Hey peoples, wrote this chapter right after the previous one, so not much to say except for: I don't own Kuroshitsuji!

And I've reached a hundred followers! :D

And I know I've said that I will upload every day for a week because of that, but give me some time to make that happen; I will announce it when I do so. Maybe I won't even do it, I'm not sure. Writing a chapter takes me more time than you would think, so yeah, I'm not sure.

Enjoy the chapter!

XxX

Chapter 39

During the show the newcomers – which meant we and the reaper guy (it felt strange to call him 'Suit', but I guess I had to) – were responsible for the lifting of heavy stuff and Ciel was lucky enough that I was worried about him, because I made him only carry the extremely light stuff. When the show was finally over, we got some food before Joker called us to tell us where we would be sleeping.

And seeing how all the newcomers were guys I assumed that I was probably going to sleep in a room with boys. Great. Hope it will not be Sebastian.

'And now, the moment you're all been waiting for!' Joker said happy, sounding as if he thought this was still part of the show. 'It's the tent assignments! The results of our impartial lottery: Smile, 'ee be in Tent Eight, together with Whisper.' He pointed at the boy-like girl who was standing next to him. 'And here's thy roommate!'

The girl gave us a little polite smile, but I felt like I'd seen her before. Well, that wasn't strange since we had been in this circus for a day now.

'Also,' Joker said, 'since thee be brother and sister, 'ee'll be sleeping in the same bed for now, since we do not have enough matrasses. Okeey?'

Me and Ciel looked at each other before starting to protest.

'Wait a moment, I can't just sleep on the same matrass as her!' Ciel said, while I said: 'We're too old for that! We'll never even fit!'

'Ah, ah,' Joker said, ' 'ee seemed to have such a close relationship that I do not see the problem.'

No, of course you didn't. You didn't know we weren't brother and sister!

Joker just went back to his list, ignoring the grumpy way Ciel looked and the upset way I looked. 'Black, 'ee be in Tent Nine.'

This shocked Ciel even more. He jumped of off the crate he had been sitting on, pointing at Sebastian as if it was his most precious thing. 'Seba—Black isn't rooming with me?!' he asked upset. It was clear that he thought he wouldn't be able to live without Sebastian.

'No, why?' Joker said, not getting it. 'I mean, I thought you would like to stay with your sister, and sleep in a tent with people around your age is more fitting. Tent Eight is full and Tent Nine is also full, since that's only a two-person tent.'

Dagger was the only one who managed to laugh in this kind of situation. 'Smile, you're fairly tied to Black's apron strings! Time to be independent!'

Yeah, because sleeping in the same bed as his 'sister' was like the top of independence, right?

Ciel tried to smile, but it just looked uncomfortable. 'Th-That's not what I…'

Joker ignored the little seen. 'And Black's roommate is… Suit!'

If this night had been cold, it was now freezing. 'Suit' and 'Black' just stared at each other in horror, clearly rather dying than sharing a room with each other.

Joker laughed. 'Look, they're delighted! Right, let's be off, Dagger. We'll leave the young lads to it! Good night!' he said as he walked off, ignoring Ciel's attempt to stop him.

'Good night!' Dagger said while following Joker, leaving me, Sebastian, Suit, Ciel and that tomboy alone in the dark. Not that it was actually dark, they had put lights everywhere, but still, it felt like this particular part of the camp was a lot darker than the rest of the camp.

But I didn't think that was the fault of bad lighting.

XxX

'Say,' the tomboy said as she climbed up the wooden stairs. 'Can I take the top bed?'

Well, seeing how you've already taken it… Also, I think that either me or Ciel would fall off of that bed, so it was for the better.

'Be my guest,' me and Ciel said at the same time. I carried mine and Ciel's suitcase into the tent and put them next to each other.

The tomboy laughed. 'You really are brother and sister, aren't you?' she said laughing.

The tent was pretty nice as far as tents go. It had a crate, a wooden desk with a wooden chair, the bed and a single, small light that was shining bright enough to lighten up the whole tent.

'So, I've been noticing all day – you speak really proper English!' clearly she was only talking to Ciel. 'But your sister doesn't.'

Ciel smiled nervously, clearly still not good at acting innocent. 'D-Do I? I've lived in the same house as Earl's and Duke's for most of my life because sis served them, so perhaps that's why.' That didn't explain why I didn't speak like that though.

So I opened my mouth. 'I don't because I refuse to sound even remotely like those arrogant, spoiled, lazy people who treat people like me as garbage,' I said, crossing my arms.

'Oh?' the girl asked, but she didn't ask anything else, so I supposed me were convincing enough. 'Well, ask me any circus question! I've been doing this longer than you guys.'

'All right,' me and Ciel said on the same time again. Ciel sat down on the bed while I took the wooden chair.

'Ah, I know. I'll give you two one of these to celebrate our meeting!' she said happy, leaning her head over the side of the top bed, looking down on us. She showed us three big lollipops. Lollipops I immediately recognized.

They were Funtom sweets.

'Top-of-the-line Funtom sweets. They're all the rage!' she said as she handed all three of them to us, giving us an option on which flavour we wanted. 'There's caramel, milk and strawberry. Which do you want?'

The expression on Ciel's face as he grabbed the caramel flavoured one was priceless and I again wished that I had taken my phone with me to take a picture.

I grabbed the strawberry one and the girl pulled herself up again, sounding content as she said: 'You know, the first time I ate one of these, I honestly though, "I didn't know something could taste this good!"'

I gave Ciel a mocking smile and he just rolled his eye as a reaction. I went to sit next to him on the bed, not really sure why, but it did feel less awkward.

'Say, Smile, Whisper… training might be rough, but do your best. If you do your job right, you won't get yelled at or punched. And you can eat as many sweets and biscuits as you want.'

Wait… so if you don't do your best they will yell and punch? Yikes.

Then suddenly, the girl jumped down. 'I just realised I have to finish one of the duties I had to take care of!' she says, giving us a little smile. 'You two should go to sleep. Don't wait for me, I might take long.' And then she ran into the night, disappearing without another word.

I sighed. 'I'm tired, but I really do not want to sleep on this crappy matrass with you! And under the same blanket! Why is there only one blanket!'

'Stop whining,' Ciel said, 'this isn't the ideal situation for me either, but we need rest.' Then he pulled a face. 'Could you maybe… help me with changing?' He blushed. 'Not to any strange measurements, but I'm not used to change myself.'

He looked kind of sad and even though I would rather have said 'no', I knew that I couldn't do that. He needed me, even if it was for something as stupid as this.

'Okay.'

XxX

Awkward. That was all this was. The matrass was so small that me and Ciel's face were only inches away from each other. We both clearly felt to awkward to turn around, so we just kind of stared into each other's eyes.

I decided to just close my eyes and pretend like this wasn't really happening. I was just laying in my own bed, in my own room…

'Clarissa?'

Well, shit. He broke my illusion. I opened my eyes again. 'Yes, Ciel?'

Ciel almost looked to scared when he said: 'Do you think Sebastian is right in wanting to kill you? Should I just let him kill you? You seem so innocent, but everyone treats you like you're the freaking Messiah or something.'

I chuckled softly. 'Believe me, I have absolutely no idea what that is about, either.' I sighed then suddenly sad. 'And I don't think there's a possible way for me to convince you of my innocence. There is nothing to be said or done, nothing I can think of anyway.'

'Hmm,' was Ciel's only reaction. He had taken off his eye patch and was looking at me with both eyes open now, something I really was used to seeing. But he closed his eyes before I could have a better look and soon his calm breath told me that he was asleep.

I wasn't tired yet, though. And I was curious whether Sebastian felt any connection with Ciel's eye right now. Sebastian couldn't sleep either. Would he just be bored the whole night? Well, I guess he goes and does what he normally does during the nights anyway.

Now that Ciel had his eyes closed and was breathing so calmly, I once again realised how young he was. Just a kid. Or a teenager, seeing as he was already fifteen years old. Could a fifteen year old boy really be as wise, smart, calm and restrained as Ciel often was? The way the clumsily acted today showed that he really was a teenager, but most of the time he sounded much older, much wiser. What had those eyes seen?

I touched him before I even made the decision to do so. I stroked his cheek, my fingertips touched his small and soft skin and felt his hair. His skin and hair didn't feel nearly as perfect, but it was soothing to finally touch a human after so long. It made me feel sane again, like everything what was going on was really happening. One of my fingertips touched his ear and then his eyes opened. And the way he looked at me made me feel like he had just pretended to be asleep.

He grabbed my wrist, but didn't pull my fingers away from his face. 'What are you doing?' he asked, his voice filled with a strange emotion.

I just stared back at him, into those fascinating eyes and said the most ridiculous thing I could have said. 'You're beautiful,' I told him and I could just slap myself for saying that. I shook my head. 'No, that wasn't what I was going to say, it's just that—'

The blush on Ciel's face made me stop talking. He looked incredible flustered and more confused and unsure than I'd ever seen him. I had to keep myself from laughing.

Then Ciel finally turned around, making me face the back of his head. 'Go to sleep, Clarissa,' he said, sounding like his normal, bored and annoyed, self again.

I smiled and closed my eyes, suddenly feeling sleepy. 'You can just call me Clary, you know,' was the last thing I said before sleep made me unable to say another word.

XxX

'Oi. Oi!'

I opened my eyes to kill the person who had dares to wake me up at the same moment I heard Ciel mumble: 'Sebastian?'

I looked over at the person standing beside our bed. The tomboy. I then realised that we were still at the circus and cancelled my murder plans. 'What are you on about?! Wake up!' she said.

Then Ciel seemed to realise what was going on too and he immediately covered his eye, not sure where he'd put the eye-patch last night.

Then we both realised that we were hugging each other, something that had happened while we were asleep and we shot out of the bed, as if we were scared of the other. I found his eye-patch and handed it to him and he quickly tied it, completely wrong and clumsy, I might add.

'Awake at last!' the tomboy said. 'Newcomers have to get up early and make breakfast. No hanging about!'

I moaned. That didn't sound like fun at all.

XxX

Seeing everyone working for the breakfast together did made me feel better. It was a charming thing to see, so when me and Ciel were put in the potato-team, I immediately went to work. I had cooked for my father and I ever since I was small, so such a task was no problem for me. But it clearly was for Ciel. Who was also wearing his clothes all wrong.

I finished up my share of the potatoes and stood up. 'You look like a mess,' I told him as I walked up behind him to re-do his eye-patch, since he had put it on in a disastrous way. 'After I finish cleaning you up I'll take over your duty, so don't sweat yourself. I know this must be though for you.'

Ciel looked like he wanted to say something stubborn, but then he just mumbled 'thank you'.

I smiled as I took over his knife. 'No problem, dear.'

Then I noticed that our roommate and a few others laughed. 'Smile, Whisper isn't your mum, you know!' the tomboy said laughing.

'No—It's just a habit—I mean, a coincidence!' Ciel said upset. I knew he'd let me help him so easily because he was used to Sebastian helping him. Then he turned to me and whispered. 'Make sure to remind me to tell Sebastian to not treat me as his master around here.'

I grinned as I started to cut his potatoes. 'Yes, my Lord.'

XxX

I didn't really get to see Ciel of my other roommate the rest of the day. I didn't get to see much of Sebastian either. Beast helped me practice with the animals – all the animals except the snakes. They all came pretty easy to me, which made Beast angry, probably out of jealousy. The only one who wasn't as obedient as normal was Betty, who seemed very very tired.

After that I was one of the people who had to boil the cold water so people could wash themselves. It didn't really bother me that I couldn't see Sebastian all day and I was actually having fun, but I couldn't help but worrying about Ciel, since I knew that this couldn't possibly be easy for him. I just hoped people would spare him a little.

While I finished up bringing the hot water to the bathing place I actually saw Sebastian. 'Hey, you look familiar!' I said mockingly, still in a good mood. With being awfully cheerful I tried to hide the fact that he was kind of creeping me out since yesterday. Hope he didn't notice that, otherwise he might feel like he needed to change my opinion again and I was quite sure that I wasn't going to like the method he was going to use to achieve that. 'Are you in charge of the towels today?'

He just gave me a smile in return for my not-really-funny joke. 'Yes, I suppose I am. How is your first real day at the circus going?'

I smiled. 'It's much more fun than I thought it would be!' I told him, really surprised that we were actually having a normal conversation. 'How about you?'

'I'm enjoying myself thoroughly,' he said, not a hundred percent serious. He then frowned. 'I do believe young master is having some trouble though.'

That made me frown as well. 'I have to bring one more bottle of hot water to the kitchen tent and then I'll look for him, okay? No offensive, but you aren't really good at the whole 'caring for a child'-thing. At least not in a way a human would do it.' And then I walked passed him and left him there completely speechless.

XxX

I found Ciel a short while later, at the trucks. There weren't any fires or other devices they had in the camp to keep it warm here and he was also soaking wet. He had his legs pulled up and his arms wrapped around them, his face hidden away.

'What happened to you?' I asked, but then I saw his shoulders shock and I concluded that he was probably crying.

When he did not answer me, I just sat next to him on the incredibly cold ground. 'You know, I always hated school because I was bullied and good in nothing. It was a place where I couldn't shine.' A sad smile appeared on my face. 'Maybe this is your place where you're unable to shine. And that's fine. But you always fascinate me because of your strength, Ciel. Don't lose your strength.'

When he didn't answer me, I just sighed and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into a forced but loving hug, trying to warm this cold little boy up. I had to admit that this vulnerable Ciel frightened me. If Ciel lost his way, I would have no one left to follow.

'My oh my, you will catch a cold, my Lord,' a voice said after a while.

I released Ciel and looked into Sebastian's red eyes and again there was a strange connection when our eyes locked. As if we could look into each other's minds and see what we were thinking. He had understand what I had said about caring the way a human would and was trying his best now and I was thinking about how I was glad he'd actually listened.

Sebastian wrapped a towel around Ciel's shivering body and gave me a towel as well, since my hug with Ciel had also made me kind of wet. 'I've brought a change of clothes,' he told Ciel, who was still not looking up.

Then, finally, Ciel spoke. 'Enough…'

I frowned. Me and Sebastian exchanged a quick look. 'Pardon?' Sebastian asked politely.

Then Ciel finally looked up and his whole face was full of rage. That was kind of unexpected. 'I've had enough! I'll go mad if I keep living like this!' He buried his face in his legs again, but now I understood that he used anger to hide his despair and weakness.

And then Sebastian threw everything that I thought I had learned him out of the window and went for it the demon-way. 'Goodness me. Giving up already? Your fortitude ran dry fast. It's not like you let such trifles drive you mad, young master.'

There was a quick second in which Ciel inhaled sharply and his eye became small and he looked like he wasn't really there for a second. Then he was back, but not in the same state that he'd been in before that strange bit of trauma.

I watched this whole thing frowning, knowing that this was about the event that had caused Ciel to summon Sebastian. An event that only the two of them knew about. Probably.

'Not like me, eh?' Ciel said, the trip on his clothes tightening. Then he shot up, making drops of water fall on me and Sebastian. 'Quite right,' he said and he sounded like the arrogant Earl Phantomhive again. I had to admit, even though I didn't approve of his methods, Sebastian had done good.

'I'm the head of the Phantomhive House,' Ciel went on, 'naturally it's not like me to live this way. We'll get this over with and leave at once!' He looked at us with a serious look in his eyes, clearly determined to make his words true.

'Very good,' Sebastian said, but I didn't say anything.

Because I was starting to doubt if Sebastian was trying to make Ciel stronger or break him down and let him fall into the pits of despair.

And all of that just to satisfy his appetite.

XxX

So, that was the chapter! I'm not really happy with this one, I wanted to make sure that everyone knows that Ciel isn't really comfortable around Clarissa, not because of any romance stuff (necessarily) but because he isn't used to being close to a girl. At least... not a girl from around his age who acts normal and who isn't a childhood friend of his. So yeah.

Let's go for the word 'red' today. Not only because of Sebastian's pretty eyes, but also because it's my favorite colour! Red is Dutch is 'rood' and in Japanese... err... was it 'aka'? I thought it was aka. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

PyrroLou: Ha ha, I saw what I did! Lol, I'm still sick so I forgive myself for using the Dutch word. And thanks! I love William and really wanted to use him in Clarissa's own story as well. So sad that the circus arc is already (almost) halfway through; I enjoy writing him and the other circus artists.

belbovino: Aww, thank you so much! Well, since Clarissa is kind of the run and hide-type, she is probably going to pretend like she didn't see it. But I do think she will be less kind to him...

promocat: you have to keep reading to find out ;) It's not something you can really guess though... I'm not even sure it was a good idea either. I just liked the idea, so I used it. Hope you will like what she really is once you find out :)