Henry had arrived home late from school to find Elizabeth trying to sleep. He couldn't stand fighting with her. He hated that she was hurting and torn, he had never intended to put her in that position. He wanted to apologize, but now was not the time. He didn't want the kids to wake up to an argument.
So he crawled in bed beside her and wrapped his arms around her. He planted a kiss on her cheek and whispered "I love you."
Tears welled in Elizabeth's eyes at his gesture and she turned in his embrace and whispered back and kissed him softly. "I love you too." She closed her eyes ready for sleep to come, as two teardrops rolled down her cheeks.
Saying "I love you" to one another every night was an unspoken promise they had somehow made to one another. The first time they both consciously did it was during the war, after they had an argument of sorts. They always said it, but tonight was one of the few times since they had gone to bed angry with one another, and yet they still kept their promise. It was an unspoken promise they had also made to their children, even when they were in trouble, they would always say "I love you" before bed. Instead of sleep that night, her mind continued to live in the past as it had done all day, remembering those long days in the hospital.
****Promises****
The terrifying images on the TV of the Kuwait invasion had dampened the mood on their last few weeks of summer vacation. They both knew what it meant; war. They both knew Henry would be deployed. There was no waiting to choose a graduate school where he was stationed; he'd be stationed in Iraq.
At dinner that evening when Henry and Elizabeth had been unusually quiet, John broke the silence. "Why the long faces kids? Did you have a fight?"
"No…" Elizabeth shook her head. "Didn't you hear about the Kuwait invasion today?"
"No, I was in a conference all day. What happened?"
"Iraq invaded Kuwait today." Henry repeated, Elizabeth's sad blue eyes looking up at him.
Her father looked confused. Why would they be so upset over this?
"Henry's going to have to go…." Elizabeth cried.
John's face dropped. Now it made sense. He didn't know what to say. He just felt overwhelmingly sad, they were much too young to be facing the horrors of a war. To potentially lose one another. He understood it all too well himself. He watched his older brother serve in Vietnam. His own father served in World War II. His father made it out okay, but he was forever changed by the war. His brother was not so lucky, and it pained him to see his sister-in-law try and go on without him. He didn't want that to be Elizabeth. She'd lost so much already.
"It will be okay sweetheart." He assured his daughter, it was the only thing he could do. "Maybe he won't have to go." He tried to be optimistic.
But of course the optimism was just that. Two weeks later he got the call that he'd be due in New York for training in October and sent off on January. Elizabeth immediately pushed up their wedding. They were going to wait until after she finished her masters, but she couldn't let him leave without being legally bound to him. Her father and his mother rushed to throw them a beautiful wedding at the end of September, even though Elizabeth had insisted it was not necessary. She had said she only wanted a few people and a beautiful dress. That was all she needed. But of course John & Jane wouldn't have it. John even booked them a romantic 10 day honeymoon in Hawaii.
Elizabeth would have normally griped about her father's attempt at being too lavish, but the wedding was amazing. She didn't realize it until they got there, but she appreciated and needed that honeymoon more than he could ever know. It was their last 10 days before he would be gone for an undisclosed amount of time and they didn't waste a second making incredible memories on their trip; attempting to start out their marriage on a good note, knowing their first year at least as a married couple would be difficult to spend apart.
He held her tightly until the last possible second at the train station. "I promise I'll be back. This is not goodbye, only see you later." He whispered into her hair, praying he was right.
"Don't promise me things you can't guarantee." She said sadly.
"Baby…"
"Henry, don't."
"But I can promise you. I just know it. I love you too much to not not come back." He said, bending to capture her lips.
"I love you too. Promise to write?"
"Everyday." He didn't hesitate
They were interrupted by the announcer making the final boarding call for the train. He squeezed her tightly and savored their last few kisses. "I have to go baby." He said, wiping her tears as she nodded. As he let her go he told her loved her one more time and she told him she loved him too, then he boarded the train.
She stood frozen, unable to move as she watched the train move away. She was only vaguely aware of Patrick & Jane behind her, uncharacteristically holding hands. Her father came up behind her after Patrick and Jane had left, his hand on her shoulder. "Come on, Lizzie." He whispered, urging her to follow him. "It will be alright."
***Promises*****
They wrote each other everyday, as they promised. But one day, 8 months later, she got a phone call. She had been in her office reviewing a video feed with Conrad Dalton & George Peters; her new boss when the call came in.
Her face went pale as she heard the words. She sat frozen in her chair for a few minutes after managing a thank you to the officer on the line and George had to pry the phone from her grip.
"Bess?" George asked, it was her nickname at the Company. He'd become like a father to her, taking her under his wing after Conrad had hired her. He didn't have high hopes – an analyst so young, still finishing her masters in the evenings, but she'd proved him wrong in every facet and she was his favorite colleague.
It took her a moment to respond. "It's Henry. He's been hurt, they're taking him to Landstuhl." She couldn't believe the words were leaving her mouth.
George and Conrad shared a quick glance. "Go. Now." George instructed, knowing she couldn't focus on work again until she knew he was okay. He'd never met Henry McCord. He only knew him by the many photos she had on her desk, but he could tell by the way they looked at each other in the photos that they were meant for one another and that he was a good man. George and Conrad had both told her that they looked forward to meeting him when he returned from Iraq. George had asked Bess once if he played poker, since he did he offered to get a weekly game going.
Conrad piped in. "I'll call Landstuhl, let them know you are on the way, I'll make sure you and Henry get the best."
She sat frozen for a moment and nodded. "Thank you." She had called his parents and her father to inform them, promising to call when she had more information and Conrad set her up on the first flight out.
When she arrived in Germany, she briefly met with Henry's commander and he explained to her what happened. "Mrs. McCord, I'm sorry we have to meet under these circumstances. Director Dalton told me you were on your way and wanted you to know that if there's anything you need, please just ask."
She blinked at the sound of her own name. It was the first time she'd been called Mrs. McCord. "You too, Henry has always spoken highly of you."
"Henry is the best captain I've ever had. He's a natural in the cockpit." Elizabeth smiled, he was. She could tell the commander was easing her in, judging whether or not she could handle anything beyond the PG version of the story. "Henry is so talented he's been on special missions since he got here. Anyway, his unit was ambushed. He was driving the only plane that didn't get hit. That's how good he is. Upon landing, there were a couple land grenades….that's when the plane got busted up. His injuries aren't life threatening; they treated him for smoke inhalation. And he's had 3 surgeries on his knee so far. He's going to be in pain for a while; and need physical therapy." He explained to her gently. Definitely the PG version . "I'm sure you being here will help him greatly. I can tell how much he loves you; carries your picture around with him like a lost puppy."
Elizabeth smiled, deciding maybe she couldn't handle the details right now, not until she saw Henry was okay. "I couldn't be more thankful that he is okay. May I…'
"Yes, of course." He stood and led her to the room.
She couldn't help but tear up at the sight of her strong husband lying in that hospital bed. He had an oxygen tube in his nose, IVs in his arms, and his left leg was in a thick cast, elevated. She opened the door to his room and sat quietly on the chair beside his bed, careful not to wake him. She didn't sit there long before he opened his tired eyes and focused on her. She mustered her best smile, trying to cheer him up. "Hi…" she whispered and decided to test out a little wit. "You'll sure go to a lot of trouble to get me to come visit you…"
"What are you doing here?" he said, his raspy voice laden with anger.
She looked at him. Did he really just say that after she flew all night scared to death, not knowing how badly he'd been hurt? "Where else would I be?" she replied softly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"You shouldn't be here Elizabeth." He said, turning to look away from her. He knew he shouldn't be angry with her but he was. He knew she would come and he didn't want her to. He didn't want her to see him like this. This wasn't how their reunion was supposed to be. It was supposed to be with him walking off the plane and whisking her into his arms and kissing her like there was no tomorrow. Not with her looking like she hadn't eaten or slept in months, holding his hand in a hospital bed.
"Like hell I shouldn't!" she shouted, her emotions and lack of sleep suddenly getting the best of her.
"Damn it Elizabeth! You shouldn't be here." He hissed. He couldn't manage to say anything else.
"In case you have forgotten, we're married. I've been worried sick about you these past 8 months and I get a call that you were hurt…and I….I had to come and make sure you were okay…I…." she began in a raised tone that quickly turned to sobs.
"Well, as you can see I'm fine. I told them to tell you that on the phone."
"Henry, what the hell is wrong with you?" she asked, wondering where her kind, loving husband had gone. As she searched his eyes for an answer she saw pain, sadness, and anger, and she knew instantly knew the war had changed him. She knew his anger was being displaced on her, but that didn't stop it from hurting.
She sat down in the chair again, quietly crying. Henry swallowed back his tears and licked his dry lips. He hated her seeing him like this, he hated that he was causing her tears, hated the war even more for changing their lives.
After a few minutes she stood and grasped his hand. "I'll leave you for a while so you can rest. But I will be back in the morning." She bent to give him the most tender kiss. "I love you Henry McCord, don't you ever forget that." She whispered before turning to leave.
Henry wanted to cry at her tenderness, how accepting she was of his terrible behavior. She was so smart and intuitive; he knew she had come to realize in those few short minutes that he wasn't really angry at her. As she left he gently tugged on her hand and she turned back. "I love you too." He said quietly, he had to at least re-assure her of that before she left. She nodded and continued out the door.
After a sleepless night, she returned in the morning with coffee and bagels, not knowing the condition of German hospital food.
Henry had only slept due to the pain medications he was on. But he woke up early and called for the nurse to help him clean up and shave. He wanted to be presentable when Elizabeth came back, and he wanted to make an effort to apologize for his behavior the night before.
Elizabeth entered the hospital room, set the coffees on the tray table and sat on the edge of his bed. She ran her hand softly against his cheek, noting it was freshly shaved. His eyes opened when he felt her gentle touch and smiled at her. "Hey sleepy. Do you feel any better?" she asked with a soft smile.
He didn't speak but nodded his head as he reached for her hand squeezing it tightly.
"I brought breakfast." She continued, reaching for the bag, spreading cream cheese on the bagels with the plastic knife. She didn't know how she was going to manage to actually eat her own bagel, her stomach was in knots, anxious about how his mood would be this morning. But he seemed to be in much better spirits versus the previous night, so she took a small bite and forced it down.
Henry ate his bagel quickly; wanting to talk with her without any distractions including food. He squeezed her hand as he spoke. "I'm sorry about yesterday. I…I just, it's hard for me for you to see me like this – I never intended…."
"It's nothing to be – "
"Shh. Let me finish." He said, looking down at their joined hands, amazed at her strength. She'd been through so much in her 22 years, he didn't want any part of the war weighing on her slight shoulders. He was her husband, it was his job to protect her from this. And he failed. He got injured, and now she had to come here and see first hand how terrible war really was. "The war, it's hard. Harder than I thought. I just don't want you see it in person, it's one thing you know watching on TV, but it's another to be here. It's hard enough just being apart from you, I just I wanted to protect you from these images. From this image of me."
She nodded. She understood. She couldn't sleep when she was away from him, so she'd used many of those nights to read about PTSD and other disorders that affect soldiers after a war. It scared her, but she wanted to be prepared. She wouldn't let her husband suffer. "I know, I can see it's changed you, that it's hurting you. But it hurts me when it's hurting you, that's why you have to let me help. I'm not a baby, I work for the CIA now for god sakes. I know what's happening here, Henry. I can take it."
"That doesn't mean you should have to."
"Henry. I promised you for better or for worse and you promised it back. We're in this together. You got that? I know we can get through this. I know it." She re-iterated. "I sat with my mother every day while she was sick, until the very end." She continued her voice catching. "And I'm going to do the same thing with you until you are better, every step of the way. I won't let you give up."
He looked into her red rimmed, teary eyes. She had the same confidence he had when he had promised her he would come back to her. He had felt that way when he left her at the train station, invincible, like he could do anything. He had no doubt she would do everything in her power to help him, he just hated that she had to. He was supposed to be invincible, to come home to her unscathed. Even though he felt at fault, he decided right then in there that he had to trust in her that they would get through this, just as she had to trust him that he'd come back to her. He knew it would be hard, but he knew they'd be stronger for it and he had to give it his all. His eyes welled with tears too as he nodded to her, wordlessly accepting her promise. He tugged on her hand, pulling her to lay against his chest.
When she was finally wrapped in his arms she sobbed. "Please don't give up Henry. I need you." She quietly begged.
"I won't. I promise." He whispered into her ear. "I love you way too much, baby."
AN: Thank you all so much for your reviews! I love reading them :) I know it might seem early to have Elizabeth at the CIA already, but I'm trying to nail down the timeline from the show and I figured to get in the years before being a professor, she had to have started early! Did you all see the photos of filming S2 this week...if not you need to go look, they are adorable!