He's Not Dead Yet

I don't own Harry Potter or Monty Python.

Snooker My Way

Harry was in a very cheerful mood as he headed down to the train. It was the first official summer he wouldn't be spending with the Dursleys. Then it hit him, the Dursleys! He hadn't informed them he wasn't coming back. Oh well, no use worrying. Besides, it would give him the chance to tell Uncle Vernon to sod-off to his face. Anyway, back to his main train of thought. He had a long and exciting summer ahead of him. First, he was going on a three week vacation to Italy, next he would be spending time visiting his friends and learning about how to become an Animagus from Sirius, and then he was going to the Quidditch World Cup again (luckily, with the donations he made to the DMLE, the Death Eater attack would likely be put to a stop more quickly).

"Sirius is going to teach me how to become an Animagus," Harry said as the Hogwarts Express pulled out of the station.

"That's wonderful, Harry," said Hermione brightly.

"You all are more than welcome to join us. Sirius said that it's actually not so hard to do once you know the easy way."

"So, it doesn't actually take years of study?" Neville said.

"Not with the Marauder Method," Harry answered. "It took three years for the Marauders to figure it out, but now it can be accomplished in a couple of months. Sirius even got permission from the Ministry for us to learn."

"It sounds like it will be fun," Luna interjected. "I love animals so much."

"Did I hear that right?" came a voice from the corridor. It was Daphne, accompanied by Tracey. "You're really going to learn how to be Animagi?"

"We sure are, Daphne," Harry replied. "You and Tracey are more than welcome, too."

Daphne and Tracey exchanged looks. This was an incredible opportunity. Tracey's grandfather had been an Animagus (though unregistered) and he had told her all about how much fun having an animal form could be. Daphne was interested because she knew that being an Animagus is a useful skill; and seeing as how Slytherins are generally ambitious, it would be something to achieve. Besides all this, the two girls knew that accepting such an opportunity would give them a chance to get closer to Harry; something both of them had been hoping for.

"You can count us in," Tracey responded.

"Excellent," said Harry.

Daphne and Tracey ended up joining them for the rest of the train ride. About twenty minutes along, a rather unwelcome guest stopped by. Ron Weasley, who had since been changed back to a human (though he still waddled a bit and occasionally had a craving for fish), pushed open the door of the compartment and sneered at its occupants.

"Well, Harry, it's such a shame that you had to go and start hanging about with losers and dirty snakes," he said, "Because, had you still been my friend, I would have invited you to come with my family to the Quidditch World Cup. Everyone who's anyone is going."

Harry gave Ron an 'I can't believe you're this stupid' look.

"For your information, Weasley, my godfather and I were already invited to the World Cup by the Minister, so I would have had to turn you down anyway."

Ron got an incredibly sour look on his face, like Aunt Petunia whenever Harry dared to ask a question.

"So, my family isn't good enough for the great Harry Potter to associate with, is it? Should've known this is how you'd start acting now that you're friends with Slytherins."

"Weasley, that isn't what it's about at all. It's because you're a bigoted, selfish, and gold-digging ponce whom I deeply regret ever associating with. I bet if I had been sorted into Slytherin like the Sorting Hat wanted, then you would have bullied me. Now, get out before I do something that you'll find very unpleasant."

Ron gave a look of disgust at Harry and then rounded on Hermione.

"You're just gonna let him treat me like this?" he demanded. "Some friend you are! Bet you're just hoping he'll give you some attention. After all, without us, you wouldn't even have any friends."

Hermione narrowed her eyes and slowly stood up. Hermione's eyes were filled with angry sparks that made Ron take a nervous step back. Then, before anyone could realize what happened, Hermione whipped her hand back and socked Ron in the eye, sending the redhead sprawling onto the floor.

"Don't you ever talk about me or Harry like that," she growled. "Harry's a better man than you could ever hope to be, Ronald Weasley. If you know what's good for you, you'll leave us alone. Now, get out."

Ron did just that and pelted out and down the corridor. Hermione sat down with a huff. Everyone stared at her for a minute before Harry spoke up.

"Nice punch."

"Thank you, Harry," Hermione replied simply, though there was still a note of irritation in her voice.

Neville decided to diffuse the tension in the carriage by asking what other plans everyone had for the summer. Luna sat there looking serene; it was so wonderful to see things working out so nicely. Daphne and Tracey were awed; they had grown up in a culture that tried to discourage women from being too strong-willed, with a few noticeable exceptions; the fact that Hermione Granger, a Muggle-born witch, had just attacked and verbally threatened the son of a pure-blood family (albeit, one that everyone hated) was completely revolutionary; and they loved it.

Soon enough, the train pulled in at King's Cross.

"Bye, Harry," Hermione said pulling him in for a hug, "See you in a few weeks."

"See ya, Harry," Neville added, "Thanks for inviting me to the World Cup. Gran wouldn't have let me go otherwise."

Luna gave Harry a hug and a light kiss on the cheek.

"Watch out for wrackspurts," she advised. "I hear that they are very fond of hiding in Italian cars."

Daphne and Tracey bid their own farewells and said they couldn't wait for those Animagi lessons. Harry was approached by numerous well-wishers.

"Harry," said a voice behind him. It was Susan Bones. "My aunt just wanted me to thank you for sending in that funding for the Auror Department. She's been worried about security for the World Cup and thanks to your donation, there are going to be plenty of Aurors on-duty. And, because of that, she agreed to let me come with her. So, I'd like to thank you as well."

"No problem, Susan," Harry said. "I was just doing what should have been done a while ago."

Susan gave Harry a grateful smile and wished him a happy summer before going off to join her aunt.

"Ready to go, Pup?" Sirius said.

"Sure."

They made their way through the barrier. As expected, Harry noticed Uncle Vernon waiting impatiently.

"Come on, boy, haven't got all day," he grunted.

"Sorry, Uncle Vernon, but I won't be going with you."

"What nonsense are you talking, boy? Stop dawdling and get moving."

"I would've sent you a note, Uncle, but I know you dislike owl-post. I'm going to live with my godfather from now on."

"You don't have a godfather."

Sirius stepped forward with a wolfish grin.

"Sirius Black, Harry's godfather, how do you do?"

Uncle Vernon stared at Sirius in horror.

"Y-you're the man from that news report! The escaped convict!"

Uncle Vernon's declaration drew a bit of attention from passersby.

"Actually, I was wrongfully accused and imprisoned without trial," Sirius responded with a shrug. "But, anyway, come on, Harry, we need to get going. The limo I rented is waiting."

Uncle Vernon's eyes went wide.

"Limo?" Harry inquired.

"Well, yes, the Ferrari's back at the Manor and I felt that a limousine would be better to get us to the airport. Now come on or we'll miss that plane to Italy."

As Harry and Sirius made their way out, Harry could've sworn that, as he glanced over his shoulder, his uncle had suddenly had a heart-attack.

Professor Charity Burbage, head of the Muggle Studies department at Hogwarts, was setting up for a vacation of her own. A couple weeks before the end of term, she had received a letter that stated, quite plainly, that if she was going to teach a class about Muggle culture then she needed to update her curriculum. The author of the note had informed her that she would be receiving a paid vacation in Muggle London with a Muggle-born to serve as tour guide. The note had also come with an assortment of Muggle magazines, some showed what type of clothing Muggles wear and others talked about recent Muggle news. Charity was rather astonished by what the Muggles had achieved in recent years; much of which already proved several of her course books out-of-date.

Charity arrived outside the Leaky Cauldron like the note had instructed. There, she was met by someone she had encountered during the recent year but had never really spoken to very much; it was one of Harry Potter's hired teachers, the rather attractive Mr. Patrick Stearns.

"How lovely to see you again, Miss Burbage," he greeted pleasantly.

"You are my tour guide for Muggle London?"

"Indeed I am. My employer felt that someone who is both knowledgeable about the Muggle world and skilled in self-defense should be perfect for escorting you around. I hope it's alright with you?"

"So, Mr.-I mean, Lord Potter set all this up?"

"Sure did. He said his friend took your class and she told him that some of your information was a bit outdated. So, what better way to learn than from experience? Shall we be off? We need to check into the hotel. Tell me, have you ever been to the Savoy?"

Charity had a feeling this was going to be the best vacation she'd had in years.

Molly Weasley was very disconcerted by what her son Ronald told her when they got home. He and Harry seemed to have gotten into a fight and now there was no chance of inviting Harry over this summer; there went dozens of plans for getting Harry together with Ginny. Then there was the matter of Harry spending so much time with other girls; ever since that article that revealed Harry would need six wives, Molly was becoming worried that things weren't progressing the way she felt they should. Perhaps it was time to move on to the love potion step; she would send Harry some pastries and things for his birthday that were filled with a potion keyed to Ginny. Yes, that would work; it would have to be in slow doses so as not to arouse suspicions. Molly knew that tradition would demand that Harry take six wives, but the thought of her daughter as the Lady of all those family titles and all the money that came with it was enough for her to decide that the tradition was far too old-fashioned and that Harry would only need one wife; that wife, in her opinion, meaning Ginny.

Then there was the trouble Ronald was having with that girl Hermione; Molly knew the girl was very smart and sensible, she would be perfect for keeping Ronald in line and maybe helping him get through his schoolwork. Obviously, the little spat they had gotten into was a lover's tiff; a few love potions could clear all that right up.

Another note of annoyance for Molly Weasley was the fact that her recently-graduated son, Percy, had decided to move out and get his own apartment. She had deeply hoped that he would continue to live at home for a while, but he said he needed to be close to his new job and because his girlfriend lived very near to where he would be staying. Oh well, Molly thought to herself, it would be a small price to pay if Percy has a decent job at the Ministry and marries his girlfriend sometime during the coming year. Of course, there was the downside that Bill had decided to stay at Percy's apartment until he could get his own residence now that Gringotts had given him that promotion to the senior staff because of his outstanding performance in whatever mission it was that he had been brought back to England for.

Well, at least she had the return of her sons for the Quidditch World Cup to look forward to. It will be so nice to have everyone home again.

A few days later at a local pub.

"Hello, Tonks!" exclaimed a certain ginger-haired legal secretary.

"Red, how are you?" her friend replied.

"I'm great, thanks for asking. Haven't seen you since that ball at Potter Manor."

"Wonderful, wasn't it?"

"Yes. How's the life of an Auror treating you?"

"Fantastic. Join me in a drink?"

"Sure, I'll take a grappa. It's a kind of Italian liquor I'm very partial to now and again."

The two witches sat down. Red took a sip of her drink.

"Any good?" asked Tonks.

"Terrible. Tastes like paint-thinner."

"That's disgusting."

"Time for another one."

The two then got to reminiscing about their school days.

"Did you ever get in contact with Charlie?" Tonks inquired. "Only, I know you had it bad for him."

Red gave her friend a slight glare.

"I told you once before, Charlie Weasley is nothing more than one of our old friends to me," Red replied firmly. "I'm sure he's already got girls lining up to date him."

"I dunno, Red. From what I hear he's still single. Maybe you should send him an owl."

Red then gave a smirk.

"What about you and that Remus Lupin fellow?" said Red, hoping to change the subject. "You seemed very interested in him at the ball."

"Say one word about that and I'll do you for treason," Tonks replied blushing.

"I never took you as the type to go for an older guy. And a werewolf, too. Of course, you always did like to walk on the wild side, didn't you, Tonksie?"

Tonks' hair had changed a bright red from embarrassment.

"Keep talking and I assure you that you'll be slit up a treat," she threatened.

Red simply rolled her eyes. Tonks had always liked quiet, sensitive guys who had a sense of humor and a bit of ruggedness to them. Under normal circumstances, Red couldn't exactly see how her friend would have ever even met Professor Lupin, let alone end up dating him, but Tonks had never been what one would call 'normal.' Probably all that Black family blood in her, Red thought, they are a rather odd bunch.

Tonks, however, returned to the subject of Red's old crush on Charlie Weasley.

"Why don't you invite him to stay with your family for the Quidditch Cup this summer?" she suggested. "If I remember him correctly, he will take any means of getting out of staying with his parents."

Both girls winced as they remembered Molly Weasley; the woman was infamous as the most overbearing mother to ever send children to Hogwarts. Charlie had been a friend of Tonks and Red when they were at school and they distinctly remembered him asking to come and stay with their families during holidays as often as he could.

"Okay, I'll invite him to stay," Red conceded. "But, it's only because no one should suffer the horrors of Molly Weasley."

"Sure it is," Tonks said with a grin.

Red then went a bit cross-eyed.

"Tonks, I do believe the grappa has finally gotten to me; I can't see a blasted thing. Could you be so kind as to escort me home?"

"Of course, old girl."

"When we get there, could you also help me give Reginald his mandies?"

"Are you giving that tiger of yours drugs?"

"Of course I'm giving it drugs."

"It's illegal."

"You try telling that to the tiger."

"Well, I think it's dangerous."

"Look, Tonks, before Reginald started fixing, he used to get through three Jehovah's Witnesses a day. And he'd eat all of 'em." She then took a moment to think. "Well, except for the pamphlets."

"Well, he's not stupid, I'll give him that. But, what kind of lawyer's daughter gives illegal drugs to a tiger?"

"The same type of lawyer's daughter who just drank paint-thinner from a fancy bottle."

"Touché."

Meanwhile, in a beautiful country known as Italy, Harry Potter was currently having one of the best summers ever. It was just him, Sirius, Remus, and Sirius' girlfriend, Professor Babbling. Sirius had insisted that they do their touring the Muggle way; even if it meant traffic and aggressive drivers. Sirius was taking every opportunity to soak up some sun or drive around on one of those motor-scooters that pretty much everyone drove in Italy (he especially liked being able to drive about 150mph on the autostrada). Remus apparently knew a great deal about the magical and Muggle history of the Roman Empire and was giving detailed stories about practically every place they visited. Professor Babbling, on the other hand, taught Harry all about the magical symbols of the Roman wizards, especially those found in the catacombs.

There had been a slight detour when they had gotten lost after they had stopped to see the Tower of Pisa; however, it turned out for the best as they stumbled across an excellent terme (a thermal spa situated over natural mineral springs) in the middle of nowhere. The following day they found themselves at a small coastal town known as Populonia; high upon the cliff was an old fortress and in the surrounding area there were a number of Etruscan tombs.

"Actually, I'm rather glad we got lost," Harry said as they drove out of sight.

What followed were further wacky adventures, touring ancient sites, catching some sun and waves on the beaches, and eating some of the best food in the world.

By the time they got back, they were tanned, tired, and Sirius was a bit wacked out from the limoncello he'd bought in Sorrento.

The group of young Hogwarts students gathered in the main sitting room of Potter Manor for their first lesson in Animagus transformation. Sirius looked upon his young students with pride.

"The Animagus transformation is one of the most complex and challenging pieces of transfiguration magic you will ever attempt," he said. "At least, that was before the Marauders came along. Together, James and I developed a whole new method to the process. It requires concentration and a good deal of meditation. Contrary to what most would tell you, becoming an Animagus is actually much easier to achieve when you're young because your body is still changing. Now, the first thing you do…"

Sirius took them through the basic steps. The first thing they had to do was find their inner animal through extensive meditation. Daphne was the first to make serious progress.

"It's a four-legged animal," she said as she knelt on the floor, eyes closed and deep in concentration as everyone watched her. "It's big, and it has claws." Her shoulders contorted a bit and her face scrunched up a few times. That's when her eyes shot wide open.

"Daph, your eyes," Tracey gasped.

"What about them?"

"They're…um…"

Daphne's eyes, a deep shade of aquamarine, were glowing faintly; the pupils were big and there was a sort of silver ring around her irises. Then, Daphne gave a slight wince and opened her mouth as her canines began to enlarge into fangs.

"Careful now," Sirius cautioned. "Don't rush the transformation."

But Daphne was losing control over it. She leaned back on her haunches as the nails on her hands shifted into black claws.

"Daphne!" Tracey shouted with worry.

Sirius ushered everyone back as they watched, terrified, as Daphne's form began to shift. Quick as a flash, Daphne was gone, and there, in her place, stood a large, black panther with a light streak of barley-blonde fur along the ridge of its back.

"Wow," Sirius said. "Well done, Daphne."

Daphne seemed to gain control over her senses as she looked at them in puzzlement.

"Daphne, are you all right?" Harry asked.

The panther-Daphne gave a nod.

"Daphne," Tracey said again, "you're…gorgeous."

Daphne seemed to look rather smug at the praise.

"Okay," Sirius said, "now focus on changing back, please. I'd hate to have to face Cyrus Greengrass with the news that I got his daughter turned into a panther and she can't change back."

Daphne closed her eyes in concentration again. Then, very slowly, she shifted back into human form.

It took a few more weeks until the rest found their inner animals; though Hermione and Tracey were the next ones to make the full transformation. Hermione discovered she could turn into a squirrel with an exceptionally bushy tail, and Tracey soon followed by transforming into a Tasmanian devil (much to everyone's amusement).

"I think you look cute, Trace," Daphne chuckled.

The Tasmanian devil-Tracey simply glared at her friend.

Harry was, oddly enough, the last to make the transformation. Luna and Neville got it a few days before him, turning into a white rabbit and an anteater, respectively. Harry's Animagus form, however, was a little bit different.

The first thing he knew was that he was a bird of some sort. He felt his body shrinking and he saw his arms become covered in bluish-black, grey, and white feathers. It was not the most pleasant of sensations, changing into an animal, but soon he had transformed all the way. Hermione held up a mirror so that Harry could see himself.

"You're a Peregrine Falcon, Harry," she explained. "They are remarkable creatures. They can reach faster speeds than any animal on the planet, they are remarkable hunters, they have been used in falconry for over three thousand years, and are considered the bird of princes because of its association with nobility. It was once said that the Peregrine Falcon was 'armed more by its courage than its claws.'"

Harry looked at himself in the mirror. He noted that, in his bird form, he seemed to have dark feathers around his eyes, which were still green, that gave him a bespectacled look and on his back were several white feathers that seemed to resemble a lightning bolt. Harry chuckled internally; apparently he couldn't escape his scar even in his Animagus form.

Of course, the summer was interrupted slightly by Snape's trial. Amelia Bones had gotten as much information out of the ex-professor as she could, and had to be restrained by her Aurors when Snape revealed his involvement in the deaths of several of her loved-ones; when Snape had mentioned his responsibility for the death of Michael McKinnon (Amelia's former fiancé) and his sister Marlene, the Aurors weren't fast enough in restraining Amelia as she launched herself at Snape's throat and began to strangle him.

When the day of the trial came, Dumbledore had approached Harry and asked him if he would consider asking for clemency on Snape's behalf. Harry nearly passed out he was laughing so hard. By the end of the trial, Snape was sentenced to life imprisonment in Azkaban, despite the demand for the Dementor's Kiss from several of the families who had lost people they cared about thanks to Snape. Naturally, Dumbledore came under criticism for hiring Snape to teach at Hogwarts; the things that man had done were beyond the pale and many of the worst of his crimes were committed against Muggle or Muggle-born children, making him unfit to even look at a child let alone teach a school full of them.

With a blaring roar from a horn, a large RV pulled into the packed campsite. This wouldn't have been so unusual were it not for the fact that very few people there actually knew what an RV even was.

"I think you're enjoying this too much," Harry said as Sirius blasted the horn again.

"Let him have his fun, Harry," said Hermione, ruffling his hair. "It's like watching an overgrown kid with a new toy."

Harry and Sirius had had the great idea of showing up to the World Cup in a Muggle RV; of course, Sirius had added a few 'adjustments' to the vehicle. Several floors, a pool table, a bar, a giant television, and many more additions had been made to the seemingly ordinary RV. When Hermione had first seen it, she made a reference to a certain television show about the RV being "bigger on the inside."

"Why don't you lot go out and have a look around while we park?" suggested Bathsheba. Since the end of summer, Professor Babbling and Sirius had been spending a great deal of time together.

Harry, Hermione, and Neville hopped out of the RV, all of them grinning.

"Remember," Sirius called after them, "we're in the lot right next to the path."

One of the great things about becoming a Lord was that so many things seemed to go so well, Harry thought. Sirius and Harry had been personally invited to the World Cup by the Minister himself, along with any guests they requested.

The excitement surrounding the World Cup was just as Harry remembered; the Irish showing off with their copious green shamrocks, the Bulgarians with their posters of Viktor Krum. As the three walked around, they encountered many familiar faces; they had met up with Luna fairly quickly and she joined their group (she and her father were staying in a tent that was shaped much in the same fashion as their house); Neville had blushed bright red when they were greeted by Hannah Abbott a little farther on; they had also been accosted by Cho Chang, who had given Luna a fairly contemptuous look and then attempted to get Harry to join her and her friends, though she was unsuccessful. A little ways on, they were greeted by Fay Dunbar and her mother.

"Hello, guys," she said smiling. "Quite the turnout this."

"We've been here for a week," added Mrs. Dunbar. "Hell of a time getting tickets for it, I tell you." Fay's mother looked much like Fay herself; she was very tall with a strong build, and had long dark brown hair and blue eyes. Also like Fay, Mrs. Dunbar seemed to have a great appreciation for sports, especially Quidditch. "I fancy that the Irish will take a good lead. The Bulgarians are known to play dirty so there will probably be a number of fouls. I remember a very similar situation when my husband Malcolm took me to see a football match. Seeing as how many of us love Quidditch like Muggles love football, we'll be staying on our guard in case of a riot."

"Oh, this is my brother, Elliot Dunbar," Fay said. She stepped aside to show a young boy that none of them had noticed before. He was probably no older than five and looked very shy.

"Hello," Harry said to the child who looked about ready to duck behind his sister again. "Do you like Quidditch, too?"

Little Elliot gave Harry a toothy grin and nodded; suddenly, the boy launched himself at Harry's legs and hugged him.

"Well, you certainly made a good impression on him," said Fay, laughing warmly. "He's usually terrified of people he hasn't met."

Elliot then looked up at Harry and said:

"You're the boy my sister likes, aren't you?"

Fay then froze.

"Elliot," she hissed.

"He is him, isn't he, Fay?" Elliot continued with a bigger smile.

"Oh, would you look at the time," Fay exclaimed. "We really should get started on dinner. See you all later."

With that, Fay grabbed her little brother by the hand and began to march back to their tent, their mother following after them.

"Well, someone's popular," Neville chuckled at Harry's expression.

Harry lightly elbowed his friend in the side.

They proceeded onwards until they reached the RV which had a crowd of curious onlookers around it.

"Parked alright?" Harry asked Sirius.

"He had a bit of trouble," Remus stated.

"It wasn't my fault!" Sirius protested.

"What happened?" asked Hermione.

"Padfoot over here thought it would be funny to try and run down any Death Eaters who showed up," Remus replied.

"Well, they were asking for it," Sirius stated firmly. "They dared to mock the brilliance that is my RV. Stuck-up, bigoted arseholes that have no appreciation for the finer points of Muggle technology."

"Amelia Bones issued him a warning," Bathsheba added. "It's only because she wishes it was her that ran down those Death Munchers that she didn't arrest him."

"It's a good thing she's such a cool Head of the DMLE," Harry said.

"Why thank you, Lord Potter," came a familiar voice from behind him causing everyone to jump. It was Amelia Bones and Susan. "Lord Black, I trust you've desisted from your hit-and-run activities?"

"Amy, I am offended that you would ever think that I would intentionally harm innocent bystanders," Sirius responded with mock-hurt.

Amelia rolled her eyes. Susan greeted the others and the teenagers all moved off to talk about the match that would be occurring in just a few more hours.

"You know who's also here, Sirius?" Amelia continued. "Barty Crouch."

The three other adults looked irritated.

"You mean the bastard who put Sirius behind bars without a trial?" asked Remus.

"The very same."

"What's he doing here?" Sirius added. "I thought he wouldn't be showing his face in public again after being disgraced for that little faux pas."

"Believe me he's only just managed to keep a hold on his job," Amelia said, "Especially after the additional investigations."

"What investigations?"

"Haven't you heard? We've been doing a check on the records and interrogations of the prisoners at Azkaban. Apparently, you weren't the only one thrown in there without due process. Unfortunately, a couple of Death Eaters managed to worm their way out of prison because they were never convicted and so we were forced to let them go."

"Damn."

"My sentiments exactly."

"What can be done?" asked Bathsheba.

"We just need to keep our eyes open. Those Death Eaters take one step out of line and I'll have their arses back in Azkaban before they can blink."

They continued in this conversation for some time. Meanwhile, Harry spotted a familiar face.

"Hey, Cedric," Harry called over.

The Hufflepuff Seeker turned and waved at Harry.

"Hey, Harry!"

Cedric approached them, and he wasn't alone.

"I think you all know Justine Max?" Cedric continued. "My girlfriend."

"Hi," Justine said with a shy smile.

"Justine was telling me about a weird dream she had the other night." Cedric smirked.

"Ced, I really don't think they want to hear-"

"Come on, it's funny."

"Okay. I had this nightmare that Cedric got murdered by You-Know-Who."

"Yeah, isn't that…odd," Harry said shiftily.

"It gets weirder. Instead of dying, he came back as a vampire; but, get this, he sparkled."

"Sparkled?" everyone choked.

"When the sun hit him, yes. He also didn't have fangs, or drink human blood. It really ruined the seriousness of the situation."

"Wait, how can something be a vampire if it doesn't have fangs or burst into flames when the sun hits it?" Hermione asked.

"And what sort of vampire doesn't drink human blood?" Susan added.

"A fairy?" Harry suggested.

They all laughed good-naturedly.

Soon, dusk fell and they all began to make their way down the path to the stadium. Harry, Sirius, Hermione, Neville, Bathsheba, and Remus bid farewell to their friends and made their way up to the Minister's box where they were greeted by the man in question. However, just like last time, the Weasleys were also there and they had brought along…Red?

"Hey, Harry," Red greeted.

"Hi, Red, what are you doing here?" Harry replied.

"Charlie's an old friend. Nice to see you again. Hello, Lord Black."

"Why must everyone call me that?" Sirius sighed.

Harry then went through the process of being greeted by all the Weasleys, except Ron who just glared at him and Hermione. Bill had apparently been promoted and would be in Britain for a while; Percy had started working with Josiah Prewett in the Accounting section of Bayly, Black, and Prewett; Charlie made a few subtle hints about the upcoming Triwizard Tournament; and Ginny had grabbed Harry in a hug that made him feel very uncomfortable and caused Hermione to scowl.

The group in the box was soon joined by the Malfoys, who looked particularly sullen when they caught sight of Sirius. Mr. Malfoy seemed particularly agitated; Harry guessed that he was beginning to have his doubts about the little Death Eater parade that was scheduled for later. Draco appeared to be desperate to make some sort of snide comment to Harry, but directed his attention to Ron instead.

"Oi, Weasley," he said, "what'd you have to sell to get tickets up here? You don't exactly own anything worth what these seats cost."

"Shut up, Malfoy," Ron snapped.

Harry tuned out what they were saying. He wondered, for a moment, whether the two would get into a fight and end up falling over the railing. That would certainly be worth watching. Harry had also noticed, in the seat behind them, that Winky the house-elf was there. And then it hit him, he had forgotten to deal with Crouch Jr. Harry was immediately thankful for the wand-holster that Remus had gotten him for his birthday; otherwise, he would've had to deal with losing his wand again, and he wasn't about to let that happen. He supposed he could deal with Crouch later; after all, he had no need to impersonate Moody this year as there was no reason for Remus not to return to the DADA position.

It was time for the Quidditch World Cup to begin. Ludo Bagman stepped forward to introduce the mascots.

"Neville, word of warning," said Harry, "put your fingers in your ears."

"Why -?"

"Just do it, and quick."

Harry and Neville both put their fingers in their ears as the veela, the Bulgarian mascots, began to perform their routine. Harry and Neville were two of only a handful of men who didn't try to throw themselves over the bannister to get to the veela. Harry noticed that Charlie Weasley seemed strangely unaffected as Red held his hand.

Once the performance was over, the leprechauns rocketed out to show off their support for Ireland. This was followed by the arrival of the teams.

"Theeeeeeeey're OFF!" screamed Bagman. "And it's Mullet! Troy! Moran! Dimitrov! Back to Mullet! Troy! Levski! Moran!"

It was an even better experience the second time.

"I'm hungry," Sirius said after a while. "I wish they had vendors up here."

As if he'd said the magic words, a shout rang out behing them.

"Albatross!"

Sirius turned around and saw a very unattractive woman standing there. She had a small vendor's cart, on top of which was a giant bird.

"Albatross?" she offered.

"Uh, no thanks, what else is there?" said Sirius.

"I 'aven't got anything else!" the woman snapped. "I only got the albatross! Albatross!"

"Well, what flavor is it?"

"It's a bird, innit?! It's a bloody sea bird. It's not any bloody flavor. Albatross!"

"Do you get wafers with it?"

"'Course ya don't get bloody wafers with it! Albatross! Get it on a stick!"

"How much do you want for it?"

"Three knuts."

"I'll have two please."

Harry shook his head as he returned to watching the game. All too soon it was over. Ireland had once again won, even though Krum caught the Snitch.

"Vell, ve fought bravely," said a gloomy voice behind Harry. He looked around; it was the Bulgarian Minister of Magic.

"You can speak English!" said Fudge, sounding outraged. "And you've been letting me mime everything all day!"

"Veil, it vos very funny," said the Bulgarian minister, shrugging.

As they all headed out after the cup was awarded, Harry was quickly sidetracked by Fred and George.

"Thanks for the tip, Harry," said Fred.

"Made us quite a bit of cash, that did," George added.

"The goblins owe us quite a good deal from that wager we made."

"Granted, it's probably not enough to get our joke-shop up and running, but it will help."

"Don't worry, guys," Harry said, "I'm sure that you'll do great with Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes."

A few hours later, Harry was being woken up by the unmistakable sound of shouts. Of course, the Death Eaters were at it again.

"Sirius," Harry said to the Marauder behind the steering wheel of the RV, "I do believe it's time for some fun."

With Sirius preoccupied with running down Death Eaters with the RV, Harry set off to deal with them head on, backed by Hermione, Remus, and Bathsheba (Hermione had refused, point blank, to wait in the RV where it was 'safe'; safe being a relative word with Sirius behind the wheel).

What followed were some truly exciting and very expensive fight scenes in which a number of the Death Eaters got rounded up by the Aurors and the other good guys. Harry, who knew the Aurors couldn't attack too strongly for fear of allowing the Muggles the Death Eaters were levitating to fall to their deaths, had come to the clever idea of casting a Suspension Spell that made sure the Roberts family (the Muggles who were being victimized) were safe so that the Aurors could launch a beat-down on the Death Eaters. As Harry's back was turned, one Death Eater had been about to sneak up on him only to be suddenly run over by Sirius in the RV.

"Well, well, well," Sirius said when he looked out the window at the not-at-all-well Death Eater, if it isn't old Lucy." Sure enough, Lucius Malfoy was lodged beneath the very large and very heavy vehicle, with a look of pain and terror on his face.

Unfortunately, before the Aurors could remove Malfoy from his position of being wedged beneath the fenders of the enormous vehicle, the bastard managed to Disapperate.

"Oh, bloody hell!" Sirius shouted in frustration. "He's done it again!"

"Not to worry, Lord Black," said Minister Fudge, who had just arrived on the scene. "I'm not going to let him get out of this! I assure you that Lucius Malfoy will be a top-priority."

"Thanks, Minister, that makes me feel so much better," said Sirius, not sounding convinced at all.

Author's Note: Has anyone ever noticed how, in Monty Python, the name 'Arthur' is used about fifty times? Seriously, it's like the most popular name for characters in their skits.

That passage about Harry in Italy was based on when my family and I went to Italy last year. Populonia is absolutely gorgeous and that old castle/fortress is simply fascinating; it doesn't even have safety rails along the battlements, you just have to be smart enough not to try and jump down from them. Italy is one of my favorite countries ever; the food is to die for, it's as if serving a bad meal there is a capital offence. The only thing that really bothered my parents and my cousin was the Amalfi Road which is a simply terrifying drive; I wasn't too bothered by it as we had a very skilled driver (she would have her cellphone in one hand, be gesturing with the other, and control the steering-wheel with her knees). We even stopped in Lucca, where some of my mother's ancestors (the Balbani family) were from. Italy is the ideal place for lovers of history, cuisine, landscaping, art, architecture, religious experience, and shopping. Florence was one of my favorite sites; they have the most wonderful steaks I have ever eaten and their gelato is like chilled frosting.

Okay, I'm starting to act a bit like an advertiser for Italian holidays; I should probably stop that now.

My apologies to anyone who likes Twilight if you found that subtle jab offensive.

I was originally going to have Harry's Animagus form be an albatross, but that ruined the potential for the inclusion of the snack vendor selling the albatross to the audience members at the World Cup. Instead, I chose to make Harry a peregrine falcon because it was one of the suggestions I found where someone asked what sort of Animagus Harry should be.

Hope you all noticed what's going on between Red and Charlie. That's because I have the biggest crush on him; even though we hardly know anything about Charlie, I can just imagine how cool he must be (if, you know, he existed outside of the HP-verse and fanfiction).