AN: No, the therapy sessions won't all be long! Just hang on, it will get interesting soon!
After leaving Dr. Druthers' office, Roy headed down to the cafeteria to grab a quick snack. Being that it was only around 9 a.m. and that he and Jo wouldn't be getting lunch until noon, Roy knew that he needed a small meal to tide himself over. Quickly consuming the toasted egg sandwich and orange juice, Roy made his way back up to the ICU, eager to be back by Johnny's side. Despite the tranquilizing effects of diazepam, Johnny still seemed as though he was a bit anxious and couldn't completely relax in sleep.
I have no idea how he is still vaguely aware of what is going on considering the dosage should knock anyone out. The doctors aren't sure either, all they know is that John is sleeping deep enough that his blood pressure has come down quite a bit and that is helping him heal better. Strange too that the nurses also find that his blood pressure lowers a bit more when I am here, Roy contemplated and mentally shrugged. At least I am able to do something, even if it is just sitting here and reassuring him every once in a while that everything is okay.
"How is he doing?" Joanne asked softly as she came in the room.
"Better than last night I'm told," Roy reassured her before explaining the anxiety Johnny had experienced and the increased swelling that took place. "That's why the docs are going to keep him on a sedative for a few days. It'll help him sleep and in turn, should help the swelling heal better."
"Still a bit restless though, huh?" she observed, seeing Johnny attempt to move some.
Quieting Johnny down before answering, Roy said self-consciously, "Yea, but it seems to help that I am here."
Giving her husband a look that said he would be an idiot to think otherwise, Jo moved on.
"Do you think Doctor Druthers is in his office yet?"
"Should be, let me call him real quick," Roy answered as he used the phone to do so. "He said to come on up any time you're ready."
Tucking the blankets under Johnny's chin more securely while being careful of the IV's, Joanne gave him a quick kiss on the forehead. While Joanne informed the nurse that her husband would be back shortly, Roy stood up and promised Johnny that he would be back after showing Jo to the office. With those issues taken care of, Roy guided Joanne up to Dr. Druthers office. Upon arriving, he knocked on the inner office to let the doctor know they had arrived.
"Hi, doc, this is my wife, Joanne," Roy said, introducing her to him, knowing that Jo was a bit nervous about the meeting. "Jo, this is Dr. Druthers.
Getting up to shake her hand, he offered, "You can call me doc, Dr. Druthers or Karl, whatever you feel most comfortable with."
"Thanks," Joanne replied.
Giving her hand a quick squeeze, Roy promised that if she needed anything to just call down to Johnny's room.
"Otherwise, I'll see you after the appointment," he told her.
Nodding, Joanne let go and watched as he left the office. Realizing she was alone and didn't have a clue how to begin, Jo smiled weakly at Doctor Druthers.
"Why don't you have a seat anywhere you'd like," Karl proposed, attempting to ease her nerves.
"Thank you," Jo politely said before sitting on the couch by the window. Smoothing down her skirt, she glanced around the room, surprised at how well decorated it was.
There is no way he could have put this office together like this, Joanne thought with amusement. As much as guys try, it seems they just don't have the ability to pull things together.
Less intimated with this realization, she felt herself relax and worry less about topics that would be discussed as the room gave her the feeling that Dr. Druthers wanted his patients to be in a warm, caring environment as well as feel safe and comfortable.
"I take it you haven't been in therapy before?" Doctor Druthers asked, pulling Joanne from her thoughts.
"No," Jo laughed awkwardly. "Is it that obvious?"
Smiling at her, Doctor Druthers moved his office chair so it was facing the couch more.
"A bit, but don't worry. I will make this as painless as possible, okay? Also, just for the record, I am fairly informal here, so call me Karl, Dr. D, or if you feel the need, Dr. Druthers," he said. Seeing her nod, he went on, "I do need to go over a few things before we get started and feel free to ask any questions about anything I go over. You can interrupt at any time."
With that said, the doctor started going over the same legal information he had gone over with her husband just a couple of hours before, only a bit more involved. Dr. Druthers also went over what he felt the main goals were at that time. Joanne had no issues with all the information and after he was done explaining, she felt a lot more comfortable with how things would progress.
Plans are always a good thing, even if they are merely outlines of a plan, Jo reflected.
"Tell me about the first time you meet Johnny," Karl implored.
"Oh, boy, it wasn't exactly good," Joanne snorted and rolled her eyes. "I know he is only three years younger than Roy and I, but Roy has always seemed older than his age. The first time I met him, he seemed so uncertain about everything. Yes, he was polite, almost too polite I thought. I don't know why I thought he was too polite or how it was possible to be too polite. It just seemed to cover up something. As soon as I would leave the room, he'd loosen up some. It was as if without me around, Johnny had a tendency to be, well, I don't know… more himself, maybe and at that time, it seemed like he had too much of a carefree and reckless attitude. He'd also just tended to ramble and never discuss things of importance. Being single didn't help in my eyes I guess. I didn't think he'd be good around kids, but he proved me wrong."
Smiling at the memory of him meeting her kids that first time Johnny came over, Joanne was startled when Doctor Druthers asked her what changed her mind about him.
"It was the little things. First, it was him holding my daughter and interacting with Chris when he first came over. How Johnny acted around them made me a bit more willing to give him a chance. Soon after, even before the paramedic bill passed, I heard about him saving Roy and getting injured in the process. Thankfully, the injury was minor. Then, I don't know, over time, he started coming over more and more. He showed me who he really was and that was someone who was young, hyper. Someone who couldn't sit still to save his life, but someone who was above all, caring, compassionate and would help out wherever he could.
"Johnny had no problems helping Roy with any of the repairs that needed to done or wood working projects, like when we needed a new tool shed put up. If we needed a babysitter, it never mattered what he was doing, Johnny was always willing to help out unless he was injured or ill. I know he had even canceled dates to help us out and would set aside time to do special activities with the kids individually. Overtime, he just became a fixture and a family member. I know Johnny had always thought he had benefited more since he only has an aunt, but honestly, I think our family is the one who has."
"Maybe all of you are just lucky," Karl observed.
"Maybe," Joanne conceded.
Silence followed for a moment before the doctor moved on.
"Since you aren't in the medical field, and please, don't take offense to this, I'd like you to tell me what you believe are the problems facing Johnny right now."
"From what I understand, he thinks that he's about seven years old and still lives where he grew up. According to Roy, his aunt believes his parents died in September, so to Johnny, the loss of his parents is fairly recent. For a child of that age, death has to be a hard concept to deal with and there is also the fact that his sense of security, family and place in the world has disappeared suddenly. Personally, I can't imagine it and that is a major challenge that those around him will have to help Johnny cope with," Jo began. "Then, from what I have observed and from what his doctors have said, he is experiencing a lot of anxiety and mood swings. As my daughter reminded us, considering all he is trying to deal with, it's not hard to understand why Johnny is experiencing these extreme moods, although I believe that there might be other reasons why as well. I'm not sure really why I think that way, I guess since I've seen him confused from minor head injuries, in pain from various injuries or illness and whatnot. It's just something I can't put my finger on…
"Anyway, Johnny is also dealing with being in pain from an event he can't remember and being in pain is hard enough for him. At least, it has always been so since we've known him. I'm not sure how he dealt with pain as a kid. We really don't know much about him as a kid, in fact," Jo realized. "Besides these challenges, we were told he has weakness in his muscle, but honestly, I don't really understand that. If I had to guess, I'd assume that means that he would have issues with his strength? The one good thing seems to be that even though he doesn't know Roy, the two of them still seem to have a bond and Johnny is somewhat willing to allow Roy in and trust him."
Impressed by her outlook, Dr. Druthers stared at her for a moment.
"I must say Joanne, you have surprised me in many ways."
Blushing, Jo just shrugged, "I am a mom and if I don't pay attention, chaos tends to reign."
"It isn't just your observation skills, although you were right about the issues we know that John is facing at this time. It is also the fact that you seem to be accepting that he is a child. You seem to be able to acknowledge how things are and not dwell on what may happen or could happen."
"I think it comes from being a firefighter's wife for so many years. If I didn't stay focused on what the present was like, all I'd do was worry about the future and what could happen to my husband and Johnny. That would just eat me alive and I'd never have any peace, nor could I enjoy life," Jo said modestly.
"That is a wonderful attitude and way to go through life," Karl praised her. "It will certainly help you out in this situation. How do you think Roy, Chris and Jennifer are dealing with this situation however? And what worries do you have?"
Pausing to gather her thoughts, Jo mentally inventoried how everyone had been reacting to the current circumstances and the discussions that had been held throughout Johnny's hospitalization.
"Roy's having a difficult time facing the situation. Despite all that he sees in his job, when it comes to family, he hates thinking the worst could happen. He needs to find a way to accept that this is what is right now and realize that things may never be what they were again. He is trying so hard, but it's difficult and he forgets at times what the situation is. I feel so…sad, I guess, for him. He has other friends, namely the Station 51 crew, but he and Johnny have had a much deeper bond than anyone else. Even if this situation doesn't last, he will need to find someone else to lean on, another guy to talk with and that'll be hard for him. Roy isn't the type who is good at being free with his thoughts and emotions. Johnny has always been able to bring those aspects out in him with his energy and love of life.
"Chris too is going to have more difficulty with this situation than Jenny or I. Again, this is because he has relied on Johnny for guy stuff or guy talks that he'd rather not discuss with his dad. Johnny has always made sure that we know about the stuff they talk about if it's important, don't get me wrong," Joanne hastened to add. "But I am not sure anyone could fill that void even a bit. Although Chris thinks he understands what is happening, until he sees for himself how much has changed, I doubt he will truly get it. The same goes for Jenny as I think knowing and really knowing is just too difficult for them to grasp," Joanne took a deep breath.
"As far as Jenny goes, she has lost a playmate whom she loves to death. It'll be a major change for her as well and although she doesn't exactly talk to him about personal issues, she does rely on Johnny for other things. Things like someone to help her shop for her Christmas gifts now that she is older and has spending money, help planning her birthday parties, simple yet important things like that," pausing, Joanne surreptitiously wiped at her eyes as tears formed.
"I don't know how either one of my babies could get over losing their Uncle Johnny. The thought of them having to grieve for them as if he was gone, even if it is for a short time is almost too painful for me to think about, Joanne thought. He has been such a huge part of our lives for so long that I can't imagine how they would handle it.
Sighing once again, Jo shook herself mentally in order to free herself from the grim thoughts, knowing that allowing herself to be sucked into them would only hurt herself and her family.
Continuing to answer the doctor's questions, Jo told him, "Johnny's been involved with our lives so much that it's going to be a major adjustment for everyone. I worry that the kids are going to feel neglected as we attempt to get into a routine that involves a child-like Johnny. I worry that Roy will sacrifice being a Fire Captain for a Paramedic Captain so that he has a more routine job and ends up being miserable because he misses the excitement. I worry that his friends and our neighbors will end up finding things too difficult and stop helping deal with any issues that may come up for one reason or another. It isn't a huge worry of mine though as the guys Roy works with, along with their families, have become a part of our family over the years. If anything, I'm more worried that our family won't be able to handle the situation and Johnny will end up in some home that breaks his spirit and we let him down in some way. I worry that our family won't be able to heal his spirit," Jo realized she was rambling and started fidgeting with her purse handle.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to go off like that. It's just…" stopping, Jo turned red.
I can't believe how stupid I am sounding! At this rate, he will think there is no way our family and our home is where Johnny belongs! Jo berated herself.
"It's okay," Doctor Druthers softly assured her. "Trust me, I am actually glad to hear all this. In fact, it's encouraging to know how much thought you have put into all of this. You are level-headed in my opinion. Not many are as introspective as you have been. These are all issues we need to go over in order to make sure that Johnny is placed in the best environment for not only physical healing, but help him heal emotional as well. You just answered some questions I was going to ask before I could get them out."
Laughing, Joanne felt a lot better and a bit less crazy.
"So, this is fairly normal?" she asked.
"Yes, and I promise, I will try to answer what I can. Granted, not all of these things can be addressed as of yet, but we will work on it."
Nodding her head in the affirmative, Joanne listened as Karl began addressing her worries.
"As far as your husband goes, I would like to discuss your worries with him one-on-one, if you don't mind. I won't mention that you brought them up as I have my own reasons for not doing so, but you may let him know if you wish," Doctor Druthers said.
"That's fine."
"Good. Now, as far as your kids go," he said, leaning back in his chair. "That will take some effort. I already plan on talking with both Chris and Jenny today that they needed to accept that Johnny as completely different person than who they knew. There are other subjects I will approach with them, but as of right now, I'm not going to bring them up here.
"What will help out both of them is that they stick to as much of the same routine as possible. I can understand that with the situation as it is, you may need someone else needs to pick them up from school or after-school activities. However, as much as possible, I'd like the two of you to make an effort to have dinner with them nightly. That way, if it is determined that your home is the best place for Johnny, you will already have an established routine. Of course, if someone is gone, for whatever reason, just have whoever is home sit down together for dinner.
"Try to have a chore schedule set up if you don't already. I feel that it is vital that if Johnny goes home with you that he be included in as much of the family activities as possible. What he is able to do will depend on what his doctors says and how he is healing of course. The point is to make him feel a part of the family and again, by having a schedule set-up, it will help immensely."
"Can I have this written down?" Joanne asked, feeling intimidated by the amount of information.
"Opps, sorry," Karl sheepishly said. "Here is a notepad and pen."
After handing that over and giving her time to write down the notes, he continued.
"Allow Chris and Jenny keep any of the summer activities they were planning on. Again, make sure that you or your husband drop up or pick them up if you normally would have if possible. If it isn't for some reason, I would explain it to your children as they are old enough to understand and then set-up something a bit special just for them. It will also help if you set aside time for just them. For example, it would be helpful if you just spend some time with Jenny and then just some time with Chris. Family time will be one of the main keys to making this situation work. Another other key is to take care of yourself," Dr. Druthers directed. "If you allow yourself to become worn out and you don't have time to yourself every day, you will burn out. At that point, you will be no good and certainly no help to anyone. It is not selfish at all to take a half-hour or so for yourself."
"Guess that makes sense," Joanne mumbled to herself, her head bent over the notepad as she scribbled down notes.
"I know you said worry that Roy might become involved with the paramedic training and he may not realize that it isn't what's best for everyone involved. I would suggest that we leave that topic alone for now. I will likely suggest a brief session with the two of you to in order to help figure things out like that if Johnny does end up going home with you. In the meantime, it'd be helpful to have such a session to develop a routine that would be helpful for your two children and one where Johnny could be included in if things go he way you hope. I haven't brought this up with Roy yet as with school in session, I am assuming that you have a fairly good routine down. You can let him know and I will let him know tomorrow about this."
"That'd be great. And you're right, until summer starts in a couple of weeks, things are pretty much under control," Jo sighed in relief.
Looking down at his watch, Karl saw that a little over an hour had passed by.
"Is there anything you would like to chat about yet? Or anything else you're worried about?" he inquired.
"Honestly, at this moment, I think I just feel like my brain has been overloaded with information," Joanne confessed. "If anything, I worry that Roy and I shouldn't have been so straightforward with our kids about Johnny's injuries, but…"
"Well, what were your other options?" Dr. Druthers asked.
"We could have not told them."
"Or?" he prodded.
"We could have downplayed the injuries," Joanne admitted.
"And what would have happened if you did either of those two things?" Karl challenged her to imagine the other possibilities.
"Roy and I have always believed in answering any questions Chris or Jenny ask us and so they would have wanted to know why Johnny wasn't coming over. There is no way either one of us could have not said anything," Joanne contemplated. "We felt that they deserved the whole truth, and not just because the two of them asked questions, but because he is family and Roy and I want to help him live the best life possible, no matter the outcome. By not telling Chris and Jenny everything as far we know, they wouldn't be prepared for what could happen and they wouldn't have a grasp on whether they could handle having Johnny home."
Seeing the question on the doctor's face, Joanne went on to explain, "Roy and I asked both Chris and Jenny after explaining what was happening with Johnny, as well as what could happen and the fact that it could be permanent if they would still want to have him live with us. It wouldn't have been fair to lie to our kids just to get what we wanted. They have to deal with the obstacles that are bound to come up from the head injury."
"Ahhh," Doctor Druthers smiled. "So, it sounds like by informing the kids about the effects of the injuries, you were able to make an informed family decision on what all four of you felt you could handle and what was not only best for Johnny, but best for your family."
"Well, yes," Joanne stated uncertainly.
"To me it sounds as if you and Roy did the right thing. Yes, it can't be easy for your kids to understand and accept, but given the other choices, this was the best one."
Reflecting on that point, Jo began to see what Karl was explaining. After letting her ponder that for a few minutes, he moved on.
"Is there anything else that you are concerned about?"
Shaking her head no, Joanne gave him a small smile.
"At least not today. More than likely tomorrow I will, it's just a lot to process all at once," she told him.
"I understand," he said sympathetically as he stood up. "Just give me a call if you or anyone in your family need anything. Otherwise, bring up Chris and Jenny after school. As I mentioned it to Roy, I cleared it with the peds floor that they can have access to the playroom."
Also standing up, Joanne thanked him.
"You've been a big help so far. I'll see you later today, probably around 3:30 p.m. or 4 p.m. It all depends on how fast I can get them moving!"
"Don't worry about that, I'm here till at least 6 tonight and can stay a bit later," he professed.
Thanking him again for his time, Joanne left Doctor Druthers office and went down to Johnny's ICU cubicle, hoping that her husband's presence was helping him sleep peacefully.