Chapter 27: A Day of Madness and Debauchery

BuzzKillBro: " For this chapter I thought I would do something special for it, so I have invited Sheogorath, The Prince of Madness, To help me with the Author's Notes."

Sheogorath:" Yes.. Yes it is good to be here… and in this here! Ha! Anyway, I'm glad that you decided to bring some cheese and popcorn for the writing room… which is sadly… less than impressive looking."

BuzzKillBro:" Are you really gonna be a dick and talk about my personal life to every one of my readers?"

Sheogorath:" Why not!? It will give the thousands of readers that look at your story with high expectations just a taste of your….. "lavish lifestyle" and your… "social popularity"."

BuzzKillBro:" You can be such an asshole you know?"

Sheogorath:" I can also be the life of the party! Didn't you read my description in a loading screen of Skyrim?! It says anyone lucky or unlucky enough to cross my path."

BuzzKillBro:" You…. You!... Damnit!... I can't stay mad at you, pun intended, You are really so damn likable even though that you can be the biggest troll ever!"

Sheogorath:" I'm a Daedric Prince BuzzKillBro, not a simple mortal troll! You would do well to remember that…"

BuzzKillBro:" That isn't the kind of troll I'm talking about."

Sheogorath:" REEALLY!? What kind is it? Wait! Wait! Don't tell me… I want to guess."

BuzzKillBro:" We are not doing a Mordin thing with you Sheogorath! Do you recall the challenge that you had with your brother Hircine?"

Sheogorath:" I do actually! Kept me laughing and in good spirits even with idiots for a couple of years… or was it decades? Hard to tell when you have all of eternity."

BuzzKillBro:" What you did to Hircine is what many would call you being a troll."

Sheogorath:" So being a "troll" is making someone look like an ass?"

BuzzKillBro:" It can also imply, a lot of the time, that the troll is an asshole in that moment."

Sheogorath:" Technically I don't need one of those; in fact, I think I got rid of mine a few decades after I passed my office to meself after this one time with a scamp that I….."

BuzzKillBro:" No one wants to know about that Mad God! TMI: To Much Information."

Sheogorath:" Speaking of information that EVERYONE wants to know… Why did you call yourself BuzzKillBro? Everyone when they first saw that name must have at least thought one time or another " Wow! This mortal must be a boring, walking bag of dung!"

BuzzKillBro:" I guess I should answer that since it is an odd name that can be a turn off to some I suppose. I loved playing on Xbox Live and originally I had named myself something else and cooler, but my brother borrowed my 360 and changed it to BuzzKillBro. While he wouldn't tell me why he did it, I didn't feel like spending 800 Microsoft points to change it so I guess it eventually just stuck to me."

Sheogorath:" I can imagine why he did * makes a studio audience and haves them laugh hysterically*."

BuzzKillBro:" *SCREAMS INTERNALLY!* So Mad God… Want to get to the Reader Warning I wanted you to start reading in the first place?"

Sheogorath:" You know it's not always polite to type something in all caps: it can REALLY DRIVE SOMEONE CRAZY! Which I suppose I like to happen, but yes I will get to the warning for the readers."

Sheogorath:" Attention all mortals and immortals who are currently reading this amazing fanfiction that really needs more of me in it…"

BuzzKillBro:" You're going a little off scrip…."

Sheogorath:" A word of warning: This chapter contains massive amounts of this new word called "trolling", CHEESE!, sexual contain for men and women of mostly mortal status who can't keep it in their collective pants!..."

BuzzKillBro:" I'm very sorry readers for the comments that Sheogorath will more than likely use that will offend you. I can't really control what he will say since he is the Mad God after all."

Sheogorath:" A lot of madness from all parties and for all parties HA! Debauchery from my brother Sanguine, not literally from him, but caused by him…. And maybe a little from him, lots of hilarious amounts of violence that is just perfect for those innocent minded children…. Except for that little girl in Whiterun: I'd rather turn her into goat cheese and feed it to Haskil instead of telling her a story that would her any kind of joy, and the best of all….. ME! * Audience applauds and gives standing ovation*"

BuzzKillBro:" I'm very sorry that this intro is taking so long and so much… it's just when you get Sheogorath to talk about something or do something…."

Sheogorath:" It's like a train owned by Molag Bal…. it has no brakes and will never stop * spoken sinisterly*"

BuzzKillBro:" Thanks for making most of my readers uncomfortable!"

Sheogorath:" You're Welcome! And for the fans, I'm sorry… I'll tell you what! CHEESE FOR EVERYONE! *conjures cheese into the right hands of all the readers*

BuzzKillBro:" Enjoy the…." Sheogorath:" CHAPTER!"

BuzzKillBro facepalms himself.

Malen and Wrex knew that they were close when they could hear gun fire, but they were a couple thousand feet above where Shepard and Liara were engaging in a fire fight.

Wrex:" We are just above them… I'll just take us in and…"

Malen:" Fuck it! Had enough boring waiting shit with the Council! I'm going in now!" He said as he opened the side door.

Malen jumps out of the cab.

Malen:" CCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNnnnnnnnnnnnnn bbbbbbbbbbbbbbaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllll" He shouted as he fell.

Wrex shakes his head and laughs as he tries to catch up with Malen with the cab.

Wrex:" If he wasn't a literal god then he would be the biggest idiot on the Citadel, or one of the most suicidal…. Aww fuck it that looks like fun to." He said a couple hundred feet above.

Wrex jumps out of the cab shortly after Malen did.

Wrex:" Now this is a Krogan air drop!"

A few moments of free fall later, Malen slams into the mercenary shuttle at terminal velocity, ripping a hole straight through the transport and causing it to spiral out of control and crash and fall into an abyss. Malen caught the edge of the landing pad and was gloating to himself how awesome that looked until he felt something suddenly grab his tail. Malen looked down and saw that Wrex had grabbed his tail.

Wrex:" Ummm… Hi? *laughs*"

Malen just sighs and pulls both himself and wrex up to the landing pad.

Malen:" You need to lay off the smocked Varen Wrex."

Wrex:" Says the guy who carries 6 tons of gear on him like it was nothing."

Malen:" Fair point."

Malen and Wrex engage in the continuing gun fight until Joker picks them up and returns them to Shepard's new apartment.

Once they were inside the apartment, the team and Brooks discuss who the mercs were and how they managed to hack his account and track him. Malen is suspicious of Brooks because her "clumsy" behavior seems a bit too phoned in to believe she is actually that stupid, and he paid very close attention to her tone, expressions, and word choices that added to his suspicions, but not enough to go warranting him probing her mind…. yet.

Liara need time to study the pistol, so Shepard decided to talk with the team that was present. When Shepard approached Malen, Malen gave him a degrading comment.

Malen:" *sniff* sniff* ugg yuck Shepard! You smell like a bad vagina! O wait I meant dead fish sorry."

Shepard:" Hahaha ok ok laugh it up! * cusses under his breath*"

Liara eventually traced the gun to a casino owner named Elijah Khan. There was a mysterious caller who called Khan. When the team was discussing how to talk with Khan, Malen knew that there was a chance of sabotage if some of his suspicions turned out true.

Malen:" I will go talk with Khan. As "most" of you know, I can manipulate the minds of others and I can do it very inconspicuously."

Brooks thought that he was trying to joke around, but was caught way off guard when Shepard liked the idea and agreed to let him go have a "chat" with Khan.

Brooks:" Shepard! You can't be taking him seriously! He is clearly joking about that." She said with a hint of distress that only Malen caught on to.

Shepard:" Actually he isn't. I've seen him do it for myself multiple times. It's the best chance we have without something going wrong, and it will save time since Malen can get passed any hesitation or resistance from Khan about revealing the information."

Brooks twitched a bit before responding

Brooks:" Ok Commander… We'll do it your way then."

Shepard:" Technically it's Malen's way, but thank you for understanding."

Malen noticed how she responded and knew that she was up to no good.

Malen:" I'll have to keep an eye on her. If she tries anything, I need to catch her in the act." He thought to himself as the rest finished discussing the plan.

Sheogorath:" BuzzKillBro would like for me to inform you that this part of the DLC will be a bit short since Malen is a god and a powerful and smart one at that. It wouldn't be logical or make sense that after all the instances of him showing extremely high intelligence that he would be fooled by a woman who sucks at acting. This part is also shortened because we all know what we are here to read about… don't you? *in a menacing tone*. One more thing to add: BuzzKillBro with his little mortal mind failed to mention that Malen gave EDI a metallic body like the one she actually got from Eva in the original story so that she could be at his wedding.

Malen entered the casino wearing a teal regalia and the diadem on the savant on his head. Malen could sense that Brooks was shadowing him, probably to try and sabotage his goal here. He pretended to not notice so that she would not flee, he still needed to catch her in the act. Malen casually strode up to Khan's office with none of the guards making any attempts to stop him; in fact, one of the guards said:

Guard:" Aahh there you are sir… is expecting you." He said as he opened the door for Malen.

Malen decided to vanish at that point and removed any suspicions from Khan of him suddenly disappearing while he waited for Brooks to make her move. Sure enough, Brooks enters the room and looks around for Malen, and when she does not find him she pulls a gun on Khan with the intent to kill. Before she can pull the trigger, Malen comes up from behind and chops her in the neck, knocking her out instantly.

Khan:" What the fuck is going on here!?"

Malen:" I will be with you in one moment . Just have to send this crazy bitch away." He says as he pulls out a piece of paper and writes on it.

When he is finished writing down on the piece of paper, he attaches it to Brook's dress and opens up a portal to C-SEC and tosses her in it. Khan has a very strong guess as to who it was that saved his life based on vids from Earth he has watched.

Khan:" You're that guy that drove the Reapers away from Earth."

Malen:" I see that my reputation proceeds me ."

Khan:" You probably saved a lot of people I know and care about on Earth. Is there anything that I can do for you? Just name it!"

Malen ponders over what exactly he wants for a moment or 2.

Malen:" Do you still have contact with that mysterious partner of yours that you sold arms to? Like this one?" He says as he pulls out the pistol that Liara examined.

Khan:" You're not here to arrest me are you?"

Malen:" Nope. I just want to know if you can get into contact with the man you had disagreements with recently that you sold this to."

Khan:" Sure! Just give me a moment." He says as he makes a call through the computer on his desk."

Mysterious partner:" Elijah. Come crawling back?"

Malen:" Ooooo sorry it looks like your answer is wrong! But hey folks, he won't be going "home" empty handed. Tell the man of the "minute" what he has one." He says, acting like a game show host.

A voice talks as if from the ceiling from both Khan's office and the place where the mysterious man was.

Mysterious man:" What the Hell? * starts to choke*"

Female Game show announcer:" Yes Malen! It looks like this man who has been revealed to be a clone of Commander Shepard made by Cerberus is going home with an all-expenses paid trip immediately to purgatory….. not the bar though Malen."

Malen:" And it looks like he is so excited about his "prize" that he has already boarded his flight there." He says as the clone falls to the floor dead, but not before hearing both him and the Female Game show announcer laughing at the puns that he made.

Malen drops the act and returns to his normal self and dismisses himself from the office with a bow.

Khan nervously waves goodbye as Malen left.

Khan:" Holy shit that was fucked up! O well… not my problem now." He whispers to himself.

Malen makes it back to Shepard's apartment.

Shepard:" You're back already? How did it go?"

Malen:" As smooth as my wife's ass."

Tali:" I'm sitting right over here love!" She calls from the couch.

Malen:" Yes you are Tali… Yes you are."

Shepard:" So what happened?"

Malen:" Let's just say that you don't have to worry about that mysterious person who called Khan any more, or his mercenaries."

Shepard:" oook… We haven't seen Brooks around here. Have you seen her?"

Malen pulls up his Omni tool and pulls up a vid of Brooks attempting to kill Khan as a means to sabotage Malen's goal.

Malen:" Turns out she is kind of a bitch, so I through her into C-SEC custody, literally. So did anything interesting happen while I was away?"

Shepard:" I tried to go to the arena but apparently someone screwed up the whole arena while they were in there."

Malen:" Do you know who it was?"

Shepard:" One of your siblings."

Malen:" Really! Who was it?"

A booming voice came from the top ledge of the apartment.

Sheogorath:" ME! Sheogorath! Daedric Prince of Madness." He said as he jumped down to the first floor.

Malen:" I don't want to know how he broke it."

Shepard:" Good call. Another one of your siblings decided to invite himself in. Since you're back and the mercenary situation has been taken care off, I'll go invite the others to this party that Sheogorath and Joker "insisted" we have."

Malen:" Who is the other sibling here?"

The answer came from a back room where there was a second bar table.

Sanguine:" Present!"

Malen:" Aaahhhh Fuck me!" he thought as he face palmed himself.

Malen:" Alright I'm in. Send the invites and start the party… This day is going to get very weird soon Shepard. I hope you're ready for it."

A few hours later:

The party guests that were invited had arrived and Sheogorath brought in more cheese that anyone would want. Sanguine had brought in all kinds of strange and very powerful cocktails for the party, along with some pretty powerful drugs with specific effects tucked away on his person.

When the "energetic" party started, Sanguine nudged Malen on the shoulder and challenged him to another game of drink. Malen wanted revenge for the last game of drink he had with Sanguine so he accepted the challenge and commenced perhaps the galaxy's longest contest of drink. Joker and Cortez had started their own contest of drink before them, but their jaws started to hang low as they say Sanguine and Malen down bottle after bottle of what they found out, after taking sips of untouched bottles of the same kind Malen and Sanguine were drinking, that what they were drinking was probably even stronger than MoonShine or Ryncol.

Sheogorath was upstairs with Tali, EDI, and Traynor. Sheogorath was having a long and heated discussion with Tali about Cheese since Tali wanted to avoid the awkward lesbian conversation between Traynor, who was strongly embarrassed, and EDI who was going on and on about Synthetic and Organic relationships, which Sheogorath was laughing hysterically at since it looked like Traynor was trying not to go crazy.

Vaermina was drinking casually with Garrus on the couch and both were flirting with one another using a lot of prevalent innuendos.

After a while into the contest of drink, Sanguine and Malen realized that both of them were at the same level of intoxication and that neither of them will win the contest, that's when Sanguine got a brilliant idea when he recalled the piano in the apartment.

Sanguine:" *taps a bottle with a fork to get everyone's attention* Sinshes nither of mei or my broter here cannn win thiiiis contecst of driunk, I jave cime uip wit wajer since bott me and bro are intox that we heiave piano playing bets! The weirner gets favor from louser and loooooser has to have sex wit a HAGRAVEN!"

Everyone gathered around the piano as Malen was the first to play. At this point Malen morphed his brain to simulate the amount of alcohol that should be in his system and he could barely stand up and needed help to the piano.

Malen:" No way in shitballs land am I experiencing that horror again! I'm going to fucking win this shit and then that bastard will have to have sex with an ugly bitch like I did. Thank Anu I don't remember the encounter!" He thought to himself.

Malen finds his hands and places them on the keys and begins to play. What everyone was expecting was a very horrible sounding mess of notes, followed by banging and crashing, but what they heard was an extreme opposite of that.

Malen Plays the impossible piano song: Death Waltz ( I don't own the song and give credit to its original composer)

As Malen plays the song, most of the reaction of audience was "Holy shit" written on their faces.

Zieed:" I'm startin to think that Malen is the Goddamn Devil."

Many people nodded in agreement.

Javik:" If he is that fast with his hands while impaired then he should use them to kill Reaper forces and not simply play an instrument."

Most of the others either ignored the comment or simply shrugged, but Wrex and Grunt agreed with his statement.

As the song got more and more complex, the sadder and sadder Sanguine's facial expressions got.

Sheogorath went from laughing his ass off and pointing at his brother Sanguine to summoning a Hagraven and making it as ugly as possible.

Sheogorath:" You should probably just get the nasty with the nasty over with brother… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAH!" He told his brother while Malen was still playing the song.

Sanguine nodded his head sadly knowing that both of his brothers wouldn't let him squirm away from the bet. Before Sanguine walked into the nearest bathroom to do an unspeakable act of debauchery, He took a bottle of rum and dropped a unusual looking drug in it and offered it to Tali, who took it and drank it since this was a party after all. What Sanguine did to the drink that he offered Tali and she drank was the favor that Sanguine had to give to Malen for losing the bet.

Sanguine:" I'm sure you will enjoy your night very soon brother, while I have to vomit out of every orifice in disgust." He thought to himself as he slowly walked upstairs with the hagraven that Sheogorath provided into the nearest small room with a door.

When Malen was done playing the song, his audience applauded him for the awe inspiring performance. Malen slowly and wobbly turned around in his chair and tried to take a seat bow, but fell forward and crashed into the floor.

Malen:" SSSSSSSSSSuk myieeyei Diek Sanguiene!" He called out from the floor.

Everyone laughed their asses off at that and eventually returned to partying and drinking at their own pass.

After a couple of minutes had passed, Tali suddenly had an overwhelming feeling of ecstasy and sexual desire that was so strong that she almost took off her all her cloths that Malen had made for her after the wedding that she was currently wearing in front of everyone else. Tali managed to control herself long enough to grab Malen off the floor, hoist him over her shoulders, race upstairs, find the nearest bedroom, throw Malen on the bed, and get on top of him before she fiercely and somewhat violently started to basically fuck his brains out.

If Malen felt sleepy when he was lying on the floor a few minutes ago, he sure as hell didn't feel that way now. Tali's movements were so vigorous and strong that Malen was immediately sobered up to the point that he could speak clearly.

Malen:" HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh Oooo lllllllllll yyyyyyyy SSSSSSS HHHHH IIIIIIIII TTTTT!" The gaps in his speech are representing Malen trying to speak clearly as Tali is basically destroying the bed both figuratively and literally.

Tali:" *moans loudly* Yes…YES…YES!...YES! Come on Malen do some of the work to! I want full the Force from both of us!" She says as she playfully and roughly slaps Malen to get a reaction out of him.

Everyone at this point has stopped what they're doing, except Sanguine because he is tuning everything out as he is forced to do the nasty with the nasty, and the attention was drawn to what the hell was happening upstairs. As the noises grew louder and louder, other couples in the room started to get nervous and anxious as the noises sparked desire in them as well. Eventually the desire from the other couples was so great that they followed suit and ran into different areas of the apartment to "procreate".

Shepard and Liara went into the upstairs hot tub to do the due really hot like. Vaermina and Garrus ran to the nearest vacant bathroom to "break some tiles" and "flush".

Grunt was standing next to Wrex as they heard the ever increasing sounds from upstairs.

Grunt:" Are Malen and Tali fighting upstairs? And why does it sound like she is winning?! How is that possible?!"

Wrex:" HAHAHAHAHA…. You will understand when you're older, but it actually sounds louder and more destructive than two Krogan drunk fighting."

One of the last noises that was made was the sound of a wall falling down awhile after a lot of banging, creaking, and crumpling that proceeded these sentences:

Malen:" Fuck It lets hit all four walls Tali!"

Tali:" Four walls? FOUR WALLS!? Let's collide so much and hard that the whole apartment is destroyed! *moans very loudly*"

Sheogorath:" As BuzzKillBro would have me put it: "At this point it would be impossible for Tali not to become pregnant from this." Now if You will excuse me, I have a ending chapter notes to write off and some pass out people to draw on.

Shepard was the second person to wake up from last night's party. The sight that first greeted him was Sanguine Vigorously scrubbing himself for what appeared to be for hours and didn't seem to care that he was up and that he jumped out of the tub in shock and disgust, The thought of still having hagraven "juice" still on him was far more disgusting to him and held his attention as he vigorously scrubbed himself.

Shepard got dried off and dressed himself up. He decided to see how the others had faired. Shepard saw Malen below Tali lying on top of smashed brick and wood from the giant hole in a bedroom wall. Shepard had also seen Vaermina naked on a toilet with Garrus's face buried in her crouch.

Sheogorath was the other one still up and he greeted Shepard.

Sheogorath:" Good Morning little mortal. So, how was the party for you? I sure enjoyed it, though I probably didn't share any of mine with anyone else, especially when I was the only one awake."

Shepard rubbed his forehead.

Shepard:" I really should have heeded Malen's warning about this ending up weird."

Sheogorath:" HAHAHAHAHAH! But that's half the fun mortal…. Anyway, I'll help rouse the others for you." He said as he put a hand held mirror in his right hand.

Shegorath:" I bet that was a real hoot for you all. If any of you died laughing from this then I'll set up some living arrangements for you in the Isles, because I'm such a giving kind of Mad God. Please leave your thoughts into the reviews about the reviews and if you write a negative review… I'll swallow your soul and vomit it into the pot of the ageless! The next chapter will have use on the climax of the story…. How exciting! The next chapter will be named "Tears Over a Burdened Heart". Now tata! Come read again or I'll pluck out your eye! HAHAHAHA!