The next morning on his way to work he peered in Elizabeth's room, expecting to find her still asleep but found her bed empty.
"Alice, where is Elizabeth?" John asked as he poured himself a coffee.
"She and Henry got up early to go riding; they're out in in the round pen. Look." Alice said, pointing out the window with a knowing smile.
John thanked her and made his way outside. He smiled to himself as he heard Elizabeth's joyful laughter. He could tell Secretariat was showing off and not listening to her instruction. Henry was up on the horse and Elizabeth had him on a lead and was trying to walk him slowly around the pen get him comfortable. She was dressed in her jeans, riding boots and an old button down shirt over a tank top, her hair in two messy braids; she looked like the little girl he remembered.
He wanted to go over, but he wasn't sure he'd be welcome. He didn't want to do anything to disrupt his daughter's joyful laughter ever again. He decided to wait until that evening to talk to her and ducked into his car before they noticed him.
John purposely arrived home late to avoid an awkward silent dinner and found Elizabeth and Henry on the front porch swing, rocking together, but reading their own books.
"Hi." He said, stepping on the porch.
Elizabeth and Henry looked up from their reading. Henry nodded politely, but Elizabeth quickly averted her eyes back to her book.
"Henry, do you mind if I talk to Elizabeth alone for a few minutes?" he asked nicely
Henry nodded and stood. "I'll just be inside." He told Elizabeth as he walked away.
"May I?" John asked, referring to Henry's seat on the swing. Elizabeth shrugged her shoulders, but said nothing. She was very good at the silent treatment. John took a seat and moved his legs to keep the swing rocking gently and Elizabeth's legs were folded beneath her. "Look, I know you are mad at me. And you have every right to be, you were right about yesterday. I should have put the phone away. But when you told me you were engaged it hit me, that you were all grown up and I've missed out on most of your life. I didn't realize until yesterday how much I had hurt you. It was never my intention." He explained honestly
Elizabeth blinked back the tears as she closed her book, looking down, unwilling to meet his hazel eyes. She didn't know how to respond. Part of her wanted to say too bad, you abandoned me and this is what you get, but another part of her was curious. She was dying to hear his explanation. And above all he was her father and even though she tried to be Miss Independent, she longed for her father's approval and attention. "Didn't you miss me?" she finally asked
"Of course I did." He didn't hesitate
"Then why did…." She began, unable to find the words.
He scooted closer to her on the bench and lifted his finger gently to her chin, revealing her sad blue eyes. "Listen to me sweetheart." She met his gaze and blinked for a moment and looked back up at him. "When your mom and I got married we had big dreams. We built the farm, our hearts set on a big family. We wanted to have lots of kids, for the boys to be able to take on my business and for the family to be financially secure. So I had to work really hard at first to grow the business. It took me away from your mom for longer than we had anticipated. Then we had you, and we were so elated. She wanted to stay home with you and I wanted her to be able to do that, so I had to work even harder after she quit her job."
"I didn't…"
"Anyway, she also said that she didn't want you to take on the business; she said she you had an independent spirit and she wanted you to live your own life. We tried to have more children, we wanted you to have a sibling at least. We also still wanted a boy so he could carry on the family name and business, we tried hard. But your mom…she had 2 miscarriages." He said, blinking back a few tears, it was hard for him to talk about. He hadn't spoke about it in so many years, just buried it deep inside. "It's how they found the cancer." He paused again.
Fresh tears pooled in her blue eyes as she realized how difficult it must have been for them, trying to have more children only to not only not be able to, but find out the reason why was cancer. She instinctively reached for her father's hand and held it tight.
Her father's teary eyes met hers as he gripped her hand back and lifted it to his lips for a kiss. "I had a really hard time dealing with your mother's cancer. It killed me to see her so sick, with nothing I could do to help. So I delved deeper into work to avoid it; it was my way of dealing with it I guess. Probably not the right path. But that's what happened. I still feel terrible about it. I wish I had the strength to be there for her."
Elizabeth didn't like that part of the story, but understood it nonetheless. She offered a sympathetic nod.
"But you, you were there for her. You were stronger at 9 that I am at 49. You inherited her strength and her heart. She loved you so much baby girl. When I was home with her, she would tell me how good you had been and how sad she was that she wouldn't get to see you grow up. She made me promise to give you the best life possible…" he said quietly as Elizabeth began to sob. She still missed her mother so very much.
He paused, reaching in his pocket for a handkerchief to wipe his daughter's tears but she surprised him by wrapping her arms around him and burying her head in his neck.
He hated that she was crying but deep inside, he couldn't help but be happy she was seeking him for comfort. He couldn't remember the last time he held his daughter. He wrapped his arms around her tight they shared a good cry for her mother and his wife, one they should have had long ago but never did. "I still miss her so much." She whispered.
"I miss her too Lizzie." He whispered when they broke apart, finally using that handkerchief to wipe away her tears. "After she died, I didn't know what to do. Every time I looked at you, all I saw was her. She was my whole heart. Even now…you look exactly like her. Sometimes I swear, it's her and not you. So I again, buried myself in work. It wasn't that I didn't want to be home with you, I just didn't know what to do or how to help you. I thought it would be best if I just hired a nanny to be home with you all the time like mom was. Besides, I know it sounds terrible, but I had to keep up with the business to make sure things were financially sounds for your future."
"I love Alice, I do. But I needed you too. I still do." She whispered.
"I realize that now. But I was just trying to give you the best life possible, like I promised your mother. I would never forgive myself if I didn't keep my promise to her. I made sure you attended the best schools, so you would have every advantage in the world, hence that school in London."
"I understand that. But you never came to visit me. I thought you sent me there because I was just a burden to you after mom died?"
"No Lizzie, you were never a burden. Based on your letters it seemed you were thriving, I didn't think you wanted or needed me there."
"I did want you there. I just didn't say anything in those letters because I was afraid you'd be mad at me. I guess I did the same thing as you – I buried myself in school. Why do you think I was valedictorian? I had to do something with my time."
"And you know how proud of you I am right?"
She shrugged and wiped at stray tears.
"Lizzie bear. I am so very proud of you. Look at all you have accomplished, all on your own." He reached for her hand again. "But the long and short of it is, I see now what I did. If I had to do it all again, I would. I would have visited you every chance I got. And I don't want to miss out on any more of your life. I've been watching you and Henry since you've been home. He's good for you. I can tell how much you love each other. I used to look at your mom the exact same way he looks at you."
She offered a smile through her sniffles. She did love the way Henry looked at her. "Yesterday in the barn, I watched as he turned your tears into a smile. I realized I don't know how to do that because I haven't spent much time with you. And I want to change that. If you'll let me."
"I'd really like that." She said with a watery smile after a moment.
Her father smiled and hugged her, so grateful she was willing to give him a second chance. He wouldn't take it for granted. "Then I insist I take you and Henry out to dinner tomorrow to celebrate your engagement for real. I want to get to know Henry too."
"Not tomorrow Dad."
"And why not?"
"Well tomorrow is Henry's birthday, I've got a whole day planned." She said.
Her father smiled. "Okay, the Saturday then."
"Ok. Saturday. And you must leave the phone at home."
"Absolutely. From now on, when I come home and you are here no phone."
"Good."
"One more thing Lizzie. Don't forget that I still owe you a birthday and graduation gift. So you think about it okay sweetheart."
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "Fine."
They hugged once more before a somewhat weird silence filled the air. Elizabeth yawned and rose. "Goodnight Dad." She said but turned before walking into the house. "Thanks for the talk."
"No, thank you Elizabeth, for giving your old man a second chance." He said tearfully. "I promise I won't let you down." He gave her one hug. "Goodnight Lizzie, I love you."
"I love you too." She said after the hug broke and she walked slowly inside, realizing she hadn't said those words to her father in quite some time.
A/N: Thank you all for your support! Love reading your reviews. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter.