He's Not Dead Yet
Heya, folks. We've reached the point where I am now completely writing from the top of my head instead of revising an original part of the story. The chapter that was here in the first story was a karaoke chapter in which the Hogwarts students and faculty sang songs that I spent hours looking up and picking. Only, as it turned out, that chapter was the reason why I was forced to delete the original as some jerk hated my fic so much that he/she threatened to report me for the use of song lyrics if I didn't delete it.
I'm just sorry that you all can't enjoy the original chapter as I was actually quite proud of it.
Also, yes, both Beauxbatons and Durmstrang are co-ed schools like Hogwarts. Only the film showed them as all-girls and all-boys respectively.
Anyway, I don't own Harry Potter, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Upper-class Twit of the Year Show
Several weeks had passed and the visiting schools would be arriving in two days. But that is of little concern for the story so far and will not have any significance for a number of paragraphs.
"Eureka!" Harry exclaimed at breakfast, drawing the attention of a number of people.
"What is it, Harry?" asked Hermione.
"I found out what happened at the Quidditch match last year. You remember, I somehow performed a spell that saved my life."
"And what exactly happened?"
"I was subconsciously accessing Potter family magic," he explained. "According to the grimoire, if a Potter is in a dire situation then he or she is able to summon family magics to help. Even if that person hasn't read the grimoire, he or she will know the exact spell to use."
"How is that possible, Harry?"
"It's all there in the grimoire. Apparently, there is a ritual that one of my ancestors used to bind those of Potter blood to the grimoire so they would always be able to access the knowledge when they truly needed it."
"That's incredible. May I see the grimoire?"
"Sorry, Hermione, but only those connected to the Potter family through blood or marriage can read the grimoire. You are, of course, more than welcome to read any of the other books my family possesses. I know for a fact that there's an entire vault full of them at Gringotts because the knowledge was so important that my forbears couldn't keep it in the library at Potter Manor in case someone managed to get in."
Hermione stopped registering what Harry was saying after he mentioned how many books he owned. The thought of all that knowledge just waiting to be read…
"Morning, everyone," said Luna cheerily, taking a seat beside Harry at Gryffindor table. "Harry, you seem excited. Did you get visited by the Undulated Scrumplies?"
"Uhhh…no?"
"Harry's just discovered that he subconsciously accessed his family magic last year during that Quidditch match," Hermione corrected.
"Oh?" said Luna quizzically. "I was certain that it was the Red-Winged Hornswaggles that saved you that time. Oh well, I can't be right all the time. Hermione, please close your mouth; gaping like a halibut is quite unseemly."
"Luna, if you don't mind my asking, why do you think that pretty much everything that happens is caused by some sort of magical creature?" Harry asked.
"Hmm? Oh, it's because my family magic is linked to beast mastery. Our grimoire deals with magic associated with nature, particularly animals. There are only a handful of other families with the same affinity." She pointed to a boy at the Hufflepuff table. "Rolf Scamander's family is one of the more famous ones. His grandfather is the author of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them." She then looked over at Ravenclaw and pointed to an Asian girl. "Su Li's family is well-known throughout her homeland of Korea and in most of China."
"So, where exactly does all this 'magical affinity' come from?" asked Hermione, who was finding this all to be fascinating.
"Mainly from family tradition. Most magical families have stayed in the same line of business for centuries, parents passing on knowledge to their children who would use it to continue doing the same work. For example, Harry's family is descended from a Roman merchant, therefore he has a magical connection to business. His family was also heavily involved in both politics and Quidditch, meaning he has affinity for those, too."
"But, by that logic, since practically every magical family is related to each other, wouldn't everyone have the same magic?" Hermione countered.
"Ah, I was hoping you'd ask that. You see from what I've learned in my Biology class about genetics, I was able to determine that sometimes the magical affinity skips several generations in different bloodlines, mostly due to the inbreeding. The families that have the strongest magical affinity are the ones that marry with 'new blood' or the descendants of Squibs who have long since lost the faulty genetics."
Harry and Hermione exchanged a look. It was at that moment that they were joined by Fay.
"Morning," she greeted.
"Another example," Luna said cheerily indicating towards Fay.
"Beg your pardon?"
"Fay, what is your family's magical affinity?"
"Well, Mum always said that our family magic mainly dealt with social magnetism. Our family was once one of the most prestigious and was famous for its socialites. 'Course, Mum didn't get access to the grimoire because she married Dad and, well…" Fay turned slightly pink.
"What was your Mum's family name?" Harry asked delicately.
Fay looked rather uncomfortable.
"They're a historically Grey family, but they did have some Dark tendencies since many of them misused the family magic. It's suspected that the family even developed something similar to an Imperius, but it wasn't powerful enough to be made illegal. The Gamp family, well, they were a rather…interesting bunch."
"Gamp?" asked Hermione. "Not like Sarah Gamp, the witch who discovered the Laws of Elemental Transfiguration?"
"Yeah," Fay admitted. "She was my great-great-great…or something, grandmother. Mum told me that no one in her immediate family was as talented, though."
"Exactly the point I was trying to prove," Luna announced. "See? I told you that the affinity sometimes skips a couple generations. Now, who wants kippers with their toast?"
Shaken by the sudden change of topic, the three others didn't notice Neville arrive until he asked why they all looked frozen in their seats.
"Oh, sorry, Neville, we were talking about pure-blood family magic," Harry said.
"Oh, that's neat. The Longbottom family has a history of skilled Potions-brewers." Neville gave a sarcastic laugh. "Guess I missed out on that, eh?"
"What about your Mum's family, Neville?"
"Mum was a Fawley. I suppose I take more after her, seeing as the Fawleys are known for their natural talent with plants."
"As I said, magical affinity can sometimes skip a generation, but it allows for other skills to show themselves," said Luna.
"This could definitely be something to do further research into, Luna," Hermione added. "I'm sure lots of people will be interested in this."
"Shall we make arrangements to meet in the library later?"
"I think we shall."
The two girls grinned and laughed.
"Yeah, you two do that while I'm off at Quidditch club," Fay spoke up before turning to Harry. "Thanks again for starting that up, Harry. I've wanted to be on a Quidditch team for ages."
"No problem, Fay."
"Oh, Harry," Neville said, "the Board is meeting tonight to go over some of the newest marketing plans we've come up with."
"Excellent, Neville."
The Board which Neville had arranged had convened twice since the beginning of the school year. On the Board, there were fourteen individuals from each House, a boy and a girl from each year unless you counted Harry, Neville, Hermione, and Luna. In order to keep the meetings discreet and to ensure there was enough room for everyone, the Board room was situated in the Room of Requirement and everyone signed a Confidentiality Agreement drawn up by Hermione.
"Quiet, quiet, everyone," Neville declared as he banged a gavel on the table. "I love being able to do that," he muttered to himself as the room quieted down. "Now that I have your attention, I call to order the third meeting of Splunge Enterprise. Are there any questions before we begin?"
"I've got one," said Justin Finch-Fletchley. "It's been on my mind since the first meeting. Why did you all name it Splunge Enterprise?"
"Actually, it was Luna's idea," Harry answered, looking at the young blonde.
"The word means that something is a good idea but possibly not and I'm not being indecisive," Luna added casually.
"Good, now we're getting somewhere," declared Blaise Zabini with an approving nod.
"Anyway, gentlemen and ladies," Neville continued, "we've got several devices that our people were able to come up with. One is a device that our American contact has rigged up with the help of the Japanese Technomancers that Lord Potter has recruited. What is it called again, Hermione?"
"It's a cellular phone," she replied. "They haven't really become popular in the Muggle world yet, but our friends have made a number of improvements to them and made it so that they can bypass the Hogwarts wards that disable electronic devices."
"What do you mean the wards disable electronic devices?" asked Hannah Abbott. "I thought it was the fact that large amounts of magic short-circuit electronic devices."
"Ah, I am afraid that is a misconception perpetuated by the close-minded, die-hard traditionalists," Harry answered. "I mean, how much magical activity goes on in places like Diagon Alley or St. Mungo's?"
"Well, quite a bit I'd imagine."
"And with all that magical activity, why haven't the Muggle buildings around them been affected if it really was magic's inability to work alongside technology?"
Everyone except the four leaders exchanged looks of shocked realization.
"The allegation that magic and technology are incompatible is a ploy to keep our world from advancing into the 20th century," Harry explained. "After all, why do we still use parchment and quills when paper and pens, or even pencils, are so much more practical? It's time our society advances, and we are just the people to make that happen."
"The Triwizard Tournament is also an excellent opportunity for us," Hermione added. "Meeting with representatives from other schools will allow us to make important connections and gain us potential clients and/or business partners in other countries. Therefore, it is imperative that the right impressions are made and that our guests are treated respectfully."
"Which, unfortunately, means no hijinks," Harry said sadly. "Pity, though, I had this great idea for a prank in which I…" He trailed off at the warning gaze Hermione was giving him.
Finally, October 30th arrived and with it came the approach of the delegations from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang. In order to make sure nothing bad happened, Harry sent a request to Amelia Bones to have several Aurors on duty at the school; something which the head of the DMLE was more than happy to do. Tonks, Kingsley, Jones, and, oddly enough, Sirius (who had taken up his old job as an Auror) had been assigned to duty at Hogwarts. Mad-Eye Moody had even offered to temporarily come out of retirement in order to provide assistance; this, however, led to a slight incident in which the new Hogwarts wards, specially commissioned by Harry, had detected that Moody was, in actuality, Barty Crouch Jr. who had Polyjuiced himself to impersonate the retired Auror.
The incident made its way into the latest article of The Quibbler and ensured the conviction of Barty Crouch Sr. for his involvement in his son's escape from Azkaban. Father and son ended up in neighboring cells at the infamous prison and would not have any further involvement in the Tournament. The real Mad-Eye Moody was, naturally, quite put-out at being held captive by "Death Eater scum" and actually did offer to help the other Aurors keep watch at the school on the off-chance that he could get some vengeance should any more Death Eaters make the mistake of showing up.
It was this incident that prompted Harry to remember that Karkaroff was also a Death Eater and would be arriving at Hogwarts with no knowledge of what the new wards were going to do to him.
Oh well, thought Harry. That's his problem, not mine.
Anyway, many of the teachers were fussing at the Hogwarts students, telling them to straighten up or flatten their hair. Harry was tempted to make his hair some vibrant and outlandish color just to annoy them, but decided to behave for the sake of the plan to make a good impression with the visitors. For some reason, Babbling was least affected by the mad desire to impress the guests; she just kept encouraging the students to be respectful but still act like themselves.
"Oh look," Harry said casually, pointing up to a point in the sky, "seems the Beauxbatons have arrived."
Sure enough, there was the carriage pulled by a dozen, giant, winged horses soaring into view, landing sharply on the lawn. From the powder-blue carriage emerged the familiar (to Harry at least) figure of Madam Maxime, shortly followed by the young witches and wizards of Beauxbatons. The assembled Hogwarts students broke into polite applause as the Beaxbatons delegation approached.
Soon enough, something else appeared on the horizon. Something was gliding across the surface of the Black Lake. Suddenly, it rose to reveal a giant ship which anchored along the bank of the lake before letting down a gangplank so that the young men and women of Durmstrang could approach the entryway to Hogwarts. As Headmaster Karkaroff drew closer in order to greet Dumbledore, he stopped short and dropped to the ground in a sudden fit as soon as he had crossed through the border of the central wards.
Whatever anyone was expecting, it certainly wasn't the headmaster of Durmstrang bursting into mad laughter and raving about something to do with penguins being intrinsically smarter than human beings. What was expected, at least by the majority of the Hogwarts students, was that every eye turned to a very sheepish Harry.
"Um, sorry about that, folks," he said apologetically. "Seems Headmaster Karkaroff was not informed of our school's anti-Death Eater wards."
This caused much nervous muttering. Hogwarts had already tested its new wards recently, what with the Crouch incident; and now another Death Eater had shown up on the castle's doorstep. Harry decided now would be a good time to put old Dumbles on the spot again.
"Headmaster Dumbledore, were you aware that our visiting dignitary is a marked Death Eater?"
"I…well…I…"
"I say, Dumbledore," Ludo Bagman, the representative from the Ministry, interjected, "this is absolutely disgraceful. What are we going to do about one of our judges being both incapacitated and a Death Eater?"
"Ask Lord Potter, it's his wards that caused this."
"Well, Lord Potter?"
Harry pretended to look at the still-crazed Durmstrang headmaster with a scrutinizing gaze.
"Probably best to give him some morphine or something like that," Harry concluded.
"WHAT?!" both men exclaimed.
"Well, do either of you want to be charged with assaulting the headmaster of Durmstrang? Because if you don't want to keep him sedated, the only other option would be for one of you to Stun him. That or I could have him arrested for being a Death Eater on land where Death Eaters are prohibited."
"Now, Harry, I don't think you need to do that…" Dumbledore tried to say.
"Firstly, it's 'Lord Potter.' And second, I am well within my rights to have him arrested. I just didn't want to run the risk of embarrassing our guests from the north." Harry sent a polite nod towards the Durmstrang students, who were still watching in barely-contained amusement as their headmaster now began singing about his secret desire to be a lumberjack. Oddly enough, Viktor Krum seemed to be the one most amused by the strange turn of events.
Dumbledore gave an annoyed sigh. This was not looking up to being a good year for him.
Once everyone had settled in the Great Hall after Karkaroff was sent to the hospital section of the Durmstrang ship, the opening addresses were made. Dumbledore had intended to give the welcome to the guests; however, Harry overruled this under his rights as "Lord of Hogwarts." Therefore, it was Harry who stepped up to the podium. All the room quieted.
"Who iz zat?" one Beauxbatons girl asked a Ravenclaw students.
"That's Lord Harry Potter," the girl answered. "He owns the school. Shh! He's about to speak."
"Welcome, honored guests," Harry said in a warm but authoritative voice. "It is our privilege and great pleasure to have you here with us for the Triwizard Tournament. As the owner of this castle and its grounds, I invite you to make yourselves at home. I hope this will be the start of long-lasting friendships and peaceful cooperation. I also encourage you to feel free to attend any of our classes, clubs, and extra-curriculars, both magical and non-magical." This elicited some whispering from the visitors; Hogwarts offered non-magical courses? "You are also welcome to visit the local village of Hogsmeade, which offers many things to entertain. Oh, that reminds me, I also wish to announce the opening of the new skating-rink this weekend.
"Anyway, I would also like to introduce our representatives from the Ministry for Magic. Ludovic Bagman, Head of the Department for Magical Games and Sports." Bagman stood and bowed to the applause. "And Mrs. G. Crump, the honorable Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards, who has very graciously agreed to take time from her duties to serve as one of the judges for the Triwizard." The elderly woman stood and curtsied to her own wave of applause. "And a final round of applause, please, for the Aurors who have kindly offered their services to ensure our safety: Aurors Tonks, Shacklebolt, Jones, and Black, and retired Senior Auror Alastor Moody." This group received the loudest cheering yet, as the students had gotten accustomed to the Aurors, especially Sirius.
"Well, I believe I've held up dinner long enough." Harry clapped his hands three times and the magnificent feast appeared. Harry stepped down from the podium and joined his friends at Gryffindor table, unaware that a number of eyes were on him.
"Great speech, Harry," Dean said.
"Yeah, a little schmaltzy, but you still had them practically eating out of your hands," Neville added.
"Excuze me," came a soft, feminine voice behind them. "'av you finished with ze bouillabaisse?"
It was Fleur Delacour. Just as Harry remembered her with her silvery blonde hair and her deep blue eyes. For some reason, Harry thought she looked haughtier than when he last saw her.
"Certainly, Mademoiselle," Harry said, pushing the dish towards her.
"Merci beaucoup."
"Still being a charmer, Harry," Hermione said dryly as Fleur departed.
"It's only proper for me to be polite," Harry replied with a shrug. "After all, she is technically one of my guests. Hey, Neville, what do you think of…Neville?"
But Neville was staring after Fleur with a dazed expression on his face. Harry sighed and gave his friend a light slap on the cheek.
"Huh? What?" Neville said, coming out of his trace. "What happened?"
"Veela allure," Harry answered simply.
"Don't be ridiculous, Harry," Hermione said with an irritated glance at Fleur, who was currently eyeing Harry with undisguised interest.
"I'm not, that girl is part veela. How else do you explain what happened to Neville?"
"Then why aren't you drooling after her?"
Harry shrugged and kept smiling naively at his best friend.
Omake (in the original work, Lucius got arrested but I forgot I had made that happen. This is how I explained it away):
While the kids at Hogwarts were preparing for the karaoke night, a group of Death Eaters were meeting up.
"Welcome, my friends," said Lucius Malfoy, "it has been a long time since we were last gathered together like this. I-"
"Hold on a second!" said Amycus Carrow. "Lucius, how on earth are you even here?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, the last I heard, you were arrested after you got caught at the attack on the World Cup. Come to think of it, didn't Sirius Black run you over with a Muggle vehicle?"
"So?"
"So, shouldn't you at least be in intensive care at St. Mungo's? Come to think of it, shouldn't half the people in this room be in Azkaban by now? After all, the Aurors caught a good number of us. So, what exactly happened? And if anyone dares to say the word 'plot-hole,' then I swear to Merlin that I will Crucio you so bad it will make the Longbottoms seem like perfectly fit and mentally sound members of society."
Everyone exchanged looks.
"You know, Amycus, I've been wondering that myself," said Yaxley. "Lucius, how did you get out of going to Azkaban this time?"
"Ah, now that is a very interesting and exciting story," said Lucius smugly. "You see, what happened was…"
We interrupt this passage to annoy you and make things generally irritating.
"…with a large piece of wet paper," said Lucius. "Turn the paper over, keeping your eye on the camel, and paste down the edge of the sailor's uniform until the name 'Maudling' is almost totally obscured. And that is how I evaded arrest."
Omake (How Fred and George respond to their grandmother's portrait arriving at the Burrow):
Fred and George were sitting in front of a portrait of their late grandmother; they had always liked their Gran and had been very sad when she died. She had actually been the one to teach them how to unlock doors using hairpins (a trick, she told them, that had enabled her to escape from her room where she was being held prisoner by her family in their attempt to prevent her from eloping with Septimus Weasley). Cedrella's portrait had decided it was time for the twins to get the special talk reserved for all her prank-loving descendants.
"You see, boys," she said. "There are many people in the world today who, through no fault of their own, are sane. Some of them were born sane; some of them became sane later in their lives. It is up to people like you and me, who are out of our tiny little minds, to try and help these people overcome their sanity. You can start in small ways, such as with ping-pong ball eyes and a funny voice. Then you can paint half of your body red and the other half green. And then you can jump up and down in a bucket of treacle going: SQUAWK, SQUICK, SQWAK, SQUIRK! And then you can go: NAAGH, NAAGH, NAAGH! And then you can roll around on the floor going: PTING, PTING! PTING, PTING!"
Both Fred and George had maniacal grins.
"Remember this lesson well, my boys," she concluded. "It is part of family obligation to fight against sanity. Make me proud, lads."
Author's Note: Sorry to cut this short, but I was feeling rather rushed in getting this out. Thanks for reading, please review.