Chapter 24 – I'm okay

Piper didn't feel anything in particular when she left Alex to sleep, all she knew was that she needed time to think, time to clear her head. She got in her car and drove, she wasn't going anywhere in particular, she just wanted to get away. After an hour, she found herself parked outside Danny's apartment. She didn't mean to find herself there, it all seemed to happen subconsciously. She got out of the car and pressed the intercom button for Danny's apartment, letting her legs guide her up the stairs. Piper was then standing at her brother's front door, just staring at it before he opened it, "Pipes, come in, it's great to see you."

Piper gave him a tired smile as she hugged him, his presence felt so safe and familiar, she felt like she was 12 years old again and Danny was comforting her after a fight with their mum. "Everything okay Pipes?"

Piper just sighed into his shoulder and focussed on the feel of his t-shirt against her cheek. For a moment she wished they were kids again and Danny could magically make her feel better, but life wasn't that straight forward anymore. Piper let Danny lead her to the couch where they both sat down, "I'm just feeling a bit lost right now. Everything that's going on with Alex…it's just getting really hard to deal with." Piper had been keeping Danny up to date with the trial, but he didn't know what had happened when Robbie took the stand. "Alex totally shut down today after court, she's not coping. I don't know what to do anymore, the trial is really breaking her. She told me today that she wouldn't hesitate to take heroin if she had it on her. She wouldn't talk, I left her at home, I needed to get out."

"You're all under a huge amount of pressure, no wonder you're feeling like this. You know you can always pick up the phone and call me or come for a visit. Alex needs a lot of help to get through this, but so do you."

Piper knew he was right, but she found herself almost whispering as she spoke again, "I know, so why can't I stop thinking about running away from it all?"

Danny grabbed his sister's hand, "Do you still love her?"

Again, Piper could barely manage a whisper, "of course, she's just so broken right now, it's like she's lost and I can't find her. I can't reach her."

"You need to make more time for yourself Piper. Alex has been through more than most people do in a lifetime, she'll need a lot of help from you, but let me help you Pipes." Danny put his arms around Piper and hugged her. She didn't cry, she felt like she didn't have any tears left, but she still didn't know what to do.

"I don't know if I'm strong enough to help her."

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Alex stayed in her room while Diane went to pick up Lucy from school. She felt bad for how she'd treated Diane, but the older woman always had a way of calming her down. Sometimes it felt like Diane was the only one that could get through to her. Alex could never express how much she loved her mum, what she meant to her. Before Diane left to pick up Lucy, she called Kerry and arranged an urgent appointment for the next day, which Diane would also go to. Part of her still wanted to call Emily, but she tried not to think about it. Instead, Alex tried to focus on seeing Lucy soon, and spending time with her. Another 20 minutes passed before Alex heard the front door, with Lucy walking into her room straight away, "hi Ally." Lucy sat on the bed next to Alex and looked up at her.

"Hey Luce," Alex put her arm around her little sister, pulling her close. Alex kicked off her shoes and lay down on her and Piper's bed, pulling Lucy down with her. "Lie with me for a bit? I could use some company."

"Sure, are you okay?" Lucy still couldn't help but worry about Alex.

"I had a rough day, will you hang out with me tonight?"

"Sure, can we go rent a movie?"

"Definitely." Right now, this is all Alex needed. She knew that no matter what happened, Lucy would always accept her. In some ways, that made it all worthwhile for Alex, because at the centre of all this was her need to protect Lucy. Never for a moment did Alex harbour any sort of resentment towards Diane for how she grew up and the opportunities she had missed out on, but she wanted to make sure Lucy had more as she grew up.

Alex and Lucy kept lying together for another 20 minutes, not saying anything. Alex closed her eyes and let her mind drift away, as she kept Lucy close to her. She didn't want to move and be forced to think about the rest of the world. Right now, she could just lie there and relax, knowing that Lucy was next to her and safe. She didn't need to worry about how she'd fix things with Piper, Robbie's trial, or how well Diane was coping with everything. She would have lay there all afternoon with Lucy if she could, but eventually the little girl wanted to get up and go, "will Piper be home later?"

Alex was hoping Lucy wouldn't ask about Piper, but it was inevitable. Lucy spent as much time with Piper now as she did with Alex, there was no way she wasn't going to ask about her.

"I'm really not sure, I hope so."

Lucy seemed to accept Alex's response and the two sister left the apartment and walked a couple of blocks to get a movie and a milkshake. Alex let Lucy take her time, she was in no rush to get back to the apartment and be painfully aware of the fact that Piper wasn't there. She let Lucy dawdle in the store for over 30 minutes before they stopped at the local deli for vanilla milkshakes. They finally started making their way back home with two movies to watch, which Alex only agreed to let Lucy watch if she did her homework first. Alex felt small fingers intertwine with her own as they walked down the street towards home, both on autopilot. Lucy was probably the only person in the world that trusted Alex no matter what. Alex liked to think that trust was never misplaced, even though when it came to her own health and safety, it probably was.

They walked back through the apartment door when all Alex could hear was Lucy's voice, "Hi Piper! Alex wasn't sure when you'd be back. We got some good movies if you wanna watch one with us tonight?"

Piper couldn't help but smile. She never thought she'd be excited at the prospect of watching a kids movie with a ten year old, but right now it sounded like the perfect way to spend her night. "I would love to hang out with you tonight. But you're going to do your homework first right?"

Lucy just rolled her eyes, "yeah yeah, Alex already told me I have to do my homework first." Without missing a beat, Lucy picked up her school bag that she'd dropped in the kitchen when she first got home, and disappeared into her room to do her homework. This left Alex and Piper alone together in the kitchen. Alex didn't know where to look, but eventually she managed to raise her gaze to look at Piper, "where's Diane?"

"She went to pick up a few things for dinner." Piper looked back at Alex, she had so much to say but didn't know where to start.

"Al, I'm sorry I walked out earlier, I shouldn't have left you alone like that. But I'm not going to lie to you, this whole situation with Robbie has been really hard on me too. It has killed me inside to see what this has done to you."

"Pipes," Alex had so much she wanted to say, but Piper cut her off.

"No Al, you need to let me finish. I love you so much, and lately I probably haven't coped well when I didn't know how to help you. Today….today after Robbie's testimony was really the first time I've ever seen you completely shut down. It fucking scared me Alex, I didn't know what to do, my mind was in overdrive, and I just needed some space to think. Life has just become so complicated lately, I've never had to deal with anything this serious, ever. And I feel like an asshole because this is so much harder on you."

"Don't say that Pipes."

But Piper was determined to say her piece, and cut Alex off again, "you need to let me finish". Alex stayed still as she stopped talking, letting Piper continue.

"This is so much harder on you, and I felt like I wasn't strong enough to help you. Al, I have never so desperately wanted to solve everything as much as I do right now. All I want to do is make you feel better, and when I can't, I don't know what to do. Earlier when you just shut down and said you'd take drugs if you had them, it made me feel like I'd somehow failed you."

Alex couldn't help but speak up at this point, "You're not responsible for my fuck ups."

"I know, but I can't help feeling like that. I think I need to try and accept that I won't always be able to make things better, but I can always be there to help you. Even if all I can offer you is a hug, or a kiss, I'll be there. I spent a lot of time thinking today, and the idea of not seeing you every day, it just wasn't even an option."

Alex felt a pain in her chest just at the idea of not seeing Piper every day, she would do everything in her power to make sure Piper never felt that destitute ever again, "Like we've always said from the start Pipes, we can take care of each other".

Piper stepped closer to Alex until their faces were almost touching, and spoke in the softest whisper, "I don't ever want to be apart from you Alex, I fucking love you".

"I love you too."

Piper didn't hesitate in wrapping her arms around Alex and pulling her close. It felt so silly, they'd only been apart for less than a day, but Piper was holding onto Alex like she hadn't seen her in months. They didn't even kiss, all Piper could focus on was the feeling of Alex's body pressed against her own, and how right it felt. Piper had done a lot of thinking that day, she had nearly let her fear win. But the outcome of giving into her fear, not having Alex in her life anymore, just wasn't an option. She felt at home in the small apartment, and that's what she needed to focus on, those feelings of love, home and belonging.

Piper felt small hands tugging at her jumper while she was still hugging Alex, "which movie should we watch first?"

Alex raised an eyebrow at Lucy, "come on kid, just do your homework."

"I'm taking a break, I wanted to make sure we pick our movie for after dinner." With that, Lucy took Piper's hand and dragged her into the lounge room, forcing her to pick a movie. Alex felt so much better than she did a few hours ago, and she couldn't wait to snuggle up on the couch with Piper and Lucy after dinner. Alex sat herself at the kitchen table with a coffee when Diane came through the front door with shopping bags. The older woman was surprised to see Alex up and looking much better. She dropped the bags on the kitchen counter before standing next to Alex and smoothing out her hair, "feeling better?"

Alex nodded and let a faint smile spread across her face, "a lot better, thanks mum."

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Another week went by before the judge was ready to give his final verdict. Both Diane and Piper were in the court room with Alex today, while Lucy was at school. Alex sat in between the other two women, feeling incredibly nervous. She wasn't sure what to feel at this point, she had absolutely no idea how she would react or what sort of sentence she even really wanted. The police and prosecution told them that it can be very hard to get convictions in cases like this, but they were hopeful he wouldn't be set free. As usual, the court room was mostly empty, it was just Robbie and his lawyer, the prosecution, a few police officers, and Alex, Diane and Piper. After what felt like hours, the judge finally entered the room and sat in front of them all. He started talking but Alex's mind was already trying to shut down, as though she could protect herself by ignoring the verdict. There was only one sentence that rang through her ears, "sentenced to 12 months…. 6 months non parole period…"

At first Alex wasn't sure if she heard right, "6 months…just 6 fucking months." She wasn't sure what to feel, she linked her fingers through Piper's and felt Diane take her other hand. Maybe she should be happy that he at least got something, that he wasn't found not guilty and let back out on the streets that night. But it didn't feel like enough, she couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't fair. Maybe to the judge it was the right decision based on the evidence, but they were dealing with a man that completely destroyed her life. He nearly took her life himself, and at times the damage he did very nearly left Alex wanting to take her own life. Maybe to others it might not be much, but it was the only life she knew, it was hers. Alex felt Diane slip an arm around her shoulder as all three women walked out of the court room and onto the street. They walked a few blocks where they ended up at Diane's work, where they sat down for coffees and a snack. The women at the diner knew what the family had been going through, and wouldn't let Diane or Piper pay for anything. It was a small gesture but it meant a lot. Diane sat next to Alex, while Piper sat on the other side of the booth.

Once again, Diane slipped her arm around Alex's shoulders and pulled her close, pressing a kiss to her temple, "he can't hurt us anymore Alex."

"And what about in 6 months time when he's out?"

"Don't think like that Ally, this is a win for us, you helped to put him away okay. You should be proud of yourself. We're all a family now remember, and we're gonna get on with our lives, you've already gotten through the hardest part baby." Diane kissed her daughter on the temple again and held her close. Even though Alex was disappointed with the sentencing, Diane was relieved. A part of her was so worried Robbie wouldn't go to prison at all, she had to keep telling herself that this outcome was better than nothing. It would at least give them a chance to try and pull their lives back together, to try and find some happiness. Above it, Diane felt like she could finally relax, at least for a while. The more time she had to relax, the more she could focus on helping Alex.

Piper reached across the table and took Alex's hand, gently rubbing her thumb over the soft ivory skin, "how are you feeling?"

"I don't know. A part of me is relieved, the other part is kinda disappointed. I just wanna work out how to move on with my life." Moving on, that would be the hardest part, but she had to try.

The afternoon felt like it almost went by in slow motion for Alex, the finished their coffees and food at the diner, then went to pick up Lucy from school. Once they got home, Diane explained to Lucy that Robbie had been sent to prison. The little girl immediately looked at Alex, who was standing next to the kitchen counter, and wrapped her arms around the older girls legs. "I knew it would be okay Ally, he can't hurt you anymore."

Alex could practically feel the relief and happiness beaming off Lucy, which just made Alex smile. Lucy could finally relax, she didn't have to keep worrying about Robbie coming back to hurt Alex, and that's all that mattered.

Later that night, while Alex was putting Lucy to bed, Piper took the opportunity to call Danny. It felt good to hear the happiness in his voice when Piper told him what happened, it made her want to be happy. She had to keep reminding herself that despite that gnawing feeling of disappointment in the back of her mind, she had to be positive. She needed to be positive not only for Alex but for herself, it was the only way they could start rebuilding their lives again. Piper felt the tears sting the back of her eyes whenever she thought about how close she came to walking out on Alex. Right now, Piper felt like she couldn't live without her.

Alex came into their bedroom just as Piper finished speaking to Danny. Alex gave her a tired smile, it was only small, but Piper could tell it was genuine. Piper immediately got up off the bed and walked towards the brunette. Piper helped Alex undress and get into a t-shirt to sleep in. Every move was slow and deliberate. Piper took note of every piece of skin her fingers touched, and the smell of Alex's perfume. They both crawled into bed, Alex lay on her back while Piper placed her head on Alex's chest. They lay like that for a while, not needing to speak, until eventually there was something Alex needed to let Piper know, "I'm okay…..I know I've still got a lot to work on, maybe I always will. But I'm okay."

Alex's words weren't much, but Piper knew exactly what she meant.

Hi folks,

Sorry I was a little slow with this one. Also, this story is coming to an end, I think there will probably only be another couple chapters. I may revisit this in the future with a sequel, we'll see. I'm open to any prompts if you feel there are any areas of the story that need more fleshing out.

Cheers.