Episode 14-This Is Your Brain On Drugs

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"He's at it again!" Freddy hissed as Ghostface staggered over to the couch and fell onto the cushions. Jason rolled his eyes.

I'm so fucking sick of this shit!

Yeah, Michael wrote, whenever he's high like this he keeps insisting that I'm a chick.

Freddy shrugged. "You pretty much are one." and he flipped the T.V. Channel as Ghostface gripped the mouth part of his mask.

"Oh God...I feel sick 'gain." Ghostface muttered as his stomach did a proper back flip.

Jason sighed and rested his head in his hands. I told you that you shouldn't just go swallowing acid just for fun!

Ghostface watched him write the note then once Jason was done, he snatched it and read it upside down and scratched his head. Distractedly he began to turn the paper this way and that and laughed idiotically. "Ha ha ha...pretty colors...hey...psssst! Heeeeeey FREDDY?!"

"What?!"

Ghostface shoved the paper at him. "Look at all the pretty colors-"

"I sear to God that if you shove one more thing in my face claiming that it has 'pretty colors' I'll fucking butcher you stoned ass, I don't care how high you are!"

Michael: I think that he's about to puke.

Jason: Then how about you escort him to the bathroom? I don't want to have to spend the rest of the morning cleaning up vomit.

But Ghostface didn't need any help. In a few seconds he had jumped to his feet and tripped all the way into the bathroom. Freddy turned the T.V. Up as loud as it would go as the sounds of Ghostface puking echoed throughout the house. Freddy slammed the remote down and fumed.

"Aw come on man! What the fuck! I can't even hear Brooke Knows Best-"

Jason tried to take the remote away. You shouldn't even be watching that dumb bimbo anyways...it's all about Keeping Up With the Kardashians...

Michael shook his head. Nu-uh. I'm a Daisy of Love guy.

Exasperatedly Freddy threw the remote at Jason's head, producing a loud cracking noise as it came in contact with his hockey mask. "It doesn't matter anyway! No one can hear the motherfucking hoes complain about how hard it is to be rich...and hot...and-"

Careful Kruger, Jason wrote, you don't wanna get out of control, you know?

He rolled his eyes disdainfully. "Yeah. Like you would know anything about that. Anyway, I'm just about sick of this whole fuck face thing. He's always high or drunk."

Michael: I can understand why. Living with us can't be easy.

Freddy glared at him. "Wow Myers. That's the most pussy thing that I've ever heard. It's not us that's the problem, it's obviously him. And I got just the idea to fix him..."

Jason: I don't like where this is going.

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ONCE THE EFFECTS OF THE ACID HAD WORN OFF...

"I don't see why you're doing this." Ghostface said as Jason forced him into one of the kitchen chairs. Freddy stood by the lit stove glaring down at him.

"Because fuck face. There's something that you need to see. Voorhees, pan if you please." Jason nodded and gave him a pan. "Okay..." Freddy muttered as he put the pan on the stove. "Now how does this go again?"

Michael, who stood next to a full carton of eggs, held up a roughly scribbled sign; This is your brain-this is your brain on drugs.

"Oh yeah! Okay...now I remember. Myers, the egg please." Freddy said, holding out his clawed hand.

Michael nodded and gently tossed an egg at him; Freddy caught it with his clawed hand and the raw egg shattered as it hit the knives, spilling yolk all over his gloved hand. He reeled back and glared at him. "You did that on purpose!"

No I didn't. I just assumed like you didn't catch like a girl is all-

Jason interrupted, motioning to Ghostface who was now candidly puffing on a cigarette. This isn't doing him much good. Myers give Kruger another egg.

Michael once again nodded but this time pressed the egg firmly into Freddy's hand. "Okay...now fuck face pay-oh shit!" as he turned to face the frying pan, he lost his balance on some of the egg yolk that had dripped from his fingers and he fell. Ghostface immediately doubled over in laughter.

"Oh you're right Kruger! I just simply had to see this! Oh God...this is priceless!"

Freddy cursed and fought to keep his balance as he tried to get up and scrape off the new egg yolk. Just as he went to lose his balance again, he reached for the leg of Michael's jumpsuit, bringing him down along with almost all the other eggs. Jason rolled his eyes.

Can't anything ever be simple for you, Kruger?

"I was trying to make it simple but Myers messed me up!" Freddy hissed as he finally managed to regain his footing. His shoes and all of his clothes were sticky with the egg yolk by the time he found a good egg and held it over the simmering pan.

"Fuck face are you paying attention?"

"Sure am, douche bag."

"Good." Freddy said, glowering down at him.

Ghostface nodded."Yep."

"Excellent."

"Yeah."

"Just stupendous-"

Jason banged his fists on the counter. Freddy! Just do the egg thing!

Freddy's eyes snapped back into the present and he nodded quickly. "Okay...this is your brain-" he held up the egg over the pan, "-and this is your brain on drugs." he cracked the egg and then let the yolk drain to the center of the pan and sizzle and crackle. Ghostface's eyes became filled with terror.

"Oh my God!"

Michael nodded, still trying to get some of the yolky, eggy mess out of his hair. Astonishing isn't it? We worked for hours trying to get it right, let me tell ya.

Ghostface shook his head. "N-no! It's not that! Look what you're doing to that perfectly good pain, idiot!" he yelled, indicating the egg as its burned edges bonded onto the pan.

"It's a small price to pay for a silent episode of Brooke Knows Best-"

"Huh?" he asked, cocking his head slightly to the side. "Is that the only reason why you're trying to sober me up?"

Jason nodded. Yeah. Isn't it just amazing at just how far Freddy will go to be even the tiniest bit selfish?

Freddy nodded and said as he went to open the balcony door, "Yeah. My selflessness exceeds all normal expectations, let me tell you." Without much thought he tossed the pan over the edge of the balcony and heard it clatter to the ground in the alley far below.

Ghostface shook his head. "No. I'm not gonna stop getting fucked up just because you three show me a cooked egg. I mean that's got to be the dumbest propaganda campaign of the 80s! Don't do drugs, they kill...how terrifying! Fuck no!"

"Okay then...group huddle." and he grabbed Jason's and Michael's sleeves and hauled them into a circle around him. "What are we going to do? I have to watch the next episode and Ghostface is high every single fucking night!"

Jason shrugged. I really couldn't care less. I'm pretty much dead inside anyway-

Suddenly Freddy's head shot up and his eyes sparkled. "Okay...time for plan B..."

Michael gave him an odd look. You have a plan B?

"Hell yeah, bitch. My whole life has been my plan B..." and he said to Ghostface, "Heeeeey...fuck face?"

"What?"

"Would you mind-"

"Yes."

Freddy glared at him. "But you didn't even-"

Ghostface shook his head. "Nope. Trust me. I already know my answer."

Freddy cursed and turned back to Michael and Jason. You really thought that would work? Jason wrote, staring at him miraculously.

He shrugged. "Worth a try...now it's time for plan C...an it's going to involve Myers. You don't mind, do you Michael? If you do speak now or forever hold your peace..."

Michael shook his head and tried to write a note, but Freddy snatched up the paper and cut it with with his clawed hand. "No? Okay then...if the two of you don't mind, just let me do the talking."

"Hey fuck face-"

"I told you no."

"WOULD YOU PLEASE-"

"NO!"

They were both silent for a moment then Freddy tried again. "Okay. I'll cut you a deal, fucker. If you can survive a mere on week without puffing, eating, sniffing, drinking, or doing anything that will get you high, you can have crazy birthday sex with Myers here."

Ghostface perked up. "Huh? Just a week? But I mean...I'm not really gay-"

Oh how cute, Jason wrote, denial.

"-shut up, Voorhees. But I'm not really gay and the only way that I'll even consider having crazy birthday sex with him is if I'm high. Because when I'm high he looks like a really hot chick."

Michael glared at him. Do not!

Jason couldn't help but nod. Uh yeah. You do. But it's okay, Myers. You're our little drag queen.

"Yeah! See? Just imagine how..." Freddy hesitated and looked like it killed him as he said, "...ya know? How sexy he'd look? No...maybe just add a blond wig? Yeah, I really can't see how that would happen, but I'll just let you decide. But you can't get high when you and him...you know. That'd defeat the whole purpose. But maybe if I'm feeling nice I'll let you get a little buzzed."

Ghostface looked from Freddy to Michael and clapped his hands together. "Fine. I'll do it Kruger. But when the time comes when I win I expect full participation from Myers."

Real fucking great...Michael thought dismally, now I'm like a hired hooker.

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At dinner Ghostface finally showed the first sign of cracking. He watched the others chug down immeasurable amounts of alcohol and shuddered. Trying to get his mind off of it, he turned to Michael and said, "Hey it isn't gonna be awkward when I win or anything, is it Myers?"

Well I never wanted in on this to begin with so yeah...I'll imagine it will be. Also very painful as I'm sure your very horny by now...

Ghostface nodded. "Hell yeah. How long has it been since we put Pinhead in the cube?"

Don't you mean since you've moved in? You stopped having sex when we moved in because there was no one to have sex with...right? Jason wrote.

When Ghostface didn't answer Freddy choked on a piece of pizza that he had been eating. "Ew! You mean...Pinhead?"

"Nope." Ghostface said, taking a large bite of pizza, "Not telling."

Jason slapped his forehead. Oh my God! You're queer!

Michael shuttered and took a large sip of beer. I can't believe this...I can't fucking believe-

"Pssst! Hey Myers!" Ghostface whispered. Michael glared at him.

What?

He motioned to his can of beer. "Pass me some...please I'm dying here...if I lose then you won't have to get it up the ass."

Okay, okay! I'll-

"You will not. If you do I'll make sure that you never sleep for one night ever again." Freddy said as he glared at Michael. With a look of pain in his black eyes Michael lowered his head.

Damn it!

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That night was the longest in his entire life. For trying to conspire with Myers to cheat the deal, Freddy ensured that Ghostface didn't get one solid moment of sleep. Usually around 1 A.M. He had to step outside to puff on some weed but apparently this wasn't an option...

Then again, usually he didn't sleep because he was so fucked up. He just spent the nights on the balcony and did whatever he hand on hand...crack, crystal meth...speed...it didn't matter. Just so long as he was stoned/wasted. Either one would do.

At one point he couldn't take it anymore; he crawled over to where Freddy slept and hissed into his ear, "Hey man...I can't take this no more...I can't-"

"Fuck face?"

"Y-yeah?"

"Go to fucking bed you punk ass bitch."

"But I-"

"So help me..."

Ghostface sighed. "Fine, fine. Okay." and he went back to his sleeping place...but his eyes shifted to the bathroom...getting up he quietly began to make his way towards it. No one tried to stop him or slow him down, just let him pass.

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Freddy was awoken by the smell of smoke. His head shot up and he gasped. Reaching over he shook Jason awake and pointed to the bathroom. Motioning for him to be quiet he and Jason made their way slowly over to the bathroom door and kicked it in. Michael raised his head, his hair looking mussed and looked around wildly.

Wh-what's wrong?

Jason threw a pillow at him and succeeded and hitting in on the head. Shut up! Just go back to sleep...

In the bathroom Freddy was having a meltdown. "What the fuck man?! I thought you said that you would at least try to win! You said that you wouldn't get high you bitch!"

Ghostface laughed and put down the joint that he had been smoking. "I ain't getting high, motherfucker...I'm getting buzzed!"

Jason sighed and rubbed his tired eyes. Is there even a such thing as 'buzzed' when you're smoking marijuana?

"H-hey man...it ain't mary-wanna it's happy grass...it makes you happy!" Ghostface said defensively then he laughed as Michael stumbled into the already cramped bathroom. "Heeeeyy...Myers...wanna have crazy birthday sex?"

Michael's eyes became wide. I thought you said that I looked like a girl when you are high-why would you wanna have sex when you know I'm a dude...usually when you're high you just call me 'what's your face'...

"I ain't high, I'm buzzed!" Ghostface hissed. Jason rolled his eyes.

What the fuck goes on in the apartment at night? Do you do this every night, fuck face?

"Ha ha...duh."

Freddy cursed under his breath as he opened the cabinet under the sink and unveiled pounds upon pounds of illegal drugs...even a pot of magic mushrooms. "What the fuck is this? God damn it, we're criminals!"

Ghostface nodded quickly. "Incompetent criminals...ha that's a biiiiiiiiiig word..."

From outside there came a knock from the door in the kitchen and Freddy looked around... "Don't tell me-"

"San Antonio Police Department...open up..."

"Aw shit! Now we're discovered criminals! What the fuck are we gonna do?"

Jason shrugged. Wing it. Hey-Myers! Stop that!

Michael had plucked a mushroom from the pot and eaten it. His eyes went hazy and he scribbled down nearly illegibly, Those tasted funny...

"Voorhees would you please-"

Yeah, yeah. I got it.

Freddy nodded, rushed out the bathroom and hurry out the door. The police officer glowered down at him. "Hello there sonny. Hell of a night, ain't it?"

"Uh yeah...hey you wouldn't be working for a Dr. Sam Loomis, would you?" Freddy said, tapping his claws impatiently on the wooden door. The officer shook his head.

"No I just-"

"Then we don't want whatever you're selling." and he tried to slam the door shut but the police man's foot jammed itself between the door, stopping it from closing.

"Hey now...we have warrants to search this place-"

"There are more of you?"

"Yes...right outside this here apartment complex-"

Freddy moaned and slapped his forehead. "Shit-" there was a loud banging from inside the apartment and Ghostface laughed highly, "-could you hold on for a sec?"

"No I don't have much time left sonny. I need to investigate the apartment. Now." and he tried to step in the door but Freddy blocked his way.

"Listen man," he whispered in to the officer as Jason carried Michael over his shoulder and onto the couch in the background, "you can't begin to imagine what I live with every day; they're so intolerable man!"

The officer tried to look past Freddy. "How many are there?"

"There used to me seven of us including me but three moved out...now it's just me and them...and don't give me that look. There isn't any freaky stuff going on in here...well at least there aren't any orgies or anything..."

This didn't diver the man's attention for long because in another second he was trying to push past Freddy. The toilets stopped flushing just as the officer stepped into the door. He nodded at Jason who was now calmly sprawled out on the couch with Ghostface and Michael sitting next to him-or in Michael's case more laying crookedly. Jason nodded back and flipped on the T.V. As the police officer went into the bathroom and searched, Freddy jumped over the couch and jointed Jason.

"How the hell did you do it?"

Jason motioned tiredly to Michael. We aren't out of the woods yet. If the officer so much as casts a second glance at Myers he'll see that something isn't right.

"But he won't look...I just know it..."

How can you be so sure?

"Because hokey puck, he said that he was running short on time and if it doesn't look like we have any weed then we're in the clear-"

Just then the officer came out of the bathroom and shrugged. "Smells like smoke but since there was no concrete evidence, I can't take any of you in. Night boys. Safe sex."

Ghostface laughed and Jason covered his mouth as the policeman went out the door. "That was fun!" Ghostface cried once they were all alone again, "Let's do it...next Monday."

Jason: It's Wednesday.

"Then next Friday!" and with that Ghostface passed out. Michael on the other hand just perked his head up and motioned to the ceiling.

Look at all the flashy colors. They're funnah!

Jason pointed to the place in the note where the word 'funnah' was written. You misspelled funny.

Michael stifled a laugh. No I didn't...your weird.

Freddy rolled his eyes. "I can't believe this fucking shit. What are we gonna do now Voorhees?

Jason shrugged. Go to Taco Bell and get some Chalupas while they have crazy birthday sex?

"You'd think that they'd actually do that? I mean Ghostface said that he had to be high..." but one look at Ghostface told him that it would be okay and so he and Jason hurried out of the apartment...after all, who cared if they just snuck out for one or two hours-or the rest of the night-to get some tacos while Ghostface raped Michael? The only problem would come in the morning...yep. Things were pretty much just peachy.

"You know the only problem?" Freddy asked Jason as they walked down the stairs that led to the dingy lobby. Jason shrugged.

What?

"That I still won't get to watch my show in peace but who gives a fuck? If having sex with Myers doesn't snap him out of it nothing will."

Sounds like Ghostface's personal problem to me.

Freddy smiled. "That's exactly what I was thinking, hokey puck."

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And everything is peachy indeed. If you haven't seen the 80s 'This is Your Brain on Drugs Commercial' with the frying egg then you should search for it on Youtube. It should really make you think...if it doesn't then you're beyond the point of mental restoration anyway and that's that lol. JUST JOKING but you should see it. It's probably the best don't do drugs commercial I've ever seen. In fact it's the only reason that I don't do drugs today...screw the moral values that my parents tried so hard to pound into my skull all these years, it's just about that commercial...and the fact that I don't exactly have any access to drugs...