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Here is the next installment of this fic.
I own: Nada.
"I don't know what's going on with you. Just tell me what you need from me," Jay says.
"You still have my back?"
He pauses and then looks straight into her eyes. "Always."
..x…
"So, what do we do now?" Erin asks. "Do we go to work?"
Jay looks at Erin, his expression uncertain. "I don't know if you should," he says honestly. "Or if I should go either." Jay knows he won't be able to keep his head screwed on straight knowing Erin is not herself.
"I'm assuming we're working in Intelligence?" Erin asks.
Jay nods, baffled by what is slowly becoming a nightmare. "Yeah, we're still working in intelligence."
Erin racks her brain, trying to figure out what could have possibly made her return to her detective post. In her mind, there is absolutely nothing with enough pull that could drag her back. But something did. She wants to ask him what, but from the concerned look on Jay's face, she decides against it.
"Look Erin," Jay says, taking her hands in his. "I know you don't want to go to the hospital—"
"Jay—"
"Wait, wait. Hear me out." Jay interrupts her. "Can you at least see my brother? He might help us understand what is going on. Like, is this temporary? Will it get worse? Erin, people don't forget things. Not like this."
Erin doesn't think Will is going to shed any light in the matter. The reason Erin doesn't remember the last five years is because she is certain she hasn't lived them yet. But if agreeing to see Will is going to ease Jay's mind for the time being, she will accept.
"Sure. But tomorrow. Let's just see how today goes, okay?" Erin suggests. When Jay nods in agreement, Erin is quick to change the subject, "How about Lucy? Are we going to pick her up?" She missed seeing Lucy's bright, cheeky smile.
"I asked Will to drop her off at the district before his shift," Jay says. "That is, if we're going to work."
"If we don't Voight will know something is up and I don't need another person telling me I need to be admitted."
"Erin—"
"Look, I understand you are worried," she says and squeezes his hand. "I already agreed to see your brother. Let's just see how today goes."
Jay hesitates, but half-heartedly relents. He stands up and offers Erin a hand. "C'mon, we're going to be late for work."
..x…
Jay looks at the clock and it is almost noon. Things are quiet at the precinct and he thanks the heavens for the momentary peace amidst the storm in his head. From the moment they stepped into the bullpen Erin became uncharacteristically quiet. He can't help but notice her gaze wandering every so often to Nadia's former desk, now mouse's. Over the years he has been pretty good at reading her, but for the past two days it is as though a curtain has been pulled down, covering what's behind her eyes. There was only one other time when Jay remembers seeing Erin like this… and it was five years ago.
This can't be happening.
He stands up, walks over, and rests his hands on either side of her desk. "Doing okay?"
"Um, yeah… I'm fine," she says. "Slow day."
"Yeah. We don't get a lot of these around here," he says.
Erin leafs through the open folders in front of her and says, "I have accumulated a lot of CI's in the past five years."
"I think those are just pending processing. You have a whole filing cabinet down in records."
"I've been busy," she says.
"Yeah," Jay agrees and Erin notices a hint of melancholy in his tone. But he is quick to brush it off. "Oh, Will got called in to work early, so he is dropping Lucy off."
Erin frowns and looks up at him, "When?"
"I don't know, in ten minutes," Jay says and sees a ripple of worry move across Erin's face. "What is it?"
"I don't know. This is not the best place for a two-year old to hang out."
Jay can't help but laugh. "We are keeping an eye on her. We're not just letting her roam around."
"I don't know. This is new to me," she whispers.
Jay let's his head hang low for a few moments before he meets Erin's gaze. "Look, she'll be fine. Plus, I wouldn't let anything happen to her."
"I know," Erin says. "It's just… she's little."
Jay smiles. "Why don't we go outside get some air while we wait for Will."
"Okay," she says and grabs her sweater from behind the chair. "Let's go."
It's a bright morning in Chicago. The sun is high, but the breeze has that fall crisp quality to it. It isn't long before Will is pulling up to the precinct and hauling out a bubbly Lucy from the back seat of his car. Lucy is quick to trot over to Erin and leap into her arms.
"Hi Mamma!" Lucy chirps.
"Hi, baby girl. I missed you," Erin says, kissing Lucy's cheek.
Jay kisses Lucy's hair and say, "Say bye to Uncle Will."
Lucy waves. "Bye-bye."
Jay hugs his brother and says, "Thanks for looking after her this morning."
"Yeah no problem." Will pulls Jay to the side and asks. "Everything okay?"
Jay gives Will a knowing look. "I don't know yet. But I will call you tomorrow."
Will pats Jay on the back and says, "Okay. See you guys later." He waves good-bye and jumps into his car.
They walks back into the precinct and they are immediately met with a very enthusiastic Platt. The usual commotion at the front desk causes Lucy to recoil into Erin's arm.
"The Lindsay girls!" Platt says. "How is it going today?"
"Lindsay girls?" Jay scoffs. "Hey Luce, what's your whole name?"
Lucy lifts her head up and looks sheepishly around. "Lucee Al'sted."
Jay plants a kiss on Lucy's cheek and raises a defiant eyebrow to Platt.
"Don't worry sweetie, I won't hold that against you," Platt says, looking pointedly at Jay.
Jay roll his eyes and Erin smiles.
Platt ignores Jay and asks, "Is she hanging out upstairs?"
"For a little while," Erin answers.
"Well, if things pick up, bring her down and I will keep an eye on her."
"Thanks," Erin says unsure. When they are out of Platt's earshot she asks, "Do we ever leave Lucy with her?"
"No," Jay says, shaking his head.
They climb up the stairs and Lucy is quick to slide out of Erin's arms to run straight to Voight office. She bangs on the door with adamant closed fists. "Papa!"
"Papa is not there, Luce," Jay says.
"I wanna Papa." Lucy pleas.
"Papa is coming soon," Jay says and ushers her away from Voight's office.
"Hey Lucy," Antonio says.
At the mentioned of her name, Lucy looks around the bullpen.
"Go say hi to Antonio," Jay prompts.
Lucy shuffles her feet towards Antonio, but then decides to stand near Erin instead.
"One day she'll come to me," Antonio says.
"Where's everybody?" Erin asks, looking around the empty desks. They weren't gone for that long.
"Voight and Olinsky went to Sal's and Ruzek and Atwater are meeting a CI," Antonio says and picks up a post-it note from his desk and hands it to Erin. "Bunny called."
Erin looks down at the post-it note and then at Jay. Jay walks up to her and carefully takes the note from her hand, looks at it, then crumples it.
Erin frowns at his reaction. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" She asks, tilting her head towards the kitchen.
"Sure," Jay says nonchalantly.
Erin walks towards the kitchen until Lucy stops at her desk and pulls the bottom drawer open. Surprisingly, Erin see a plethora of small toys there, to which Lucy takes a few in her hands.
"Okay detective Al'sted, let's go play in the kitchen," Erin beckons and Lucy trots to the kitchen where Jay is already seated on the couch. Erin takes a seat next to Jay and for a few moments they are silent, watching Lucy roam around.
"Before you ask anything," Jay begins. "Bunny has been out of the picture for a few years actually. Your choice. She has not met Lucy yet, but since she's was released she's been trying to reach out."
"Bunny got pinched?" Erin asks, but isn't surprised.
"Yeah," Jay says and doesn't elaborate.
"Do you know what she wants?"
"What she always wants. She want to be back in your life, and now Lucy's life." Jay looks at his daughter, watching her twirling around with a toy in her hand, and says, "I'm not down with that."
Erin releases a deep breath.
"If you want to go see her, that's fine. But she's not getting anywhere near Lucy and I mean that."
"She won't hurt her," Erin says, not intending to sound defensive.
Jay thinks about reminding Erin what Bunny has been up to in the last five years, but he rather not. "Erin, a lot has happened," he says cautiously. "Bunny probably has the greatest intentions, but Lucy is my kid and I draw the line there."
Erin frowns at Jay's adamant stance on Bunny. She agrees, but she wants to know what he knows.
"Look, I just don't trust her," Jay says.
Erin is silent for a moment. "So she's never met Lucy?"
"No," Jay says and places his hand on her knee. "Bunny's nothing but bad news."
Jay's words sting, even though she doesn't let it show. Erin feels she's nothing but bad news too. Perhaps it runs in her blood. Somehow in this future she managed to pull herself out of the hole, but that Erin is not her.
Lucy eventually wonders back into the bullpen and Erin and Jay leisurely follow her out. Jay walks behind his desk and Erin leans against hers. She look behind her and sees Lucy going for the toy drawer again.
"You, know." She turns to Jay and says, "Bunny's not going to stop. She's going to keep pushing until she gets what she wants."
Jay looks around and see that Antonino has busied himself with a phone call. "Bunny can push all she wants. I'm not budging on this."
Erin exhales audibly. She looks at Lucy, who is now going through all the drawers in her desk. She smiles and turns back to Jay. "She's not budging either."
"I'm confident that I'll outlast Bunny. Any day," Jay says self-assured.
A clashing noise behind Erin causes her to turn back to Lucy, who has dropped a can of peanuts on the ground.
"Oh, Luce," She chuckles and walks around the desk. She sees Lucy place a few peanuts in her mouth, but she brushes off from her hands and says, "That's dirty, baby girl."
"What happened?" Jay asks, stretching his neck to the side to see what is going on.
"Oh, Lucy just dropped the can of peanuts," Erin says, bending down to gather the mess on the floor.
"What?" Jay says, quickly standing up.
"She dropped the peanuts everywhere." Erin smiles and waves Jay off. "I got it."
But to Erin's surprise, Jay is there scooping Lucy off the floor, brushing off any peanut residue from her hands and clothes. He inspects Lucy's mouth and his heart sinks when he sees a few pieces on the side of her mouth. "Did she eat them?"
Erin's smile slips from her lips. "What? I-I think she maybe put a few in her mouth." Erin says, not understanding Jay's concern.
Erin watches Jay's face pale and a look of despair etch on his face.
"Lucy," He says, picking up a peanut from the floor. "Did you eat this?"
The tension and the urgency in Jay's tone causes Lucy's sweet little face to darken in confusion. She shrinks back in his arms.
Antonio notices the fuss and asks, "Hey, what's going on?"
"It's Lucy," Jay says a bit out breath. "I think she ate some peanuts."
Before Jay finishes speaking, Antonio is there. "Check her mouth."
"I did," Jay says. "I found a few pieces."
Jay continues to inspect Lucy's face and notices a slight reddening near her mouth. "Okay, um, Antonio tell Voight we're taking Lucy to Chicago med."
"Sure thing," Antonio says.
Erin looks between the two men, trying to put the pieces in her head together. She watches Jay shift Lucy to one arm while he frantically goes through his desk, opening and closing drawers, shifting piles of paper everywhere until he finds what he is looking for – an epi pen. The realization hits her like a punch to the gut. Lucy is allergic to peanuts. Erin suddenly can't breathe.
"C'mon," he beckons Erin. "We have to go."
Erin follows Jay as he rushes down the back stairs that leads to the loading dock. Just when they reach the car, Lucy throws up all over Jay.
"Oh god!" Erin shrieks.
Jay tries to remain calm. He massages Lucy's back until he is sure she has gotten everything out. He then holds her at arm's length, trying to keep whatever she spilled on his sweater away from her. But the little girl is startled and begins to cry.
"Oh Lucy, it's okay," Jay says. He motions to Erin. "Can you take her?"
Erin nods and carefully takes a crying Lucy into her arms. She pulls Lucy's dirty sweater off, and as she does, Erin sees tiny red dots on her belly.
"Jay," Erin calls.
Jay, who is pulling his own sweatshirt off and trying to clean himself up, looks at her. "What?"
Erin pulls Lucy's shirt all the way up, revealing the red dots spreading across her little torso.
Jay nods knowingly. "C'mon," he says. "We'll be there in 5 minutes. I'll call Will and he will meet us at the entrance."
"She's going to be okay, right?" Erin asks.
Jay buckles Lucy, who is now heavily sobbing, in her seat, and says. "Of course," he says, perhaps more to himself. "Ride in the back with her. If she starts wheezing," Jay says and places the epi pen in her hands. "You pull this off and push it against her thigh until you hear it click, okay?
Erin nods and Jay sees dread in her eyes. He kisses her forehead before jumping into the driver's seat. Jay turns the wheel and backs out of the lot, his eyes fixed on the rearview mirror.
Erin knows this was her fault. She will not be able to live with herself if Lucy is not okay.
"Mamma! Mammaaaaa!" The little girl cries over and over again.
Lucy's frantic screams pierce the air along with her heart. The hospital is only a few minutes away, but the ride there seem to take forever. Erin sits numbly in the backseat, keeping a vigilant eye on Lucy, whose cheeks are reddening and lips are beginning to plump up.
"….She threw up…. Yes, and it's spreading all over her body. Tiny, red dots…"
Erin hears Jay speaking into his phone.
"….We are three minutes out…We'll meet you there…Okay…Bye," Jay says and ends the call. He looks in the rearview mirror and his eyes meet Erin's. "How are we doing?"
"Her lips are swelling up."
"We're almost there," Jay says and Erin feels the car pull forward as Jay rams on the gas.
The seconds feels like minutes and the minutes feels like hours, but soon enough they pull into the emergency dock of Chicago Med. Will and two nurses are there waiting for them. Jay pulls a sobbing Lucy from her car seat, but when a nurse tries take her, Jay hesitates.
"I got her," Will says, putting his hand reassuringly on Jay shoulder.
Will takes Lucy from Jay and the little girl's cries becomes more desperate. She reaches her little arms towards Jay and Erin, crying, "Mammaaaaaa! Da-dyyyyy!"
Erin's heart climbs into her throat, making it impossible for her to breathe. Her eyes flood with tears. "It's my fault," she says nearly choking on her guilt.
Her plaintive tone, mixture of regret and guilt, along with her broken façade shoots right at Jay's heart. He puts his arm around her and draws her in. "She's going to be okay," He assures her.
"It's my fault," she repeats. Her broken, trembling cry tears past layer upon layer of fear and guilt, until finally it shatters the walls of her heart. "I didn't know, Jay. I'm sorry."
Jay doesn't say anything. Then the words she said just that morning, I'm not the Erin you think I am, repeats in his head. But he pushes those thoughts from his mind and tightens his hold around her.
They follow the team inside and after a battery of tests, needle pricks, and a lot more tears, the IV lines are in and the medication is surging. Will motions for them to come near and Lucy all but throws herself into Erin's arms. Erin sits on the bed, cradling the little girl in her arms.
Will stands in the middle of the room and says, "We're giving her antihistamines for now. She's doesn't seem to be going into anaphylactic shock, but we want to keep an eye on her."
"She's going to be fine, right?" Jay asks.
"Yeah," Will says, patting his brother's back.
Jay releases a breath he didn't know he was holding. He rests his hands on his knees for a few moments, letting his qualms crumble off his shoulders.
"Hey man, can I talk to you outside?" Will asks, angling his head towards the door.
"Yeah," Jay agrees. He walks over to Erin and places a kiss on Lucy's hot, tear-streaked cheek, then let's his lips linger a few moments longer on Erin's forehead. "Be right back," he says.
Erin nods.
Jay steps outside and Will leads him down the hall to an empty examination room.
"What happened?" Will asks.
"Um…" Jay runs a hand through his hair, trying to get his bearings. "Lucy was playing around Erin's desk and she found a can of peanuts and she dropped it on the floor. I think she ate maybe one or two."
"Okay," Will says. He looks at his brother and sees worry still etched on his face. "Jay, Lucy will be fine. The rashes will take maybe a day to go away, but she'll be up and running in no time."
Jay looks gravely at his brother and says, "It's not Lucy I'm worried about."
Will furrows his brow and says, "Who are you worried about?"
"It's Erin."
Thank you for reading. Your feedback is appreciated, much like the Lindstead couch. I appreciate the HELL out of the Linstead couch.
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