He's Not Dead Yet
Do we really have to go through this? *Sigh* Fine. I don't own Harry Potter or anything to do with Monty Python.
What Do You Keep Your Hard-boiled Eggs In?
Harry was fairly nervous when he walked into Gringotts that Wednesday. He had dressed up in a respectable set of grey-blue robes and decided to use his Metamorphmagus ability to force his hair to lie flat; Harry decided he wasn't going to play around with his eyesight right then, but he did reduce the prominence of his scar. True to his word, Mr. Prewett had met him at the Leaky Cauldron at 1.15 pm; his reason for being early was that goblins respect those who honor their appointments with the bank (punctuality being critical).
Harry approached the teller.
"Good afternoon, sir, we're here for a meeting with Director Ragnok," he said.
"Names?"
"Harry Potter and Josiah Prewett."
"You're not scheduled until 2.00, Mr. Potter."
"We wanted to ensure that we would not be late, sir," Harry replied. "We also wanted to be certain that any business the honorable Director had was completed in full so that we do not take up too much of his time."
The goblin, whose name was Steelsword, was rather surprised by the respect the young wizard was showing. Most wizards and witches in Britain had little regard for the practices and procedures of Gringotts; many just barged in and demanded to be shown to their vaults or whatever else they came for. Steelsword began to feel that he was not dealing with an ordinary wizard; he immediately set off for the Director's office. Within ten minutes, Harry and Mr. Prewett were shown into their meeting early.
"Mr. Potter," Director Ragnok said, "It is good to finally meet you. Since you first entered Gringotts to withdraw money from your trust vault, we have sent you annual statements about all Potter family funds and have yet to hear any response."
"My sincerest apologies, Director Ragnok," Harry said. "The first correspondence I ever received from the magical world was my Hogwarts letter. After that, the only mail I have received has been from a few close friends."
"That is very suspicious, Mr. Potter. Have you never even received fanmail? You are one of the most famous wizards in Britain."
"I'm afraid not, sir."
"Hmm." Ragnok's eyes were narrowed. "There is another matter I wish to discuss, Mr. Potter. We have found certain discrepancies in your account. What we have discovered is that someone has been illegally withdrawing money and other objects from your vault. The only person we believe to have that power is your so-called Magical Guardian, a Mr. Albus Dumbledore."
"So, the old bastard does it again," Harry heard Mr. Prewett mutter.
"Indeed, Mr. Prewett," Ragnok responded, startling Prewett who had thought he hadn't spoken very loudly. "We observed the inventory of Mr. Potter's trust vault and found that Mr. Dumbledore has removed a great deal of money and Potter family heirlooms."
"How could he even get into Mr. Potter's vault at all? Only a goblin can access it."
"True. We learned that the account manager for the Potter vaults has been taking bribes. I can safely assure you that he won't be doing it ever again." The shark-like grin told the two humans all they needed to know about the goblin's fate. "Luckily, Dumbledore was not able to access the Potter family vaults; those are ancient and require a blood identification to enter."
"Director Ragnok," Harry spoke up, "has Dumbledore been arranging anything else without my knowledge or consent? Like…a marriage contract?"
"I'm glad you asked, Mr. Potter." Ragnok passed Harry the dreaded document. "This certificate, signed by Albus Dumbledore, dictates that you are to marry a Miss Ginevra Molly Weasley no later than her seventeenth birthday."
Harry felt sick and he noticed that Mr. Prewett was clenching his fists at the mention of Molly Weasley's daughter.
"Can Dumbledore get away with this?" Mr. Prewett asked.
"Until we know if he had the authority to name himself as Mr. Potter's Magical Guardian, he can; unless Mr. Potter becomes emancipated or has a different guardian."
"We're actually working on that, and the latter will probably be mentioned at the will-reading."
"Very good. Now, as for why you set up this meeting, Mr. Potter. The Inheritance Department had issued this." He held up a blank piece of cream-colored parchment. "Simply sign your name with this and the parchment will reveal if you have any other titles and vaults to claim."
Harry was handed a blood quill; the sensation of holding said object nearly made him ill from all the bad memories associated with it. Harry signed his name on the parchment and immediately a list appeared.
Harry James Potter
-Heir of the Most Ancient and Most Noble House of Potter
-Heir of the Most Ancient and Most Noble House of Peverell
-Heir of the Most Ancient and Most Noble House of Gryffindor
-Heir of the Most Ancient and Most Noble House of Ravenclaw
-Heir of the Most Ancient and Most Noble House of Hufflepuff
-Heir of the Most Ancient and Most Noble House of Slytherin
-Heir of the Noble House of Florus
-Heir of the Ancient House of Evans
"Well, well, Mr. Potter, this is quite intriguing," Ragnok said as his shark-like smile became more pronounced.
After the inheritance test in which Harry was informed he held all rights to the vaults and properties of the families mentioned, it was time for the will-reading. Harry and Mr. Prewett took their seats as Director Ragnok, accompanied by the head of the Department for Wills, a goblin named Earwrench, began the proceedings.
"We are gathered here today," Earwrench said, "to witness the reading of the joint Last Will and Testament of James Charlus Potter and his wife Lily Anne Potter nee Evans."
Earwrench set an ornately-decorated gold box on the table and unlocked it. From the box, he withdrew a parchment that bore an official-looking seal in red wax. Harry noted that the seal depicted a lion with its right paw stepping down on a pair of crossed swords. Once the document was unrolled, it began to hover in midair as a voice read off what was written.
"I, James Charlus Potter, being of sound mind and body, do hereby bequeath everything that I own, in both money and property, to my only son, Harry James Potter; with several personal bequests.
"Firstly, to my closest friend and confidant, my brother in all but blood, Sirius Orion Black, I leave 200, 000 Galleons. Don't spend it all in one go, Padfoot; and to anyone listening, that's not an exaggeration.
"Secondly, to my other dear friend, Remus John Lupin, I leave 100, 000 Galleons and an annual stipend of 5000 Galleons should he not have current employment.
"Thirdly, to my friend, Peter Edmund Pettigrew, if I died by natural causes, then I leave you 100, 000 Galleons, as well. However, if I died by Voldemort's hand or at the hands of a Death Eater, then I demand your immediate arrest. I trusted you with my and family's lives when I appointed you as Secret-Keeper.
"Now, let me turn over this will-reading to my dear Lily-flower."
"Don't call me that, James! I, Lily Anne Potter nee Evans, being of sound mind and body, take upon myself the continuation of this will.
"Should both I and my husband be dead, the following people have been approved as suitable guardians for our son.
-Francis Albert Longbottom and Alice Diane Longbottom nee Baldwin: they are good friends of ours and Alice is Harry's godmother. They are a settled, married couple who have a child of their own and are our first choice as guardians.
-Sirius Orion Black: while I feel that Sirius tends to be irresponsible, I know he would always put Harry first and would defend him to his dying breath; this is why we appointed him as Harry's godfather.
-Remus John Lupin: while he might be reluctant to look after a child due to a certain health condition, we feel that he is capable of caring for our son.
-Amelia Susan Bones: she is James' godsister and a good friend of ours; she is also looking after her niece and I know that little Susan always got along swimmingly with Harry whenever we were asked to babysit.
-Mary Adelaide MacDonald: one of my good friends from school, with whom I have kept correspondence. I know that Mary is engaged at the moment, but I'm sure she and her husband-to-be would make wonderful adoptive parents for Harry.
-Theodore Henry Tonks and Andromeda Ursula Tonks nee Black: they are a trustworthy family and Andromeda is Sirius' cousin; I have had the pleasure of meeting them and their daughter on numerous occasions and know they would be perfectly suitable.
"Should any of these people be unable to look after Harry, we request that he be placed with a family determined by the Wizengamot as long as that family was never involved with the Death Eaters; not even if they claimed to have been under the Imperius Curse. To whichever family that Harry is sent to live with, a stipend of 10, 000 Galleons will be supplied each year.
"Also, under no circumstances is our son to ever go to my sister and her family. Petunia and I are not on good terms and I know that she and her husband despise magic."
"Besides, the woman is a right bitch."
"James!"
"Well, she is, Lily-flower. Remember what happened at our engagement party?"
"I guess you have a point, there.
"Anyway, before we go, we'd like to say a few things to our son. Harry, sweetheart, we both love you more than anything else in the world. We know you will grow up into a fine young man."
"And I know that you'll be a real catch with the ladies since you got my good looks."
"I just hope he didn't get your enormous head, James."
"Oh, Harry, make sure you get some good pranking in. You've got a legacy to live up to as a Marauder's son."
"James, stop it. Ignore your father, Harry; you don't have to pull pranks if you don't want to. Personally, I'd rather you didn't."
"Oh, come on, Lils! Don't be such a killjoy!"
"Goodbye, Harry; we love you."
"Love you, Prongslet."
This will was witnessed by Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore.
"Well," Earwrench said once the will went silent and fell to the table, "it seems we've got quite a situation."
"Indeed," Ragnok added with a slight snarl. "Albus Dumbledore knew the contents of this will and purposefully undermined its instructions. Mr. Potter, I do believe you can destroy that marriage contract now."
Without missing a beat, Harry pulled out the contract as Mr. Prewett handed him a lighter. Within moments, the ashes of the illegal marriage contract fell to the floor. It was oddly satisfying to watch.
"Now that that is sorted out," Ragnok continued, "we can proceed. Obviously those mentioned will receive their inheritance; with the exception of Mr. Pettigrew, who is a traitor. Mr. Potter, if you are ready, I will have someone escort you to your family vaults."
"Yes, sir," Harry said. "May I request Griphook? He showed me down to my trust vault the first time I ever came here."
Ragnok and Earwrench looked surprised. Neither of them knew of an occasion where a goblin was requested, by name, by a wizard. Griphook was called in; he, too, was surprised that a wizard knew him by name. As Harry and Mr. Prewett were led out, Ragnok turned to Earwrench.
"This young Mr. Potter is a most unusual wizard," he said.
"Indeed, sir," Earwrench agreed. "Perhaps it will be beneficial to the Goblin Nation if we keep an eye on this young man."
"You are right, Earwrench. The boy has treated us with courtesy not commonly found in the wizarding world. Something doesn't sit well with me, though."
"What is it, sir?"
"Firstly, I want to know why Albus Dumbledore has been interfering with Mr. Potter's funds. That action alone is cause to ban the headmaster from Gringotts. Also, I want to know why he went against the instructions in the Potter will. Everyone knows that young Mr. Potter was sent to live with his Muggle relatives; but, it seems that such an action was illegal."
"Shall I inform the staff, sir?"
"No, not yet; I want to wait and see what Mr. Potter plans to do about this."
"Yes, sir. Sir?"
"Yes, Earwrench?"
"I was sensing there was something off in Mr. Potter's reaction when his Muggle relatives were mentioned."
"Yes, I saw it, too. He seemed to tense. What do you think it means?"
"I saw the boy when he first came to Gringotts, sir. He was in the company of that half-giant, Rubeus Hagrid. From where I was sitting, the boy looked as though he was wearing rags and hadn't been fed. I could also smell blood, perhaps from an untreated wound."
"You don't think…" the Director trailed off as he and Earwrench exchanged a look.
It is a little-known fact about goblins that, though they are violent in nature, they cannot condone the harming of a child. The idea that the heir to one of their oldest clients (and, as it turned out, the heir of several other, even older clients) had been abused, was something that thoroughly disgusted the two goblins. To the goblins, children were deemed a blessing, and to harm one was seen as one of the most disgusting acts a person could commit. The two goblins made a silent agreement that if what they suspected about Mr. Potter's home-life was correct, they would gladly give their support in executing vengeance.
The journey down to the Potter family vaults was longer than the one to Harry's trust vault; the cart took them down, down into one of the deepest levels of the bank, the location of the oldest family vaults. Instead of a dragon, something else guarded the Potter vaults; a large, yellow-furred sphinx with a thick, brown mane and green almond-shaped eyes sat there staring at them.
"The Potter vaults have been guarded by a sphinx for generations," Griphook explained. "The Potters started the tradition on the grounds that any Potter who can't answer a few simple questions doesn't deserve access to the vault."
The sphinx smirked cheekily at Harry, as though she held assumptions about his worthiness.
"Ask away," Harry said to the creature.
The sphinx grinned and began.
"Who approaches the Potter vaults must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see," she said.
"Ask me the questions, Miss Sphinx," Harry said. "I'm not afraid."
"What is your name?"
"Harry James Potter."
"What is your quest?"
"To inspect my family's vaults."
"What…is your favorite color?"
"Green."
"Right, off you go."
Harry looked at the sphinx curiously.
"Uh…thank you?"
The two men and the goblin then proceeded onwards.
"She always gives an easy question to the Potters," Griphook explained. "You should hear some of the things she asks others who have tried to get through to the vaults."
"Like what?"
"I believe she asked Albus Dumbledore what the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow was."
"An African or European swallow?" asked Josiah.
Griphook smirked and shrugged.
"Is there a way I can withdraw money from my account without having to come all the way down to the vaults every time?" Harry asked.
"Why, yes, Mr. Potter. We've developed special wallets that allow you to automatically withdraw coins from you money vault. However, if you wish to see your family heirlooms, artefacts, and documents, then you will have to come to the vault in person."
After making a mental note to purchase one of those wallets, Harry approached the first vault. Griphook unlocked the vault door and opened it to reveal an enormous chamber that was filled to the ceiling with gold, silver, and (to a lesser extent) bronze coins.
"Don't spend it all in one place, Mr. Potter," Josiah quipped good-naturedly.
The next vault they visited was entirely dedicated to jewellery and other objects of value that would be used by the Lady Potter. They then moved on to a vault that possessed the family books of magic (a number of the spellbooks had their origins in other families that the Potters had inter-married with); Harry made sure to pick some to bring with him. There was a smaller vault that held what was salvaged from the house at Godric's Hollow, and then there was a huge vault that contained the most valuable of the family artefacts and records (including journals, marriage/birth certificates, documents regarding the family properties, and letters), and then there was a vault filled with nothing but priceless gems.
Lastly, there was a vault that contained the portraits of James and Lily Potter; that was something Harry had never thought he could have in his wildest dreams.
Harry entered the vault with immense trepidation. As soon as he stepped inside, the room lit up to reveal the slumbering portraits of Harry's parents.
"Um, hello?" Harry said softly.
"Hmm?" the portrait-James mumbled as he began to wake up. "Harry? Harry, is that you, son?"
"Yeah, it's me."
"Lily, wake up! It's Harry!"
"Harry! Sweetheart, it's so wonderful to see you," Lily exclaimed. "We've been waiting ages for you to come see us."
Harry felt himself start to tear up. Finally, he had a way of communicating with his parents. Even if it wasn't really them, it was the closest he would be able to get. Harry had a brief but happy meeting with his parents' portraits. He gave them a short explanation of what had happened to him after their deaths (Lily was so enraged that she seemed prepared to attempt to escape from her portrait with the intention of killing Albus Dumbledore). Before Harry left, his parents' portraits suggested that he have them sent to Potter Manor for the time being.
Once the business at Gringotts was concluded, Harry headed back to the Leaky Cauldron.
Later that day, Albus Dumbledore was sitting in his office, making plans for the "Greater Good" as he often did, when an owl swooped in and dropped a letter on his desk. Dumbledore immediately recognized the Gringotts seal and knew that something was wrong.
Dear Mr. Dumbledore, the letter began,
It has come to our attention that you have been interfering with bank policy and have tampered with the accounts of another of our clients, a Mr. Harry James Potter. Active immediately, your account has been seized until you have repaid the money you have stolen, plus interest.
Sincerely,
Chief Director Ragnok
This was not good.