little boy in her arms a little further up. "He's the best pilot in the galaxy."
The kids all nodded enthusiastically. "And you're the best soldier in the galaxy!" the same little girl exclaimed. "You fight all the bad guys and save everyone."
Shepard closed her eyes and fought to keep the tears back. "I try to," she responded.
They rounded the corner to C-Sec and saw a mob of reporters being held back by a few officers.
God, she was tired.
Straightening her shoulders and adopting her Commander Stance (well, as much as she could with a little boy on her hip with his face buried in her neck and a little Turian girl on her other hand, anyway), she walked forward.
Though the reporters parted as though she was the guy who parted the Red Sea in the Human Bible, they couldn't resist recording. She didn't spare them a second glance, just made sure that all the kids were able to follow her into C-Sec (the officers didn't even hesitate to open the doors- they knew who she was).
"Commander Shepard," Bailey said, surprised to see her.
"Bailey," she greeted. "I found a few kids. They don't know where their parents are, so I figured you guys could help them out."
He looked at the kids crowded around Shepard as though she was the only thing that kept them safe anymore. She smiled reassuringly down at them, letting them know that he was okay.
"I'm sure we can find somewhere for them to stay until we get everything all sorted out," he finally said, nodding towards Shepard.
She squatted and smiled at all the kids. "This is Commander Bailey. He's going to make sure you guys stay safe until C-Sec finds your parents, okay?" The little boy clung tighter to her and she gave him a reassuring hug. "Don't worry, he's a good man. Remember, I fight the bad guys," she whispered and they all giggled.
Before the little boy let go, he looked up at her and gave her a tight hug. She remained squatting as the ten kids came up to her and each gave her a hug that was worth so much more than any medal could ever be. Finally, the Asari gave her a hug. "Thank you, Hope," she whispered.
It was all she could do to fight tears as Bailey led them away from her. She remained squatted for a few minutes before standing and fixing her Commander Stance. She had a meeting with Valern after all.
The doors opened and it seemed that the reporters would have surged forward had it not been for the officers holding them back.
She was tired.
Kaidan turned on the news and was shocked to see that the headline was about Shepard.
"This is Reporter Marina Sanchez with the Citadel News Network. Currently, I am outside of C-Sec Headquarters where Commander Shepard, Human Spectre and Alliance N7 marine, entered just ten minutes ago with a group of kids," the reporter stated, pictures showing up on the screen.
In her arms was a young boy, held protectively against her chest, his head buried in her neck. From the look on her face, if someone was to look past the cool professionalism, she would gladly snap the neck of anyone who tried to take or bother the kids surrounding her- especially that little boy. Kaidan saw her glance down at him a few times.
She looked like a momma lion- deceptively calm…but she would have gladly killed them all if they messed with the cubs.
Something about that look on her face with that little boy in her arms had Kaidan yearning to run and meet her on the Citadel.
The footage came back on live as the doors to C-Sec opened to reveal Shepard without the kids.
"Commander Shepard," they all shouted out, their questions blending into unrecognizable words.
Finally, since she couldn't get through the crowd, she raised a hand and Kaidan could tell that she was surprised when they all fell silent. "One at a time," she ordered, looking around the area.
"Commander Shepard, who were those kids?"
"They don't know where their parents are. Until that is sorted out, they will be remaining at C-Sec in order to be cared for," she explained. She was well composed, and looked stunning despite her rumpled, stained BDUs and messy hair.
Another spoke up. "Do you believe that their parents were killed when Cerberus invaded the Citadel?"
"It isn't my place to make speculations. It is my deepest hope that they were not, but, if they were, I will make sure that C-Sec finds the kids proper homes."
They all remained silent for a minute and it seemed they were all waiting for another to ask a question that was on all of their minds. Finally, someone asked, "You seemed perfectly comfortable with a child in your arms, another on your hand, and more surrounding you. Do you intend on having children if the Reaper's are defeated?"
Kaidan held his breath, as eager as the reporters to know her answer.
"I have no doubt that the Reaper's will be defeated," she corrected them.
"Do you intend on having children after the War?"
Shepard hesitated almost unperceptively. Kaidan could see her try to come up with a noncommittal way to answer the question. As the camera zoomed in, he could see her exhaustion etched into her face, barely noticeable.
"I don't know what my future will hold when the Reaper's are defeated. I have no immediate plans to get married and have children and I intend to stay with the Alliance and the Spectres until long after retirement age," she chuckled, causing the reporters all to chuckle as well.
Kaidan hated her answer, for it hadn't been an answer at all. She had skirted it entirely- as she normally did. She kept so much to herself- kept so much of herself to herself…if that made any sense at all.
"Now, if that's all, I have a meeting with Councilor Valern that I have already postponed once," she informed them.
As she walked through the crowd, they parted before her, giving her a straight path through. She gave a small nod and made her way through, walking with perfect military precision.
She was beautiful.
"And there you have it, folks- Commander Shepard: soldier, hero, savior, and protector. Until next time, this is Marina Sanchez with Citadel News."
Kaidan stared at the screen and frowned.
Her answer shouldn't have bothered him- he hadn't made up his mind about what to do.
….
…at least not consciously.
Even he didn't believe that anymore.
Shepard was tired.
As she made her way to Citadel tower, the reporter's question kept repeating in her mind…the same as Adria's had.
"You all train to protect civilians- parents and kids-, but do you ever think of getting married and having kids?" Adria had asked.
Did she ever think of getting married and having kids?
Once, a small voice answered.
What happened? Another asked.
I died, the small voice whispered.
"If I would have followed protocol and orders, you'd've lived and probably be an Admiral and married to Alenko," Joker's voice whispered across her mind.
She stopped and leaned against a railing, shaking her head. She didn't want to think about all of this. She just wanted to meet with Valern and then take a nap.
She was tired.
"Do you intend on having children after the War?"
Having a child was not something that she had ever thought too hard about…not really. Oh, she had once thought of having little Shenko babies (yeah, she had done the lame thing and smashed her and Kaidan's last names together…she tried not to think about how girly and un-soldier-like it really was) back on the SR-1. But, what did she know about babies? She had never been exposed to them when she was growing up and she was the only child of two well-respected marines. It wasn't until she and Kaidan had decided to actually have a relationship that she even remotely entertained the idea of having children.
And, at the point that she was at, could she even remotely consider the possibility about eventually having children?
No. Not really.
Still, having a child in her arms had felt right. Apparently there really was an ingrained maternal instinct imbedded in a woman's DNA.
It didn't matter. She had a war to end and a Councilor to meet with.
Plus…it wasn't like her and Kaidan (or her and anyone for that matter) were in a close enough relationship to be making babies.
With a sigh, she straightened her stance and went for her meeting with Valern.
Sober, unfortunately.