It's Been A While Since We Last Spoke
Chapter 17
Nick's POV
I love her I love her I love her I love her.
I can't not love her.
She's perfect.
She's mine and she's the most beautiful woman in the world.
I'm not being corny, I'm being freaking serious.
I love her so much.
More than she'll ever know. It saddens me she doesn't know how amazing she is. If I could just be with her, and only her for the rest of my life... I would never get tired of it.
I want to share food together,
I want to have picnics together,
I want to watch the sunset together,
I want to go on road trips together,
I want to lay on the beach together,
I want to go on adventures together...
I just want to do everything together.
I want her with me forever...
I want to grow old with her.
Let's face it, I want to marry her.
*Ahem*
Whoaaaaa get it together Nick.
Marrying her?
That's crazy...
I mean, surely she doesn't want that?
I can't imagine she wants to get married anytime soon.
She might not even want to be with me like I want to be with her. She might find some other guy and ditch me.
Oh god I hope she doesn't ditch me. Please don't ditch me Demi.
*Ahem*
Okay so I've been making pancakes, just because I could and I knew that Demi would like them. It looks as if she's really getting better, because she didn't hesitate to eat the pancakes... even if she only ate 2. She's now gone back to my room, probably deciding what clothes she's going to wear.
Well I told her she can wear some of my clothes if she's really worried. I don't mind if she wears one of my boxers or something.
I definitely wouldn't mind actually...
*Ahem*
I really need to stop doing that. All I ever seem to do now is fantasise about Demi.
If I keep doing this, I'll end up going insane. I'll end up doing something real stupid.
But man, I can't do that. I have to hold it together, even though there's a part of me that would love to see the look on Joe, Kev and dad's faces, I can't tell them the truth just yet. They won't approve and I already know it. I only know I would get approval from mom and Frankie. I guess that's because they ain't fucking control freaks like my brothers and my father 's annoyed me how over the past couple of years, Joe, Kevin and dad have been looking further and further down at me, thinking that I'm too stupid to make my own decisions. They'd never actually admit that, but they are. Ever since what happened with Demi, they've felt they can no longer trust me like they used to. For some reason because I could see how broken Demi was, and how I was defending her... I was the bad guy.
They were so stubborn, so ignorant, that they forgot that they were Demi's friends... and they treated her like dirt. It's taking me a long time to forgive them, because my relationship with Joe and Kev has been tempered with. They are not the same two big bros that I used to see them as. Yeah sure I still talk to them, and yeah I still plan to make music with them and see them on visits and stuff... but recently, that's all they've ever been... 2 band members, whom I only see for publicity and fans.
I've lost respect for them, and I barely trust them now. I still love them, and I will still be there for them when they get caught in trouble... but until they forgive me, I don't think we'll ever be the same. I don't think I'll ever see them like when I was kid, and when I was an early teen. They still make me laugh, but things get so awkward between me and them after a while. I can't be around them for more than an hour without wanting to shout at them. The main reason why our relationship has gone downhill, is because they won't accept they were wrong. They won't accept that actually, it's their fault that everything smashed to smithereens. But somehow, they still believe it was Demi... they believe I'm hoodwinked or something, like Demi's got me under a spell. But no, they're completely wrong. They are the ones who are blind, who can't see what's going on. In fact no, they WON'T see what's going on.
I don't understand why they've been like this... I mean they have no reason to be! Somehow they've forgotten that Demi was their BEST FRIEND.
Anyway... I need to stop focusing on my anger on them, and focus on the fact that Demi is with me all day and that makes me very happy.
It's 10am, and it's a beautiful day. The sun is shining, and I feel alive.
In fact, let's put on the radio... as I wait for Demi.
Yeahhhh don't judge me but I still have an old radio... because I'm cool like that. I much prefer listening to the radio on actual radio, rather than listening to it online. I listen to any radio really, just as long as I like the music that's playing. I twist the knob, the radio making it's usual static noise... until I landed on something catchy, and very old school. But also, a song that describes the moment perfectly.
"I used to think maybe you love me, now baby I'm sure...
and now I just can't wait till the day when you knock on my door.
Now everytime I go for the mailbox, I gotta hold myself down.
Cause I just can't wait till the day you write me you're coming round."
I start sing along, and well... I can't help but jiggle to this classic tune.
"I'M WALKING ON SUNSHINE... WOAAAH! I'M WALKING ON SUNSHINE!"
I'm dancing around like a fool, with a hairbrush in my hand... when I turn around to find Demi standing at the door giggling. I stop dancing and I shut the radio off. She's still giggling, looking at me with her big grin.
"Aww why turn it off? That was cute."
I laugh sarcastically at her, "Ha-ha very funny shut up."
"But I'm serious though! I love that song."
I roll my eyes and turn it back on.
Demi starts to dance to it, singing along to it too. I smile at her, and chuckle a little... joining in with the dancing.
She then takes my hand and we start to do the usual swing dance you would do in a ballroom or a fancy party. She's laughing and I'm laughing... she grabs the hairbrush off of me and belches out "I'M WALKING ON SUNSHINE... WOAHHH" and I sing along with her. We keep singing along, and we keep laughing and dancing... probably looking like nutjobs, as I notice she's actually decided to wear one of my t-shirts and one of my pairs of jeans, along with that a denim shirt on top and one of my old bowler hats. She looks great, and oddly better in my clothes than I do. I guess she was bound to wear my clothes at some point... I just didn't think so soon. But yeah, she looks amazing in my clothes. I love how she suits denim so well.
I look down at her wearing them, and I can't help but smile and gawp at her body a little bit. But before I even get a few more seconds Demi lifts my chin with her index finger and gives me a cheeky grin.
"My eyes are up here big boy." She gives me a wink, and I just give her a funny look. You know, the kind of retorted sneery look.
"Like you've never check me out" I retort back.
"I never said I didn't." She winks again, and I have to bite my lip from smiling too much.
Sometimes I find it really hard not to just do something crazy in one of these moments. Ever since Dallas asked me if I wanted to have sex with Demi... it's all that's been crossing my mind. This is really bad, but Dallas was right... a guy has needs. I didn't realise until she said it how much I really want to. But I would NEVER take advantage of Demi. I never ever want to hurt her. If Demi ever wanted to do it, it would be her choice not mine.
To be honest... I'd hope that we'd still be together in a few years, and then I can propose to her. Oh god thinking about it again...
*Ahem*
But Demi can't possibly love me more than I love her.
Demi was probably telling me the truth when she told me how she felt about me... but does she honestly love me? Does she love me or loves the thought of me? I know it's so stupid to question... but she might not actually want me, but actually wants a guy that is like me. I mean how could she possibly want to fall in love with a guy who is her ex's brother?
But I guess for now, I need to stop questioning all this... and just spend the time I DO have with her, rather than worry about the time I won't have with her. But the idea of it... the idea of her loving me back. It's really hard to imagine. Especially when all I can ever think about is that day, that day she went into treatment. And how angry I felt.
November 1, 2010
"What the hell is going on?"
I enter the meeting room of the venue backstage in Peru.
Joe and Kevin look at me with what I could only describe as guilt, but also slight anger.
My dad answers, "Demi's gone."
I frown, "What do you mean she's gone?"
"As in she's gone. She's left the tour."
I feel my heart sink.
I feel everything start to get smaller.
I feel my world and mind collapse right in front of my eyes.
Demi was gone.
She was just... gone.
I barely manage words, as I ask "Did she leave a note?"
My dad shakes his head.
"S-shouldn't we... shouldn't we go find her? She could be unsafe."
"How can we find her with no lead?"
"Call her cell maybe?"
"Well you go ahead son..."
"Yeah that's right... it's always gotta be me who looks after her. Cause none of you will."
I take my cellphone out of my jean pocket, and speed dial Demi's number.
My heart quickens, begging for her to pick up.
It rings and rings, and I can barely breathe.
It goes to voicemail.
I hang up the phone.
"Goddamn it Demi... what are you doing leaving like this?" I think to myself.
"You could have told me you were leaving, you could have told me you couldn't continue. I would have been there... always."
"Voicemail?" Joe asks.
I turn round, let out a heavy sigh and nod.
"Well this is just great. Did she really have to pull a stunt like this?"
I was shocked.
How could dad say that? How could he not even consider that she may not have even left on purpose? She might have broken down... she might have seriously injured herself.
"Seriously dad? You're not even going to consider that she might be really hurt?"
"Nick... she's SUPPOSED to be the opening act of this tour. She shouldn't be running off! Haven't you noticed that she'd been getting ahead of herself, going to late night parties and doing stupid things?"
"Who gives a damn about her being the opening act! She probably did run off... but you know why? Because every single one of you couldn't give a shit about how she felt! None of you even CONSIDERED that she could be struggling. All you cared about was pleasing everyone, pleasing the press. NONE of you ever cared about how she was feeling. Thanks to you guys, she's broken down. She probably left because she couldn't handle it anymore... because you guys fucking didn't support her. So well done, give yourselves a round of applause."
I turn to walk out, ignoring my dad demanding me to not walk away. I shut the door, banging it closed.
"Ugh! Screw all of them. Why the hell were they being like dicks? I mean even dad for christ sake! What were their problems? Why were they all so odd with Demi? She did nothing... yet Joe goes no blame for treating her like dirt."
"I'm going to find her... I'm going to make sure she's okay."
"I'm going to head to her house first... or at least her parents' house."
"Nick...? You okay there? Nick?"
Whoops... I must have blanked for a while.
Suddenly I was back in present time, out of my trance... with Demi right in front of me.
Damn it. I shouldn't be thinking about the past. She's here now and she's safe with me.
"Whoa sorry Dem..."
"What happened? You zoned out for a little bit."
"Nothing really, was just thinking of something."
"What were you thinking about?"
"Ohhh don't worry... nothing important."
"Are you sure? It looked important in your eyes."
"I'm sure. There's nothing more important than being here with you."
I give her a warm smile, and she gives me her shy smile... blushing a little.
She can be so cute when she's modest.
But wasn't sorting out her past just as important?
That night never got resolved.
She never actually told me what happened properly.
Should I even be worrying?