I've always loved you, Lucy…
I think that's the point where I lost it. My eyes overflowed against my will, and I was never gladded that I was alone for once. If Natsu were here, he would try to comfort me, which would only make me feel worse. Not that he hasn't done it before when I cried, but these were a different kind of tears. These were salty water droplets caused by heartbroken sobbing. Nothing could make me feel better.
Just knowing that my father died is bad enough, but going through his old home to see the drawers and boxes full of unfinished or unsent letters, all addressed to me, made it ten times worse.
After we got to Chika's house, I decided I should come here and see if there's anything worth keeping. Natsu was insisting on coming with me, but Chika forced him and Happy to stay with her and help clean up the house or something like that. I think she realized that this was something I had to do alone.
"Lucy?" a low voice whispered. I wiped away my tears and turned around to see my spirit Loke crouching behind me.
"What are you doing here, Loke?" I asked, trying to sound somewhat normal and utterly failing. My voice wavered, and I sniffed at the end of my sentence, immediately giving myself away.
"I came to check on you," he said softly, holding his arms out. I hesitated before flying into them. Having someone hold me while I cried only made me feel worse, like what I assumed would happen in Natsu had come. I clung to Loke's nice suit jacket, not letting go until it was thoroughly stained with my tears, and even then I had more salt water flowing down my cheeks.
"It's ok, shh, everything will be ok," Loke hummed over and over again. At last, after who knows how long, I straightened up and leaned against the bed in my father's abandoned room. Loke crawled so he could sit next to me.
"Thank you," I sniffed.
"Any time, princess. Please just call me, and I'll always be there. All of us will," he said, referring to the rest of his fellow spirits. "Is there anything else you need help with?"
"Do you think you could help me package up some of these things? I want to take them home with me," I asked, carefully standing up.
"Of course." In silence, Loke handed me box after box that we found in my father's closets, which I filled with the letters my father had written to me. I also packed some books that were starting to get dusty on his shelves. I opened the final drawer in his desk and froze.
My hand hovered over an old photo album. The cover was wrapped in a faded light pink cloth. I remember this. It was in the attic when I was young. The pages were yellowed and crinkly with age. Carefully, I pulled it out and pressed it against my chest.
"Are you going to take that one, too?" Loke asked. I slowly nodded.
"Yeah, but I'll carry this one. I think that's all I want." Against my protests, Loke picked up the three medium sized boxes full of paper and books and carried them halfway across the town to where Chika lived.
Acalypha really was a beautiful town. It was a lot like Candor, now that I took time to look at it. The ground was covered in cobblestone. Little brick houses were squished together on either side of the street. Everything looked quaint. Chika's house was lit from the inside, banishing the darkness that blanketed the outside. The stars were out and shining bright in the sky, reminding me of my birthday present from Natsu. I still haven't tried to find the star yet, or even make a contract with Telescopium. I guess things have been a little hectic recently.
One lone candle shone on the front porch. Chika must have left it there so we could see where we were going. Her house was just like all the others in the town; small but charming. I held the door open for Loke so he could walk in before me and carefully set down the packages in the living room.
"Lucy!" Happy called, flying into my chest and hugging me. I smiled and laughed, glad that the tear tracks on my cheeks had dried up and almost disappeared completely.
The inside of the cottage was just as you'd imagine it to be. From the perspective in front of the door, there was a sitting room to the left with comfortable looking burgundy couches and chairs. A small stone fireplace was on the wall. To the right was the kitchen. The walls were a happy yellow. It had all the normal appliances any kitchen would, plus a small round dark wood table with matching chairs to sit at. Straight ahead was a dark hallway, most likely branching out into different bedrooms and bathrooms.
"LUCY'S BACK!" Natsu yelled, charging after his little flying friends. "And Loke too! What's in the boxes?"
"Hello, Lucy. And hello to you too, young man. My name is Chika." Chika came out from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dish towel.
"I'm… Loke…," Loke introduced himself, with a very odd expression on his face. Was it surprise or something else?
"Well then. Would you like to stay for dinner also?" Chika asked not unkindly.
"No, thanks. I should get back," Loke said. He turned to face me and gave me a quick hug. I blushed at his sudden move. Over his shoulder, I saw Natsu stand in the same spot he was in a second ago, looking almost annoyed. "Remember to call if you need anything. It was nice meeting you again, Chika." With that, Loke disappeared in a cloud of smoke. Chika's hand came up to rest over her heart.
"Dear, would you happen to be a Celestial Spirit mage?" Chika asked after a moment.
"Uh-huh!" I said.
"What did Loke mean by 'see you again'?" Natsu asked, back to his normal self.
"Oh… it's nothing, child. What's that you're holding, Lucy?" Chika asked, blatantly changing the subject.
"It's an old photo album. I found it at my father's."
"I wanna see little Lucy!" Happy said, hovering over my shoulder.
"Me too!" Natsu said. He took my hand and dragged me to the kitchen table so we could all sit down, gathered around the fragile book I laid down.
"If you would like to share, I'm also interest," Chika said lightly, giving me the option to say no. I nodded and set it on the table. The first page was just a title page, listing the names of my mother, father, and me in a fancy bold script.
We spent the next hour flipping through the pages. The others seemed really interested, and I didn't mind remembering the pleasant memories in the book.
"That's the doll I got for my birthday one year! Mama said she was going to be like a little sister to me. I always made her clothes out of paper and flowers." ~flip~
"What about that one?"
"Oh, that's the time my father made a flower crown for me!" ~flip~
"Is that you, Lucy?"
"That's my mom. Every always said I looked just like her." ~flip~
"Did she like reading too?"
"Yeah. She's where I get it from. That's the day we went to the store together and got all of my favorite fairy tale books."
"You knew about Fairy Tail back then too?"
"No, it was a different kind of fairy Tail, fairy tales. Like the stories where there's a prince that saves a princess from a dragon, or something like that."
That made Natsu pause and think. He scratched the back of his head.
"But what if the dragon was good, and he liked the princess more than the prince did?"
"That's… it was always kind of assumed that the dragon was the bad guy." ~flip~
"But that's-!"
"Who's that?" Happy interrupted.
"That's my father when he was younger. I think that was taken a bit before I was born." ~flip~
"…HAHAHAHAHA!"
"NATSU DON'T LOOK AT THAT ONE!"
"Aww, little Lucy in the bath tub!"
"Shut UP, stupid cat!" ~flip~
The final page held a picture I'd only ever seen once, when I was a little girl. The day came back to me in a flash.
"Please smile, Miss Lucy," another somebody begged. Another somebody who meant nothing to me. Father said he wanted new portraits done of us. I wondered if he just wanted to get rid of the one of him, mama, and me. Do the memories that picture bring back hurt him as much as they hurt me? My expression didn't change, even when Aed and Miss Spetto started jumping around and making funny faces behind the artist's back.
"Are you finished yet?" Papa asked, walking into the small garden we were sitting in. The artist thought I would look pretty out in the sun, wearing my prettiest pink dress, sitting in the flowers. I was going to be drawn here, and father would have his done in his office, standing behind his desk. That's where he always is. He never comes out anymore.
"Uh, not quite, Mr. Heartfilia," the artist hurriedly said. My father was a very intimidating man, especially when he heard bad news. Actually, any kind of news that didn't expressly please him. "I was just trying to get Lucy here to smile. Maybe you could help…?" Of course, the artist was unaware of my father's ways. Miss Spetto and Aed stood formally, giving me sad looks when my father wasn't looking.
"Lucy. Smile," Papa ordered. I lifted one corner of my mouth, forming more of a grimace.
"That's alright, I can just work like-," the artist tried to diffuse the tension.
"Lucy Heartfilia. I am spending a large amount of money to have these paintings done. Now stop acting like an immature child and smile!"
I flinched back at my father's harsh words. Papa doesn't love me… he wants me to be perfect. I can't ever be perfect enough for him. Why can't I just be me for once?
I smiled as hard as I could, apparently satisfying my father. He marched back inside, happy with how I was acting like a proper young lady again.
Why can't Mama just come back? I miss her so much, it hurts. I've barely smiled in the past year. Grief was burying me alive.
"Dear, it's ok. He's gone. You can relax now," the artist whispered. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Papa staring at me through the window. I kept my painful smile on. The artist sighed and finished his painting quickly. He left it on the easel to dry when he went inside to speak with Papa.
"Come on, Lucy. Let's get out of that dress," Miss Spetto said, ushering me away from the stone bench I'd been sitting on. She wouldn't let me see the portrait, but that's ok. I saw it a week later, when I was up in the attic. After Mama died, Papa had servants pack all of her things up in boxes and put them up here, so I came a lot so I could look at her dresses and try to smell what's left of her scent.
The picture was almost the same as I remembered it all those years ago. Sunlight glinted off my hair, making me look almost angelic. The scenery was exactly right. The blooming flowers were beautiful. The little me looked exactly right. The only bad thing about the painting was my face.
The forced smile was painful to look at. The artist was known for his exact detail, and he didn't let me down. My eyebrows were raised, trying to make it seem like I was happy. The fake smile took up a large portion of my face. There was just the tiniest visible glint on my cheek, marking the single tear that I slipped that day while the man painted me. My eyes were the worst part. They were dark brown and tortured looking. It's amazing how well he captured that emotion. You could just barely see my father standing in the background, watching me. I understand why my father kept this portrait in the attic. It wasn't beautiful at all. It was more heartbreaking than anything. I wonder why this was chosen to be slipped between the happy pages of the scrapbook.
Natsu and Happy's laughter died down when they saw it. It took a few minutes to make the connection that this was a really bad picture, and then there was an almost audible click when Natsu realized what this picture actually showed.
"Is that…?" he asked. My throat swelled, and I simply nodded. Natsu put his arm around my shoulders comfortingly.
"Is that your father in the back?" Chika asked.
"Yes," I whispered.
I may have hated my father for a long time, but now that he's gone, I realize that he was only doing the best that he knew how to. It was pretty awful at most times, but at least he always loved me.
"He's dead now."