So yeah, I told you guys I would update! I didn't think it would be this soon, though, but hey, what happens happens.

So this chapter is a bit strange, since there were I few places and points I wanted Clarissa to be at certain times and with certain people, but to bind those certain points together was quite hard, so I'm not very happy with how this chapter worked out, but I couldn't find a better way to do it.

Hope you guys will enjoy this chapter even though it's not a favorite of mine and please keep in mind that I do not own Kuroshitsuji.

XxX

Chapter 44

The fire didn't consume me. It didn't even come close. A familiar gardening tool grabbed me and pulled me away before the fire could hurt me, putting me on the roof.

William looked at me with a slightly annoyed look. 'Do you want to give me extra paper work, miss Lane?' he asked me.

I was too confused to even think. What just happened? 'Er… No?' My voice was shaking more than it should, but maybe that was because I was shaking. I wasn't even sure why. Was I cold? Was I scared? I didn't understand.

'Then shut up and sit there until I've finished my work,' he said. Then he pulled a disgusted face. 'You really do smell like that vile demon.' Then he sighed and grabbed that black notebook of his. 'Honestly,' he mumbled, not talking to me. 'I can't imagine what Personnel is thinking.'

Me neither. But mostly because I had no idea who 'Personnel' was. Maybe it was a group of people. I don't know.

The most confusing thing of it all was the fact that we were standing – well, I was sitting, but yeah – on a burning house and William was doing paperwork. How odd.

'Waiting until now to send help when this clearly isn't a one-man job…' He turned to the other side of the roof and I followed his glare, seeing a man with the same eye-colour, but lighter hair and overall younger look, standing there with a… lawnmower? What the fuck?

'Ronald Knox,' William stated.

The man laughed. 'Sorry, Senior Spears! I feel like I hurried, personally, but I guess you're angry, huh? Oh—are you disappointed it's me?'

Okay, so this was another reaper and reapers apparently had an obsession with gardening tools. Okay. I was okay with that.

William readjusted his glasses. 'No. I just had a sinking feeling I'd get him, since he was released today.' He turned back to the fire. 'Being wrong is an unexpected stroke of luck.'

When I also looked at the fire, I saw strange strings flying into the air. They seemed like rolls of films or something. I wanted to ask what they were, but then I remembered that William had said that I should shut up, so I decided not to talk.

'Now that you mention it,' the junior reaper said as he came closer. 'Senior Sutcliff ran off to do another job and he was really excited… Hmm, what was it?'

Ah. Grell. They were talking about Grell. I had to admit that I was glad as well that it wasn't Grell, but this other guy who showed up.

William gave me a quick glance before turning to the junior reaper again. 'The Phantomhive mansion?' he guessed.

'Right!' junior said, snapping his fingers. 'That one!' Then he took out a black notebook as well. Probably a reaper-thing. 'That job looks easier,' he said as he looked through the book.

'What a shame,' William said, closing his eyes. 'For both of you.'

Wait… was he talking about Grell and Junior or me and junior? I was confused now.

'For heaven's sake… Workers cause unnecessary trouble when they get emotionally involved,' William said as he looked through his own book. 'Our job as grim reapers is to examine and collect souls according to the list distributed by the higher-ups. Nothing more. Even the examinations are merely formalities.'

'Well then,' Junior – I know he's called Ronald, but I wasn't going to call him that – said, 'let's get this "due diligence" over with! There's a party with the secretarial pool today. Plus, I'm a no-overtime man.'

That made me laugh, but my laugh sounded strange. I sounded like a dying dolphin.

William gave me a glance and Junior finally noticed me. 'Ah!' he said, pointing at me with his hand. 'You're the girl!' He grabbed my chin to get a closer look. 'Oh, your eyes are absolutely awesome!' he told me. 'And your skin is just like ours! Quite cool! I didn't expect her to look like this! Grell said that she looked like a really ugly human girl…'

Now that I looked at him up close, I saw that he had the exact same eye colour as William. Maybe Grell had the same colour too? Maybe it was a reaper-thing.

'She wasn't like this before, though,' William said, not denying what Grell had said about me, but not confirming it either. 'And… are you able to see if she's in shock or not? Is she supposed to tremble like that?'

'You think she's in shock?' Junior asked William. He looked at me with different eyes now and then said: 'She might as well be. I don't know. I'm not a doctor. Maybe she's just cold? Or warm? Or scared?' He shrugged. 'No idea.'

William sighed and readjusted his glasses again. 'Well, then, will leave her for now. It's not like we can do anything about it if she indeed is in shock.' Another sigh. 'Cause of death for most of the subjects was burning, but it was a demon that triggered the fire.'

I cringed.

Junior let out a surprised 'gah'. 'Seriously?!' he asked shocked. The way he reacted sounded like demons were rare, but rather famous creatures. I'd thought as much.

'He doesn't seem the type to scavenge for food, but we mustn't be careless,' William told Junior. 'If he makes off with one of the souls, there will be paperwork.'

Williams greatest worry seemed to be paperwork. Somehow that was funny.

'Yessir, I'll put my back into it,' Junior answered. Grabbing his lawnmower and turning it on. 'I never work overtime, after all.'

'Ronald Knox,' William said, frowning as he saw the lawnmower. I know, dude, it's weird. 'Is that death scythe approved?'

'The forms are all in order. I have a lady friend in General Affairs,' Junior told his senior.

William sighed. 'Right then, let's get them all collected by the end of this shift.'

'Roger!' Junior agreed. 'Every last one.'

And then William grabbed me, but me on his back and we jumped into the fire to do the work that reapers apparently did. The fire didn't burn them, though, as if it knew that it wasn't there to kill these reapers.

'What are those strings coming out of them?' I asked, my voice sounding like I'd been partying until two.

William didn't say a thing, of course. But Junior did give me a cheerful smile before giving me an answer. 'Cinematic records. A sort movie of their lives,' he said.

'And you have to watch all of those?' I asked, one eyebrow pulled up.

'Jup,' was Junior's answer and he didn't seem too happy about that either.

I pulled a face. 'Geez. That sounds boring as fuck.'

'Watch your language,' William warned. 'Or I'll drop you.'

XxX

After their job was done it was clear that William was unsure as what he should do to me. It wasn't like I could just show up at Ciel's door, saying 'just kidding, not dead!' and move in with them again. That would probably make Sebastian want to kill me more. And maybe Ciel would agree with him then, too.

So William brought me to the townhouse, where only Agni and Soma were, who were according to William 'just two ordinary annoying humans who couldn't cause much harm'. I didn't fully agree with that statement, but at this time I felt like I was frozen, not really sure why.

William dropped my off in front of the front door and left me there after knocking on the door, leaving me alone in the dark.

It was Agni who answered the door and the moment he saw me, he frowned. 'Miss Lane!' he said, immediately shooting forward and pressing a hand against my forehead. 'Oh, you're as cold as ice! Are you sick? Or…' he frowned. '…are you in shock?' he then asked, as if he recognized the symptoms.

'I…. I don't know,' I said as I shivered in his arms, seeing white balls of light blocking my vision. Was I going to pass out? I didn't want to pass out.

Strangely enough, that thought made me cry, making Agni only more worried. 'Miss Lane?' he said, but I couldn't find him anymore. Bright light in my eyes consumed the darkness around me.

'I don't want to go,' I cried, not understanding what I was saying and doing anymore. 'I want to help.' I grabbed Agni, but still couldn't see him. 'I want to go after him!'

I reckon you have a trauma, Drossel said inside my head, but you're hiding it away. Not a smart move, I say.

I started to laugh, not sure what was real anymore. 'I think I want to die,' I told whoever was listening and then I embraced the light that consumed me, unable to see anything because of the blinding light.

XxX

I didn't dream. I wasn't even sure if I was sleeing. Maybe I was just laying still somewhere. The only thing I knew for sure that I woke up with the Undertaker sitting next to my bed in my room in the townhouse, where Agni had probably put me in.

I shot straight up, confused and trying to get everything into context as I asked: 'What the bloody hell are you doing here?'

He laughed his horror-movie laugh and covered his mouth with one hand. 'Who knows?' he asked, still laughing.

I blinked a few times as my eyes got used to the light in the room and my head started to put everything back together. 'I'm not in shock,' I said, both surprised and a little proud. I wanted to convince myself that I wasn't a weak girl, a damsel in distress, but yeah, I actually kind of was. So not being in shock was pretty great.

'So it would seem,' Undertaker reacted. 'It's not surprising. Creatures like you are protected from weaknesses such as shock and trauma.'

This made me want to roll my eyes and smack myself in the face. 'What am I, Undertaker?' I asked him, my patience wearing thinner and thinner every second.

He laughed again. 'Who knows?'

XxX

Undertaker had told me that Ciel and Sebastian would take a certain train and he told me on which time. He even told me they were riding first class and that they had reserved a cabin for themselves. Because apparantely that was possible. I took public transfort to the trainstation and walked towards the right train, being way too early because I wanted to be in their cabin before they arrived.

When I wanted to enter the train, a little girl came up to me carrying a basket full of oranges. 'Miss, would you like to buy one?' she asked me.

Her face was so angelic and innocent that it made me want to cry. All those children. This child cloud so easily have been one of them. I gave her some money Undertaker had given me just in case and she gave me an orange in return. 'Have a save journey, miss!' she said smiling and I really had to keep myself from hugging her as I entered the train.

I sat down in Ciel's reserved cabin, trying to think of the right thing to say. This had been Undertaker's plan, since he told me that near Ciel I was the safest, as long as he had is emotions under control, since Ciel did believe that I was the key to his revenge and he could keep Sebastian in check if he wanted to.

It was Sebastian who opened the door to the cabin, of course, and since I couldn't think of anything else to say, I stood up from my seat and held up my orange. 'Do you want some?' I asked as I saw how both Ciel and Sebastian looked at me as if there was a dinosaur in the train.

Then I saw that Sebastian was holding an orange in his hand as well and smiled, feeling a comfortable warmth burning inside of me as I realised that Sebastian obviously hadn't been the one to buy that orange. 'Wow, you are nice today, Ciel. Why? Did your conscious feel sorry for all those children you mur—'

And then Ciel wrapped his arms around me and embraced me. Ciel actually embraced me. I wasn't really sure what to do. He had my arms in an embrace as well, so I couldn't really hug him back, nor could I push him off. Man, this day got more confusing every minute.

As Ciel still hugged me I looked at Sebastian, who stared at me with narrowed eyes, clearly trying to guess what had saved my life this time.

Then Ciel released me and he said: 'I almost thought that I'd lost my biggest clue in my revenge by mistake.'

Yeah, he totally ruined the moment there.

But then he blushed, which was kind of cute.

I sighed. 'Well, lucky for you Sebastian seems to be the only one who wants me dead. William saved me.' I left the details about Agni and Undertaker out of my story for now. 'And I'm sorry, but I will have to stay in your cabin.' I sat back down again. 'And yes, I will sit next to the window. That's a priority for me.'

Ciel looked at me without saying a word for a while before sitting down next to the window as well, in the seat across me. 'Ah,' he said slowly, but he was staring at my face with a strange look on his face.

I realised that he hadn't looked at my face at all yesterday, so he was surprised by the sudden change in eye and skin colour.

I sighed and closed my eyes for a second, leaning my head against the window. 'If you're wondering why I look like this: I have no idea. No one cares to explain it to me and I have had other things on my mind these few hours.' Then I opened my eyes again and looked at Ciel. 'So… where are we going?' I asked.

Sebastian sat down next to me, which should've annoyed me but right now I couldn't care less, and started to cut Ciel's orange as he said: 'I wanted to ask something about that our destination too, my lord.'

'What?' Ciel asked, ignoring me and giving his butler the priority.

'Why visit their old orphanage?' he asked, answering my question through his question. So we were going to visit Joker's old orphanage. That didn't have a boss now, since he got killed off. Bloodily I might add.

Ciel put his elbow against the glass and leaned against his hand. 'Its patron is dead. It can't possible stay open without one.' He looked out of the window as he added: 'Lord Burton or his lot would probably be willing to donate, and I don't mind introducing them.'

Sebastian didn't look up from his orange as he said: 'Out of pity?'

Ciel's answer came too quick, indicating that he'd thought about this. 'The aftermath is part of a Phantomhive's job. There's no need to sacrifice those in regular society to underworld affairs.'

Sebastian handed Ciel the cut orange and held his hand out to me, so I could hand my orange to him. With almost no emotion in his voice he asked: 'Then why did we burn those children?'

I already knew the answer to this question. Or, at least, I could guess it. My reason for not hating Ciel for burning them was also the reason I thought Ciel would give. Even if it wasn't his actual reason.

'I've seen many like them,' Ciel said as he took off his leather glove to eat the orange without dirtying his gloves. 'Once they end up like that, they can never go back to normal. Which means… '

'…they'd better be off dead? That's very arrogant,' Sebastian said, clearly not sure if what Ciel was saying was the real reason. I had to admit that I wasn't sure about that either. He seemed to be taken over by trauma yesterday, unable to make such a well thought out decision. I had made it, though, but more out of pity than anything.

'Is there any human who isn't arrogant?' Ciel asked Sebastian, a strange, almost wicked smile on his face.

'I've never met one, my lord,' he told Ciel in all honesty, glancing over at me.

Asshole. How was I arrogant? Okay, I might have acted arrogant sometimes, but I certainly wasn't such an arrogant little brat like Ciel. But that was part of Ciel's charm, really.

'How much strength do you think it takes for someone weak—let alone a child—to recover from a situation like that?' He ate another piece of orange.

You recovered. And I did, too. I didn't say it out loud though. These two probably didn't know yet that I had been there when Sebastian had made a contract with Ciel. I remembered his voice, his words, everything. But I would keep that to myself. I felt like that kind of information could kill me if it fell into the wrong hands. 'Wrong' being in this case Ciel and/or Sebastian.

It took a while before Ciel said anything else, clearly considering if he could say what he wanted to say with me here. 'That day… Moments before I'd have broken completely, I managed to summon you. You brought me necessary strength, and that's the only reason I recovered. But you were the only demon there—and you belong to me.' He sighed and leaned on his elbow again, looking out of the window. 'Yes, I'm arrogant. But not arrogant enough to make irresponsible boasts that I can save others.'

'I see,' Sebastian said after a while.

Then Ciel looked at me, not saying anything for a while. Then he frowned and sat up, looking closer, deeper into my eyes. 'Sebastian… Look at her. Don't you think one of her eyes looks like a reaper's eye?'

Sebastian turned my face to his and stared into my eyes. He released me quickly and then said: 'I do see the similarities, yes. But I must say that her usual eye-colour is almost exactly the same, so I wouldn't pay too much attention to it.'

'What are you trying to say?' I asked, frowning.

'I'm just trying to figure you out,' was Ciel's simple answer. After that he looked out of the window and I saw a faint blush on his cheeks. 'That's all there is to it.'

XxX

We arrived at the destination. Which was nothing more than a place in the middle of nowhere. Well, at least it was more fancy than Barrymore, because they at least had shops and cabbies.

We took a cab to the orphanage and the cab dropped us off at the beginning of a hill, saying that it was on top of the hill.

As we walked up the hill I noticed that Ciel was having difficulty with walking. This was the first time I had seen that. Luckily he'd brought his walking stick. But did he realise he looked really stupid with that hat and bow, and all dressed in black, too? Wasn't that kind of Sebastian's thing, wearing only black? Maybe Ciel was in mourning for all those children. Although I knew that he would never admit that even if that was the case.

Sebastian walked behind us and I walked in front of Ciel, walking faster than he. But when I reached the top of the hill, I wanted to turn around immediately.

The orphanage was no longer there.

Well, the building was still there, but it was half destroyed and empty. And it clearly had been empty for a while. This roof was half-gone and all the windows were broken. This was clearly no place to live anymore.

'It appears,' Sebastian pointed out as we walked through the ruins, 'that Lord Kelvin was lying.' We reached the end of the ruins, revealing that there was nothing here. 'Judging from its state of disrepair, it's been empty for quite a while. From the way the doctor talked, I would venture that the orphans here were… ' He didn't finish his sentence. He didn't have to.

It was silent for a long time. The only thing I heard was myself breathing and the wind, but then Ciel suddenly started to laugh. Loud and cheerful, like a child. But in this context, it was wrong. It was all wrong.

'Ciel?' I said on the same time Sebastian said: 'Young master?'

He only started to laugh harder and I could hear a soft sound of surprise coming from Sebastian's mouth.

'There was nothing!' Ciel shouted hysterical, still in that strange, weirdly cheerful way. 'Everything they had to protect was long gone!' He laughed a short laugh between his words. 'And they didn't even know! They were so desperate to do it—they all died!' Another hysterical laughter. 'We mock their desperate wished, and trample them like insects! Cowardly, base—we're more demonic than demons are!' He said, still cheerful and laughter while he was almost dancing through the field. Ciel laughed so hard that it frightened me and he put his arms around his stomach.

Then suddenly, the laughter was gone and he looked down, not looking at me or Sebastian, but looking at the ground where the orphans once played.

'I'm just like them,' he said and my eyes filled themselves with the tears I hated so much again, but I wasn't sure if it was because of the wind of because of Ciel. 'I'm full of the same ugliness they were. This is how humans are.' He grabbed his coat on the place where his heart was beating in his chest, finally looking up at Sebastian, ignoring me completely. 'It's how we are, Sebastian!'

It took quite a while for Sebastian to get over his surprise, but then he closed his eyes and smiled. 'Yes, indeed,' he agreed.

Then the wind blew Ciel's bow of his head and took it with itself into the air, unable to grasp. That was the moment that Ciel started to shiver and I knew that he was trying to keep himself together.

And as I tried to help him I put my arms around him, keeping him together with my arms. I was surprised that he let me, but I was more surprised that he held onto me, letting his hat fall down as he grabbed me like he needed me. Maybe the wind would blew his hat away as well. I didn't know.

I noticed that Ciel cried a few tears as I stroke his hair and I looked at the sky, that suddenly seemed so much more beautiful as I sung: 'Tom, he was a piper's son. He learnt to play when he was young. And all the tune that he could play was "over the hills and far away". Over the hills and great way off, the wind shall blow my top-knot off.'

XxX

End of the chapter! This one was quite short, but it is the last one in the circus arc and the previous one was quite long, so I forgive myself. And I'm tired and again too lazy to come up with a word, so yeah, I probably will stop that 'word of the day'-thing, since I'm not doing it very often.

And I've been singing that 'Tom, the piper's son' song all day now! I've driven my friends crazy XD

And we're so close to the chapter in which everything becomes clear! Well, we're still about four chapters away from it, maybe even more, but hey, considering that we've already had over forty chapters, I think it's save to use the word 'almost'. I actually am really excited about the last chapter, strangely enough, because I have so many awesome ideas for that one chapter. But we're not even close to the end, so I guess I'll just have to wait and make sure to not forget all my ideas.

Next chapter will be a bit of a filler one before we continue our story, and the story continues where we left of in season one of the anime; after the curry arc. And I will skip the filler episodes, which is like one or two, I'm not sure, I can't think right now for some reason.

Insanity runs through my vains: I'm sorry if that's confusing; I just use what school thought me. But then again, I am Dutch, so maybe in English it's strange. I don't know. But thanks!

Fire in a Dark Soul: Yeah, I kind of like the darkness, but things will get lighter now before going off into darkness again. And I won't tell you if you're right or wrong yet, but I will say that she, indeed, as a connection with angels (I'm confirming this because it was kind of obvious).

PyrroLou: Well, she did survive. Hooray for William! XD And thanks, love to hear that you like my story! And I won't tell you if you're right or wrong, mostly because of spoilers, but also because I'm evil ;)