I do not own the How to Train Your Dragon franchise.

Dare suggested by Rogue Deity Master.

Offensive jokes ahead, of the 'yo mama' variety.

Yo Stoick

Sitting on the stone floor of the academy, Ruffnut leaned against Barf and Belch beside her brother. Fishlegs was leaning against the wall, Astrid was idly stroking Stormfly, shooting occasional glowers towards Snotlout, who was a mess of bruises and cuts. Hiccup, sporting a black eye and a slightly stuffed nose from his lingering effects of his cold, was staying as far away from the two as he could.

"Well," Ruffnut spoke, breaking the tense silence. "Here we are. Never thought I'd face off against Hiccup."

"In all honesty, neither did I," muttered Hiccup.

"If Astrid wasn't a light sleeper, it would be me in the final two," groused Snotlout, gingerly prodding a dark bruise on his cheek.

The blonde glared at him. "If you weren't such a klutz you might have gotten away with it. And if that was the case, I would have killed you instead of just beating you."

"Whatever," grumbled Snotlout moodily, crossing his arms.

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm not as happy about this as I thought I'd be," muttered Hiccup, laying a hand over his black eye. "At least not right now. I'll probably gloat later."

Snotlout scowled. "I hate you."

"Yeah, yeah."

"So…now what?" voiced Tuffnut. When everyone turned to look at him in confusion, he clarified, "There's only Ruff and Hiccup left. Are they just gonna dare each other?"

"I don't mind that," said Ruffnut, shooting a wicked smirk at the lanky teen.

Hiccup paled. "Um…I kinda do."

He knew that there was a stark difference between him and Ruffnut. She was evil and fearless, and had little reservations about doing embarrassing or dangerous activities. Even if he could throw a solid dare or two at her, she would come back with more force. He was at a disadvantage, even he could admit that.

"I have an idea," said Astrid with a sudden smile. "What if we take over daring them from now on?"

Ruffnut crossed her arms. "I know how this is going to go," she grumbled. "Team Hiccup," she pointed at Astrid and Fishlegs, "and Team Ruffnut," she finished, pointing at her brother and Snotlout.

Tuffnut frowned. "Hold up. Who said I was on your side?"

"Unless you want to die, you're on my side," returned Ruffnut.

"I'm cool with this," said Snotlout, his spirits lifting slightly.

"Sure," said Fishlegs with a nod.

"I'm in!" declared Tuffnut.

"Fine, whatever," said Ruffnut with an uncaring shrug.

"I guess," muttered Hiccup, far from enthused.

Astrid smiled. "Perfect. In order to decide who dares first, let's draw sticks."

"Now you're all about fairness," grumbled Ruffnut under her breath.

The blonde collected four sticks, three long and one short. She handed them to Ruffnut, who twisted her body slightly so that her friends could not see where the short stick would end up. She then turned back around and held them out. After Astrid, Snotlout, Fishlegs and Tuffnut chose their sticks, Fishlegs revealed to be the one to make the first dare.

"Oh, Thor," he said nervously, scratching his neck. "Um…well, I've had one in mind for a while, but never really got the chance to give it to anyone."

"Fire away," said Ruffnut, crossing her arms and preparing herself.

"I dare you to run from one end of the village to the other, shouting jokes about Chief being fat."

Astrid burst into laughter while Hiccup could not help but smirk. "Nice."

Ruffnut rested her chin in the palm of her hand, brow furrowed. "Okay. But…if I get banished, does that mean Hiccup's gonna win?"

"Nah-we'll consider it a tie," assured Hiccup.

"I can live with that."

"Then let's do this," said Astrid with a grin. "I can't wait to see his face."

…

Ruffnut stood at the south end of the village, eyes looking ahead of her down the path. There were a decent amount of Vikings out this afternoon, though she couldn't spot Stoick among them. She suspected he was around somewhere, most likely at Gobber's forge.

Which happened to be along her path…hooray.

Her friends were scattered throughout the village, in different positions so they could see how her dare played out. Deciding not to delay it any longer, Ruffnut took off running, eyes focussed ahead. "Stoick is so fat that when he jumps in the air he gets stuck!"

She was running too fast to properly see the stunned expressions or hear the horrified gasps of the villagers that were within earshot. But she knew better than to slow down-one or two of them would definitely have something to say to her.

"Stoick is so fat he wears a sock on each toe!"

She shouted this as she passed Hiccup, who was laughing behind his hand. She glowered at him as he flew by. Yeah, you keep laughing. Let's see how funny you find it when Snotlout gives you a dare.

"Stoick is so fat his shadow weighs thirty-five pounds!"

"Lame!" a familiar voice hollered, but when she looked she couldn't see Snotlout. All she could see were Vikings giving her scathing glares.

Well. Still not the worst thing I've ever done.

"Stoick is so fat he's his own island!"

"Is that so?"

Slowing her pace, Ruffnut turned her head slightly with wide eyes to see Stoick moving to block her path, face glowing red with anger. In mere seconds, she would collide into him, getting caught and therefore losing the dare.

Over my dead body!

With quick movement, she flung herself to the ground, sliding underneath Stoick's legs and tumbling to the other side. She jumped to her feet, ignoring the stinging scrape on her elbow, and launched forwards. She reached her end point with a breathless call of, "Jokes! I'm joking! I don't mean it!"

Not bothering to wait for Stoick's response, she twisted on her heel and charged off. Not willing to let the girl get off so easily after her disrespect and insolence, Stoick went after her. Astrid moved out from her hiding place behind a barrel and watched the chase with amusement.

"She was close to losing this, too. Those reflexes saved her butt."

But then again, she supposed that after years of harassing the villagers, the Thorston twins were skilled in escaping their ticked-off victims.

Oh well, she thought. I'd hate to have her lose before I can dare her.

Taking Ruffnut down herself would be immensely satisfying.

Next chapter: In which Tuffnut dares Hiccup.