Chapter 42! Yaay! I know I've said that I probably wouldn't update on Saturday, but I felt like writing and managed to finish the chapter before I had to leave: so here it is! Hope you like it. It isn't much of a 'Valentine'-chapter though, so don't feel too bad about that.

I hope you guys have a wonderful Valentine's Day, even if you're lonely, you can always watch anime and pretend like you have a date with the hottest anime character you know. I don't know. Maybe I'm just rambling.

I don't own Kuroshitsuji, but my OC is all mine.

And sorry for the typos: I'm kind of in a hurry.

Enjoy the chapter!

XxX

Chapter 42

I had been awake for quite some time when I heard Sebastian.

'Good morning,' he said.

I had been carefully keeping my eyes shut for a while, not wanting to really wake up yet, but now I kept them close with a real purpose, knowing that they probably would talk differently if they knew I was awake.

'Right…' I heard Ciel say as he moved under my arm. I felt how he turned his face to me as well, feeling his breath on my forehead as he looked at me, my nose still against his shoulder.

'How are you feeling?' Sebastian asked, clearly in a good mood, which made me only more curious to what he'd done to find the man's name.

Ciel carefully put my arm away from him. 'Not well, but—' a sort cough '—better than yesterday.' He sat up, coughing again. I knew I should probably let them know I was awake, but I just couldn't. I wanted to know if they kept things from me and this seemed one of the only chances to find out.

'Drink some water,' Sebastian said.

'Right,' Ciel said, surprisingly obedient today. Then he said: 'Where are your gloves? Your nails and the seal of our contract are on display.'

I tried not to frown as I heard that. I knew he had taken one off, but that had been the one without the seal. Why had he taken the other one of as well? What had he done that would require him taken both of his gloves?

'I got them a bit dirty, I'm afraid,' Sebastian said, playing innocent.

I tried not to think about it too much, but it somehow really bothered me. What had he done?

'More importantly,' Ciel then said, distracting me, 'I assume you got my errand done?'

'Yes, of course,' Sebastian said, playing innocent again. 'No need to stay here any longer. Let's leave after breakfast.' I felt Ciel's weight disappear from the matrass as Sebastian lifted him. 'Ah, that reminds me… I'll be sure not to tell Lady Elizabeth that you shared your bed with another young lady. Twice.'

Ciel made a few embarrassed and surprised noises, but Sebastian didn't let him speak. 'We'll speak more once we get home,' he said. 'Shall we leave miss Lane here? Maybe she will find more clues,' Sebastian added, clearly only half-joking.

'No rubbish, Sebastian. She's coming with us,' Ciel said, not even doubting of a second. 'And we're not waiting for breakfast. I want to go home right now.'

'Yes, my Lord,' Sebastian replied. Then I felt that someone ripped the blanket off me and as I opened my eyes – too surprised to keep them shut – I looked directly into Sebastian's smiling face. 'Good morning, miss Lane. You look especially tasty today.'

'Do you want me to kill you?' I asked him, trying to sound like I was asleep just a moment ago.

He just kept the innocent smile on his face. 'I'd rather not, though I believe your attempts at doing so would be quite amusing.'

I rolled my eyes and sat up. 'Are we leaving?' I asked.

'Yes,' Ciel said while he was lifted again by Sebastian. Sebastian had clearly put him on the table for a while so he could wake me up, but now he lifted him. It looked like Sebastian was actually going to carry Ciel home. How great. 'I want to have breakfast in style. No potatoes. Let's go.'

Just outside the tent stood Suit, but now in his black clothes, so I should probably call him 'William T Spears' now. He stood there like a statue and he'd clearly been waiting for us.

'We've finished our business here, so we'll be taking our leave,' Sebastian announced to him.

'Feel free to do so,' was William T Spears' reaction. 'I don't care where you go, as long as your master is with you.'

Sebastian walked passed him and I just stumbled after him, trying to find a way to tell him that carrying Ciel like this made Ciel look like a five-year-old.

'Demon, please remember what I said about the girl,' William T Spears said while we walked away from him. 'Leaving the circus won't change my warning.'

I was the only one to look around, Sebastian didn't.

William T Spears readjusted his glasses and said: 'She is a very important creature for a very big amount of reapers, so know who you're fighting against when I say that you're also one of those creatures who is supposed to keep her alive.'

XxX

'Ciel, where have you been?! You left for two days without a word!'

Oh yeah. Agni and Soma were sleeping in the town house. I forgot. Right now I didn't really feel like socializing with those two. I wanted to put Ciel in his bed and take care of him until he got better. And maybe sleep some more myself; I was exhausted.

'Welcome home,' Agni said, ignoring his master's rudeness.

This wouldn't have been this awkward if Sebastian wasn't still carrying Ciel like a baby. I mean, did Ciel really not notice that the way Sebastian was holding him was kind of destroying his dignity? 'That's none of your affair,' Ciel told Soma. Then he coughed and that was Sebastian's sigh to walk right in.

Soma frowned. 'What's wrong? You look pale!' He looked at me for answers.

'Asthma,' I told him, 'combined with a cold.' Maybe if I answered the simple question quick this conversation would be over quick.

His reaction was quite funny. He looked like I just told him Ciel was going to die any second now. Which might have been so a hundred years ago, but nowadays there were enough medicine to keep an asthma-patient alive. Hmm, maybe I should go fetch some medicine for that. Or sent Sebastian to do so. If he actually cared enough to do that.

Ciel didn't seem to like the fact that I told him that. 'It's nothing serious. Just leave me be,' he said as Sebastian carried him upstairs.

'But it is serious!' Soma said, running after him as I suddenly felt dizzy. Agni seemed to notice that and held me up.

'Are you okay, miss Lane?' he asked me.

I nodded. 'I'm fine. I've just been so busy with caring for Ciel that I haven't really taken care of myself,' I said innocently.

As Agni leaded me upstairs he asked: 'And with 'not caring for yourself' you mean…?'

I tried to make it sound like it was no big deal: 'I… haven't eaten for two days…?' Then I shook my head. 'But that's fine. I'll eat. First I need to make sure that Ciel doesn't leave this house until he is better.'

Agni smiled. 'I will take care of that.'

XxX

As Ciel tried to leave his room – fully clothed in his ridiculous outfit I might add – Agni blocked the door, making Ciel unable to leave.

Me and Soma stood behind him. 'Not so fast, Ciel!' Soma said. 'Don't assume you'll have an easy time escaping the town house I protect! As the viceroy of this estate and your dear friend, I cannot allow you to go out while you have a cold!' Agni took away an arm so that Soma could walk into the room, forcing Ciel back into the centre of the room.

'Who made you my "dear friend"?' Ciel asked, clearly taking issue with that. 'Don't be daft!' He pushed Soma away and walked to the door again, but Soma was faster.

'Agni! Don't let Ciel pass you!' he ordered before Ciel could leave the room.

Ciel twitched in annoyance. 'Listen, you two… I have work to do! I haven't got time to play games with you!' He coughed again, only proving the point Agni and Soma were trying to make.

'Your work can wait,' I said, entering the room now.

Ciel looked at me surprised when I grabbed his shoulders. 'You're sick, Ciel! Your job should be lying in bed and be looked after!'

'I'm not like you!' Ciel said, pulling himself free from my grip. 'I can manage-' he started to cough again, this time longer. Being angry and annoyed clearly didn't help his asthma.

Agni shot forward and sighed, not knowing how I could help him when he was like this. I looked over at Sebastian, but he was just standing there doing nothing.

'Please return to bed, my Lord,' Agni said kindly. 'You have asthma! You can't possibly be well enough to work!'

He slapped Agni's hands away. 'Don't touch me!' he told him. 'Sebastian, get these three out of my way!' Another cough.

No way in hell. No way in hell.

Sebastian just smiled. 'Very good, my Lord.'

Just as Agni seemed like he wanted to burst out into anger, I walked up to Sebastian with my fists clenched, ready to punch him, but not actually doing it. 'Sebastian, you ought to be ashamed! And you call yourself 'one hell of a butler'?! The health of your master should be your first concern! Don't you think you should stop Ciel for the sake of his health, even if it goes against his orders? Do you want him to get another asthma attack while doing that oh-so-important work of his to do and choke to death because you were to much of an idiot to see that he obviously needs rest?! You need to make sure your master is in good health at all times! Isn't that what being a butler is all about?!' I wasn't even sure if I was making sense right now, but I was too angry to care about that.

Agni nodded, clearly agreeing with what I just said. Good, because I hadn't been too sure about that.

Sebastian actually looked like the words I told him came through. 'I… I consider my role to be fulfilling my master's wishes, but there's something to be said for your way of thinking… '

'Hey!' Ciel said, shocked that my words were actually working. 'Don't let her turn you! My orders—'

Soma seemed to believe that we'd already won the game. 'Now that that's sorted, get in bed! I'll personally nurse you back to health, so be grateful! Agni! Porridge and an herbal infusion! Ciel's butler, bring nightclothes and ice packs!'

'At once!' Sebastian agreed,

'Oi!' Ciel screamed, still nog agreeing with any of this.

XxX

I decided to leave the room while Agni, Soma and Sebastian helped Ciel change into his pyjamas. I had to draw the line there.

I went to the kitchen, where the porridge Agni was making was boiling and sighed, feeling as if I could faint any moment.

'Perhaps you should rest as well, miss Lane,' a familiar voice behind me said. And I had wished that it had been Agni, but it was Sebastian who walked into the kitchen to check on the porridge.

I close my eyes and leaned against the wall, trying to ignore Sebastian existence. Which, after a while, I decided to throw out of the window. I had something to say to him. 'I want to thank you,' I said with my eyes still closed.

'What for, exactly?' Sebastian asked.

'For listening to me. I didn't think that was something you did, but I'm glad you did. And I now caring for a child like this isn't really your… 'area', but you must now that you're doing the right thing.' Wait… was doing the right thing an insult for a demon? Maybe it was, but it was already too late, because I had already said it.

'Ah, well, you were quite right about the fact that I couldn't risk my master's life like that. I do not know much about asthma, so that would be quite irresponsible,' was Sebastian answer. Of course it had been for selfish reason that he'd listened to me. I should've known. I probably had known it, though. I'd just pretended like I didn't.

'I'll print some info about asthma for you this evening, okay' I asked him, still not opening my eyes.

'Yes, that sounds quite useful,' he agreed, not saying anything after that.

It was silent in the kitchen for a while. Then I opened my mouth to ask the question that I wanted to know the answer to, but I also didn't want to know the answer. 'You weren't allowed to leave the circus' grounds. So… how did you figure out his name?'

It took a while before he answered and it wasn't really an answer he gave me. 'Would you believe me if I said that it was just a lucky guess?'

'No. No, I wouldn't,' I said, shaking my head slowly, my eyes still closed. 'If you're going to lie, you'll have to do better than that.'

He waited again before saying what sounded like the truth. 'Well, then I have to say that I used my terrific seducing skills to get the answer from one of the first-stringers.'

I sighed. I could've known. 'Okay, I could have known. And, please, don't enlighten me on the details. I really do not want to know.' But his words did remind me of the fact that Joker had seduced me to get answer, which means that he was at least a but suspicious of us. Shit. Maybe I should tell Ciel that.

My eyes flew open. 'Crap,' I said, before running out of the kitchen, towards Ciel's bedroom.

Lucky enough for me, he wasn't sleeping yet. Agni and Soma were sitting next to his bed, but I felt like what I wanted to say wasn't something they were allowed to hear. 'I'm sorry, but I wish to speak with Ciel. Alone, please.' I heard Sebastian walking into the bedroom behind me, but for now I didn't care.

Agni nodded in agreement and took a complaining Soma out of the room with him. When it was just me, Ciel and Sebastian, I said: 'Ciel, I forgot to tell you, but Joker might be in on who we are and what we're trying to accomplish.'

Ciel frowned and coughed, his cheeks red. 'What are you saying?' He asked, his fist in front of his mouth as he coughed again.

'He… err… he asked me questions. About you. About Sebastian. He tried to answer out of me – I didn't give him any answers, of course!' I added as I saw how Ciel's eyes narrowed. 'I just thought I should let you know. But I have to say that I don't think he knows your identity. That was the thing he seemed to want from me.'

'And he thought you would actually betray your own brother?' Ciel asked, one eyebrow pulled up.

'Well… he was very convincing,' I said, blushing as I remembered how he'd tried to seduce me. And how I had ripped his fake arm off in response. Geez, I really was a bitch.

Ciel sighed. 'Well, it's a good thing we left. It doesn't matter now. We will solve this case and if the first-stringers are going to be in our way, we'll get rid of them.'

The strangest thing was that his words didn't surprise me. Nor did they disgust or scare me. I understood his way of thinking and I actually agreed to it as well. Jesus, I was really becoming a demon myself.

I – strangely enough – bowed because I felt like I had to and left the room to give Ciel some rest, so he could sleep. I was surprised when I was followed by Sebastian, who wasn't saying a word. He followed me until the living room, where I decided that this was a bit strange. 'Is there anything you need?' I asked him, turning around quickly.

'What did Joker do to you?' he asked me, his eyes narrowed.

I rolled my eyes. 'Well, I bet the same thing you did with another first-stringer to get information.'

That clearly was something I shouldn't have said. He suddenly grabbed my head and kissed me, but it was so short that I felt like he'd done that with a different purpose. He frowned, seeming deep in thought before saying: 'Well, he didn't kiss you.'

I rolled my eyes again. 'No, of course he didn't… Wait… You mean that you did kiss the first-stringer?' Then my heart seemed to sink. 'It was Beast, wasn't it? The one you seduced?'

Sebastian smiled an innocent smile as he said: 'Indeed, it was.'

My heart sunk even more than it had. I felt like my heart was the freaking titanic, with the splitting into two and sinking and everything. I could almost see all my feelings fall down into the ice cold water, realising that this was the end and that there was nothing to be done.

I knew I meant nothing to him. I knew he didn't care. I knew that he probably enjoyed my pain. But I somehow that thought that, even though he didn't feel anything for me, I was the only one he seduced like that. Because I was special.

But that was wrong. I just hadn't realised that I wasn't special at all.

'O—okay,' I said after a long while, staring into the distance. Then I started to ramble. 'Yeah, I guess that makes sense. She's pretty sexy and seems like a great kisser. Was she a great kisser? Don't tell me, she probably was. Oh, and you got her to say the name, but not just with kisses alone, right? Ha ha, I should've know. Isn't lust one of the seven sins? Well, I guess you like sins more than you like virtues. Ha ha. Ha. Ha.'

Sebastian grabbed my chin and pulled my head up, forcing me to look at him. 'Hmm, what's this? Are you… jealous?'

I normally would have pulled myself free and denied it, but right now that wasn't what I wanted to do. Right now I wanted to tear him down, rip the demon apart until there was only Sebastian left, only the perfect butler he pretended to be. Because I felt like that was the only part of him that I could ever understand. The only part of him that I could ever live with.

So I searched for him. I started into those red eyes as I stood on my toes, my hands grabbing his tailcoat as I slowly came closer and closer, until I closed my eyes and pressed my lips to his.

He responded immediately, of course. He was arrogant enough to take this as a 'yes' to his question and he liked the fact that he thought he'd won. He thought he'd won me over, that I loved him now. Well, he sure as hell was wrong about that. Because now I knew that I could never fall in love with a creature so vile and inhuman. I could never love a beast that only wanted to tame others and make them obey his will, only to satisfy his selfish needs. Ciel may think that that was what humans were as well, but I had seen too many kind humans in my life to believe that.

And I was the one that knew that this would be our last kiss. I wouldn't let him kiss me anymore. I would cover my mouth, slap him in the face or call Ciel – or even William T Spears – to save me, but I would never let him kiss me again.

Maybe that was why this was the longest kiss we'd ever shared. Because I didn't want to say goodbye to these kisses yet. I wasn't ready to let go yet. And I would kiss him until I was ready to do so.

Sebastian put his hands on my hips and pulled my closer and I started to feel like I couldn't come any closer to him anymore. I felt kind of sad that he was wearing gloves again, but I remembered the magical feeling of his touch, but it was probably easier this way.

Then Sebastian put me against the glass of the living room in an attempt to pull me even closer and he lifted me up, put my legs around him as if he was trying to teach me how it should be done.

That for me was the cue that this was enough. It had gone on long enough. Probably way too long. And if continued this any longer I would lose my mind and I wouldn't be able to stop this anymore.

I pulled away and he put me down on the floor again and I was happy to see that he didn't look all that calm and composed now. He looked confused, clearly didn't expect that I would be the one to break off the kiss. 'That,' I said, breathing way too heavy, 'was the last time.' Then I pushed him away carefully and fled the living room, running upstairs with the intend to lock me up in my room and sleep until I never wanted to sleep again.

XxX

So, that was chapter 42! I felt like it was pretty short, but it's actually one of the longer chapters I've written. That sure is surprising.

Again no word today, because I have to go in about five minutes and I have to upload this chapter before I go, so yeah, time problem.

Sliver Moon Fairie: Yeah, I felt really evil. But hey, it wasn't like she didn't know Sebastian's true nature. She could've known. She should've known.

promocat: yeah, maybe that's true. Though I do believe that it is quite hard for someone who was raised as a human to ever understand how and what demons think. A bad human, yes, of course you can become one, but a demon? I think the main difference is that demons do not deny what they are, while human live their whole life pretending to be perfect and kind and whatever. Though this of course does not apply to everyone.