Thank you for your lovely reviews. I very much appreciated each and every single one. Oh, just to clear up a few things that might be confusing: the Erin here is from the end of Season 2. The "reality" she woke up to is somewhere in a future I've created.
I own nada. Damn you Dick Wolf and your addictive show!
Erin's head is still swimming and the memories of the previous night are blurry. From the little she can recall she was at a bar doing shots. She can't remember with who, maybe Landon? She doesn't think she scored, but this whole reality might just be her tripping. It's not a far-fetched idea, although her trips have never been this vivid or this real.
She slowly gets up, wrapping herself around in a blanket, and for the first time she really looks around the room. It is cozy and homey. Everything is neat and uncluttered. It reminds her of own bedroom, except there is something different and she can't quite put her finger on what it is. She shuffles over to a dresser and takes a picture frame from atop and stares at it. It's of her and Jay and a much younger Lucy. Wide smiles beam back at her. Erin runs her hand over the cheery faces on the picture and shakes her head. What an elaborate trip, she thinks. She places the frame back and decides to venture out.
When you go into someone else's hone, it smells—sometimes like fresh laundry, sometimes like pine needles, but distinct from any other. Erin doesn't notice this here. Everything seems familiar. Ditching the blanket, she steps out in the hallway and can immediately hear the muffled echo of Lucy's sweet giggles. She follows the sound and it leads her to the bathroom not too far down the hallway. She pushes the door open and is riveted by what she sees. Jay is seated next to the tub calmingly watching Lucy splash water everywhere, unfazed by the fact that he is getting soaked. Upon closer inspection Erin sees that Jay is actually fueling Lucy's pastime by pouring water over her head.
"Ah-gan!" Lucy beckons and Jay dumps another cup full of soapy water over her head.
Erin leans on the door and it bumps against the wall. Jay starts and looks back.
"Oh, hey. You're up," he says. "Feeling better?"
"A little," she nods. "Still wrapping my head around…everything."
"Mamma!" Lucy stands on wobbly feet, but one look from Jay and she sits back down in the tub. "Mamma, looook!" Lucy exclaims and lowers her mouth to the water, blowing bubbles.
"That's pretty awesome, kiddo," Erin says.
"I guess the swim classes are actually working," Jay says.
"Yeah, I guess they are."
"Alright, Lucy-Goosey," Jay says and stands up. He grabs a yellow fuzzy towel with ducks printed on it and stretches it out in front of him. As soon as Lucy sees the towel she curves her little mouth into a defiant pout and crosses her arms over her belly.
"Nooo, da-dy!"
"C'mon Luce, we have to go to Papa's house."
The stubborn look she gives Jay is incredibly adorable and Erin hides her smile. Any doubt she had of this kid being hers vanishes.
"Lucy," Jay says firmly. "Let's go. Chop-chop."
The little girl looks cheekily at him, but relents and walks into the towel. Her pout is short-lived, though, as Jay wraps her like a burrito and blows raspberries on her neck.
"Had to use you're cop voice, uh?" Erin says amused while following him out.
Jay frowns. "That was not my cop voice."
"That was totally your cop voice." Erin teases.
Jay shakes his head. "She gets this whole stubborn thing from you, not me."
Erin jokingly smacks his arm. "Being stubborn has its advantages, you know?"
"Yeah? Like what? Giving me gray hairs?"
"No, like… She's not going to let any boy get a pass at her."
Jay's face contorts at the mention of boys. "There won't be any boys. She's not doing that until she's at least 30, maybe 40."
Erin laughs. She's amused by this is side of Jay. It is clear to anyone within a five mile radius that he's head over heels over Lucy. Lucy is one lucky lil' gal.
Once in Lucy's nursery, Jay lowers his burrito-ed little girl on the floor and she shuffles around giggling to herself.
"You got this?" Jay asks her.
Erin looks a bit taken aback. "Got what?"
"Getting her ready," Jay says.
"Oh." There is only the tiniest hesitation before she smiles and nods. "Sure. Yeah, I can get her ready." Erin waves him off. "Where are we going again?"
"Jack's birthday. Justin will have your head if you're not there to help Olive set up."
Erin takes a minute to digest what Jay just said. Justin. Birthday. Set up. "Right, right..." she agrees.
"I'm going to change," he says.
"Okay."
Jay walks out and Erin finds herself alone with Lucy. The little girl has unwrapped herself from the towel and is nonchalantly running around the nursery in her birthday suit. Erin catches Lucy mid run and she laughs.
"C'mon lil' lady, let's get you descent."
Erin walks over to the closet and opens it. A plethora of bright colorful clothes hangs on miniature hangers. She runs her fingers through them while Lucy contorts in her arms asking to be let out.
"Down, Mamma. DOWN!"
"Hold on, kiddo," Erin says, tightening her grip around her.
She quickly picks a blue summer dress and walks over to the changing table. "You need a diaper, don't you?"
At the mention of the word diaper, Lucy instinctively lays down.
"Oh, I guess you know the drill."
She begins to diaper Lucy and for a fleeting moment Lucy is still, staring at her with those pretty blue eyes. Her skin is the color of the palest peach and her mouth looks like a tiny raspberry. In addition to her blue eyes, Lucy seems to have also inherited Jay's freckled nose.
"So Luce, how old are you?" Erin asks.
Lucy brings two fingers up.
"Wow, you're that many?"
Lucy nods.
"You're a smart little monkey."
Lucy giggles and begins to turn sideways on the changing table.
"Hold on, Luce. I'm almost done."
Erin finishes diapering her and getting her dressed. She quickly towel dries the little girl's strawberry blond hair and ties it up in two pigtails.
"You know, Lucy, I never thought I would get to meet someone like you," Erin says hoisting the little girl on her hip. "It's kind of surreal, actually." Erin kisses Lucy's cheek and the little girl sighs, resting her head on her shoulder. Erin's heart melts.
She looks around the nursery and takes all it in – the pale green walls, the billowing curtains, the crib, the scattered toys, the rocking chair… and the picture frames. One in particular catches her eye. This one is mounted on the wall – it's a special one. Erin thinks it was probably taken at the hospital when Lucy was born. Jay has the biggest smile and glassy eyes and her face mirrors his while cradling a very, very small Lucy.
Lucy brings her out of her trance by pointing at her on the picture and saying, "Mamma."
"Yeah, I guess that's what I am," Erin says. "How about this guy here?" She points at Jay. "Who is he?"
"Da-dy," Lucy chirps.
"And who's this baby here?" Erin asks, pointing at Lucy.
"Luceee,!" She exclaims, patting her chest.
"You're really smart, you know?" Erin says, touching a finger to her little nose.
She seems another picture, this one is of Jay asleep on the couch with a pink little bundle on his chest. She runs her finger over the frame and smiles. How amazing it is to see Jay, a guy who oozes confidence and masculinity, turn into this tender, loving dad. But one last picture tucked in the corner of the nursery, captures her attention. It's a photo of Hank holding a smiling a Lucy on what it looks like her birthday.
"Lucy, who is this?"
"Papa!" She shouts excitedly.
"Oh, I guess you like Papa a lot, uh?"
Erin looks around, but doesn't find any pictures of Bunny. Although she's hit with a hint of disappointed, it doesn't surprise her. Bunny wasn't there for her own kids, never mind her grandkid.
She walks back down the hallway to the bedroom where she finds Jay dressed and seated on the edge of the bed putting his shoe on.
"Don't you look pretty," Jay says and Lucy smiles coyly.
He finishes lacing his shoes and stands up. "You look pretty too," he winks and places a quick kiss on Erin's lips. His cologne fills her sense and makes her a little weak in the knees. "You also look way better," he adds. "Sorry to break it to you, but I think you're partying days are over. One more night like this and we'll be living the plot of The Vow."
"Here's to hoping Channing Tatum will be there when I wake up," Erin says teasingly.
Jay shakes his head and lifts Lucy from Erin's arms. "Go get ready. We'll meet you downstairs."
"Okay. I will be down in a few."
Jay nods and Erin watches him drape Lucy over his shoulders causing her erupt in a fit of giggles. He walks out and Erin stands still listening to the sweet, sweet sound that is Lucy's laugh. Even though Erin just met her today, she already occupies so much of Erin's heart.
This has to be the longest that Erin has gone without having her mind spiral downward. Sometimes she thinks she was born on a fault line – the places where the earth breaks apart, where earthquakes and volcanoes are born. In other words, Erin's world seems to always crumble underneath her and the solid ground is just a mere illusion. However, this life here, wherever this place is, seems sturdy and safe. However strange everything seems, she feels grounded.
When she finally climbs down the stairs she's met with two smiling faces not-so-patiently waiting for her.
"Come, mamma!" Lucy beckons.
Erin smiles and Jay drapes an arm over her shoulder and together they walk out the door.
Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily.
Life is but a dream.
Thanks for reading. Your input and ideas are always welcomed. Is it Sept 30th yet?