It's Been A While Since We Last Spoke

He clears his throat, and looks right at me and says, "Maybe I look sexy Dem... but what about you? You're the sexiest woman alive."

….

Chapter 14

Demi's POV

"Ha... I don't think so Nick."

He smiles warmly, "You are to me..."

He leans into kiss me, but I put my finger on his lips.

I look down, realising what was just happening.

Was this going too fast?

"Nick..."

He nods and leans away.

"Sorry Dem... I understand. This is too much for you."

"No, it's just... I'm confused."

He takes my hand into his and leans on it his chest.

"What about?"

I look back up at him, "How you feel."

"Well you know... don't you?"

"I don't know... you tell me?"

"You're the bestest friend I could ever have Dem."

"So there isn't more to that?"

"Well... it depends how you feel."

I sigh. Was he hiding how he felt? Did he want me to tell him I love him?

"Nick just tell me the truth, and I will tell you the truth."

He stays still for a second and then answers, "The whole truth?"

I nod, "Yeah... please."

He sighs, not saying a word for a few moments.

….

He doesn't blink nor look away when he says the words simply...

"I love you."

And at that moment my heart froze... but then suddenly began beating insanely fast.

I felt like I couldn't breath, I felt ecstatic but I couldn't function to react.

He loves me.

He truly loves me.

I felt myself start to cry...

a tear rolls down my cheek.

Oh god I can't hold it in.

More tears keep rolling...

he's look at me with concern all of a sudden.

He rubs my tears with his thumb, "Don't cry Demi... please don't be sad."

I just whisper back, "I'm not sad Nick. I don't mean to cry..."

"Then don't Demi... there's no need to."

"There is Nick..."

"But why Demi?"

I smile at him, "because you saying that you love me has really shook me. Shook me like nothing else."

I take my other hand and caress his left cheek, looking at him hopefully what should look like adoration. I then as gently as I can, place a peck on his lips.

I then bury my head in his shoulder and say to him, "I love you so much it hurts."

I then feel Nick eruptably lift my head back up, he looking stunned at me.

His eyes light up, his cheeks turn a slight pink and his lips curve slightly into a smile.

"You love me?"

I nod, "Yeah... I do, and I want us to be together."

Nick's eyes sparkle when I say that.

He grips hold of my hand, squeezing it ever so affectionately.

He then leaves a kiss on my hand, and then looks back at me.

He gives me that really lovely smile, the one that I've noticed he only gives to me. I notice he then bites his lip, blinking. Everything feels like it's moving slowly now, the time with Nick being unrelated to the actual time itself.

Me and Nick were really in our own world.

"I want you to be sure on that decision. I don't want to hurt you."

"I hardly doubt you will Nick... I've hurt you more than you've hurt me."

"My feelings don't matter."

How could he say that? They're the only thing that matters.

"Don't say that. That's bull."

He chuckles, "Fine alright, we'll have it your way."

I give him a sarcastic, sneery look. But I can't help but giggle.

He then chuckles a little more, his megawatt smile smeared across his face.

"I swear these smiles you give me I only see when you're with me."

He rolls his eyes, "Well yeah... you make me smile."

"Yeah... but I never see it when you're with others."

"Well that's because everything you say makes me smile."

I can't help but smile at that, "God you're the best person ever... stop being so amazing."

"Only when you do."

I roll my eyes and snort, burying my head back onto his shoulder.

"You've made my day Demi. In fact, You've made my year actually. You have no idea how many times I've re-enacted how this moment would happen when I told you how I feel. I still can't actually get it fixed in my head that you feel the same. You Demi, you love me. And I hope it's the same way I love you..."

"Hm, well if it's the head over heels, crazy, free falling kind of love... then yes I feel the same way."

I then hear Nick hum slightly.

I take my head away from his shoulder once more, and I stare at his lips so that he gets the message.

He slowly but surely moves his head closer, I feel his breath on my lips. Everything really did go slow then, his eyes fluttering closed, his lips lingering over mine. I then feel a tingle of my mouth, his lips now planted perfectly on mine.

I began to kiss him back, my lips massaging against his.

This kiss was different from the other ones, this had far more desperation in it.

I understood now how much he wanted to do this...

and I had no idea for so long.

But god he didn't know how much I wanted to do the same.

So I deepen the kiss, opening my mouth and lingering my tongue on his semi-closed lips, which then opened as soon as he felt my tongue. I slowly entered my tongue into his mouth, where I found his tongue. I felt his tongue touch mine, which god... felt like heaven.

I felt my stomach flip, my mind dizzy. My eyes closed tight, a shiver crawling up my body. I felt Nick's hands moving around my back. He then brings his left hand up to caress my neck and his right hand stays on my back. I hear him hum again as he kisses me.

I couldn't hold it in any longer...

I finally let out the moan that was laying on the back of my throat. It felt like it been held back for years.

His tongue was now wrestling with mine, this kiss getting more intense.

By my actions, Nick knows what to do right after what I do.

I will tilt my head slightly to the left, and he'd tilt his slightly to the right.

We are in sync, and it felt so right to be doing this.

If I didn't need oxygen, I would gladly continue kissing him forever.

But eventually I had to gently let go before he made my heart beat even faster than it was.

I can't even imagine what I would be like if he did more to me...

if you catch my drift!

That is one thing I wonder though, would he ever...? Would he ever suggest sex?

I'm too scared to mention it in case he thinks I've gone crazy.

I mean yeah I know he's a guy and he probably would love to have sex and blah blah blah...

but Nick's protective of me, and I don't think he'd want to do anything if he feels it will harm me. I bet he'd think that I was being unsure of myself and would worry on why I would even suggested it. I think probably because he knows that I haven't had sex.

I mean, I almost did with Joe... but I was not ready at all.

And of course, I wanted to save myself for Nick.

But at the time I didn't know that.

But now I do, and I'm still a virgin.

I'm glad I am, because I know I would have regretted giving my virginity to Joe, seeing as I didn't love him like I thought I did.

I did love him once... but looking at now it was more brother like than boyfriend love.

Nick makes me blush, he makes my heart flutter every time I see him, his smell suffocates me, he's addictive (in a good way of course), and he makes me the happiest girl in the world.

I finally understand the term, 'your love is my drug'. Nick Jonas is my drug, and I can't live without him. I guess that's much better than having an actual drug that would scar my life forever. Whilst Nick, has a place in my heart instead.

I feel myself staring longingly into his eyes, as he stares back into mine. I feel like I'm in a dream, none of this feels real. It all feels to be good to be true.

I say to Nick, "Pinch me."

He laughs, "Pardon?"

"Pinch me. I need to know I'm not dreaming."

He chuckles some more, "Ah well I can gurantee you are not."

"How do you know that?"

"Because we've kissed before... so I know nothing is different."

"Yes but... kissing you is far too perfect for real life."

"Pffft stop it Demi..."

I smile, "I mean it Nick!"

"Okay well then I give you permission to kiss me again." He winks at me with a huge grin on his face. I grin back, "I will gladly take that permission."
I place my left hand back on his neck and the other on his cheek. I lean in to kiss him softly, and I feel him kiss me back. This was more gentle, but holy mother it still had the same fiery passion like the other ones.

I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if I just intensify things a little more. So I slowly press my body against him, and as I can feel, I fall forward carefully. He falls back and I now feel that we're laying on the couch, my whole body weight on top of him.

I stop the kiss for a second, my hands still wrapped round him, "Oh Nick... I'm not too heavy on you am I?"

He sits up slightly to look at me with a sarcastic look, one eyebrow pushed down and the other pushed up. "Demi... shut up."

I giggle, "Okay."

Stupid Nick. Why does he have to be so... ugghh and amazing.

Nick then lowers his head again onto the couch, obviously signalling that he wants me to kiss him again.

I roll my eyes, and lean my head back down to face his. His eyes are closed, waiting for me to proceed back to where we were.

I lean in once more, my lips fully open. I already feel his tongue connect with mine just like before, the feeling almost catching me off guard. You can tell it shocked me when I let another moan escape from me. Thankfully it was small, not loud.

But as soon as I moaned, I can feel Nick lift himself up, our lips still attached. What was he doing? But then I understand, he's trying to push me down. Of course he's telling me softly with his body language, so when he unlocks his legs by what I felt he was facing them down, I try to bring my legs round, so they're in front of me.

We somehow manage after a lot of shuffling and trying to keep the kissing going. He then lets go of the kiss and I open my eyes to find he's smiling at me.

He asks me huskily, "Can I err... kiss your neck?"

I try not to laugh, "Yes Nick, you don't have to ask."

I see him roll his eyes slightly. He then places his lips on my neck, the feeling making me shiver.

I start to feel his lips peck at my neck, and then he starts sucking on the most fragile part.
I let out a soft moan once more, almost like a sigh... a very long sigh.

I start to close my eyes, but then I don't feel Nick kissing my neck anymore.

I open my eyes and frown slightly.

He then looks up at me again, his eyes full of concern.

"Demi... do you think this is a good idea?"

I then lift my head up to rest on the arm of the sofa.

"What do you mean?"

"Well... is it a good idea that we're kinda together now? I recall yesterday you were telling me you wanted to be friends with benefits, and now you want to be a couple?"

"Well yeah, but that was before I knew you were in love with me."

"Yeah but... do you only want us to be together so you don't hurt my feelings?"

I then frown, "What?"

"Demi, are you sure you're not confused? Do you honestly love me the way I love you?"

I can't believe he was asking me this. I look at him, completely astonished. I gently push him off of me so that I could get up and stand. I take a breath, and I look back at him.

"Nick. I told you. I'm crazy about you, you are all I ever think about. You are like... number 2 after my BABY sister! If I didn't have her, you'd be number 1 on the list of people I care about. You make me so happy, you make my heart flutter whenever you smile or I even see you! I mean... there are some things that I've been too embarrassed to say! I suppose Dallas told you things huh?"

Nick looked at me stunned, "Err yeah..."

"Oh goddamnit she can't keep anything! Did she tell you how I was saying your name in the middle of the night?"

He nods.

I think for a second, "Did she tell you about my fantasies?"

He then lifts his arms up to scratch the back of his head, "Well... she didn't say anything about fantasies, but she had mentioned you might want to err... you know."

I sigh heavily, and I place my face into my hands. After a moment, I take my head away from them.

"Okay... I can't believe I'm telling you this, but I've had fantasies of you."

Nick's eyebrows already lift up, clearly showing that I've surprised him.

I continue, "I've had many dreams, or daydreams of you... doing stuff to me. Errr... I've even had ideas of you and me experimenting and all sorts. I used to get flustered whether you were shirtless, because I wanted to touch your skin so badly. I want to feel your chest, I want to feel every part of you. There is not a day where I don't think what it would be like to... you know, make love to you.

"I'm sorry if there was confusion, but when I said that we should be friends with benefits, I honestly thought that was all you wanted. I figured that only kissing would be involved, and somehow we could still be friends. But then when you told me you loved me, I thought... eh, why not we take things a bit faster maybe? But you don't want to hurt me, and I don't want to hurt you. The problem is, I don't want us to just be friends. I want us to be so much more, but I am scared. I'm so frightened that I'll mess up and you won't ever want to be with me."

I finish by taking a sigh, looking down at my shoes now, too scared to even see how he was looking at me. I start fumbling with my shirt.

I then see from the corner of my eye, that he gets up from the sofa, and he then takes my hands away from my shirt, and takes his finger and places it under my chin, lifting it up to face him.

He's looking at me with such a gentle smile, his eyes sparkling.

He then intertwines his hands into mine and says to me, "Demi... I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I made you feel this way. It makes me so happy to see you be so honest with me. To see you tell me the truth is the best feeling ever because it means you are getting better. It's my time to be honest with you now, because I've been hiding feelings from you too.

'Demi I've been head over heels for you since I was with Selena. I dated her because you were dating Cody, and I was trying to make you jealous. And then when you broke up with Cody, I thought that maybe I could break up with Selena, and perhaps we could be together. But I was too scared to say anything, and then once I finally found the courage to say something, you started dating Joe. I went back to Selena and then after that I couldn't pretend because I finally realised I was in love with you. But of course, once you had broke up with Joe, how could we possibly be together when you had just ended it with my brother.
'All I've ever wanted Demi was for you to get better, to be healthy and to enjoy your life again. It broke my heart when you went to treatment because a part of me thought it was kinda my fault, and I had no one to tell me otherwise because none of us knew what was wrong. Well I did, but not to the full extent. I felt like I hadn't done enough for you, even though Dallas told me I did all I could. I realise now that you were a lot worse than getting over an end of relationship, you broke down because of your issues. I knew that I couldn't do much, but Dallas reckons you could have been a lot worse if I wasn't there."

"Nick I..."

"Demi don't say anything yet, I need you to fully understand everything. This past year of a half, has kinda been hell for me. Sure, I was getting on with my life enough, but there was not a single day where I didn't think of how you were doing. When I saw all these interviews, and saw your Stay Strong documentary, I figured that maybe you didn't need me. But then you called, and I literally was bouncing off the walls. You have no idea how ecstatic I was to finally see you again. The fact that you're here now is still unbelievable. I mean come on, you look... so fucking beautiful, and you look so much healthier, stronger and more radiant than ever. Jesus, I mean... whenever I saw YOU in like, a bikini... it drove me insane. I didn't realise until today, but I really do want to know what it would be like to be with you, I mean properly BE with you. THIS is going to be embarrassing to say, but there has been many times where I've been sexually frustrated because of you.

'Demi... you think I haven't thought what it would be like to make love to you? Looking back, I know I have, but I didn't want to admit it. I was even denying it today, even though talking about you well..."

He lifts his shirt, and I see it.

Yep, I see that his jeans were far too tight.

….

OH. MY. GOD.

I literally cannot say anything.

This is a lot to take in.

But I finally have reached out to him.