The Legend of Kaiser
A.N: As I said in the last chapter, this chapter will be a special chapter. This one is going to be a humour based chapter only. It's an idea that popped into my head when Kitty and I were talking about the latest Naruto movie. Naruto Shippuden: Road to Ninja. I think this was a great idea to integrate into my story. I am just borrowing the idea. This chapter won't be very long as you can see how quick it came out. This is all going to be from Kaiser's point of view. Hope you guys like this!
Fact of the Day: I captain a Football (Soccer) team and I play at the Left Back position.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Naruto Shippuden or anything related to Naruto. I do not own anything related to Dragon Ball, Z or GT. Well, except for this Super Saiyan Future Trunks action figure that I haven't seen since a couple of years. It should be around here somewhere.
Chapter 70
Special Chapter: When Waffles are Pancakes
It was like every other morning. Kaiser woke up before anyone else. He didn't immediately get up. He never does. He lies in the company of his goddesses but something didn't feel right. Rosaria was still on his right and Brila was still on his left but something wasn't right.
Rosaria was curled up like a ball next to him. She clutched onto him as if her life depended on it. Brila however, was all over the place. She was lying on top of both of them and she was snoring louder than Kaiser thought she was capable of.
He slapped himself twice to dispel this illusion but after his cheeks felt the sting of his palms, he concluded that this was very real.
He shook his head carefully picked Brila and placed her on his left but he was met by a roundhouse by the same Goddess he just carefully put down. He was knocked all the way into the bathroom.
The poor prince fell flat on his back. He slowly sat up and glanced back at the bed only to find Brila snoring loudly.
Rosaria however seemed to be in distress.
"What in the name of everything holy…" The prince thought as he got back up to his feet.
A few minutes later…
Kaiser got out of the bathroom walked towards his closet to get his usual fighting gi out. After getting changed, he looked back at the bed. He was kind of amused to see Brila snoring but he was shocked to see Rosaria shivering.
His eyes narrowed and he rushed to her side with incredible speed.
"Kitty." He whispered as he shook her softly. "Kitty wake up."
Her eyes fluttered open and then they settled on him. Her eyes widened and she jumped to embrace him as hard as she could.
"Kitty?"
"Where did you go?" She cried. "Why didn't you wake up with me? I missed you so much!"
"I just went to the bathroom." He said with a poker face.
"I know but please don't leave me like that ever again." She said as she locked her lips with his.
"Can you jackasses be quiet? I am trying to get some shuteye here." Brila said in annoyed tone as she shifted in bed.
Kaiser's lips stopped moving as soon as he heard Brila's words. He unsealed his lips and looked over to Brila and said, "What did you say?"
"You heard me. Shut the hell up so I can get some sleep."
Kaiser didn't say anything. He stepped away from Rosaria and walked out of the room.
He walked into the lounge and found Videl sitting on the floor. This surprised him. Videl was always the one to use her luxuries.
"Woman, what are you doing on the floor?" Kaiser asked.
Videl perked up and jumped to her feet, startling the prince. She bowed before him and said, "Good morning Prince Kaiser."
"Good…morning? Prince…Kaiser?" Kaiser thought to himself. What is wrong with everyone?
"Morning." He replied.
"Do you want me to prepare something for you or do you wish for Princess Rosaria to prepare something for you?" Videl asked.
"Prepare something? Where's Giru?" Kaiser asked.
"Shh!" Videl hissed.
"W-What now?" Kaiser gasped.
"Lord Gohan said not to speak about that thing. He believed that we didn't need such a thing in our house so he destroyed him." Videl answered.
"Lord? The half breed destroyed Giru?! I worked for hours on that shit!" Kaiser's temper was rising.
"So the prince awakens. It's about time." Said half breed grunted. "Morning human."
"Good morning my lord." Videl said respectful.
Kaiser didn't know how to respond to that. Gohan's look was entirely different. He looked confident. Very confident and he seemed so full of himself. Kind of like Vegeta.
"Morning half breed." Kaiser said calmly. "You destroyed my robot." It wasn't a question.
"Yeah. You should thank me."
"I should kick your ass. That's what I should do."
"Would you look at that? The prince has grown a pair." Gohan smirked. "At least you're not like Vegeta."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Look half breed, don't test my patience." Kaiser growled.
"What are you gonna do about it?"
"Put you in your place like that the bug that you are."
"Please. Don't fight." Videl was on the verge of crying. "Lord Gohan, let me pleasure you."
Kaiser's eyes widened so far that his eye balls were about to pop out. "Yup, I am done here." He said as he teleported over to his parent's house to make sense of things.
He materialized in front of Capsule Corp. He sighed as he saw nothing different. He took a sigh of relief as he walked through the reception. The receptionist greeted him as always but then he saw someone he didn't recognize.
He knew everyone who worked in the company but this…kid? Who was he? He had the biggest spectacles, a runny nose and messy purple hair. The odd thing about him was his unusually high power level.
"Oh you're here." The boy said as he hugged Kaiser's leg – rubbing his nose against the prince's pants.
"I have to remember to burn these pants." Kaiser thought with disgust.
"What do you want kid? How did you…get…here…" Kaiser examined the boy a little closer. Purple hair? Blue eyes? No…no…no…NO…NO! NO! NO! NO!
"TRUNKS?!"
"What is it big brother?"
"Da hell happened to you?!"
"What do you mean?" Trunks said as he gave him a toothy grin revealing his braces in the process.
"I…you…braces…since when?" Kaiser asked with wide eyes.
"Since birth." Trunks replied questioningly.
"Since…birth? How the hell is that even possible? And what about the goggles? Did you have those since birth too?" He asked sarcastically.
"Yes."
"What the fu-"
"Son!"
Kaiser turned to the source of the voice and saw his father standing at the end of the hallway. He examined his father's appearance. Nothing seemed to be different but then his eyes travelled to his face.
He had a soft look. A SOFT LOOK! WHAT THE HELL?!
"Son, are you alright?" Vegeta asked with a smile.
"Did he just ask me if I was alright and is he fucking smiling?!" Kaiser thought to himself – wanting to gouge out his eyeballs.
"Uh yeah. I need a spar. Let's go." Kaiser said. He needed to clear his head and a spar seemed just right.
"I already told you Kaiser. These spars are too violent and too much blood is lost. Bad for our health."
Kaiser was dumbstruck now. This wasn't happening. His father, King Vegeta, had turned down a sparring session.
"You're joking." Kaiser said in disbelief.
"Not at the moment. I do have some jokes I can tell you though. Here's one: There's this a guy walking down the street and he went up to this other guy and said, 'Hey!' The other guys says, 'What?' The first guy says, 'What's that in your hand?' The second guy says, 'HAH! A stick!" Vegeta said as he laughed his pants off. Trunks laughed hysterically and Kaiser was laughing too.
The Saiyan prince wasn't laughing because the joke was funny. He was laughing because he had finally lost it but their laughter ceased when they heard a demonic roar echo throughout Capsule Corp.
"What the hell was that?" Kaiser gasped.
"Your mom is on her periods." Vegeta said with a perverted grin.
Kaiser vanished without a word.
He materialized at the lookout hoping to get some answers from there. Everything seemed normal but he wasn't going to fall for it this time. He kept his guard up.
"Good morning Kaiser." Mr. Popo said as he stopped watering his plants. "How are you today?"
I am-" Before Kaiser could finish, Mr. Popo kicked the Saiyan prince's crown jewels as hard as he could.
Kaiser's eyes widened and he screamed in pain. He fell to the floor, his hands glued to his crotch. He got up after a few moments – his eyes burning with rage.
"WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?!" Kaiser screamed.
"This is how I say hello." Mr. Popo said innocently.
An evil smirk appeared on Kaiser's face. His eyes turned black and red they were screaming death. "It's time I said hello my own way!" He growled as he kicked the black genie as hard as his legs allowed. The poor black genie was knocked out of the galaxy.
"Fat ass black forest cake." Kaiser cursed.
Next the prince saw Piccolo and this time Kaiser could confidently say that Piccolo hadn't changed. The Namekian was in his usual floating meditative position.
"Hey, pickle." Kaiser said calmly.
No answer.
"Hey!"
Still no answer.
"Slug!"
Still no answer.
"Green man!"
Still now answer.
"Faggot!"
Still no answer.
"Shit face!" Kaiser laughing now.
Still no answer.
"Let's how you like this!" Kaiser said as he arched his fist back.
Suddenly, Piccolo got out of his meditative position and made the scariest face possible. "BOO!" He screamed.
Kaiser would normally be calm but this was something he did not expect. "GAH!" He yelled as he fell back. "The hell was that for?!"
Piccolo's responsible was hysterical laughter. "I am a prank master! I did it! I feel great! Yes! Yes! This is awesome!"
"Just when I thought things were back to normal. Prank master?" He asked the Namekian.
"I am the best prankster in the universe! Haven't you seen my latest YouTube video?"
"YouTube?" Kaiser said in disbelief. This wasn't happening. This can't be happening.
"Hey! Hey!" Piccolo said.
"What?" The prince replied in an annoyed tone.
"You have something on your shirt." The Namekian replied.
"Hm?" Kaiser looked down. Big mistake because Piccolo planted a right hook on his chest.
"IT WAS PAIN!" The Namekian exploded in laughter.
Kaiser growled ferociously as he got back to his feet.
"You mad bro?" Piccolo said with an innocent grin.
An evil grin appeared on Kaiser's face as lightning and fire crackled in his fists. His eyes turned black and red and he shot the Namekian a sinister look. "Oh I am very mad." Kaiser growled as he kneed the Namekian in his gut and followed that up with a roundhouse kick – knocking the Namekian out of the lookout.
Kaiser glared at the descending figure of Piccolo. He sighed as he powered down and went deeper into the lookout to find Dende.
This time, he was going to keep his guard up. He wasn't going to trust anyone. He could sense Dende's presence. He could also hear Dende. Dende's maniacal laughter.
Just great. The guardian of Earth has gone nuts.
"Dende?" Kaiser asked carefully.
Dende turned and saw Kaiser from the corner of his eyes and quickly hid what he had in his hands away into his pockets.
"What was that?" Kaiser asked suspiciously.
"Oh nothing." The guardian of Earth grinned evilly. "Just being God and shit."
"Ah I see." Kaiser replied with clear bewilderment. "Why is everyone acting so different?"
"What are you talking about young Kaiser?" He said as he moved his hands in his sleeves.
"Everyone is being all weird and I think I am kinda older than you." Kaiser said as he felt pain on his back. He noticed Dende was shuffling his arms in his sleeves and it was starting to creep him out.
"What are you doing?" Kaiser asked.
"Nothing." He said as he moved his hand vigorously in his sleeves.
"That's it!" Kaiser growled as he pulled Dende's arms out of his pockets – his back throbbing with pain.
In the guardian's hand, lay a voodoo doll of Kaiser.
"A VOODOO DOLLS? DENDE!"
"What?"
"Why do you have a voodoo doll of me?!"
"Because it's fun."
"Die bitch! Get out of my way!" Kaiser growled as he kicked Dende out of the orbit. "Say hi to that fat bastard for me!"
"Nothing make sense anymore." He said as he walked back to the centre of the lookout.
Over there he saw someone he would never expect to see.
"Cell?!" Kaiser gasped. "How the hell did you get here?!"
Cell snapped his head towards Kaiser and dashed towards him. Kaiser jumped into a stance preparing for the worst but Cell out manoeuvred him and embraced the Saiyan in a hug.
Kaiser thought he was dead. Cell was hugging him. The guy who threatened to destroy the universe at one point was now hugging him.
"Uh…Cell?"
"Oh Kaiser! How I have missed you! I am so thankful that you wished me back to life!" He said as he tightened the hug.
"I…what?"
"Kaiser. I know this is sudden but…I love you…" Cell said as he caressed the Saiyan's back.
Kaiser's brain stopped functioning.
"I know what I did in the past was wrong but everything is different now. I love you and that's all that matters."
Cell moved his face and looked into Kaiser's eyes.
The prince's brain was still malfunctioning.
Reboot…10%
Cell began moving in for the kiss.
50%...
He was almost there.
90%
Inches away.
100%
"FUCK NO!" He screamed at the top of his lungs.
"B-But Kaiser!" Cell protested.
"NO! NO! NO! Shut up! Shut the hell up! Why aren't you dead?!"
"But I-"
"SHUT UP! Don't answer that! You should've stayed dead mofuka!" Kaiser said as he made certain hand movements. "BURNING ATTACK!" He yelled as his blast began incinerating Cell.
"AND I! WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!" Cell sang as he died once again.
Kaiser panted hard as he fell to the ground. "What the hell…this can't get any worse."
Just then, Frieza showed up.
"Oh great. What now?!" Kaiser growled.
"My milkshake brings the boys to the yard! Damn right it's better than yours! Damn right, it's better than yours! I can teach you but I have to-"
"Die." Kaiser stated as he incinerated Frieza with the same attack.
"Woah! What's with you incinerating people bro?" A voice said from behind.
Kaiser spun around and saw Goku in a completely different attire. He had sunglasses on and the usual Saiyan armour.
"G-Goku?"
"Yep! Look man, can't talk! Plenty of women to see and many planets to recruit. You know me, gotta keep rollin rollin rollin!" He said as he teleported away.
"He…I…You…waffles…" He hissed as he headed towards his next destination. Kame house.
He teleported in the front only to be greeted by no one.
"Odd. Master Roshi is always here." Kaiser thought to himself.
The door of the house flung open and out came Krillin…with hair twice Piccolo's height.
"YOUR HAIR!" Kaiser gasped.
"IS LONG!" Krillin chuckled.
"But how?"
"Waffle mixture."
"What?"
"18 says hi." Krillin said as he presented Kaiser with a toaster.
"Where is she?"
"Dude, she's right here." He pointed at the toaster.
"Dude, that's a toaster." Kaiser said with a quizzical expression.
"KAISER!"
"WHAT?!"
"Don't call her that! She gets upset when you say that!" Krillin scolded. "It's okay honey. Kaiser is only being a bread."
"A…bread? You put breads in toaster…" Realization hit him. "OH SHIT!" Kaiser gasped. "Wait, where's Master Roshi?"
"He's dead." Krillin said sadly.
"What?! How?"
"He wasn't perverted enough." Krillin said as he went back in. "Maron! Goddy is here!"
"Wasn't…perverted enough?"
His thoughts were interrupted when Maron walked out of the house and walked up to Kaiser.
"Thank God! At least she's normal."
"Hey Maron!" Kaiser greeted cheerfully.
"Dafuq you want dawg! I got a joint to hit! Ain't nobody got time for you mofuka." Maron replied.
Kaiser could only stare. Stare in disbelief.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" He screamed at the top of his lung.
"What you trippin' for?" Maron said.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" He kept screaming until everything turned black.
He gasped as he sat up in his bed. He was back in his room and he was sweating. "Only a nightmare. Thank God."
"Damn Kaiser. That was great." Frieza said from his left.
"I hope the Goddesses won't mind." Cell added.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HH!"
Power Levels
Goku: Wheat
Vegeta: Donkey
Brila: Pancakes
Rosaria: Waffles
Trunks: Drool
Frieza: Milkshake
Cell: Ant
Piccolo: Green
Kaiser: Doodle
Bulma: Dragon
Krillin: Hair
18: Toaster
Maron: Drugs
A.N: This is it for this parody chapter! I hope you guys liked it. I thought it was pretty funny and I had fun typing this fun. I am gonna get back to canon immediately and yeah. I won't reply to any of the reviews yet but I'll answer one question. Piccolo's power level is 1 trillion. Kaiser, Gohan, Brila, Rosaria, Goku and Vegeta have power levels above his. Kaiser clocks in at 18,000,000,000,000 which is 18 trillion. Anyway, hope you guys liked this chapter. Please review!