Disclaimer: I don't own Primeval or its characters.

Chapter Summary:Jess knows her friends were right to tell her that she needed to talk to Becker, so—not wanting to put it off—she decides to speak to him that day at work.

Chapter Length: 2048

Open Mic Nights

Chapter 23 – Talking to Becker

Jess woke up feeling more nauseous than she had any other day. Scrambling out of bed she ran to the bathroom, making it there just before the nausea overpowered her. Jess dropped to the floor in front of the toilet and threw up, hoping that the morning sickness doesn't last the whole of her pregnancy.

I don't know how I'll handle it if it does.

When Jess had seen her doctor yesterday, she had told her that her morning sickness had started earlier than most women's, as it usually began around the six week mark. Though every pregnancy was different and the amount of stress Jess had been under could have played a part in causing the earlier onset. Jess was told not to worry about it as everything else was normal, but to come back if it got any worse.

Once the queasiness had passed Jess slowly got up off the ground and went to brush her teeth. She wondered briefly if she should make another appointment with her doctor, as that was definitely the worst she had felt since the nausea had begun, but ended up deciding against it. If this level of intensity kept up, or if it got any worse, then she'd see her doctor again. It was probably just her nerves about having to talk to Becker that was making her feel sicker than usual.

Back in her bedroom Jess went through her wardrobe looking for something to wear to work that day. She passed over the short skirts and fitted blouses she would usually wear to work and instead opted to wear a flowy summer dress. It was ridiculous, but she felt like people would be able to tell she was pregnant if she wore her usual cloths and she wasn't ready to deal with even the possibility of people finding out. Emily was right, Becker needed to know first. Too many people knew as it was and Jess didn't want to run the risk of more people finding out and then Becker hearing it from someone else.

Jess managed to keep down a piece of toast and a glass of juice as her breakfast. She was deeply disappointed when she realised she had to skip out on her morning coffee. Not because she didn't have the time to make it, but because as soon as she opened the jar and could smell the beans she began to feel sick again. Quickly putting the lid back on the jar, Jess returned it to the cupboard, shoving it to the back.

Jess sighed.

Great, who knows how long it'll be before I'm able to have another cup of coffee.

Taking a deep breath to calm her nerves Jess went out to her car and headed off to work.

Arriving at work Jess found Abby and Connor waiting for her in the carpark. The moment Jess had put the car into park, Connor was by her door trying to help her out of the car.

"Connor, I'm pregnant, not an invalid; and I'm only a few weeks pregnant at that, I'm still perfectly capable of getting in and out of a car on my own."

"Sorry, I've never been around a pregnant woman before and I… what are those!? Do you really think you should be wearing those shoes in your condition!?" Connor's apology turned into an exclamation when he caught sight of the four inch floral wedges she had paired with her dress.

"Connor, relax. Again, it's only been a few weeks, it's perfectly fine for me to still be doing—and wearing—the things I normally would. I'll know when it's time for me to start wearing flat shoes. God, if this is what you're like with me, I can't imagine what you'll be like when Abby's the one who's pregnant."

"If he's any worse than this I may have to get rid of him." Abby said from where she had been watching the exchange, an amused smile on her face. "But, in all seriousness, how are feeling this morning?"

Jess locked her car and the three of them made their way into the building.

"Well, aside from not being able to have my morning cup of coffee because the smell now makes me sick, and the intense morning sickness…" Jess whispered the second part, not wanting to be overheard by the soldier standing guard. "…I'm fine, I guess."

"It's gotten worse? Are you going to go back to your doctor?"

Jess smiled at the concern in her friend's voice.

"No. To be honest, I think it's just my nerves making it worse."

"So, you've decided to tell you know who today."

"Yeah, I figured I may as well get it over with. All putting it off is going to accomplish is stressing me out, and I really don't need that right now."

"Have you thought about what you're going to say?"

"Not really. But I know it has to be carefully thought out; I mean it's not every day you get to tell a man that wants nothing to do with you that you're having his baby."

"It's not that he doesn't want anything to do with you Jess. He's just scared and having a little trouble seeing reason. He'll come to his senses soon enough, who knows this might help him get there quicker. Don't give up, he still loves you, trust me."

Deep down Jess hoped Connor was right. She was in no way over him—she was beginning to think she never would be—and the thought that Becker may still love her sent a shiver through her body and butterflies swirled around in her stomach.

At least I hope its butterflies and not another round of morning sickness.

She would love to get back together with Becker; it was one of the only thoughts that occupied her mind. Most nights she would fall asleep to memories of their time together and hopes that it would be that way again. She wanted nothing more than to go through this experience with Becker by her side, and for the two of them to raise their child together.

But she didn't want Becker to be with her because the baby made him feel obligated to. She wanted him to be with her because he loved her, not because they had gotten themselves into a difficult situation.

"I don't know what I'll say to him, but I do know one thing. I'm going to make it incredibly clear that I don't expect anything of him. I don't want him to get back together with me or be in the baby's life because he feels like he has to. If he's going to be in the little guy's life I want it to be because he genuinely wants to be involved; and as for us, if we're going to get back together, I want it to be because we still love each other."

"That sounds like a good plan Jess," Abby told her, giving the younger woman's arm a reassuring squeeze. "I think you've given this more thought than you realise you have."

"Wait, did you say little guy?" Connor asked looking at her, confusion clear on his face. "Isn't it too soon to tell what it is?"

"It is, I just have a feeling it's a boy."

The small group reached the ARC's main corridor then and the three of them went their separate ways; Connor to his lab, Abby to the menagerie, while Jess continued on to her work station at the ADD.

It was a quiet day at the ARC; no anomalies had opened up and Jess was already caught up on her paperwork. She set the ADD to run a diagnostic, checking for viruses and anything else that could affect its performance.

With nothing to do while the ADD ran its check, Jess pulled out her laptop and decided to spend some time researching pregnancy. She wanted to have an idea of what the next several months of her life would entail, and while she knew her doctor would tell her everything she needed to know, doing her own research had always made her feel more in control.

The first thing she looked up was how long morning sickness typically lasted, and was pleased to learn that it usually stopped at the end of the first trimester. After that she searched when she would begin to show and was less pleased when she realised she only had a month and a half to two months before she would need to start changing her wardrobe.

At least it gives me a reason to go clothes shopping.

A few hours—and countless websites—later Jess had learnt that her doctor should be able to determine the baby's gender between weeks 16 and 20; and that she would feel her baby's first movement between weeks 16 and 25, though since this was her first pregnancy it would probably closer to 25 weeks before she felt any movement.

She also found out that cravings could start at any time, though they would be strongest during her second trimester, and are likely to last the entire pregnancy. When she came across the page on Braxton hicks contractions Jess had to force herself to read the article all the way through. According to the article, Braxton hicks contractions could be felt any time from the 16th week onwards, and based on how they were described Jess really hoped that she would be one of the women that don't feel them.

Chances of that happening though are small; I've always been pretty sensitive when it comes to pain.

By the end of her research Jess was still feeling somewhat overwhelmed, but her sense of control was slowly returning to her.

Looking at the clock on her laptop Jess saw that it was now three o'clock, and that her shift would be ending in two hours.

I guess I can't put this off any longer.

That thought in mind Jess put the ADD in standby mode and went in search of Becker. Remembering that Connor had once mentioned that Becker was spending all his time in either his office attached to the armoury, or the gym, Jess made her way to the lower levels, intending to check the armoury first.

Reaching her destination Jess stepped inside the armoury only to freeze up seconds later. Becker was in his office, locked in a kiss with one of the female lab technicians. For a moment all Jess could do was stand there and stare, feelings of hurt and betrayal swirling within her.

So much for not being in a relationship because of work.

Mercifully Becker's back was to the door and the woman's eyes were closed, meaning Jess was able to make a quick getaway.

Jess couldn't stop the tears that fell as she made her way back through the ARC's hallways. It was as she was retreating, tears streaming down her face, that her morning sickness decided to rear its ugly head again. Not really caring who saw her, Jess started to run. She needed to get to a bathroom, and she needed to get there quickly.

Thankfully, the only person she passed in her mad dash was Emily, who followed Jess when she realised the young woman was crying. They reached the bathroom together, Jess pushing into one of the stalls, while Emily stood guard so no one would come in and see the young field coordinator vomiting.

When the nausea passed Jess emerged from the stall and tried to fix her make up.

"Are you okay?" Emily asked coming to stand besides Jess.

The question brought the image of Becker kissing the unknown lab tech back to her mind, and Jess's eyes filled with tears again.

Emily was curious as to what had caused Jess's sudden sadness, when she had seen her only half an hour ago the young woman had seen perfectly happy.

"Maybe we should go somewhere else to talk." Emily suggested.

Jess nodded, and tried to fight down another round of tears.

Emily ushered Jess from the bathroom and towards the menagerie, where Abby had a private office they could use to talk in, and hopefully find out what had upset Jess.