Thank you for the reviews. I apologize for not replying to them yet - I will. But I figured I should apologize by posting a new chapter.
T minus 2 days! I CAN'T WAIT.
I own nothing. But brilliant people do and I'm thankful for that.
They arrive back at the house and Erin watches Jay carefully pull a slumbering Lucy out of her car seat. Her eyes flutter open for a fraction of a second, but she quickly recognizes that it's dad who has her and she instantly nestles in his arms. Jay stands still for just a moment until the muffled sound of Lucy's breathing evens out. It's a beautiful thing to watch Jay be a father to Lucy. His care and overall love for her makes Erin's heart skip a beat.
Jay notices Erin curiously staring at him and mouths, "What? Did she wake up?"
"No, no…" Erin says.
Jay feigns a sigh relief. "You're still looking at me like I'm about to drop her."
Erin smiles. "It's just… You're really good with her."
"Nah, she's good with me." Jay winks at her and plants a kiss on Lucy's head. "Let's hope she goes down for at least an hour."
Once inside, Jay climbs up the stairs with Lucy and Erin stays behind. She almost doesn't know what to do with herself. She walks around running her finger over the furniture and other picture frames, looking at a person who looks like her, but for all intents and purposes, isn't her. The more time she spends in this reality, the more she doesn't want to leave it.
Jay's footsteps echoes as he walks down the stairs with an awake Lucy hoisted on his hip.
"She woke up as soon as I laid her down," Jay says shaking his head, but the smile on his face tells Erin that he doesn't mind it at all.
Slowly, Lucy rubs her eyes open and reaches out to Erin. Erin takes her in her arms and the little girl lays her head on her shoulder.
Jay plants a kiss on their cheeks and says, "C'mon, the game is on."
He then heads to the living room, plopping himself on the couch and turning the TV on. He looks back at Erin and pats the space next to him. She walks over and sits down with Lucy, who is very much glued to her chest. She runs her fingers gently through the little girl's hair feeling the soft texture under her fingertips. Erin takes one of Lucy's little hands and holds it in her own. She examines each little finger before kissing her chubby palm. She's enchanted by Lucy's tranquility and innocence. Life seems so uncomplicated and so sweet with her.
It doesn't take long for Lucy to be up and fully awake, running around the living room, injecting a hefty sum of bliss in the air. At some point Jay gets up, walks to the kitchen and brings back two beers and a sippy cup.
"Here," he hands a beer to Erin.
Erin smiles and takes a bottle from his hand. "Thanks."
"And this is for you," Jay says, handing Lucy a sippy cup. The little girl takes it and begins to gulp it down.
Jay takes his sit next to Erin on the couch and sips of his beer. The sun has moved low in the sky. It looks melted into an orange pool of light outside the living room window.
"Did you know Lucy's fingers are just like yours?" Erin says.
"Yeah." Jay chuckles and takes a swig of his beer. "She had to have inherited something from me, right?"
"I think she looks like you," Erin says and Jay scoffs. "Like, when she smiles and her nose crinkles," she explains.
"It's okay," he says with a lazy grin. "I'm totally okay if all our kids look like you."
"All our kids?" Erin asks.
"We have to give her some competition, no?"
Erin sips her beer. "I guess."
Lucy walks up to Jay and hands him the sippy cup. "Done," she chirps. She climbs on the couch and then on Jay's lap.
"Lucy," Jay says. "Do you want a little brother or a sister?"
In her innocent ways, Lacy parrots her dad, "Botheer, Sistah."
"So both, you say?"
Lucy smiles and tilts her head sideways as if to say, I don't know.
Jay kisses her cheek and looks at Erin, "She wants a brother and a sister."
Erin looks at the two beings in front of her and her heart fills with delight. She nods because she doesn't know what else do to. Can the world have too many Halsteads? She doesn't think so. She thinks back to the conversation about Lucy's birth and says, "Let's hope the birth of the next one won't be like Lucy's."
Jay's face contorts with the memories and Erin can see that the day Lucy was born was emotionally daunting for him. "It will be different," he says firmly. He shakes whatever ill thoughts are in his head and smiles at Erin. "Hey, it will be fun seeing you pregnant again."
Erin notices his attempt to quickly change the subject, but decides not to push it. "Oh yeah? How come?"
"I don't know." He shrugs. "I liked when you were pregnant. I liked feeling the karate kid here kick. Remember? She was one active baby."
Erin nods, even though she doesn't have these memories. There is so many things she wants to know, but she feels it would be strange for her to ask given that she should know all these things. Erin watches Jay take Lucy's chubby feet in his hands and mimic her kicking. Lucy giggles.
"You did this all night in your mamma's tummy. We thought there might have been two of you in there," Jay says and point at Erin's stomach.
"In dere?" Lucy asks.
"That's right kiddo."
Jay then takes Lucy's small hands in his and pretends to punch himself. The make-believe match is complete with sound effects and everything. Needless to say, Lucy is elated.
Jay smiles and looks at Erin, her gaze seems miles away. "You got that look again."
"What?" Erin says, meeting his gaze. "What look?"
"I don't know. You've had this look all day," Jay settles Lucy on his lap and asks, "Are you still thinking about Nadia?"
To her surprise, Erin realizes that she hadn't been thinking of Nadia "No, I'm not thinking about Nadia."
"Okay," Jay nods and lets Lucy slide down from his lap. He looks at Erin, trying to decipher every little expression rippling across her face. All day he's noticed that there was something amiss with her, but he hasn't been able to figure it out what it is. Bringing up Nadia and talking about Lucy's birth – two subjects that are very sensitive to them – is definitely a red flag.
"You would tell me if there was something going on, right?" He asks. Just to be sure.
"Yeah," Erin says, trying her best to sound convincing.
"Okay," he says and places a kiss on her cheek. "How about I give this one a bath." He angles his head towards Lucy. "And put her to bed so we can have a relaxing evening?" Jay winks. "What do you say?"
Erin smiles. "Okay."
Jay places a strand of hair behind her ear and kisses her softly on the lips.
"C'mon, Lucy," Jay says standing up. "It's bath time."
Lucy immediately begins tugging at her clothes. "Out da-dy," she says excitedly.
Jay picks Lucy up and pulls the dress she's wearing over her head, leaving her in only diapers. She wiggles happily in his arms as he blows a raspberry on her belly. "To the bathroom," he says, like a captain at the helm of a ship.
Erin watches them go upstairs and she's not sure why, but tears roll down her cheeks.
Later that night Erin lays in bed deliciously exhausted. Jay lays snug against her, torqued in his usual sleeping position, slumbering the night away. She wants to surrender to sleep but she's afraid that when she wakes up she won't be here – that her trip will have run its course. But just before sleep pulls her under, Erin hears a small, high-pitched wail. Gradually she becomes aware that it is Lucy's. She looks up at the baby monitor and sees the lights flashing with each her cries. She slowly extracts herself from underneath Jay and quietly pads over to the nursery. As soon as she opens the door, the crying softens.
"Mammaaaa….." Lucy sobs.
"C'mere, baby girl." Erin says, lifting a tearful Lucy into her arms. She cradles the child's head against her shoulder. "It's okay, sweetie. I got you," she whispers into the child's soft hair.
"Mamma." The little girl nuzzles close, burying her face in Erin's shirt.
Erin takes a seat on the rocking chair and Lucy cozily nestles over Erin's chest. The weight of the little girl grounds Erin, she feels like it has the power to keep her here, in this reality. She lays her cheek against Lucy's and pulls her even closer.
"What can I do to stay here forever?" Erin whispers, listening to Lucy's soft sniffles.
Erin's eyes falls on the photo mounted on the wall. The light peering through the window giving it a soft glow. Jay, herself, and Lucy – a moment between them eternally caught on camera. She stares at the frame, trying to keep that image in her mind forever. Now that Erin experienced this overwhelming, endless kind of love, she doesn't think she can live a day without them. Just thinking about not seeing their smiling faces pulls so tightly at Erin's heartstrings that she feels her heart is being ripped apart.
"I don't want to leave you. I want to stay," Erin whispers and tears begin to freely roll down her cheeks. She bends down and kisses Lucy's head. "I wish I could stay here forever."
Erin tries to keep awake and will herself to stay, but in the back of her mind she knows it's a lost cause. She wraps her arms tightly around Lucy just holding, holding, and holding, refusing to let her go.
"I'm going to miss you so much," she whispers and lets sleep take her under.
...x...
Down the hall, Jay sits in bed paralyzed, listening to Erin's words on the baby monitor.
Thanks you for reading! You're opinion is very much valued and appreciated.
TWO. MORE. DAYS.
Cheers!