Yo, I'm back with another translation of my French work! This time with my favorite corporal. Like always, if something is off, don't forget to tell me! Enjoy~
Just a Soldier
Cold replaced fear, worry was substitute by darkness. Sun rays had difficulty reaching my frozen body. Bubbles stopped appearing around me to go back to the water surface. Why?
Aah yeah, my body ceased to breath.
My lungs, filled with water, didn't hurt anymore. In fact, I don't feel anything. Besides cold. An immense coldness warped itself around my body and slowly decelerated my heartbeats. I can feel it. My end is near. My death will be caused by a frozen lake? At least I'll suffer less than in the stomach of one of those giants. Get my head torn off by teeth, no thank you.
So my death will almost be sweet. I couldn't hope for a better one, except to die in my sleep, of course. Even if we could consider my situation similar. My leads are heavy with sleep and just want to rest for a while, to never see the sunrise again. Birds in the sky. His eyes.
A smile crossed my lips. A greyish/bluish color, and so intense, they could seem intimidating at first, threatening even. But don't be fooled. If you look closely, they reveal a great sadness, and a heartbreaking exhaustion. I think this is what fascinates me the most about this man. His face remained emotionless, but his stare was as clear as the stars in the night sky.
Aah, if only I could see them again…
How will he react when he'll hear about my death? Will he be sad? Or he'll think nothing of it? Maybe so. I'm only a simple subordinate, after all. Just a soldier ready to die at any given moment for humanity. Did he ever notice me in the crowd, when his squad was assigned to go beyond the walls? My eyes looked like Eren's at times like these: full of admiration. Every single time I saw him on his horse, his straight back and his gaze fixed in front of him, I could only imagined myself in his shoes, bravely fighting those titans that at the time was still an irrealist concept to me.
So it came quite as a shock when I saw them the first time. My body was petrified, trembling with fear, unable to move a single finger. Even if that giant kept coming my way, his hand extended to cease me, I could only look at it, my limbs numb, tears on my cheeks, at the verge of having a heart attack. If it wasn't for my squad leader, I would be long dead by now.
After that disastrous exploration mission, I only wanted to hurl every time I thought of those bloody monsters. I never wanted to go outside anymore, the walls being my only protection against them. I never wanted to see them again. And see good peoples get killed for this cause. The sight of blood started to horrify me.
The day after the mission, I was determined to desert the survey corps. Even if it meant to living in the fields, it was still better than reliving that nightmare again. I would have done it, if those worlds hasn't fell on me.
« If we don't do it, who will? »
That's what answered humanity's strongest soldier when I grabbed his collar, screaming in his face that what we were doing was useless, that thousands of good soldiers were dying for a lost cause. I was desperate, and terrified. Of death, my own failure. And as confort, that was his only answer. After, he just left me alone, as I was about to collapse.
What a cruel man.
It was my second impression of Levi. The admiration was replaced with doubt, fear, and curiosity. He was colder than I'd imagine. And he didn't even seem to care about his subordinates.
So why did he took me to be part of his squad? There were hundreds of soldiers more qualified and experienced than I was. I asked him. He didn't answer. Just once again that cold and distant stare.
People always say that when you're on the verge of dying, you see your life in front of your eyes. Well it was my case in this very moment. However, why did I only saw past moments that we share? My nervousness during our first mission outside the walls. My fear of his impassivity when our comrades died (at least, that's what I thought at first). The pride of killing my first titan, fast followed by the dread of being grasp by the hands of another one, only to be barely saved by a Levi more than pissed at my stupidity. The joy when he congratulated me for my fighting progress, and the surprise that came with his gentle pat on my back, the very first real nice gesture I got from him. Jealousy over Eren's position as the new kid, which I previously owned. The bitterness and melancholy to see our friends get slaughtered right before our eyes by the female titan. The suffering over seeing the impact theirs deaths had on the corporal. The growing confusion over his personality, totally different from my first impressions. The euphoria to finally witness humanity's victory on his conquest of the outside world. The feverishness to finally discover that world with our squad. And the fear of the ice giving way under my feet, in this snow desert. The astonishment over the deadly fear I saw in his growing eyes when he saw me fell.
Why? Why is he invading my memories? Why is it that the only things still present in my mind are his mysterious eyes?
Oh. I see.
My smile softens before this late revelation. What incredible stupidity do I possess to not see the truth before.. Slow-witted as ever I see. He was always telling that, now that I think about it. Another memory to had then.
If only I'd realise it sooner. My only regret will be not telling him.
My eyelids couldn't take the pressure anymore. With a sigh, they finally closed, letting me enjoy a peaceful slumber hard-earned. Anyway, that's how it should have ended. However, like always, he would not let me rest in peace. It didn't matter if it was him in flesh or his mere thought, he monopolised all my being. Like the idiot I was, he dived after me to rescue my sorry ass. His warm body warped itself around my own, melting down my frozen heart. He brought me back at the surface, and once in contact with pure air, my only reflect was to breath. I choked on my own spit, water coming out of my guts, burning my lungs. As best as he could, he pulled us up on the unstable ice and dragged me to a safer ground. Once out of any danger, he collapsed at my sides. I was still trying to recover by spitting the deadly water. I opened my eyes, my vision blurred due to my near death experience. His stare was burning holes into my skull.
So beautiful..
« Stupid women! How many times did I told you the ice was unstable?! »
I coughed again, water dripping down my chin, then my neck. Disgust washed over his face.
« Now I'm freezing because of you. If you die, I'm gonna fucking kill you, you hear? »
Even if my lungs were practically on fire, a painful laugh escaped me. I put my right fist onto my chest and did an half salute.
« Yes sir. »
His eye twitched over my mockery, but gently, he put a knee on the ground and took me in his arms, since I was too weak to walk on my own. Far way, I heard many worried cries from teenagers. The squad was searching us.
« Corporal Levi? »
« What? » came his annoyed and tired voice.
I smiled.
« When we get back to camp, I need to tell you something. »
His eyebrow raised, but he didn't question me.
I didn't want to have any regrets, and I didn't want to be just a soldier anymore. Even if he reacted badly, or not, at least I would be fixed. I was about to once again dive into unpredictable water. Into the ocean of his eyes.