[A/N: You guys are so great! Thanks for your feedback! This chapter is a bit longer than most, so I hope you enjoy that! I won't be able to update as fast as I have been because good 'ole college is starting Monday! But I will update when I can, hopefully with longer chapters than this one too! - Mia :)]
"So, Clarke. How's Yale?"
She dropped her fork from its journey toward her mouth as she turned her attention toward Henry Collins. She sat up straighter and glanced at her mother before turning her attention back toward the awaiting gray eyes before her. "It's pretty good. Cold."
The table laughed in response. Not the kind that made your insides inflate with warmth but the kind that made you feel hollow and empty.
"Clarke made the Dean's List." Her mother said with a wide smile. She tried to muster up her own smile but it failed. Not that it really mattered to these people. Every Tuesday she would have brunch with her mother and the Collins family at The Ark (it was just her luck that Finn Collin's father was her mother's close friend). And even though she had been gone for almost a year, her summer break was quickly falling back into routine.
Henry nodded his head with a large smile. "And I hear that you're following in your mother's footsteps."
She stared at him blankly.
Her mother cleared her throat and jabbed her softly in the side. "Majoring in Pre-Med, Clarke."
Her eyes grew wide. Sure, she took the prerequisites for the medical career path, but she hadn't fully confirmed that she was going in that direction. Helping people had always been a passion of hers but she hadn't officially signed off her life for the next eight years.
She wondered if her mother ever heard her when she talked. She wondered if anyone heard her when she talked.
She nodded her head anyway because she didn't want to add to anything. The feeling of claustrophobia was starting to overwhelm her again, just like it had when she had come to dinner with Finn and a few of his friends last Friday.
"What do you think you want to specialize in, Clarke?"
She hadn't thought about that much either. She just wanted to help people and care for them. She started to muster up something but her mother cut in, like usual.
"General surgery." Her mother said proudly as she cut into her frittata.
The table started another conversation and she felt it all fade away. She stared at her water glass as she listened to her mother laugh about Finn's stories from NYU and Caroline Collins mishap of trying to understand the New York Subway system.
She only looked up when the dining room door opened and Bellamy appeared in his black tux.
She wondered what caused the large bruise on his face. It had to have happened after he had dropped her off.
She watched as he filled up another table's water glasses with such ease. He moved between seats and no one looked at him or thanked him for doing so.
It was as if he wasn't even there.
How could they have not noticed him? Besides the harsh bruise on his face, he was extraordinary. His dark complexion looked so well against the darkness of his tux jacket. His hair was ruffled slightly but not in a way that looked lazy. What got to her most was his dimpled chin.
She watched his sleeve get pushed back as he refilled another water glass. She sat up straighter when she saw the watch she had given him sparkle in her direction. The dark leather and crisp white face of it staring back at her.
She wasn't sure what even came over her when she found the watch in her father's closed off office. It was a watch he hardly wore, unlike the one she had in her own bedroom. It was still in a gift-wrapped box with a small handwritten note from Thelonious Jaha.
She thought about the quiet ride back to her house with Bellamy and how the watch he had around his left wrist was so badly cracked and falling apart at the seams.
She didn't hesitate as she threw the watch into the small gift bag. Her hands shook as she handed it over and her heart ticked loudly in her chest when he tried to give it back.
But he had taken it and he was wearing it around his tanned wrist. She watched it return to underneath his sleeve as he stood up and slowly walked toward her table. She was almost certain she froze in place.
"Clarke?"
She spun her head toward Finn's questioning glare. "Sorry, what?"
She watched his lips move but she didn't hear a sound. Her heart was racing as Bellamy reached beside her for her water glass. She glanced at him and their eyes locked. She wanted to say something but she knew that he wouldn't respond. She didn't want him to feel uncomfortable but she ached to hear his voice.
He locked his eyes on her for another quick second before turning away, his lips forming something resembling a smile.
Her mother jabbed her again. She turned her attention back toward her mother only to find her mother staring disapprovingly at Bellamy as he made his way around the table before turning her attention back onto her. "Finn asked you a question, Clarke."
Her cheeks reddened as she turned back toward Finn. "Sorry, I didn't get much sleep last night."
Finn's eyes were locked on Bellamy for a moment before turning to her, a strange look on his face. She chose to ignore it. "I just wondered if you wanted to go to the Unity Day banquet with me on Thursday."
She felt her throat closing up. Like it usually did when Finn placed her in situations like this one. His parents stared at her in excitement. Her mother was seconds away from jabbing her again.
Bellamy was walking away from her table.
She mustered up a smile despite the fact that all she wanted to do was run away. "Sure."
…
Even though she had a car, she preferred walking.
Her house was a mile or two from town but that didn't really stop her. She enjoyed the smell of the fresh spring air with a hint of salt from the ocean. That was definitely another thing she missed while she was at Yale.
She walked toward a small boutique and smiled at the window display before entering. An Indie song swam around her head as she opened the door. The boutique was one she always walked by but never went inside. Mostly because she shopped with her mother and her mother hated small town shopping. She however, loved it.
The feeling of soft silk caused her to smile. She held up a few dresses toward her thin frame but grimaced when she came to holding them up toward a mirror. She had lost some weight at school. Mostly because of stress and she guessed from the isolation she placed around herself.
She frowned.
"Griffin."
She lowered a pale blue dress and turned to face Raven Reyes.
She nearly fainted at the sight of the slim brunette. The last time she had run into Raven was before she left for college last summer. The conversation was basically Raven begging her to leave her boyfriend alone. She had tried to get Raven to understand that she didn't want Finn, not that way but Raven didn't believe her and quickly turned her emotion into action.
She was pretty sure her cheek held the imprint of her hand for weeks.
"Hey." She fished out lamely as she quietly placed the dress back onto the rack. She tugged hard on her bag strap. "Ho-."
"Look." Raven interrupted as she shook her head, almost as if she was stopping herself from saying anything at all. "Finn and I are done so he's officially yours."
She wanted to shout that he wasn't hers but it would have been like talking to an empty room (something she did a lot, anyway). She glanced back at the dress rack, her throat in her stomach. When she glanced back, she saw Raven waiting for her to say something.
She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear before she answered. "We're – we." Her frown deepened. "It's not like that." At least she tried.
Raven rolled her eyes. "Whatever." She pulled her sunglasses out and placed them onto her face. "He told me you're going with him to the banquet." Raven pointed at a dark purple dress. "You'd look good in that."
She turned her head slightly and pulled out a dark purple dress. It was modest enough for her taste but a bit daring due to the low cut of the back. She went to turn to Raven but the brunette was already making her way out of the store.
She let out a breath and turned back toward the dress. It really was beautiful but she knew she could never wear a dress like this. She held it up against herself in the small mirror and turned from side to side with a sad smile.
"We have a dressing room if you'd like to try it on." She turned her head to see the bright green eyes of the familiar face. The recognition washed over the brunette's face as well. "Cardigan girl!"
She felt her cheeks redden as she glanced down at her light blue cardigan she was wearing before looking up. She couldn't help but let out a small laugh at herself and the situation. "Octavia, right?"
"Right." The perky brunette nodded with a smile as she walked closer. Octavia gently took the dress from her and held it up herself. "Beautiful color. Want to try it on?"
"Oh, okay." She mumbled as she followed an almost skipping Octavia toward the small makeshift dressing room (the kind that was just closed off by a few hanging drapes).
Octavia hung up the dress before smiling brightly at her. "Let me know if you need anything else."
She nodded her head and stepped into the small space. She took a small breath as she unbuttoned her cardigan and folded it onto the bench against the wall. She continued to undress and took a deep breath as she took the dress off the hanger. Quickly stepping into it with her eyes closed.
She counted in her head before opening them and staring at her reflection. Her pale skin seemed to shine against the dark purple but not in a bad way. Despite her frizzy blonde hair and small frame, she looked alright. She felt her heart quickly speed up when her eyes focused on the large scar and burn marks on her left forearm.
She brought a hesitant hand toward the raised skin that went from the inside of her armpit to her elbow. It matched the one flowing down her ribs to the top of her left thigh. She turned in the mirror and frowned when the reddened flesh peeked briefly from the dress.
"How are we doing? I brought a few-" Octavia's voice cut short as she opened the drape and locked eyes with her in the mirror.
She quickly crossed her arms and glanced down at the ground. "Do you have something with sleeves?"
It took her moment before she allowed herself to glance up and at Octavia. The brunette glanced at the ground and cleared her throat before smiling at her. It was the kind of smile she had received years ago. She hated that smile.
"Of course. Hold on." Octavia pointed toward the dress rack and turned around, closing the drape after her.
She stared at herself in the mirror once again. Tears welding in her eyes. She wouldn't allow herself to let them fall. She took a deep breath and quickly took off the dress, hanging the delicate material back onto the hanger.
Images flashed before her eyes. Screams flooded her ears. She couldn't stay here.
She dressed quickly and found comfort in her jean capris and cardigan once again. She pushed open the drape just as Octavia came toward her with dresses piled in her arms. She forgot she asked for a different kind of dress.
She offered a lame attempt of a smile before shrugging and heading toward the door. Her hands shook at her sides.
"Clarke."
She froze in place. She turned her head before she turned her body.
Octavia stood behind her, with the dresses still in her arms and an understanding smile on her face. Octavia took a breath and turned back toward the small dressing room, nodding toward the hanging purple dress she had left there. "Whenever you're ready, that will be ready too."
She almost cried there, at the understanding between one human being to another but she didn't. She nodded her head and stayed still for a moment before turning around and leaving.
…
She dropped onto the black mat and groaned.
She felt pain all over. Her bones ached. Her organs ached. Her skin wet with sweat.
She had forgotten what it was like to workout with Wells. The boy who hated hiking (yet claimed to love it now) could seriously kick her ass at cycling.
She almost pitted herself for agreeing so happily to meet her best friend at six o'clock in the morning for a cycling class. She could barely keep up within the first five minutes of the workout. And of course over the span of an hour, Wells didn't even break a sweat.
She groaned when she heard Wells laugh above her. She groaned louder and smiled as his laugh filled her being.
"Alright, give me your legs."
She softly flipped onto her back and lifted her legs into the air. Wells held her feet between his hands and slowly started to push them toward her. It burned but she wasn't going to complain. "Why did I agree to this torture?"
Wells smirked as he continued to press on her feet. "Because your scrawny ass could use it."
She narrowed her eyes. "Funny."
Wells smirk deepened as he slowly retracted her legs and let them drop toward the ground. He let out a loud breath before flopping down next to her. "That kind of kicked my ass."
She turned her head. "You're joking." She sat up and leaned against her elbows, looking down at him as he stretched his legs. "You didn't even fall out of breath."
"Yeah, that's true. I just didn't want you to feel bad."
She quickly slapped his arm and shook her head with a smile on her face. He was teasing her but she knew his words were a bit true. Even though he did fall away from her a bit this past year, he always had her feelings at heart.
They fell into a comfortable silence. Him stretching. Her aching.
She missed this. She missed the comfort of lying next to her best friend and having no judgments or questions. Wells knew everything about her. She didn't need to say anything because he already knew. He knew she was pissed about meeting his girlfriend the way she had. He knew she was pissed about him letting her leave the party. He knew all of that and he apologized with pizza and junior mints (the quickest way to her heart basically) the next day.
She didn't have to worry about her flaws because Wells accepted them, just as she accepted his.
"So, I heard you're going to the banquet with Finn."
She rolled her eyes and thought about Raven. She thought about the purple dress. "Apparently everyone has."
Wells let out another laugh before turning on his side and facing her. She did the same. "Your mom?"
She nodded her head. "He also asked me in front of everyone so I couldn't really say no." Wells scrunched up his nose and made a face. "Tell me about it."
She sighed before letting out another groan and standing up. She jumped a few times before she offered her hand toward Wells. He accepted it with a smile and quickly stood up. She pulled her Under Armour long sleeve away from her chest to cool down as they walked out of the room. "Coffee? On you?"
Wells shook his head but smiled anyway. "Lead the way, Griffin."
…
She ended up wearing an olive colored wrap dress that covered her arms and ended right below her knees to the Unity Day banquet.
She also was currently hiding from her date.
The thing she liked the best about The Ark was the massive amounts of rooms it had. She would weave herself in and out of them as the time passed. Wells always laughed when he saw her running room to room but other than that, she mingled with a few people from high school and her mother's friends and colleagues.
She had yet to see Bellamy.
She was shoving a stuffed mushroom into her mouth when Finn finally caught up to her. "You're quite hard to find."
She closed her eyes tightly before she spun around and faced him. His hair was slicked back and he was wearing a tux that probably cost a semesters worth of pay at Yale. She swallowed the food in her mouth and shrugged. "Sorry I was talking to people about school." Okay, not totally a lie.
Finn smiled down at her and offered her his hand. "Can we go somewhere and talk?"
She wanted to scream no but instead she nodded, keeping her hands at her sides. She weaved in and out of the people and ignored the questioning look on Wells face as she followed Finn upstairs toward the large deck above. The same deck he confessed his love for her on.
She tried not to visibly cringe.
She smiled tightly as she stepped onto the wooden deck. She didn't know what to say so she waited.
"You look beautiful, Clarke."
She clutched her arms around herself and mumbled a thank you as she overlooked the golf course. She didn't like being placed in situations like this. Especially one's where she knew she would have to let someone down. Despite her feelings (or lack of feelings), she cared for Finn in a way.
She glanced back at Finn and watched him drag his hand through his hair, a sign he was clearly frustrated. She lowered her arms and looked at him. "Finn, thank you for asking me to come tonight but I just don't feel the same way that you do."
He looked pained. "Clarke, don't say that."
She stared at him before she shrugged helplessly. "It's how I feel."
He shook his head like a mad man. "Is it because of the whole Raven thing? I know I handled that wrong but I couldn't deny what I was feeling."
She looked at him and felt her throat closing up. "Finn, I just-."
"Just what, Clarke?" His voice was louder and instead of the look of pain, he sported the look of agitation. "You didn't even give me a chance!"
She felt scared for a moment but that quickly faded away. She shook her head and started to turn away, only to feel a strong grip on her upper-arm. The lack of muscle in her arm caused her to cry out from the grip. She could feel the scar on her arm pulse as he quickly let go.
"Clarke, I'm sorry." Finn mumbled quickly as he brought his hand up to his hair again. "I didn't think. I didn-."
Tears welded in her eyes from the pain. She shook her head and clutched her arm tightly to her chest. She tried to mumble out something but she couldn't.
She turned around quickly and made her way back downstairs, clutching her arm toward her chest. The loud music blared in her ears and caused her to move quicker between the bodies of people. She just needed to leave. She needed to be alone in her room. She felt the room closing in on her again.
She was so lost in her thoughts, she ran into someone. She tried to apologize but her voice was caught in her throat. Mostly due to the fact that she was in so much pain and her head was a mess. However, the dark eyes focused on her intently and the feeling of familiarity flooded her.
She paused. He stared at her.
He looked at her and took in the look on her face. His jaw tightened as he looked around, she wasn't sure what he was looking for.
"Come with me."
She didn't hesitate.
…
They were at some diner she never heard of.
He had lead her through the kitchen at The Ark and spoke a few words to a boy making salads before gesturing for her to follow him out. They didn't speak as they got into his Buick. He softly asked her if she was hungry and if she hadn't been so bewildered she would have done something besides nod her head.
He drove a few minutes across town before parking in front of the small diner and leading them to where they were currently sitting.
He had left his tux jacket in the car but still wore his white dress shirt. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and she found herself staring at his arms before focusing on the watch wrapped around his wrist.
She folded her hands into her lap.
"I know it's nothing fancy." If he was embarrassed, it didn't show. "But they have the best waffles here." He smiled at her.
She sat up in her seat and looked over the menu before her with a smile tugging on her lips. She glanced over the menu but when the time came to order, she ordered a chocolate-chip waffle and orange juice. She wanted to tell him that breakfast for dinner was one of her favorite things but she didn't.
She chewed on her lip as she watched him across from her. "So, what's your favorite color?"
He looked at her for a moment before laying his forearms onto the table. "Man, you really ask the deep stuff." She smiled, he grinned even more. "Black, I guess." He started playing with the salt and pepper shakers as he asked her what hers was.
She hadn't really thought about it. She thought about how the sky looked right before twilight. She thought about Christmas lights. She thought about her dad's eyes. "Green."
He nodded in approval as he slid the salt and pepper shakers back into place. "Good color."
They fell into silence again after that. The kind of silence that her and Wells fell into. The kind of silence that didn't need an explanation. He would look at her, she would feel her cheeks redden and then he would smile.
It was all very different for her. The way she felt. The way she didn't need to explain herself. The way it was completely comfortable. Especially with someone she barely knew.
Their waffles came out quickly and they ate in silence and she found it to be the best meal she had since she was home.
The only time they spoke was when she tried to pay for her waffle; he had given her a deep look before pushing his card in their waitress's direction. She would have fought it harder but she was tired and her arm hurt.
When they reached his Buick, he opened the passenger car door for her before going over to his side. He drove to her house without asking for the address and parked in the same place he had before.
She hadn't even checked her phone. She was sure there were messages and missed calls from her mother and Finn. Probably even Wells. She tried not to think about it as she turned in her seat to face him.
His wrist was hanging lightly on the steering wheel and his body was turned toward hers.
She felt pulled to him in a way she couldn't explain. It was like she was being drawn out from her own body and into his. She looked down at her lap. "Thank you for this. You didn't have too."
She glanced at him and watched him look at her before shrugging, a brief smile on his face. "It's me thanking you for the watch." Her eyes flashed to the watch on his wrist. Despite his words and his light tone, she knew it was more than that. He knew it was more than that.
She reached for the door handle but froze when he called out to her softly. She spun toward him and watched a nervous look cross his face. "What is it?"
He let out a breath and looked at her sheepishly "Me and my sister are throwing this Anti-Unity Day party." He cleared his throat, causing his voice to get a bit deeper. "You should come, I mean if you want."
"Um-uh sure." Her voice came out in a soft squeak.
He nodded his head, his face becoming neutral. "I can pick you up tomorrow around nine. I get off work then."
"Do I need to bring anything? Like a snack or drink mixer?"
He smirked and shook his head. "You don't need to bring anything, princess."
And despite her annoyance of the nickname, she smiled. She thanked him once more before she climbed out of the car and headed toward her house. Like before, she didn't hear him leave until the door closed softly behind her.