Episode 3-The Exorcism Unleashed
"No way am I watching the Secret Life of the American Teenager, you stupid fuck!" Freddy howled as Michael flipped the T.V. onto channel 32. Just as another brawl broke out within the sanctity of room number 3113 of Wimbleton Apartments, the only phone in the entire room rang. The ring tone The End by the Doors rang out loud and clear;
[Ride the snake, ride the snake
To the lake, the ancient lake, baby
The snake is long, seven miles
Ride the snake...he's old, and his skin is cold]
The others cringed at the brief memories of the acid rock scene as Ghostface raced to answer his phone. "Hello?"
Although the other slashers couldn't hear the conversation, they knew it wasn't good. It was never good. Ghostface nodded, cleaned his fingernails with his knife and chuckled nervously as he talked on the phone. Finally when the conversation was over he turned to Freddy, Michael, and Jason. Under his mask he smiled awkwardly.
"So, apparently we're going to be having company in an hour or so."
Freddy's eyes snapped open, and he awoke from the nap that he'd been having. He narrowed his eyes at Ghostface. "What kind of company? We just had to get rid of company! I'm not exactly in a visiting mood."
The slasher cleared his throat and looked down at his costume, at the ragged, black fabric and distractedly twisted it in his pale and bony hands. Under his breath he muttered, "Umm...special kinda company...nothing important..."
Jason: What?
Ghostface snapped, "We're having a preacher come over, okay? He needs me to pay him back a favor. He's gotten me out of lots of tight spots, so play it cool, all right?"
Michael: What does this preacher plan on doing while he's here?
Jason: Or better yet, what's he going to make usdo?
"Really, it's no big deal," Ghostface insisted as he got up and went into the kitchen to look out the window. "He won't ask for much, he just wants us to do a standard-" his voice became low again "-exorcism."
"A standard what?" Freddy demanded, switching off the T.V. in preparation for the confrontation that was sure to come.
He hesitated before repeating it, knowing what it would bring. "An exorcism, nothing major, just a standard-"
All of the slashers let out cries of rebellion. Jason made a gruesome rumbling noise from beneath his mask and Michael literally abandoned his code of silence-or at least came close to abandoning it-and sighed dramatically. Freddy just settled on uttering every curse word under the sun. He even invented a few new ones. At last he was calm enough to put a sentence together. "What the fuck is considered a 'standard exorcism'? Don't they have to get oh, I dunno, professionals to do that kind of shit?" he roared, wrapping his hands around Ghostface's neck and choking him.
Jason sighed, pulled the two apart, then wrote, Maybe we should just let Ghostface handle this one by himself.
Michael nodded and restrained himself from also stabbing the ever loving shit out of Ghostface. Yeah, this seems like his thing.
"Hey, I pay one-fourth of the rent! If you guys don't help me then I'm out on the street and you guys are stuck getting jobs to pay it."
Freddy's mind reeled at the thought of having to get a job, and he brooded. "Yeah, that's true. God damn it! I guess we're stuck bailing your ass out, Fuckface."
Ghostface smiled victoriously and then went back by the window to wait for the preacher.
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A few hours later a knock came at the door and Freddy was the one who answered it. It was the preacher, looking solemn in his black robes. As he walked into the apartment he looked around and wrinkled his nose."Well, this is certainly a nice set up you got here, brother Ghostface." the preacher said in an odd, quiet way. He walked over to the couch and sat down. After a second he said, "The girl, she needs help. Can you assist me, brother Ghostface?"
He nodded and then reluctantly went out the door and looked around for the aforementioned girl. Seeing nothing, he inquired, "She's in your car or something? You want me to go get her?"
Slyly the preacher smiled and nodded. "Oh yes, brother Ghostface. That would be lovely, just lovely."
The two left the apartment for a while. Once he was sure that the preacher was gone, Michael wrote down gloomily, I don't like anything to do with religion—the stupid Bible-book, the praying, the blood rituals...
Jason gave him an odd look. Blood rituals? Just what kind of church were you going to, Myers?
"Will you two fags just shut the fuck up?" Freddy demanded, slamming his fist down on the couch in frustration. "It's bad enough that we're stuck doing this, but I don't feel like putting up with you two." They all grew silent, wondering just what they were in for.
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"Okay," the preacher said as he promptly backed away from the possessed girl, who was now securely strapped to the couch, "that should just about do it. Now remember, brother Ghostface, it's always prayer, holy water, prayer, got it?"
Ghostface looked at the girl warily and nodded, "Uh yeah, I think so. When did you say that you'd be back for her again?"
He though for a second then responded, "Tomorrow at about seven-ish. That okay? Good!" hurriedly he rushed out of the tiny one-room apartment leaving Ghostface, Freddy, Jason and Michael alone with the girl. Just before his voice faded out of earshot, they could distinctly hear him shouting out, "Praise be to God, she's finally gone!"
After a moment or two, Freddy clapped his hands and switched back on the T.V. "Okay then, looks like it's your time to shine, Fuckface."
The slasher whined, "What? I thought you said that you would help me! What about my cut of the rent? If I get hurt doing this, then-"
"Fine, then Michael and Jason will help you, right guys?" Jason and Michael deliberately shook their heads, but Freddy ignored them, "There, you see? Jason and Michael can exercise the hell outta that bitch."
Ghostface shook his head and childishly tugged on the sleeve of Freddy's sweater. "No way, you promised! Please, I'll pay you back double this month's rent, I swear!"
Freddy thought about it; the going rate for rent was about 35.00 a month...sure, it was a fair deal. Now he wouldn't have to work to earn his next month's rent. With a smile he got up, shrugged Ghostface off of him, then went over to get his dusty, abused bible.
"Fine, I'll help your sorry ass out this one time, but never again. This is a one time thing. Now here-" he thrust the bible into Ghostface's hands, "-read it out loud and get it over with."
Jason and Michael came over as well, just to watch the show, but Freddy threw two little bottles of holy water at them and motioned to the girl, "Dump it, but don't waste it because it's all we got to do the job."
Jason: I thought that you said that Ghostface was on his own!
Freddy shrugged and got himself another tattered bible to read. "Well I lied, now shut up and go over there to sprinkle the God damned water. Michael, stop glaring at me like that, it makes me feel squeamish—you go over there behind Ghostface in case the chick decides to puke or something."
Once they were all in place, Freddy was the first one to read. The girl just stared into space, not caring what was going on until about five minutes in, then she began squirming uncomfortably. Twisting and retching, she tried to free herself from the bonds that held her to the old, raggedy couch. Finally, realizing that she wouldn't be able to free herself, she began spouting out insults at all of them, starting unwittingly with Freddy. "What a bitch...what's wrong, Kruger? Mad because you can't molest any more fucking children? Huh?"
Freddy had managed to ignore her up to that point, but now he stopped, slammed the bible to the floor and shouted, "God, will you just shut the fuck up?"
Behind him Ghostface laughed, so she started insulting him. "Shut up, ass-breath! Who are you anyway?"
Ghostface stopped laughing and sniffled, obviously hurt by this remark. "I'm from Scream. It's a classic."
"You're gay. Scream at what, your face?"
Jason sighed and rolled his eyes as Ghostface began to sob and run into the bathroom; he held him back. Relax, nothing she says makes sense anyway.
"Voorhees and Myers sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-"
Jason's eyes grew wide and under his mask his face became red. No, he wrote down, stop singing that!
The girl continued. "Your boyfriend looks a little pale, Voorhees. I think that he's about to pass out!" she said, indicating Michael.
We're not gay! Why does everyone think that? Voorhees scribbled.
And we do not kiss! Michael wrote down.
Suddenly the possessed girl screamed out at Jason, "Your mother sucks cocks in hell, Voorhees!" In frustration-but mostly because he was getting a headache-Michael walked right up to her and started dumping his whole bottle of holy water on her. She screamed even louder and pulled at the bonds even more, then glared at Michael who had now snatched Jason's holy water and was dumping that on her too.
She gagged and finally launched a stream of projectile vomit at him, half laughing, half gagging as she did so. Michael was soaked, and although his white, expressionless mask hadn't changed, his eyes were full of horror and disgust. Without warning he dropped the holy water, gripped his stomach, and vomited too. Pretty soon everyone in the whole room was puking and shuddering and Freddy decided that it would be best if they took a break.
Soon they were all cleaned up and back in their places, though a little more aware this time. Ghostface shakily began to read from the bible. The possessed girl sighed in exhaustion and said, "C'mon! Can't we take a break?"
Michael: We just had a break!
Jason shuddered and nodded, hugging himself as if that would save him from the girl's projectile vomit. However, now she didn't look sick; in fact she looked a little better. Her eyes still looked frightful, though. She ignored Michael and the trembling Jason and even the tired-looking Freddy. Talking to Ghostface she said again, "Can't we take a break and maybe get breakfast? I'm hungry."
He stopped reading and sighed. He put the bible down on the couch, sat down, and closed his eyes to think for a second. "Well then why don't you just stop possessing this girl? It sure would be a lot easier."
"Well..." she thought of it for a second then, "where would I go?"
Jason: There's this chick that lives on the floor below us. I'm sure that she could help.
Michael: Who, Carrie? No, she doesn't need any more help. She's fucked up enough.
"What about the preacher?" Freddy suggested.
Ghostface shook his head and slowly reached into his sleeve for his knife. "Well, I guess we'll just have to do this the hard way." Then as quickly as he could manage, he jumped up and pushed the knife through the possessed girl's ribs.
Freddy laughed, untied the dead girl, and shoved her at Jason. "Go and get rid of the bitch."
Jason: How? We can't exactly take her out and put her in the-
Michael snatched the corpse, went over to the window, forced it open, and threw the corpse out. There, he wrote, that's done. Now I'm hungry...who's fixing breakfast?
Freddy shook his head slowly and muttered, "That is so wrong, Myers. So wrong."
*[this episode has been revised]*