Chapter 17 – all together

The next week went by very quietly, Lucy went back to school and Diane went back to work. Robbie was being held on remand until his turn in the court room. The bills were starting to pile up, and Diane was working long hours, which just added to her physical and emotional strain. Alex helped out with the bills as much as she could, but it wasn't always enough. She earned less than Diane per hour, so took fewer shifts so she could look after Lucy when she wasn't at school. A lot of the time it was Alex who took Lucy to and from school, cooked her dinner, and drove her to friends houses. Everyone could see that this situation was not sustainable, and Diane needed a break. It had been well over six months since Piper moved into her own apartment, and she was finally having some luck with an independent publisher that wanted to print some of her short stories. It was a good start, and Piper was happy. This would give her extra money in addition to what she made from her library shifts. She also still had money left over from what her grandmother gave her. Piper already spent so much of her time at the Vause apartment, she felt like having her own separate apartment was a waste of money. If she lived with Alex, she could help with the bills and help look after Lucy.

It was late on Friday night, Alex and Piper were both sitting in Alex's room getting ready for bed. Alex had worked a long shift all day and was exhausted. But Piper couldn't get the living situation off her mind, "Al, I have a proposition for you."

"Well, you know I'm always up for a proposition," Alex smirked at Piper as she pinned her girlfriend to the bed as she started to kiss her roughly.

"I'm serious Al."

"So am I."

Piper knew Alex wouldn't let up, and she needed to get this off her chest tonight, "what if I moved in here?"

Alex pulled back from the kiss and just looked at Piper, "what?"

"I practically live here anyway. If we made it official, all that money I spend to keep my apartment could go towards the bills here. We could put my double bed here in your room, sell the other bits of furniture so we have some extra cash. The short story book is coming along, and I could help take care of Lucy. It would give you more of a chance to think about what you want to do with your life."

Alex didn't know what to say, on one hand she'd love to have Piper move in, but on the other she didn't want Piper to feel like she had to help out with the money. "I….I love the idea of you living here. But I don't want you to feel like you need to help us with money, we've always made it on our own."

Piper raised a hand to Alex's cheek before she could continue, "I know Al, I know you guys have always managed on your own, and I know that you'll manage in the future. But you don't need to do it alone anymore. You're not just my girlfriend, you're all like my new family since my parents basically disowned me. You've all helped me so much, and come on this is a practical thing to do! I'm almost never at my apartment."

Alex chuckled at Piper's enthusiasm, which was starting to feel infectious, "just remember, there's no escaping Lucy if you get rid of your apartment. You'll be stuck with her 24/7 telling you what movie you're allowed to watch and which chair you can sit in."

Even though it wasn't much, Piper was relieved to see Alex joking around again, "hey, I think I can handle a ten year old, she's just got you wrapped around her little finger."

"Whatever Chapman," Alex knew Piper was right, but she didn't even care. The idea of Piper officially moving in with them felt surreal, and good.

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Diane had a rare Saturday morning off, giving Piper the opportunity to speak with her about moving in. Piper got up when she heard Diane making coffee, she left Alex in bed to keep sleeping. "Hey, why aren't you sleeping in?"

"Hi sweetie, I think I've just gotten so used to early mornings I can't sleep in anymore."

"There's something I want to talk to you about." This was the first time in a long time that Piper felt nervous in front of Diane.

"Everything ok with you? And Alex?

"Yeah, we're both fine. I actually wanted to talk about me moving in with you guys. I was talking to Alex about it last night. I mean, I already spend so much of my time here. I….I know money is tight. If, if I lived here I could help." Piper could see Diane was about to interrupt her, and she knew exactly what she'd say. "And don't even say it Diane, Alex is exactly like you when it comes to money."

"Piper, you're young, you don't need to worry about me and money sweetie."

"Just forget about the money Diane, it's not even all about that. I…..I look at you and, you've helped me so much. You've been more of a mother to me since I've known you than my real mother has been my entire life."

The emotion was building inside Diane, all the bad things that she'd endured pushed her to the edge of her own sanity. Aside from Alex and Lucy, Piper was also a big part of the reason she didn't completely fall apart. "I'd be happy to have you here with us sweetie." These words made Piper so happy she couldn't stop herself from wrapping Diane in a hug.

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Piper's apartment lease would expire in the next two weeks, and the final decision was made, she would move into the Vause apartment. Even though she already spent most of her time there, this formal move held so much meaning for her, it made her happy. Danny was happy for her and had already insisted on helping her sell her things and move the few pieces of furniture she would keep. She still hadn't spoken to her parents in months, they didn't even try to speak to her. It still hurt, but Piper kept trying to push it to the back of her mind. Through everything that happened, she tried to be the strong one for Alex, to help as much as she could. But sometimes, Piper felt like she needed someone to be the strong one for her, to stop her from falling apart. It made Piper feel guilty, it made her want her dad to pick up the phone and call her, just talk to her for five minutes. Danny had been great, but sometimes she just wanted her dad. It wasn't as though Alex was never there for Piper, she was, but at the same time Alex was completely distracted at the moment. Distracted and trying to fight off her own desire to fall apart. But Piper couldn't blame Alex for that, and besides, she still had Danny. Even if she could never get back the relationship with her dad, Danny would always be there. Even though it made her feel so conflicted, Piper never really missed having her mother in her life. She had become so cold, so completely opposite to everything that Diane was, that Piper was struggling to miss her, even if she tried.

Alex could sense that something was wrong with Piper, but she didn't want to push her too hard to speak about it. It was a Wednesday night and Alex had just gotten back from work after doing a double shift. Danny had helped them move Piper's double bed into Alex's room the night before so they didn't have to keep squeezing into Alex's single bed. It felt so luxurious to Piper that she and Alex could spread out in a bed together while still in Alex's room. It was only a small change, but it meant a lot. It was nearly midnight by the time Alex walked into her room to find Piper still awake, "are you sure you're ok Pipes?"

"Of course Al. I, I've just been thinking about my dad a lot lately." Piper kept looking at her hands, she knew she would cry if she looked at Alex.

"Have you thought about calling him?"

Piper just shook her head, "I can't bring myself to do that, not after the things he said and the way he spoke about you."

Alex sat down next to Piper and brushed the blonde hair from her face, "I'm here if you want to talk ok, don't think you can't talk to me because of what's happened lately."

"I know. Now come to bed, I need to feel you next to me." Alex was more than happy to comply as she changed out of her waitress uniform and slipped into a t-shirt. She climbed in next to Piper and hugged her, "so mum was telling me it might still be a few months before the trial starts."

"Fuck, that's ages away, I'm sorry Al. How was Diane today?"

Alex just shook her head, "she's not herself Pipes, she's quiet, she can barely look me in the eye. She still feels guilty, fuck, I can't make her understand that this was not her fault. He seemed so normal at first, none of us thought this shit would happen." The two girls kept talking for another 20 minutes before they both fell asleep.

It was close to 3am when Alex's phone started to ring. She was exhausted from work and barely had the energy to answer it, "what," Alex did not appreciate being woken up in the middle of the night. It wasn't long before she recognised the voice at the other end, it was Emily, sounding high again.

"Alex….I know my dad's an asshole but he's in jail. Why did you have to put him in jail? I liked you, I thought you were good, I wanted to keep you safe. But he'll never survive in there."

Before she could properly process the conversation Alex ended the call. There was already so much going on in her life, the last thing she needed was Emily making trouble. Again, Alex felt that familiar feeling in her chest as the anxiety started to sink in. She still hadn't been back to see the psychiatrist, she had been avoiding it, completely afraid of what would happen if she went back. But she also didn't want to suffer from panic attacks from the rest of her life. She didn't know what else to do, so she woke up Piper.

Alex kept gently shaking Piper's shoulder, "Pipes, are you awake?"

All she got in response was a groan, "Hmmm, no, sleeping." Piper just kept trying to bury her face deeper in Alex's chest as she slept.

"Emily just called me."

Those words managed to wake Piper up, "what?"

"She sounded high as usual, saying Robbie would never survive in jail. Fuck, what did she think would happen?"

"Just stay away from her, do not agree to meet her on your own." Piper could feel the concern growing in the pit of her stomach. The last thing any of them needed right now was Emily doing something crazy. Alex drew Piper close to her again as they tried to forget about Emily and go back to sleep.

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The next day went by slowly. Alex wasn't working, so Nicky went to the apartment to keep her company, "you've been doing good Vause, I'm proud of you," and Nicky really meant it. Alex smiled at her best friend as she handed her another beer.

"Don't go all soft on me now Nick."

"Not a chance! How about we go out for a few drinks tonight, looks like you could use a good distraction. Tell you what, I'll even let blondie come along!" Nicky still felt like Piper treated Alex like a child at times, but she liked Piper all the same. Besides, she'd never seen Alex more enamoured with a girl as she was with Piper.

"Well actually she's meant to be working on her book tonight, the publisher wants to see another draft next week, so looks like it'll just me you and me."

"Just like old times Vause!" It had been a long time since Nicky and Alex had hit a bar on their own, and both of them were looking forward to it and re-living some old memories.

They hit their usual spot around 8pm, with Nicky's friends letting them in without any issues as usual. Nicky led them to a booth at the back of the large space after they picked up a couple beers from the bar. As soon as they sat down, Nicky reached into her pocket and pulled out her usual selection of pills, "I think you've earned yourself a good time tonight, but only one alright! I don't want blondie coming to hunt me down again."

Alex laughed as she reached into Nicky's hand for a pill, washing it down with her beer. It felt good to be out of the house, to let loose and have fun again. Whenever she felt like she was losing control of her mind, that temptation still gnawed in the back of her eyes, she still wanted it. But then she thought about Piper, and she thought about how she was the main one looking after Lucy at the moment. She didn't want her little sister growing up seeing her as a junkie, most of the people in their neighbourhood already saw Alex as nothing, a waste of space. She never wanted Lucy to think that way about her. She could finally feel the pill kicking in, along with the beer. It felt amazing, she did not want to have any serious thoughts tonight, all she wanted to do was enjoy herself with her best friend.

The next few hours went by quickly, and it felt like old times again. Nicky went to buy another round of beers while Alex stayed at the booth. She reached into Nicky's jacket to take another pill. She'd only had one and that was hours ago, and she learned her limits a long time ago when it came to drugs. She felt a body slide in next to her and automatically assumed it was Nicky. Alex moved to put an arm around her best friend, until she turned around and realised it wasn't Nicky, "what the fuck do you want Emily?"

"I'm sorry, I was a little harsh on the phone, but I was just upset."

"You were fucking high too. Look, just leave."

"No, I won't just leave! I know he's not a good guy, he was never good to me. I….I don't know why I let myself feel bad for him. I…..I just really want us to be friends." Emily reached her hand across the table and placed in on top of Alex's just as Nicky walked back with their beers. Alex pulled her hand away, "we can't be friends okay, just fuck off, I don't need this right now." Nicky slid a beer in front of Alex as she sat in the other side of the booth, starting at Emily, waiting for her to leave. Emily reached across the table to try and grab Nicky's hand, "I'm not a bad person, I'm sorry." Emily got up and left the booth, disappearing into the crowd.

Alex and Nicky finished their beers, it was nearly midnight, "c'mon Vause, let's head home, you can crash at mine tonight." Nicky went to stand up and noticed that Alex was struggling, "you alright Vause?"

Alex was sitting with her head in her hands, her hair was starting to look wet with sweat, "I don't feel good Nick." Nicky could see this situation getting messy fast, so she dragged Alex out of the booth and into a cab. Luckily it was only a ten minute ride to Nicky's apartment, by the time they got there Alex could barely walk. Nicky managed to get her into the apartment, which was always empty now since Lorna left her. Nicky walked Alex into the bathroom, where she immediately slumped next to the toilet. Nicky knelt next to her friend and felt her face, it was on fire, "fuck Alex, what the hell is going on, how many pills did you take?"

Alex couldn't stop coughing, or sweating, "only two Nick."

"Two pills doesn't do this Vause, what the fuck! You're sweating bullets, come here." Nicky pulled Alex upright and took off her jacket and t-shirt, which were soaked through, every part of Alex's skin was on fire. "Fuck! We gotta get you in the shower Alex, come on." Alex wasn't much help at this point as she struggled to keep herself sitting up. "Come on man, you gotta help me here," After ten minutes Nicky managed to pull off Alex's jeans and sit her in the shower. She started the water on cold at first, then made it luke warm. Alex just kept herself slumped in the corner as she started coughing, Nicky got in the shower with her, "whatever the fuck is in your system you need to get it out, come on Alex you gotta pull it together." Nicky rubbed Alex's back as she dry heaved, trying to vomit but nothing would come out.

Nicky didn't know what to do, Alex's whole body was still on fire and she barely had a grip on what was happening around her. Nicky got up and ran out of the shower, not caring about the water she was spreading all over her apartment, and grabbed a bottle of water from her fridge. She took off her own jacket and shoes before she got back in the shower, "here, you gotta drink some water." Nicky had to help Alex hold the bottle as she drank. As soon as Alex swallowed a few mouthfuls of water she leaned over on her hands and started dry heaving again, "fuck! Alex I don't know what to do."

Alex was sitting in the corner again as the cool water ran over her, "just give me a minute Nick, it just needs to pass."

"This shit is not passing! Maybe I should call Piper," before Nicky could even move she felt Alex's hand on her arm, "no fucking way Nick! Do n not call her, it's f f fine." Nicky felt Alex's face again, her skin seemed to feel less hot, which was a huge relief. Nicky left Alex in the shower as she picked up all her friends clothes before they got completely wet. She rescued Alex's phone from her jacket pocket and noticed a missed call and a text message from Piper. She put all the clothes in her bedroom and put Alex's phone on the bedside table. She tried to find some clothes that would fit Alex, all she managed to find was an old ratty t-shirt and shorts that belonged to another one of her friends. Nicky walked back into the bathroom and helped Alex out of the shower, Alex stopped her as soon as she reached for her bra, "I got it Nick."

"Fuck off Alex, you don't have shit, you can barely fucking stand. I've seen your goods before remember, but don't worry, I won't tell blondie." Alex just rolled her eyes as she let Nicky take off her bra and underwear before helping her into the dry clothes.

"Where the fuck did these come from?"

"Look, just be glad I have clothes that fit your 10 foot tall ass okay. And Piper tried calling you, you should probably call her back, or at least text her."

Alex lay on Nicky's bed, she felt slightly better but her head was still pounding and her stomach was aching, "just gimme a minute okay."

Nicky was worried, "you can tell me Alex, if you took something else I won't say anything. I'm hardly one to judge given my shitty track record, which lost me yet another fucking girlfriend.

"I'm telling you Nick, I didn't take anything else. Look, I'm feeling better, can you take me home?"

Nicky just sighed, "sure, let's go. But I've gotta let you know that you look fucking ridiculous." A smile slowly crept across Alex's face, "thanks asshole." Alex was a lot steadier on her feet now, and managed to make it to Nicky's car without much help. By the time Nicky dropped Alex off it was almost 2am, everyone would be asleep. Alex made her way into the apartment as quietly as she could and went to her room where she found Piper asleep with Lucy beside her, the little girl's arm wrapped around Piper the same way she would do to Alex. This just made Alex smile, it made her feel good to know that no matter what happened, Piper would always look out for Lucy. Alex didn't want to wake up either of them, so she made her way back into the kitchen to get a drink and saw Diane on the way, "hey mum."

"Hey sweetie," Diane gave Alex a weak smile, she didn't sound like herself, "you ok? You don't look so good." Diane walked over to her daughter and felt her face, "You're burning up sweetie."

Alex just shrugged it off, she didn't want her mum to worry, she already did enough of that, "it's fine mum, I probably just drank too much."

"Yeah, well I can believe that, especially when it's just you and Nicky together," Diane smirked at her daughter, and for the briefest of moments, Alex saw that old spark in her eyes. "You're coming with me, you look white as a ghost and you're sweating. Come on," Diane held Alex's hand and pulled her towards the bathroom. Diane put the toilet lid down and sat Alex on it as she went through the drawers and pulled out two aspirin and got a glass of water. Alex accepted the tablets as her mum went looking for a small hand towel. Even though Alex was 19 years old, it still felt good to have Diane take care of her like this. It reminded her that no matter how old she got, Diane would always look after her. But she wanted Diane to realise that it went both ways, and that she would always be there to look after Diane, but she had no idea how to do that. After Diane found what she was looking for in the bathroom she led Alex into her own room, "I think you've lost your bed to Lucy tonight, so you can stay in here with me. I don't like you being on your own when you're sick."

"Sounds good mum." Alex let herself sink into the bed when she felt something cool on her forehead, it was a wet towel that Diane had placed there.

"You're really warm Ally, leave this on okay."

"Okay mum."

Diane got into the bed and grabbed her daughter's hand, slowly running her fingers over the healing cuts from their last encounter with Robbie. Alex didn't know what to say anymore, how she could convince Diane that it wasn't her fault, "I'm okay because of you mum, I love you."

"I love you too Ally."