Chapter 23: Trolling the Reapers

Tali got dressed in her suit again as she got ready to have a video call with her parents. Malen was lying on the bed and recalled some recent events. Malen envisioned the Cerberus base as it was taken over by his servants: Lurkers smashing in skulls and bodies, Seekers blasting soldiers into a shower of blood and other viscera, and Dremora impaling humans on swords and spears. The Illusive Man was captured and taking to the Shivering Isles for a small exchange: The uptight human, Jack Harper, for the Mad God Sheogorath to play with, in exchange for a small favor in the future.

Malen laughed to himself at what the Mad God could have in-store for that pro-human asshole. Malen soon decided that it would be a good idea to check on the others and see if they were doing ok after the "ordeal" that they had.

Malen:" You ok here by yourself while I go out for a bit?" He asked as he got out of bed.

Tali:" I'm not a kid Malen. I have been taking care of myself for years now, but thanks for asking. Just make sure you don't take too long."

Malen:" Yes mam."

Malen goes up to floor 4 and checks on the crew members. Each one that he checked seemed to be doing fine and relieved that the collectors have been dealt with. It was the same story for everyone on floor 3 and 2. Malen went to floor one to check on Shepard and see how he was feeling.

Before Malen entered the second set of doors into the Captain's cabin, Malen heard Shepard speaking with someone who sounded very experienced, and had great deal of authority. He decided to listen in on the conversation from outside the door to see if it was anything important that Shepard might need help with.

Admiral Hackett:" We have a deep cover operative out in batarian space. Name's Doctor Amanda Kenson. recently reported that she found evidence of an imminent Reaper invasion."

Malen:" Strange. How did she come to that conclusion?" He thought to himself.

Shepard:" So why call me?"

Hackett:" Just this morning I received word that the batarians arrested her. They're holding her in a secret prison outpost on terrorism charges. I need you to infiltrate the prison and get her out of there. As a favor to me, I'm asking you to go in alone."

Malen:" Batarians calling someone from another race a terrorist? Either they are trying to cover up something or this Doctor has done something terrible." He thought to himself.

Shepard:" What is Doctor Kenson actually doing out there?"

Hackett:" She's a deep cover operative, Shepard. We talk only when we have to. I'd heard that she was investigating a rumor of a Reaper artifact in the system. Her last report said she'd found it."

Malen:" That was probably the reason why she said she had evidence of an imminent reaper invasion. The artifact must have given her a vision about what the Reapers were planning. After that report she was arrested on terrorism charges. It would stand to reason that there is a strong possibility that she was….." He thought to himself, but acted on it before he could finish the thought.

Malen crouched down and turned invisible as he awaited Shepard to exit the room and start the mission.

Shepard:" I'll make this a priority."

Hackett:" The prison is hidden underground at a batarian outpost on Aratoht. I'll upload the coordinates now. Once she's secure, confirm her discovery. We'll debrief you when you're back."

Shepard:" Got it."

Hackett:" Hackett out."

Shepard left the cabin area, followed secretly by Malen, and went to the second floor to chart his course to Aratoht. Once the Normandy was in orbit of Aratoht, Shepard boarded a shuttle to fly down to the planet's surface. Malen sat silently and invisibly in front of Shepard. Malen surmised that as long as no one knew he was there that he could assist Shepard on his mission and he was far better at being undetected than even Kasumi Goto.

They departed the shuttle near an entrance into a dark and somewhat depressing looking facility. It was raining outside as they made their way in. Shepard cut the power on a panel to the right of the locked entrance door. Malen decided to not interact with anything until it was necessary. The inside of the building reminded both Shepard and Malen of the krogan home world with its ruble hallways and creaking and bent supports.

As the made their way through the rundown section of the prison, they soon encounter Varen that attacked Shepard on sight. Shepard made quick work out of the varen with a shotgun blast each time they came within point blank range.

As they made their way further in, they occasionally heard batarians talking deeper inside the prison. There were broken gas pipes that got in their way at some point, but Shepard managed to redirect the flow of gas away from their path.

They made their way to a portion of the prison that was outside. There were a couple of guards patrolling the area. They were obstructing the path forward and Shepard took cover to try to think of a way around them. Malen decided to use a little mental manipulation to have them enter the next part of the building so they would not obstruct them.

Once the batarians were out of his way, Shepard entered the door on the far side of the area. They made their way further into the prison and whenever guard(s) would obstruct their path, Malen would mentally "persuade" them to move somewhere else. They eventually made it to the interrogation room where Kenson was being held. They entered the room and Shepard knocked out the guard that was interrogating Kenson.

Kenson:" Who are you? What are you doing?"

Shepard:" Doctor Kenson? I'm Commander Shepard. I'm here to get you out."

Kenson:" Commander Shepard? I heard that you were alive. Hackett must have received my message."

Shepard:" We're not safe here. Can you walk?"

Kenson:" I'm fine. Just give me a moment." She says after getting out of her restraints.

Shepard:" We have to go. Now."

Kenson:" If we can find a console, I can hack security… make us an escape."

Just then the alarms decided to chime in and alert the entire prison about the break.

Shepard:" Then we'll find one. Go!"

Shepard and Kenson fought their way through the prison as Malen followed closely behind them. They soon made their way into a large, shaft like room of the prison with the path following the outside of the shaft. On the far end of the path was a security console in an enclosed room. Kenson got to work on hacking into it and making a way out for them. Malen kept himself on standby as he watched Shepard protect Kenson as she worked on the security console. Shepard closed the doors on both ends of the path to prevent enemy reinforcements from reaching them.

Kenson eventually managed to get an elevator that leads to the hanger down to their level. A small bridge extend itself to the elevator. Shepard, Kenson, and Malen got on the elevator and took it up to the hanger. Guards were waiting for them in the hanger bay with a hard locked hanger bay door. Shepard and Kenson shot down the guards one by one as Shepard looked for a way to open the hanger doors. Shepard spotted two explosive canisters on both sides of the hanger doors. With some shots into each canister, the bay doors were force open.

There was a conviently placed shuttle in the hanger bay that no one was using so Shepard, Kenson, and Malen boarded it and took off.

Kenson:" We should be well out of range before they get their security measures unscrambled."

Shepard:" Do you think they will come after you?"

Kenson:" I'm not taking any chances. Batarians don't take kindly to humans who plan to destroy their mass relays."

Shepard:" So the charges against you are true."

Kenson:" Well. To be fair, that's half the story. My people and I were here investigating rumors of Reaper technology out in the fringes of this system."

Shepard:" I guess you found something."

Kenson:" We found proof that the reapers will be arriving in this system. When they get here, they'll use its mass relay to travel throughout the galaxy. We call it the Alpha Relay. From here, the Reapers can invade anywhere in the galaxy."

Shepard:" So you decided to destroy it."

Kenson:" Exactly. Doing that would stop the Reapers invasion. Even at FTL speeds, it'd be months or years before they got to the next relay. We came up with what we just called "the Project": a plan to launch a nearby asteroid into the relay and destroy it before the reapers could arrive. Of course, the resulting explosion would probably wipe out the system."

Malen:" We can't have that now can we. I will think of something for that soon." He thought to himself.

Shepard:" I still don't see how you learned about this supposed invasion."

Malen:" Good question Shepard, but I already know the probable answer to that, and the outcome of it is not good." He thought to himself.

Kenson:" The evidence came from what we called Object Rho, a Reaper artifact we discovered among the asteroids near the relay itself. When we get back to Arcturus Station, I'll explain everything and provide copies of all our notes on the artifact."

Shepard:" If you're working near a reaper artifact, how have you avoided indoctrination?"

Malen:" Now that is the right question Shepard." He thought to himself.

Kenson:" We've been very careful. We know what we're dealing with. You're not speaking to a child, Shepard. I saw what Sovereign did at the Citadel. Trust me—I know what's at stake."

Malen:" That is a massive mountain of bullshit she pulled out her ass." He thought to himself.

Shepard:" The stakes are too high. If you were willing to destroy a whole system over this, I want to see your proof."

Kenson:" I guess I can't argue with that. Give me a moment."

Kenson:" Kenson to project base."

Project base:" Good to hear your voice, Doctor. You coming home?"

Kenson:" Affirmative. And I've got Commander Shepard with me."

Malen:" Bitch you got AIDs." He thought to himself humorously.

Project Base:" Shepard? Really?"

Kenson:" Tidy up the lab. The Commander needs to confirm the artifact."

Project Base:" I'll get everything set up for your arrival. Project base out."

Kenson:" All set. Just sit back and relax. We'll be there in no time."

The shuttle soon arrived to Project base and docked. They got off the shuttle and stood in front of a doorway with a countdown clock mounted above it.

Kenson:" Here we are. Welcome to Project Base."

Shepard:" What's this?" He asked, pointing at the countdown.

Kenson:" That's our countdown to Arrival. When that gets to zero… the reapers will came come. Just over two days and counting. Puts things into perspective, doesn't it?"

Shepard:" You're saying the reapers could be at Earth in two days? There's no time to waste."

Kenson:" Then let's show you that proof. That door exits the hanger. The artifact is in our central lab area."

Shepard follows Kenson to the central lab with Malen in toe. They eventually made it to the artifact that looked like a dark colored octopus standing on its head. Blue energy rose up and rived in the center of the artifact.

Kenson:" Commander Shepard, I give you Object Rho."

Shepard:" You have the Reaper artifact just sitting here… out in the open."

Malen:" This is about as safe as pissing in a sleeping giants eyes." He thought to himself.

Kenson:" When we found it, it showed me a vision of the Reapers' arrival."

Shepard:" Kenson, this is not good."

Kenson:" Give it a moment Shepard. It will give you the proof you need."

Malen:" Shepard does not need proof of that because of Sovereign and she knows it. She is setting up a trap for Shepard. I will let the trap spring first." He thought to himself.

Shepard steps toward the artifact and his mind gets assaulted by a vision of the reapers' arrival. Malen acts as he summons a ball of kinetic energy inside the artifact and expands it outwards: causing the artifact to rupture and explode. Malen's invisibility did not break when he did this, so it was still unknown that he was there at all.

Kenson:" I can't let you start the Project, Shepard. I can't let you stop the arrival."

Shepard slowly got up and disarmed Kenson. Kenson limped away as armed guards came in and shot at Shepard. Shepard was eventually overwhelmed and lied on the floor as Kenson reentered the room.

Kenson:" Take him to the med bay and patch him up. We want Shepard alive."

Malen follow the guards and Kenson as they carried him to the med bay. They place Shepard on the med table and drug him as they begin treating his wounds.

Malen stands next to Shepard and analyses his brain and mind for any signs of forced alterations. To his relief, Malen found no signs of forced alterations that would indicate indoctrination. Malen contemplated the current situation and decided that it would be a good thing to learn from first hand encounter the effects of indoctrination without the victims being made into abominations, and the station was full of test subjects and patients to try and experiment with and cure.

There was a scientist watching over Shepard and two guards at the door leading out of the med bay. Malen went up to the guards and knocked them out quietly. He then back tracked to the scientist and knocked her out quietly as well. Malen placed his right hand on the scientist's head as he examines her brain and mind and compares them to a normal human brain that he has knowledge of prior hand. Malen notices and highlights the differences in a normal human brain and one that has been indoctrinated. Malen then used his power of warping reality on a fine tuned scale as he carefully manipulated the structures, chemicals, and functionality of her brain to match that of a normal human who has not been indoctrinated.

Malen grinned with success as he then pondered where to send the people he cures of indoctrination to.

Malen:" I don't really know where in Alliance space to send them. Maybe the Citadel? No: they would shit their pants if people just started teleporting in. Hmmmm damnit! Can't think of any place. I guess I'm going to have to send them to Apocrypha then. *sigh* I need a Chamberlin for this kind of crap." He thought to himself.

Malen teleports the scientist to Apocrypha and the two guards that he knocked out.

Malen:" Instead of being a sneaky assassin, I'm a sneaky healer. Hahahe that's funny to think about." He thought as he made his way to other areas of the station.

Malen sneaked around the station and knocked out indoctrinated humans one by one or in small groups and would drag them to dark and quiet places. He would them cure them of indoctrination and then teleport them to Apocrypha.

The last person he knocked out and cured of indoctrination was Kenson. After he had sent her to Apocrypha, he went to the exterior of the station and directed his full attention to the mass relay.

Malen:" If the solution is to get rid of the mass relay, then I'll do it by moving it out of the galaxy." He thought to himself.

Malen stretched out his hands and spread them apart wide enough to appear like he was holding the mass relay from where he was. To portals appeared on either side of the relay. Malen slowly closed his hands together and the portals slowly closed in on each other as they moved the relay into Apocrypha.

Once the relay was gone, Malen contemplated on his next course of action. He suddenly got an idea that he laughed at and couldn't resist doing since it was too good and hilarious to pass up. Malen began to generate power around him as he began to cast a very powerful illusion spell. Once Malen had finished casting the spell, an exact illusionary copy of the mass relay was in place of where the original one was. Malen couldn't help but grin like a smug idiot at how genius and hilarious his idea is and will be.

Curing everyone that was indoctrinated and sending them to Apocrypha, sending the mass relay into Apocrypha, and creating an illusionary copy of the mass relay took Malen two day to accomplish. Shepard had woken up about 8 hours ago, due to the lack of constant sedatives, and had finally reached the Project control and activated it. Shepard was at first concerned that no one else put him was on the station, but at least that meant he would have no one obstructing him. He then sent out a call to the Batarian colonies for them to evacuate.

Shepard then ran through the station and made it outside where he tried to find the communications tower. Malen happened to be in the same area at the time as he looked through his Omni Tool for a way to make a recording in the funniest way possible. Shepard found a shuttle nearby and used it to escape the asteroid.

With Shepard now safe, Malen felt a bit relieved as he continued to flip through options on his Omni Tool until he found what he wanted. There was only 3 hours left before the Reapers arrived, but Malen was not worried in the least: he was actually looking forward to it. Malen flew off the asteroid and approached within a few kilometers of the Relay. Malen remained invisible as to not be noticed by the reapers and ruin the fun.

Malen typed into his Omni tool and pulled up a recording display that was invisible to everyone put him. He pulled up an options menu and placed a troll face over his face on the recording. Malen was ecstatic at how hilarious this will be that he almost felt like doing a little dance.

Once the Reapers were finally in view of the recording, Malen pulled up the options again and placed a "fuck yeah" meme face on the approaching Reaper invasion force.

Malen's masterful illusion spell prevented the Reapers from noticing a small planet sized asteroid was heading towards them. Once the first Reaper made it to the mass relay and noticed that something was amiss, Malen quickly began to change the faces displayed on the Reapers on the recording to a "suspicious" meme face whenever one would noticed that something was amiss.

Once the asteroid was a few kilometers away from the illusion relay, Malen attached and played "the troll song" in the recording. When the asteroid hit the first unknowing Reaper, Malen quickly replaced its face with "rage guy face" meme in the recording and every other reaper that is hit by the asteroid. Red text saying:

"ffffffffffffffffffffffffUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!"

Appeared over each rage guy face in the recording. Every time a reaper was destroyed by the asteroid, Malen put a little explosion animation over it.

A total of 300 reapers were destroyed before the asteroid finally broke apart. Malen checked over the video to make sure that everything was the way that he wanted it. After doing some minor tweaking and adjustments to the vid, Malen was satisfied and teleported himself back to the Normandy.

Malen teleported into the second floor of the Normandy: just in front of the elevator.

Malen:" Perfect! Joker would want to see it first anyways." He said as he made himself visible again.

Malen walked to the cockpit and patted Jokers chair.

Joker:" Well if it isn't my favorite reptile. What can I do for you Malen."

Malen:" I made a video here that I think you will fall in love with, and no it's not a porno."

Joker:" Damn! O well haha! Well let's see it then."

Malen pulls up the video display screen in front of joker with his Omni tool and plays the video he made. As the video progressed, Joker began to see what was going on in it and when the asteroid started to slam into the reapers, Joker was laughing hysterically and crying as well.

Joker:" HAHAHEHAEHAHAHAHHAHHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAHAHHAHAHEHAHHAEHEAHEAHAEHAEHA. You need to show everyone else this. This as to be one of the funniest things I have ever seen!"

Malen:" That's the plan."

Authors's Notes: Hope that was a very enjoyable chapter for you all. Leave a review about what you thought about it. The next chapter will be called " Keelah Se'Lai"