Chapter 13 – don't give up

Alex finished her beer when she went back into Nicky's room, then lay back down on the bed. Nicky was half asleep, Alex rolled over and spooned Nicky until she fell asleep. Both girls woke up around 5pm to the sound of Alex's phone ringing, it was Piper. Alex sighed, she put the phone down without answering, Nicky was still asleep. Alex woke up 2 hours later, she grabbed her phone, she had 5 missed calls from Piper and 2 from Diane, "Fuck." She rolled over and saw that Nicky was still asleep, Alex was about to try and go back to sleep when she thought she heard the front door close. She brushed it off, assuming she was hearing things. She closed her eyes again, she just wanted to go back to sleep, she was still feeling the effects of the drugs and beer, she was in no mood to be awake. Just as Alex was drifting off to sleep the bedroom door swung open loudly, and Alex and Nicky both sat up in bed. Piper was standing in the doorway, she looked angry.

"Why the fuck have you been ignoring my phone calls Alex?" The truth was that Piper was trying to call Alex to see how the therapy session went. When Alex didn't answer her phone, Piper started to worry. It took Alex a moment to register what was happening, everything looked blurry when she opened her eyes, Nicky wasn't any better.

"Piper?" Alex managed to croak out, her voice barely recognisable. Nicky was sitting up in the bed, but didn't say anything.

"Yes Alex, it's me. What the fuck have you been doing all day? I kept calling you but you never answered. Then I called your mum, she told me she hadn't seen you all day, and you didn't answer her calls either." Piper's eyes drifted to Nicky's bedside table, where she saw the familiar small tin with white powder spread around it. Piper's heart sank, she really thought Alex was doing well, she didn't think she'd turn back to heroin this quickly. Piper couldn't help but be angry at Nicky for giving Alex such easy access to drugs. Piper's eyes then moved to the two girls on the bed. Alex was now lying back down with her arms over her face. Piper's eyes were then drawn to the large red stain on Alex's jeans that was seeping from the inside of her thigh.

"Alex, what the hell happened today?" Piper sat on the side of the bed next to Alex, who just kept her arms over face. She was ashamed, Piper wasn't meant to see her like this. When she realised Alex wasn't going to answer her, she turned to Nicky, "you need to tell me what happened today."

Nicky rubbed her eyes and stood up, gesturing for Piper to follow her to the balcony. As soon as they were outside, Nicky lit a cigarette, inhaling deeply. "I'll tell you what happened, but you have to promise to keep your cool with Alex. She's not doing so good right now, she's probably lying there right now freaking out about your reaction."

Piper stared Nicky down, "you're not really in a position to be making requests right now Nicky. I'm not going to just go in there and tell her this is all ok, because it's not. And you are not helping her by letting her come here to do drugs!"

Nicky just shook her head at this, "you don't get it Piper! If she didn't come here and get it from me, she'd hit the streets and get it from someone else. Someone else who's probably not a nice person, if you catch my drift."

"And did you ever consider trying to tell her that she shouldn't be relying on drugs when life gets tough?"

"You don't fucking get it asshole! It's not that easy. Look, she burst into my apartment this afternoon after her therapy session, which by the way, went fucking horribly. She came in the front door, got on her fucking knees and BEGGED me to help her. I asked if she was sure, told her she'd been doing good lately. She fucking pleaded with me, she was totally freaked out! So yeah, in that moment, I gave it to her, but I kept control of the amount ok, I didn't let her go overboard."

Piper was still angry with Nicky, and no matter what she said, Piper would never agree with Nicky's methods of helping Alex. "She will never get better if you keep saying yes to her, never." Piper walked past Nicky, back into the house. She walked back into the bedroom and sat next to Alex, she really wanted to yell right now, but she kept reminding herself that she wouldn't get through to Alex that way. She pulled Alex's arms off her face, looking back to the red stain on her jeans, "Alex, what happened to your leg?"

Alex just looked back at Piper, confused, "What? Nothing happened to my leg." Then Alex looked down and saw the blood that had seeped through her jeans, after a few moments she remembered what she did, "Fuck!" Alex felt completely defeated in that moment, she had no fight left. She rolled over so she didn't have to look at Piper.

"No Alex, don't you remember what I said to you last time? You don't get to give up when you've decided life is too hard. You don't get to do this to me Alex!"

"Just go Piper, just go. I'm no good Piper, just leave me alone."

This just made Piper even more angry. She had trusted Alex with her heart, and she sure as hell wasn't going to turn her back on it all now. Her anger started to mix with tears as she kept speaking.

"Fuck you Alex! I will not let you do this! Look at the bigger picture here, what about Lucy? You're like a second mother to her, if you give up, it'll destroy her. She can't live without you Alex…..neither can I. So you are gonna get up, and you're gonna fucking talk to me, please." Alex could see Piper was crying, she looked at her face and saw the cut still prominent on her cheek. It took her back to that day at the Chapman's house. She promised to look after Piper, promised that they'd always take care of each other. Alex got up and wrapped her arms tightly around Piper, trying to comfort her, "I'm so sorry Pipes. I fucked up really bad today, I'm so fucking sorry. But I don't wanna give up Pipes, I can't give up." The two girls sat there wrapped in each other, until Piper finally pulled back, "let me see your leg."

Alex just nodded, she stood up and undid her jeans, and slowly pulled them down. She stood up so Piper could see where the blood was coming from. Piper placed a hand on Alex's thigh and saw the cut, it had obviously bled a lot but seemed to have stopped. "How did this happen?"

Alex looked down at Piper's face as she pulled her jeans back up, Piper already knew the answer, "I….. I did it to myself. I was pretty fucked up at the time, I didn't even really know what I was doing. I've never done it before Piper, I promise it won't happen again. And please, don't tell Diane about this, it will just upset her. She's got enough to deal with right now."

Piper cried more when Alex confirmed how her leg was hurt. Alex went to hug her again but Piper pushed her away, "No, just fuck off Alex…..why?"

"I…I just didn't know what else to do. I know it sounds stupid but I can't explain it any better. But it won't happen again."

"You keep saying that, that these things won't happen again. But they do Alex." Piper was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring off into space.

Alex knelt down in front of her, placing her head in Piper's lap, "Please Piper, please don't give up on me, I fucking need you. You're the only one that's ever thought I was worth anything." Alex could feel Piper slowly running her hands through her long dark hair.

"This is it Alex, you need to try harder, understand? If you do this behind my back again, I don't know what I'll do. Fucking call me next time, don't come here."

"I will ok, I will." Alex still had her head in Piper's lap, and now wrapped her arms around Piper's waist. This was one of the scariest moments of her life. She knew she had come close to losing Piper, she couldn't let that happen. "Please Piper, look at me," Alex pleaded with her girlfriend, who was staring into space.

Piper pulled Alex up to face her, "I'm just feeling a bit lost Al, I don't know how to help you."

This made Alex's heart sink, "I'm a fuck up, but you have no idea how much you have helped me. If I didn't have you, I don't know how I would've coped these last few months." She said her next words through tears, "please don't give up on me Piper. I know I can get better and make you happy."

Piper knew that Alex did make her happy. If Piper ever needed her, Alex was always there. She felt like she had gained a new family, a new and better life through Alex, Diane and Lucy. She didn't want to lose any of that, but she also didn't want to sit by and watch Alex destroy herself. "I won't give up if you don't." Before Piper had even finished saying this, Alex hugged her tightly, "I won't."

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The two girls spent the next few hours talking about what had happened that day, focussing on how Alex had reacted to the therapy session. Piper would call Danny the next day and try to rearrange the session. "I feel like an ungrateful asshole. I know Danny did me a favour by getting me into that session, and I just walked out. I just lost my mind."

"He'll understand Alex, he's not a bad guy. We'll take it slowly, the therapy will help." It was about 11pm when Alex and Piper got back to the Vause apartment. They had a shower together first, which in itself felt so calming for Piper, it was a chance for them to reconnect at the most basic human level. Piper washed away the blood from Alex's thigh, trying to be gentle. They then got ready for bed. Tonight, Piper got in the bed first, lying against the wall. Tonight, Piper lifted up the sheet for Alex to slip in beside her. Tonight, Piper wrapped her arms around Alex from behind, and didn't let go all night.

A/N

Hi folks,

Apologies for the shorter chapter, but I wanted to finish off the confrontation between Alex and Piper, and have it sit in its own chapter. Let me know what you thoughts about Piper's reaction.

The next chapter will focus on Piper's actual birthday, and Emily.

Cheers.